Private school or £250k house deposit......

[JanieBP]

For your child. Just that really. DH calculated that to send our DC the whole way through private school will be £250k EACH (including fee increases etc....they are at a private school now, but we are reconsidering). Even the most modest private secondary education is going to set you back £60k per child. Yet almost everyone I meet who went to a private school can’t afford to send their own child privately (well not without significant grandparent help). One dad said to me his aim was to make ‘happy adults’. Doesn’t every parent want happy children- Even grown up ones? As adults if they can afford to get on the property ladder and have a secure home that might make them happier than being able to reminisce about the school play, school cricket matches and match tea.......

How many posters who are saying school were privately educated themselves?
And how many saying house were state educated?

I teach at a very high performing private school. My children go to the local state comprehensive (through choice). This allows us to pay for extracurricular stuff, as even with a massive fee discount we would not be able to afford fees and trips and other extracurricular. You are paying at private for less disruption, and this is particularly useful in years 7-11. The tide is also turning at university level against private candidates and most private schools numbers of successful applications to a range of universities are lowering. If you really want to go private, I’d suggest years 7-11 and state at primary and sixth form. As for your question, I would rather (if I could) give my children £250k than pay for private education.

Oh did you mean house 250k deposit for yourselves as a family or 250k to them when they come to buy? My answer would be the same for both tho.

Depends on the State option really.
If it’s awful and they get a crappy education I’m not sure they will prefer a house deposit in the future.
We went for Private over a State school in special measures that has some of the worst results in the area, luckily we are in The North so much cheaper and we should still be able to provide financial help for the dc in the future as well

Local day private school to us is top 20 in UK with average A level score of A. Sixth form college has average A level score of C. I rather pay the 15k per annum for the private day school.

We ummmed and ahhhed over independent education for DS at 11. Eventually we decided that we could provide a little of enrichment and tutoring for £21,000 a year if we opted for state education.

We have discussed it again for sixth form. DS looked at the schools, looked at the fees and said he wasn’t going. He objected to spending that sort of money on an education he could get for free. He would prefer to use any available money for a house deposit.

I went to a good independent school in London. Our Old Pupils’ Facebook page often brings up the fact that many, many former students cannot afford to send their own children to the school. I no longer live in the area, but I couldn’t pay the fees they ask for!

My parents paid for private school; I paid for my own house deposit.

I was a reasonably bright kid and would have got similar grades at a state school, but I wouldn't have been able to study the combination of subjects I chose, and I wouldn't have done so many extracurriculars. Those things are what got me into university and my first graduate job.

I think I would have ended up studying a slightly different subject at university and going somewhere else - and I think I'd have ended up in a different career. I wouldn't have met my bastard ex, but who knows if I would have met someone better/worse? Would I have been happier or not?

Sliding doors, really.

House deposit.

Far more important than state/private school in a child’s life chances, are what life looks like overall- and most of that is driven by home/family circumstances- and yours sound good so...

Also knowing they have a substantial house deposit etc. will take a lot of pressure off your children when choosing careers etc- so they may be more inclined to follow their interests and passion, than the money- hopefully setting them up as happier adults as you mentioned.

There’s also so much security in a home ownership- especially for women, I think, who bear the economic burden of having children etc unfairly. It sounds mad I know, but if you have a girl I would 100% be more inclined towards the house deposit- if she has children, makes career and pension sacrifices accordingly, but it turns out married a wrong ‘un, that deposit in her 20s is an investment that possibly translates to a pension or a rental income.

People have to take grammar out of the equation because they are practically the quality of a private education but free.

Where are these outstanding comp? In outer London (south) and I couldnt myself attend any of the comps near me - unfortunately didnt think far ahead when we moved here.

I hardly think a significant house deposit/handout is helpful. Where do you find the motivation/aspirations to work and better yourself, especially in your 20s?

I just don’t get the whole thing between private and state education. I think it really depends on your children and how much they want to learn. I know with my son, I sent him to state school, but I did also use tutors if I felt he was struggling in a certain subject.

My aunt sent all my cousins to private school and not one of them have used it to their advantage. None of my cousins are in good jobs, they left school with no qualifications. Whereas my other cousin from my uncles side, went to state school, really wanted to learn, ended up at a top university and earns an extremely good wage.

My old boss went to private school, said he absolutely hated it, he did leave school with a lot of qualifications, went into university, then went into the family business. A very clever man. He now has 3 kids of his own and he said he would never send them to private school.

I just realised I was being a bit of a hypocrite in my previous post. I got the house deposit, which gave us choices and so much more freedom than a private education would have done. But one of the freedoms I'm really considering is that I'll be able to pay for private education for my child. I'm considering this because one of the other freedoms I was given was to move abroad. I'm therefore an immigrant and may need to pay extra to support my child through a foreign school system, or even to send them back to the UK eventually, to sixth form or university. If we hadn't been given the lump sum, we wouldn't have had the freedom to live somewhere with a much higher quality of life, because I would be taking unfair risks with my child's education. But hopefully my children will grow up fully integrated here, so they won't have to make the same choices. Or maybe they will benefit from us being a mobile-minded family and move somewhere completely different! So it really depends on your circumstances and what the alternatives are.

@Lily193 I’m very interested to know what careers you and your friends were in which had you earning >£100k each in your 20s outside of London. I know this may be the norm for you but statistically speaking this would be in the absolute top 1%

I wouldn’t spend the money on private school unless we were ridiculously wealthy. My sister and I both went to grammar school and came out with excellent a levels and RG degrees. Didn’t stop me from developing a debilitating health issue while at uni, and then another a few years later which stopped me from working full time by the time I was 29. You don’t know the future, but financial stability and the opportunity to afford a home is important whatever your circumstances.

I would use any extra money to buy a house in catchment for the best possible state school and save more for the future, which they may or may not need.

Some previous comments don’t tally with my experience- locally all independent schools have a high proportion of children with SEN. Those children who are academically capable but can’t cope with large classes at a state mainstream and need more flexibility. LAs are all for it as it’s much cheaper than specialist school placements.

And how many saying house were state educated?

I said house & was state educated, catholic primary & selective secondary.

I hardly think a significant house deposit/handout is helpful. Where do you find the motivation/aspirations to work and better yourself, especially in your 20s?

It’s not that simple though is it - no matter how hard you work in your 20s you’re likely to still be paying a massive proportion of your salary in rent.

@Poppyolive90 I think it's more like 0.5% and potentially even lower if outside of London, female & under 30.

@actiongirl1978

School.

I went to a comp, DC are at v good prep and secondary private.

They are happy already, but private school ensures that they WILL be confident, happy, have friends and networks and support.

I hated arriving at uni and realising I had none of the attributes that course mates had from their private schools.

I can’t see how private schooling ensures any of those things @actiongirl1978. Paying for education does not indemnify your children’s happiness and confidence, their academic success, or that they will be part of some mysterious network. Are your children teenagers yet?

House deposit every time.

My state schools all the way to medical school daughter reminisces very happily about trips to Russia, the Dordogne, Italy and less happily Auschwitz. She had great fun in school plays and on orchestra tours. She sang in Royal Albert Hall and Royal Festival Hall. She sailed in school team and loved youth parliament. She won regional heats of debating competition.
Less keen on cricket though.

Most state schools offer much the same as independent schools but a less elitist culture and peers.

House. Always a house.

You don’t need a private education. But you will always need a house.

I know It’s not quite that cut and dry in some areas and I would bolster the state education as much as possible with tutoring and trips etc.

I didn't go to private school myself but I always imagine the advantages are more that it is a better all round experience, rather than just allowing you to earn more money.

This is a common opinion but many who did go to private school, like me, disagree.

The experiences at private are often quite narrow, just highly prized by (white) middle class traditionally-minded people. This doesn't mean no one be else ever goes to these schools but take an honest look at the UK-based families and they are less diverse than real Britain.

@Bacter

There are London boroughs were most of the secondary schools are outstanding. The house prices reflect that. And probably the hike in house prices covers the school fees elsewhere. I always say to DH (in London) it appears we pay via the mortgage or the school; either way we are paying. But the relatively stable roof over our head/environment etc is the one guarantee.

This in bucket loads. Our DD is in private school because we couldn't afford to buy a house on the few streets in the right catchment area in London. The additional house cost equates to years of school fees but also we just didn't have a high enough deposit to get the mortgage!

Sent my middle daughter (now 16) to an Independent School because she was being bullied at her state school and nobody was prepared to do anything about it. Cost £90k over 6 years so not cheap but worth every penny. Private school had a resident tennis coach, local Comprehensive had a resident Police Officer.

Depends on the child. Bright, motivated, middle-class children do very well at state school. Average, unmotivated working-class children less so.

(And before someone jumps down my throat, my DC are in the second camp ).