I opened my friend's Xmas present early and I wish I hadn't...

[Destinysdaughter]

Because it's a box of fucking Thornton chocolates! I spent ages looking for a pretty necklace for her that cost £13 And a box of Hotel Chocolat chocolates and this is what she gets me? I've known her since I was 16 so she is my oldest friend. It's not even about the money, its about the lack of thought and care that's gone into it that's upset me tbh. I feel like sending her a message tomorrow saying, let's not bother with Xmas presents any more if this is the pathetic amount of effort you're going to put into it. And she's not poor either, she's on a good salary. She's always been a bit unreliable but this feels like such an insult when I've always gone out of my way to get her something lovely. Pissed off!!

I know there's nothing anyone can say really, I just wanted to vent.

I don't care what anyone gives me for a gift, I'm grateful. It's not as though you've spent a fortune on her anyway. Some people put a lot of time and thought into gifts, others don't - it's just the way it is and it doesn't mean someone thinks any the less of you because their gift is something ordinary. If it bothers you that much then either suggest you don't exchange gifts next year, or scale back your buying. The spirit of Christmas seems to have bypassed you tbh.

I feel your pain Thorntons chocs are horrible and sickly , the chocolate equivalent to a dove set .

Is that you Gerald Ratner?

I wouldn’t be thanking you for a £13 necklace to be honest. Whatever you spent on the HC chocolates would have been better added to the jewellery budget.

I like Thornton’s chocolates, you sound ungrateful to me. Due to redundancy I’m finding it harder this year, please don’t judge your friend in this way.

It a gift and it’s the thought that counts even if there wasn’t much thought.

I only buy for one friend, I usually end PE spending more on her than what she does on me but that doesn’t bother me.

Thornton’s chocolates are rank though 🤮, way too sweet so I would probably regift them.

We make our own hell, don't we? I am thrilled to have friends and family. Chocolates would be a nice extra

I think it's not the cost but the lack of thought and care that would annoy me. It's like getting a gift from a petrol station. Something individual to you no matter how cheap would mean more. It’s a matter of opinion though isn’t it? Most people like chocolate, so chocolate is a safe present to buy.

I would consider a £13 necklace the sort of think you’d get on one of those cheap market stalls, not far up from something you’d get in a Christmas cracker. And which would likely either break or cause a skin irritation and would never be warn ever. In fact would probably be taken to the charity shop or donated to the PTA fete.

I don’t like chocolate but I would always find someone who would eat it.

But I dislike cheap tacky jewellery enough that I’d be embarrassed to give it to anyone.

Well just done our presents here....we do xmas on the 24th as I have 2 foreign students stuck here with me who celebrate on 24th.....so I made a nice dinner...I opened gifts from a friend....its a wooden toy thingy...you pull blocks out....I did actually spend ages getting her these fab lights as she loves them...!!...but she does always give me a gift when i go for dinner and always cooks lovely food so not moaning..i will give the wooden toy away to someone who will use it !

I can see why you’d be upset OP, against a backdrop of her being a bit of a crap friend all round. I’d think carefully about sending her that message though, because once you’ve said it, then the friendship is permanently damaged.
I think I’d try and step back and re-set my expectations of the friendship from now on.

A £13 necklace lol.

@ElspethFlashman

Well you know what to get her next year!

Actually go the whole hog and get her a box of Family Circle biscuits.

This! Gave me a laugh anyway.

Op, is this the one main present you were getting this year? Is no one else really buying for you? Is that why you opened it early as you were excited? Is that why you’re reacting the way you are and feel so let down?

I think uou know your gift isn’t that much better than hers, I think maybe you’d set a lot of importance to this gift?

@Sunshineandflipflops

I’d say the only difference between hers and your present is a £13 necklace. It’s not exactly a huge discrepancy is it?

You are obviously not a chocoholic. There's no comparison between Hotel Chocolat & Thorntons.

Wow, ungrateful much!

Thinking of you @abitofpeace. I'm in the same position, it's not great is it? I've bought fairly bland gifts this year, but am hoping my friends won't judge me because of it.

What on earth is wrong with you? Thornton’s chocolates are a perfectly fine present to get from a friend. My DH would give me those.

I’d be more annoyed with the £13 necklace.

I’ve been making tablet and clootie dumplings for friends and gratefully received too

I’d rather the chocolate to the necklace to be honest

Tnornton’s Moments are £3 a box, if that is what OP is received, it’s significantly less thoughtful than a picking out a necklace for someone that you think they will like AND a box of Hotel Chocolat.

OP is upset by the lack of thought. It seems people are sneering because the gifts are low value.

I imagine your friend could be writing a post about a shite £13 necklace wishing you just had gifted her a chocolate orange instead!

Maybe she actually thought for a moment that a box of thorntons is better than some other tat she could have bought you within her budget...

You sound like a nightmare friend

This is why I stopped buying presents for anyone - I also made sure everyone knew so they wouldn't buy me anything.

It is NOT the present. It's the lack of thought.

The most thoughtful gift I got this year? A colleague bought in all her old bubble wrap for me because she knew I needed it. How lovely she thought of me. It cost nothing.

This is the kind of thing I love. I don't give gifts - but I spend a lot of time on my pals, am good at keeping in touch, am reliable, and low maintenance in return.

And all that money I save not buying any gifts? I spend on myself.

Just got my Amazon delivery and it's just what I wanted. Thank you, me!!

Happy Christmas!

Just wait till about September next year (so she won't have already bought you anything) and say "There's not much I want or need - what about we don't bother with presents this year, and just treat ourselves to afternoon tea/a nice meal out/something else you'll both enjoy?"

I couldn't get worked up about "lack of thought" this year; it's been rough on everyone. But maybe she just isn't good at buying presents.

YABU It’s really horrible when gift giving becomes so tit for tat. Just give something you are happy about giving. That’s all.

Least she got you something I guess. I’m quite generous and don’t mind treating friends and buying a nice gift for birthday or Christmas but I have a friend who doesn’t even wish me a happy birthday let alone get me a gift so I cut out gifts as I thought maybe I was making her uncomfortable so we went for dinner and I paid for us happily accepted both times. Then my 40th came, I got a Facebook message (purely because the other messages prompted it I’m sure) that’s it. I don’t give to receive but a text or call or even a card/acknowledgement of my day would be nice.