I opened my friend's Xmas present early and I wish I hadn't...

[Destinysdaughter]

Because it's a box of fucking Thornton chocolates! I spent ages looking for a pretty necklace for her that cost £13 And a box of Hotel Chocolat chocolates and this is what she gets me? I've known her since I was 16 so she is my oldest friend. It's not even about the money, its about the lack of thought and care that's gone into it that's upset me tbh. I feel like sending her a message tomorrow saying, let's not bother with Xmas presents any more if this is the pathetic amount of effort you're going to put into it. And she's not poor either, she's on a good salary. She's always been a bit unreliable but this feels like such an insult when I've always gone out of my way to get her something lovely. Pissed off!!

I know there's nothing anyone can say really, I just wanted to vent.

She sounds like she doesn't care enough about you to put in the effort, to be honest. Then again, how are you any better? A necklace that was only £13? Did you get it at a cheap dime store? Or a gumball machine? Or did it come free on the cover of a magazine for girls? For that amount it's probably a plastic thing. You seem extremely stingy with her (I'd be insulted at receiving a cheap and nasty necklace! Not even a preteen DD would like it), and clearly went to zero effort for her, so why expect her to go to any effort for you? You both put in the same level of expense/effort. So your friendship is on even par, imo.

I'd rather have a box of maltesers.
Or a tin of shortbread.

Perhaps she has a blind spot when it comes to gifts. Is she a good friend in other ways? Perhaps 2020 being what it's been she is struggling mentally and so yes couldn't be arsed about gifts but not because she doesn't value you? May be call her and ask how she really is doing? Perhaps she thought your worth is much higher than anything material so it didn't matter whether she bought you Thornton's, own brand digestives or the Cartier £3850 bracelet?
If she is otherwise a good friend, I would say stop valuing yourself and your friendship materially. If she isn't a good friend I would say it doesn't matter what gift she gives or doesn't give. It's time to invest your energy in something else. There are people who carefully chose beautiful and even expensive gifts for people they don't care about. Even for people they are vile to or they abhor

@Ginandplatonic

I think I’d prefer a box of chocolates to a £13 necklace to be honest.

OR, 2 bottles of cava

@RosesandPumpkins

Oh Thornton’s and hotel chocolate are miles apart!

Yeah don’t bother next year. You’re a little ungrateful but I think it’s fair enough if you’ve gone to trouble and she clearly hasn’t!

Hotel Chocolate chocolate is horrible. It is overpriced but in reality tastes like really cheap and nasty chocolate. Their marketing department deserves full marks for fooling the public into thinking very ordinary chocolates are premier range.

I know my DP loves me, but he just doesn't get presents. He asked me the model no of my phone the other day, and as he's a practical guy I assume he's either got me a phone case or a new battery as one of my presents.

This "what is an appropriate present" disagreement should have no bearing on your friendship

A $13 necklace? I bet that was top quality. You’ll probably get more enjoyment out of the chocolates than she will from the necklace

You buy her a cheap little necklace that will probably turn her neck green and you grumble she bought you chocolates. I would take the chocs but if I was given a cheap necklace I would not even put it on as would not want to risk my neck.

@Kalula

She sounds like she doesn't care enough about you to put in the effort, to be honest. Then again, how are you any better? A necklace that was only £13? Did you get it at a cheap dime store? Or a gumball machine? Or did it come free on the cover of a magazine for girls? For that amount it's probably a plastic thing. You seem extremely stingy with her (I'd be insulted at receiving a cheap and nasty necklace! Not even a preteen DD would like it), and clearly went to zero effort for her, so why expect her to go to any effort for you? You both put in the same level of expense/effort. So your friendship is on even par, imo.

What a horrible post. I hope you're pleased with yourself. You and the rest of green-necked brigade. Merry Christmas

Also I wear lots of M and S jewellery and have yet to change colour

Sometimes i can't believe what i read on here........ Maybe the poor cow didn't want to be dicing with death visiting the shops or maybe she's skint. We have a pandemic going on ya know, be grateful you and your friend have eachother and are healthy & can even afford to gift friends. What happened to humanity in a time like this, throw away a friendship over a present. Fecking sad

@kursaalflyer Yeah, you're right, it was too much/too far. I am far too sarcastic sometimes that I do go to far. However I stand by the premise that neither of them seemed to put much effort into the other. I think sometimes if you've known someone since you were teenagers that you sort of run out of ideas to give each other if that makes any sense. I think that her friend just felt the weight of everything from this year on her, as a lot of us have, and just didn't have the psychological/emotional energy to figure out what to get her friend.

I would have been chuffed to have received any kind of present. I believe to give but not to expect anything in return. For me it’s the joy of giving and enjoying making that person smile that matters.

This has got to be a joke thread!

You sound like a brat, opening your presents because you cant wait to see what everybody has given you then throwing a tantrum because it isnt good enough! 😂

If I were your friend I'd be cancelling on you and minimising contact with you as well, especially if you were ranting online about my personal life. Take the hint maybe.
You've helped her through an abortion and many a confusing shopping trip where she couldn't possibly find suitable clothes herself? Poor lamb.

You sound narcissistic and controlling.

Sounds like you want a material reward for supporting your friend, most of us just do it anyway.

It's the thought that counts.

Let's hope there isn't a thread titled my friend bought me a cheap necklace- I thought I meant more to her than that.

So what does a box of Thornton's chocs cost? If we're talking money spent? £7? £10? Come on! Who cares? A necklace worth £13?

I'd much rather have a box of Thornton's chocolates than a £13 necklace which will turn my neck green.

Maybe she's trying to subtly hint that she'd prefer you not to spend your money on £13 necklaces (I know I would). A token gift of nice chocs sounds fine, you just have different expectations. Not to mention the hassle of shopping in a pandemic. And if she's your friend how important is a bit of tatt and why aren't you talking about it if it's so major?

Don’t worry op, this year my best friend gave me an out of date boxed bottle of Prosecco with truffles in there too.

I don’t even drink and she knows it.

What a snotty lot on here! A £13 necklace won't necessarily 'turn your neck green'. The style may have been carefully chosen to reflect the recipient.

My DM bought me a gorgeous arty pewter pendant on a leather strip a couple of years ago. Right up my street and far preferable to me than the diamonds / sapphires / emeralds that she's been desperate to give me in the past, and that I've rejected.

It's not about the money, it's about the thought and effort.

I agree about the necklace snobbery. £13 is a lot of money to some people! What do you usually spend on/get one another?

One of my favourite ever necklaces probably cost less than £13.

This is precisely why adults shouldn't exchange gifts. Unless it's very strictly a 'token gift for a tenner' type arrangement it's difficult to get it right. Something as lovely as giving a gift can go very wrong meaning someone gets offended and the friendship is questioned.

OP I would suggest forgetting gifts next year in favour of a nice day out or meal together instead.

Who measures their value or worth to others in terms of how much money was spent on them, or whether the present looks like it involved loads of effort? Smacks of low self esteem, especially when it’s so important you can’t even wait until Christmas Day to open it.

Honestly, enjoy the chocolates and move on. This is your problem so much more than hers. Seething and feeling bitter over a Christmas present from a friend seems a real low point.

But it wasnt anything ridiculous or horrible. It was a box of nice chocolates so I dont see the problem. This would be lovely any Christmas but particularly in the middle of a pandemic! My friends and i tried last year to not buy presents with the intention to do a spa break ...