I opened my friend's Xmas present early and I wish I hadn't...

[Destinysdaughter]

Because it's a box of fucking Thornton chocolates! I spent ages looking for a pretty necklace for her that cost £13 And a box of Hotel Chocolat chocolates and this is what she gets me? I've known her since I was 16 so she is my oldest friend. It's not even about the money, its about the lack of thought and care that's gone into it that's upset me tbh. I feel like sending her a message tomorrow saying, let's not bother with Xmas presents any more if this is the pathetic amount of effort you're going to put into it. And she's not poor either, she's on a good salary. She's always been a bit unreliable but this feels like such an insult when I've always gone out of my way to get her something lovely. Pissed off!!

I know there's nothing anyone can say really, I just wanted to vent.

I posted a similar thread recently OP. A large number of people came on to tell me I was being ungrateful (though I'd bet most of them would feel offended if it happened to them!)
I do think it's quite hurtful, it feels as though the giver hasn't put any thought in other than 'this'll do, box ticked off' when you feel they are important to you and would hope for some mutuality in that.

I agree with you OP - a box of Throntons chocolates - she didn't put any effort into your present. A carefully chosen neclace - doesn't matter how little it cost. Scale down your present buying next year.

My DP's mum bought him Brut last year and also two year's before. He gives it to his nephews. I think it's just the same poor unwanted Brut gift box going round and round the family..

Its shit.
Scale back. Thoughtless.

How did she wrap the chocolates- surely you figured out they were a box of chocolates before you opened the present or had she disguised it? And why did you open it early???

Perhaps she has other things on her mind right now.

My Christmas shopping for friends wasn't particularly inspired this year as I did it through my Tesco click and collect order. I didn't spend any time browsing in shops because there's a global pandemic on right now, so my choices were a bit limited but I hope they are still, at least a little bit, appreciated by my friends.

You could be writing about my best friend. We have been friends for nearly 40 years and she puts zero effort into the presents she buys me. She will talk about what she has bought for other people and tell me how much she has spent but gives me a packet of tea towels. I have a sneaky feeling that she has bought me a kettle for Christmas. But she is my best friend.

I am married with a large family, she is single. She loves opera, I hate it. She loves high end makeup, I buy mine from Poundland. But we are best friends and we will drop anything to support each other.

I realise that she has some sort of blind spot when it comes to buying me gifts (and it is nothing to do with money) but her friendship means the world to me and I can not imagine life without her.

For me, the gifts are just a small part of our friendship and not worth losing sleep over.

I’m so glad I don’t celebrate Christmas

The threads have all been sounding shockingly toxic and nothing in the spirit of giving and loving snd family unity or any of that at all..

It’s too materialistic and selfish

"But hey, thanks for all the judgemental responses, that's really helped."

Wtaf were you expecting!! You sound vile and ungrateful. A £13 necklace is hardly anything to shout about.

Isn't this what old friends can do? Between myself and my friends sometimes I've gone to town, as have they.. Sometimes I haven't been able too? Neither have they... I have never felt my worth valued by the gifts nor our friendships worth.

Mil on the other hand does let you know via gifts where you sit in her affections at that time.

Let it go... Someone somewhere has thought of you.

But has Christmas become all about

“Valuing your self worth in a relationship based on what other people buy you ?”

It sounds almost like a day where you score different relationships and your own self worth..

Not about actually spreading the love is it ?

Vile and ungrateful - over a box if chocolates... I can't magine that this thread is actually true but that doesn't really matter - some of the responses are seriously over the top and in themselves quite 'vile'. Also very tired of reading ' how dare you have a normal reaction to a crap present- dont you realise we are in a pandemic? - don't you realise my mental health is suffering due to the pandemic? ..and so on.

@ElspethFlashman

Well you know what to get her next year!

Actually go the whole hog and get her a box of Family Circle biscuits.

Sometimes Christmas is just so so much stress and you reach the point where you just have so much to do and you can’t think any more. Then you just buy someone something because your brain has gone into meltdown.

Other times of the year it’s no excuse. But Christmas!!
I looked after a ‘friends’ two kids after school for a year. Fed them well helped with homework and often had them to seven. No payment.
Then after a year when she had made other arrangements... she gave me a half box of milk tray and carnations from Tesco.
Now that...... is a shit thoughtless present.

But at Christmas I have known to be rubbish but I always always make it up on birthdays and special occasions.

I agree its thoughtless. And I'm sure the necklace was lovely. My sisters business does lovely well made inexpensive necklaces that I love wearing. I wouldn't be grateful for thoughtless shit either.

I'd much prefer Thorntons to a cheap necklace that is guaranteed to go green within a few months. I mean, come on. I'm sure necklaces from Claire's are about £6 or so and they're for children. £13 is nothing.

Don't text her. She still got you a gift. And your gift honestly isn't worth bragging about. It's no better than the chocolate. Hth.

I get why you're a bit fed up about her present. Is she usually a bit rubbish?. I spend ages thinking and looking at stuff for people which invariably turns out to look as if I haven't given it much thought at all. I'm just hopeless at buying presents for people, even family. Maybe she's one of those people 🤷‍♀️

I live overseas and a box of Thornton’s chocolates is a veritable treat! Have to plan months ahead to get one here in time for Christmas!

I’ve had hotel chocolate so Thornton’s are perfect for me if people buy me them they know no alcohol but apart from that I’m happy, I’m even happy with the tin of quality streets dh gave me earlier.

Meant to say not had

Unless you clearly set out expectations for mutual gift-giving, you really can't moan when there's a mis-match of effort or expense. Also, some people quite like organising gifts while others find it massively stressful (because there are some who receive gifts a bit like you do) so may not make so much effort.

I doesn't have to be like for like,moneywise with gift giving, did you not know this?, it's a bad attitude to have.

To be fair I'd rather a box of Thornton chocolate over a cheap 13 pound necklaces that will most likely turn my neck green and rust away after a couple of months, be greatfull and move on there is children out there who are felling lucky if they even get to get chips and beans for Christmas Dinner never mind presents!

Serves you right for opening it early.

Did you miss a zero off the end if the price of the necklacevyou bought?
What is this amazing £13 necklace??

It's 2020. We're in the midst if a fucking horrendous pandemic. Getting out and about us difficult. Alit of my gifts this year are token gifts. I intend to meet up and do something nice with my friebds instead,later next year when we can. Time with my friends has become so precious how csn yoy be so hung up on a gift??
At least she bought you something. I suspect she may be wary of going out, left it to the last minute and got fucked over by restrictions or is really not feeling Christmas even be a bit low.
I'm sorry but if the necklace you bought really was £13 and not £130 quid then your being ridiculous. You sound dreadful. Giving to receive is not a nice trait.

Be a good friend. Don't jump to conclusions. Reach out and see how she is, or maybe don't bother as you've written her off as a shallow, uncaring cheapskate.