Private school or £250k house deposit......

[JanieBP]

For your child. Just that really. DH calculated that to send our DC the whole way through private school will be £250k EACH (including fee increases etc....they are at a private school now, but we are reconsidering). Even the most modest private secondary education is going to set you back £60k per child. Yet almost everyone I meet who went to a private school can’t afford to send their own child privately (well not without significant grandparent help). One dad said to me his aim was to make ‘happy adults’. Doesn’t every parent want happy children- Even grown up ones? As adults if they can afford to get on the property ladder and have a secure home that might make them happier than being able to reminisce about the school play, school cricket matches and match tea.......

By the time your dc have done uni etc the house prices will have gone up again, invest in property that’s the way ahead...

I am not a fan of private schools for many reasons. Those personal reasons aside I would also add that what is best also very much depends on the child. I say this as a former teacher form a state school which, on a regular basis, had to continue with the education of children transferred from local private schools. They moved to us for a variety of reasons. Often they came into our GCSE or Sixth form years as the private school no longer wanted to have them there. Sometimes because of their academic record, sometimes because of their behaviour. Some of these students thrived with us - some did not.

I did feel sorry for the ones that transferred to use because their parents could no longer afford the fees. It was a culture shock for many.

If I had £250K for each of my DC there is no way private education would be an option. It would change their lives if I could afford to gift that kind of money to them for a house. In this area that would not be a deposit, it would easily but them the whole house.

Both of mine went to excellent state schools, worked hard and achieved excellent qualifications. They are well rounded. happy people.

I went for a middle ground. I bought a cheaper home (still very big but ex council) and state for primary. Dd will have 11+ tuition fairly on and hopefully we can get her into one of the local grammar or selective private schools for secondary.

@AnaisNun

House deposit.

Far more important than state/private school in a child’s life chances, are what life looks like overall- and most of that is driven by home/family circumstances- and yours sound good so...

Also knowing they have a substantial house deposit etc. will take a lot of pressure off your children when choosing careers etc- so they may be more inclined to follow their interests and passion, than the money- hopefully setting them up as happier adults as you mentioned.

There’s also so much security in a home ownership- especially for women, I think, who bear the economic burden of having children etc unfairly. It sounds mad I know, but if you have a girl I would 100% be more inclined towards the house deposit- if she has children, makes career and pension sacrifices accordingly, but it turns out married a wrong ‘un, that deposit in her 20s is an investment that possibly translates to a pension or a rental income.

This

Its a deposit on a house not handing over a house mortgage free.

It will open up a raft of other options which would otherwise not be available to you. I can't speak for everyone obviously but certainly in my circle of friends by the time we got to our late 20s/early 30s house ownership would have trumped a paid for education. A private education/degree is no guarantee you will be able to afford your own roof. If you can afford to do both for your DC then fantastic but for most it's an either or situation.

@Chickychickydodah

By the time your dc have done uni etc the house prices will have gone up again, invest in property that’s the way ahead...

This! This is exactly what’s we’ve done.

My DH and his siblings were all privately educated. I was state school and I am higher qualified than they are. We all earn similar.

We cant afford private for DD but if we did I would still not send her.

Totally depends on your state option? And your dc academic prowess?

If they are solid good students, the type who want to learn and will do well anywhere, they maybe ok in a good state school... Do look at that top 10% though because it's the top 10 % that has been failed in state, progress 8 is trying to turn that around....

If they have areas where they need more support you could still send state but top up with tutors. In some ways this is better than private and no tutors... Targeting specific areas...

We spend many hours in a classroom, I know some posters on mumsnet have admitted a state school, the one they had access too wasn't suitable for their dc but they sent them inspite of being able to afford private due to political reasons.
I found that sad, we spend many hours at school, everyday for a huge chunk of our lives, happiness at school is important.

I'd go for the right fit for your dc intellectual level and personality.

Having no uni debt I would think however is also a massive plus as well as having a home... But I'm also a believer in some freedom as a youth too... Renting rooms, moving around...

I went to a really rough secondary school. Came out with all A and A* grades. Out of my year group we had a gp, magistrate, musician (who is now world renowned), optician, teacher, scientist and an engineer.

My parents also have me £25k as a house deposit.

You don't necessarily need a private education to do well. I'd go for a house deposit every time.

I went to the sort of private school that was non-flashy, but educationally rigorous (it no longer exists in the same form, but the school it merged and became is now £5k/term, and has nicer facilities). I think it was the cheapest in the area at the time, so no swimming pools or ponies, but the kids did well and almost all went to university.

Quite a lot of kids from my school moved to the state sector at sixth form, and a few kids moved from the state sector to my school for sixth form. From what I could see, the vast majority of the benefits (with regards to getting into university) were gained in the sixth form years - certainly the most bang for your buck seemed to be achieved there.

If I was making this decision, I'd go for state school for reception-Y11 (assuming reasonably decent local state schools) and then private for sixth form.

Think I need to start a thread on whether there are any mumsnetters with children at a bog standard state, not a 'top/ fabulous state school', with children doing perfectly fine. There doesn't appear to be any.

House deposit. A child's school education very rarely has any impact on their financial success in the future. There is no one route to a great career but it's widely know that your education before your'e 16/18 is unlikely to have a great impact. Many people left school with 0 qualifications and have become millionaires through hard work and respectable jobs. Others went to primary school and Cambridge and work mediocore jobs with poor pay and unhappy lives. Your children will need the money in the future more than an overrated education. Especially considering the negative emotional impact of private education on children and the abuse they will face in the future for having a private education.

House every time. Like many others I’m not a huge fan of private education for many reasons. I was state educated (came from an area with no private schools, and parents couldn’t have afforded/wouldn’t have wanted it anyway). DH private, his parents offered us money to send ours private but we opted to stay with state. We would also have struggled with transport and additional fees.

Of our friendship group, we all have adult children now. About half state educated, half private (mostly at secondary level not primary). The state educated have done just as well, mostly RG universities. Our DS is well in his way to 100k salary by the time he is 30, and daughter very settled in a good job with excellent prospects. Some of the privately educated, including very high achieving London state schools have good degrees, but can’t seem to find work, and many are now doing masters as an alternative to being unemployed.

With good support I really believe children will thrive wherever they are, and I also think it makes them more rounded to mix with all types of people.

Put the deposit on the house and start saving for uni.

House deposits every time

Its a deposit on a house not handing over a house mortgage free.

Where I live £250k isn't a house deposit. It would buy you a perfectly nice house

There are London boroughs were most of the secondary schools are outstanding. The house prices reflect that. And probably the hike in house prices covers the school fees elsewhere. I always say to DH (in London) it appears we pay via the mortgage or the school; either way we are paying. But the relatively stable roof over our head/environment etc is the one guarantee

This in bucket loads. Our DD is in private school because we couldn't afford to buy a house on the few streets in the right catchment area in London. The additional house cost equates to years of school fees but also we just didn't have a high enough deposit to get the mortgage!

All of this

Housing.

I've taught in state and private. The quality of the teaching is not guaranteed to be better on private schools, there are some pretty poor teachers in private, which shocked me when I first got a job in one. There is a lot of truth in the "a bright kid will do well anywhere" idea. Where private school tends to be good for adding value academically is the B kids who will maybe get brought up to an A (in old money) and C to B. But only as far as GCSE, at a level they tend not to be able to keep that up and fall back to where you would expect them to be.

Where private is better is the whole "experience" of school. In general, they'll have a nicer time of it in private, probably remember their school days with more fondness, maybe make connections that will be useful later in life - though that depends on the calibre of the school.

But in terms of long term, with the goal of happy adults, a good state school, supplemented with tutoring if needed and lots of cultural capital activities at home (art galleries, theatre, music, going abroad) AND having a chunk of money to put into buying a home would be my choice.

(Ideal world I'd have tonnes of money and do both. Real world I have no money and will do neither!)

I went to a decent state primary and a phenomenal independent secondary school. Any children I have I can afford to send to my old secondary and will. My fees were less than £20k a year.

DH has two friends who are in the 250k pay bracket, they met when all reading for their doctorates at Cambridge in a science subject. They both went to comprehensive schools. DH went to one of the best independent schools in the country, he is now a Professor so earns far less than them. One is an international banker and the other works in the city as some sort of analyst.

We didn’t send dc to private school though it was totally affordable, DS just achieved 3 A grades at A level this year. We tutored him ourselves.

Give them a house deposit, we will be doing this with DS, we may just buy a house outright but we are not telling him until the time comes.

I’m not against private schools, If I was rich I’d send my children to private relaxed schools but competitive prep schools make me feel very worried for the children’s mental health. The culture and principles you’re surrounding your children with are very neocapitalist.

(Full disclosure I taught at one and the children didn’t seem very happy... and neither did the parents )

I wouldnt waste that much money on private school fees if you can get your children into a half decent state school and have the time, cash and inclination to support and monitor education. A motivated child in a pretty bad school can do very well. As someone above said, private school won't turn a thick or lazy kid into a certificate laden genius

Depends on the quality of your state education. Mine did prep and then outstanding comprehensive. I’ve just done the calculations to move one into the senior school of his private school. It’s £165k for 5 years. Quite frankly I can’t see the £165k of added benefit given my other 2 have done incredibly well in their state school, been happy and eldest had 5 RG uni offers. So he’s off to state for year 7

Move to a good area eith good schools. And get tutors. Much cheaper.

This thread is reminding me why I just don't agree with private schools. Yes, yes I know that it's your money, you can spend it as you choose and we all want what's best for our own children.

But read how many of the responses advising others to send their children to state primary and move them to private for secondary. Or (grinding my gears even more) - send them to the state up to GCSE and then private sixth form. No wonder private schools get such great A Level results when they can take the very best of the students from the local area. So, the state school was good enough for your child to achieve excellent GCSE grades, but we will withdraw our support and children when they get to sixth form. If you trusted the staff up to Year 11 then why withdraw that trust for the last two years? If I sound bitter I suppose I am. Year after year we had to watch our top students leave us for the private school sixth forms. My former HT was of the opinion (rightly so) that all students deserved a chance - and for some the best they could achieve was a couple of E grades. There is no way the private schools would have accepted them. they would have been made to leave after AS as they had not hit the higher grades. Some of those two E graders went on to uni and were very, very happy to have been given that chance. We had students get the A* grades and we had students who got E. Of course, this does not help you to top the league tables.