If your kids are 'grown up' do you remember how hard the toddler years are?

[MaizeBlouse]

This isn't meant as a goady post at all. I am yet to have teens and don't expect it to be a walk in the park by any stretch. I'm expecting it to be very challenging and stressful, but in a very different way to how stressful and challenging having toddlers is.

The wider context is basically this: I have a DS3yo and DS1yo. Both lovely, excitable, happy, creative, healthy kids. Sometimes they scream and cry if they don't get thier way (the 3yo more than the baby) and my 3yo is also a very picky eater, despite us trying all the techniques. My life, as expected, is pretty much non stop. No more than anyone else I'm sure but I feel like I'm either bfeeding, carrying a baby, cooking, cleaning, dressing someone, sorting out a lunch bag and so on. Oh and also trying to run my business too (I am self employed). Someone always seems to be crying or moaning despite me and DPs best efforts to meet all the needs.

I know this makes it sound like we're out of our depth perhaps, but I feel like it's a true reflection of having 2 kids 2 yrs apart and I'm sure in probably just 6 months time things will be easier.

The reason I ask the question in my title is that my DM seems to think that me and my siblings (I am one of 5) always sat and ate whatever we were served, we never moaned or cried, we always said please and thank you and she never had to discipline or bribe us as we always did as we were told. She doesn't understand why my boys sometimes defy my requests to share nicely etc, or tantrum. In my eyes they are behaving just like toddlers do and I discipline them accordingly (not the baby obvs). Me and DM have a good relationship but she is quite a matyr and is very bitter if anyone else has any success. I think maybe she's just forgotten how hard it is to look after very young children. How physically demanding it is and how little time you have to do.. well anything!

So, if your children are older or grown ups now, do you remember what these very early years are like with more than one child? Did you find it full on? Or do you feel like your children were better behaved than the young children of today?

The thing is they all have different personalities and some toddlers are relatively “easy”. I have 3 kids eldest has been easy and laidback all his life, middle one hard work from the day he was born - still is at 25! Youngest was the most angelic and enjoyable toddler and I can honestly say I adored those years with him. He’s about to become a teenager though so I’m preparing myself!
I work in Early Years and I see parents who are exhausted and struggling but also parents who are clearly loving the toddler years. It depends a lot on their child!

I had 3 under 2 and I look back at their photos and videos and they are achingly cute and gorgeous. But I also remind myself how utterly shattering it was. One of them was up for the day at 5:30 without fail. I used to stagger to playgroup and that was the only hot drink I ever got to finish. Mine were screaming poo factories who squabbled constantly, probably no different to any other toddlers. They had 8 poos between them one morning before 8am and they weren’t even ill.
I couldn’t turn my back without them fighting. It was horrendous! Good job I love them!

I remember very well what it’s like to have toddlers and babies at the same time. It truly is the hardest time. There is such little time to rest or catch your breathe. Yes, it’s wonderful too, but so hard and exhausting. So many things are a battle! The years do pass, then you have teenagers who have a whole host of other delights to fill your sleepless nights with!

The reason we were compliant is because we’d get a whack or put to bed hungry, forced to eat food you hated etc! Basically many of us were abused and it was acceptable at the time

Yes I remember the monotonous cycle of washing, cleaning and cooking and endless playgroups and activities. It was hard in some ways, but believe me, I would love one day with them at that age. I am sure I'd be happy when the day ended as well

Mine are teens now and dont want to spend time with us or go anywhere so life is easier. But I miss the adoration and love.

I have a 6yo with SEN and a 2yo and it's so fucking hard.

I keep telling myself that it might be a bit easier one day. God knows when tho.

The golden years are between 8 and 11.

Nope. No way will I forget those early years. It was utter utter relentless torture.
I had a total non sleeper.
Like NON sleeper... EVER. Did not sleep at all ever.
I survived on 2-3 hours sleep a night.
I was a walking corpse.
In amongst that was colic. The screaming, dear god the screaming.
Then came the croup. Every couple of weeks gasping for breath, that sound haunted my nights.
The teething, the vaccinations, any hint of a cold and the croup came on, the none sleeping became zero sleeping.
The behaviour, the climbing on everything, the escaping the shopping trolley, the car seats, the stair gates, any open door because dear reader he was also a bolter.
Swirling cars in a car park around my fast as lightning 2 year old after running out of the doors of Asda, my trolley, handbag, shopping trolley full of the weeks shopping abandoned as I run after my escaped toddler.
The friends & families faces as we knock on their door to visit as my out of control kid touches their prized possessions, climbs their book cases, empties their cupboards, climbs on their kitchen table as I wrestled him while he screams and squirms in my arms until I give up, stick him in the car and take him home.
I stopped going out anywhere of about 18 months because I couldn’t cope with his feral behaviour and peoples obvious dread at every visit.
Horrific. Fucking horrific.
17 now, still wild but bloody lovely.

They had 8 poos between them one morning before 8am and they weren’t even ill.

Thank you @Grittlelayrabbit that really made me laugh!

I really am loving these years as well as being a shell of a woman. I cosleep with the baby cos he loves to cuddle me and I know he won't when he's older, so I'm soaking it all up now. My 3yo was just practically begging me to sleep in his bed with him and telling me how much he loves me with his silly pudgy fave and tiny voice. I love them so much and they are totally delightful, I just feel like I'll never forget how hard this is!

My ds is 4.5 and I've ready forgotten much of the early years, not enough to have another though!

DD is 7 now and for me the first 6 months of her life were utter hell. She had undiagnosed CMPA and never slept. Would do 30-40min stretches max during the night, then start screaming from the pain and you had to walk around with her for an hour to get her to fall asleep again. Didn't nap at all. It was torture. (GP didn't believe me, "all babies cry"). Once diagnosed started sleeping in 2-3hr stretches and that was heaven. She was a brilliant toddler - stroppy, but which toddler isn't - and it was absolutely nothing compared to those first 6 months. There's a reason we only have one child. I can't go through that again. (We also both worked full time and I only had 6 months of mat leave).

Mine are teens now and dont want to spend time with us or go anywhere so life is easier. But I miss the adoration and love. sad

That was what the friend with the teens and the baby said, too - that parenting teens was much less rewarding than a baby/toddler, but it's also so much less all-consuming. I have no idea if that's what I'll find too, but that was what she reported!

Well mine are 32 26 and 15 and ate well, whatever I cooked mostly as toddlers, none were smacked, forced to eat or went to bed hungry.
No great emphasis on food meant they didn't feel me pressuring them into eating. I did try to make sure they was something on the plate they liked, but they liked a lot. 0-5 easy peasy, they got fussier after 5. Now the 15 year old is a terrible fussy eater as is the 32 year old (weirdly both dislike similar things), although he is getting better. 26 year old still eats anything.
toddlers are a bit full on, but I just tried to go with it, plan days around the best times to do things, kept a better routine with the first, less so with the second. With the third the only routine was bedtime and meal times, unless were were on holiday when she was up till 2am and took a two hour nap in the pushchair in the day. I definitly got more relaxed as a parent as I had more kids.

@Pickypolly that does sound intense. I see a lot of DS1 in your post. I also put an end to playdates (pre covid) because DS just wouldn't behave or play nice.

Mine was a dream until secondary school, she was the happiest, most laid back child imaginable and it was a joy to be with her. 12 to 15 has been somewhat trickier, but by no means awful. Some children are just easier than others - I was the same apparently.

My MIL loves to tell me how she brought my SIL home for the hospital at 3 days old, locked her in a room overnight where she screamed her head off all night and after that slept perfectly for the next 30+ years

Oh and how she also had no help despite having a cook and her mum on hand.

I take it with a bucket of salt.

I have one DD who is 13 and one who is 3... the 13 year old makes the three year old look like a dream 😂

In all seriousness, my youngest is super easy but I remember how high maintenance my eldest was at the same age. It gets easier (for a bit!) about age 7 xx

My DC are 11 and 14. I do think I must have forgotten the hellishness of the younger years as after spending even a few hours with my niece who's just 4 I'm mentally broken and my house is trashed. However yes, some of it is her age and her personality but a lot of it is parenting. She's an only child and my dsis interacts and plays with her constantly and is very neurotic about screen time and food. You don't HAVE to be constantly providing simulation to your young children, it's a very modern day phenomenon. Yes my kids likely watched too much TV as toddlers, but they're cool now, enjoy quiet time and time alone and as a young mum with fairly severe pnd it's how I got through it. My favourite age for kids it's 6 to 12, old enough to chat and engage and do the activities Iike doing like hiking and theatre etc. Been out with a friend today, her 3 year old is pretty high maintenance but her parenting is firm but chilled and it's reflected in his behaviour.

@SebastianTheCrab

My MIL loves to tell me how she brought my SIL home for the hospital at 3 days old, locked her in a room overnight where she screamed her head off all night and after that slept perfectly for the next 30+ years

Oh and how she also had no help despite having a cook and her mum on hand.

I take it with a bucket of salt.

*cleaner, not cook!

I have 2 teens a year apart.
I found the newborn/ baby stage surprisingly easy, the toddler stage more challenging, and then it was really easy, and a huge amount of fun from about 4 til about 12/13. Then teenagers, who are not as exhausting physically, but much harder mentally and emotionally.

I don't remember my toddlers whinging or crying a lot, but I do remember never, ever being able to take my eye off of them and never being able to switch off.

I had two very close in age (18 months apart) and then another 3.5 years later.
By the time I’d had my third I’d already forgotten how hard the baby/toddler years were with my first 2!

The toddler years were not so bad for me and I think I could well be in danger of forgetting that there was ever a tricky day in decades to come but the baby years, oh god, I don't think I'll ever forget. I've made DH promise never to give me one of those baby dolls if I end up in a care home as I'll spend the rest of my life never daring to move in case I wake it.

Let's just say that when I see a cute baby and my ovaries twitch, I repeat "toddlers, they mutate into toddler" until the urge passes

They're 7 & 10.

Pregnancy was tough (SPD and carpal tinnel) so newborn was bliss in comparison. Luxuriating in 2 hours of sleep at a time compared to waking hourly to heave a painful body over and reactivate a dead limb through pins and needles was a great improvement.

DS1 got years out of the "terrible twos"; it turned out it was undiagnosed ASD which explains the intensity. DS2 is 2 years younger so his pregnancy/ birth/ toddler years were in the thick of it. DS2 has a sunnier nature, but was a bolter and I was frequently torn between chasing over the fleeing infant or the one lying on the ground screaming and flailing.
Oh and the darlings would tag team long naps or fall asleep on the way to somewhere for maximum inconvenience.

I haven't forgotten.
They'd better be lovely teenagers...

Dd is 19yo and was good as a toddler. I remember at the time thinking how good she was. I mean sure she had her moments but overall was nice and well behaved. But yes even then it was full on as small kids need a lot of attention.

It can still be hard now but in different ways. I don’t feel tied to her as much as I did. But she has mental health issues and can be quite low and bad tempered. I feel like I’m walking on egg shells. She either seems to be ignoring me or being horrible to me.

I was just worrying earlier that if this doesn’t change I don’t know if we will really have a relationship when she moves out. She’s said more than once that she doesn’t like me and once she’s moved away that she won’t bother coming back to see me. I wish she was 3yo again sometimes.

Three under 4.5 years , last one special needs and needed loads of operations

Never forgotten them.