Private school or £250k house deposit......

[JanieBP]

For your child. Just that really. DH calculated that to send our DC the whole way through private school will be £250k EACH (including fee increases etc....they are at a private school now, but we are reconsidering). Even the most modest private secondary education is going to set you back £60k per child. Yet almost everyone I meet who went to a private school can’t afford to send their own child privately (well not without significant grandparent help). One dad said to me his aim was to make ‘happy adults’. Doesn’t every parent want happy children- Even grown up ones? As adults if they can afford to get on the property ladder and have a secure home that might make them happier than being able to reminisce about the school play, school cricket matches and match tea.......

@Ali85

Just a note on the links that Ginfordinner gave to news stories apparently showing that state school students do better than private at university. A number of them are based on a HEFCE study that was published with a significant mistake in the data. They had transposed the numbers for state and private school pupils getting a good degree www.independent.co.uk/news/education/education-news/university-funding-body-made-disturbing-blunder-claim-state-school-students-perform-better-a6718201.html In fact the research showed that private school pupils were more likely to get a good degree but the news reports based on the mistake still seem to be online uncorrected. It still does seem to show (though its a few years old now) that for students who don't have the top A-level results then state school students do better than private with the same grades, though that might simply reflect the fact that private schools are better at getting higher A-level grades for middle ability students.

Well. Thanks for posting this!

No regrets about sending ours. However you do get sacked in we were planning on 7 to 11 years old and ended up keeping in private system . Different reasons for each one. One chose state sixth form college so mix and match to suit.

Sucked

For me it would depend on what local schools are available to you.

My school wasn’t the best, only 20% got the standard 5 GCSE’s. The area had a high rate of deprivation so lots of the children had problems and this filtered into the classroom. I think the some of the teachers often felt frustrated that half the lesson would be spent managing challenging behaviour as opposed to teaching. There was a fair amount of support in place for children with additional needs, but the rest were kinda just left to get on with it. The teaching was a mixed bag and some of the teachers were absolutely fantastic, whereas others were really not. I was in the top sets for most things, the teachers would aim to get me at a comfortable C grade but there would be no progression beyond that. I don’t think they had the time or the energy to put into achieving anything but a satisfactory standard.

I do not agree that a good child will do well wherever they go. The lack of support, amount of teaching time spent on behaviour, general atmosphere, low expectations will all impact a child regardless of how bright or hard working they are.

But not all state schools are equal. I think my school had additional problems because it was in a particularly deprived area, etc. If I could send my child to a decent state school then I would, it doesn't have to be outstanding, just good will do. I would rather save the money for them at a later point. But there is absolutely no way they would be attending the same sort of school I went to.

Having both top-down and bottom-up experience in UK educational system (I’ve been a professor at a RG uni for decades and have been admissions tutor ) AND have raised a child in inner city London), I would suggest opting for as close to this trajectory as possible :
Start kids in a good Montessori pre-school and continue as long as possible. Some are much less costly than other private schools. It will teach kids about love of learning, and engage and encourage their natural curiosity and not pressure them to conform to often inappropriate state curriculum standards and exams.

Then, seek out one of the state IB schools for the remainder of schooling, and by all means try to avoid 6th form A-levels.
If you can only find local IB schools that are private, save your money for the sixth form years and transfer into it then, if you can’t manage for the whole of secondary.

At my level, we see an enormous differences between the undergraduates who have come through the exam-driven GCSE/A-level system as opposed to those who have studied at an IB school. Night and day.
GCSE/A-levels teach kids to take exams. They do NOT teach critical thinking, critical writing, and critical reading. These are the key skills that will take them through university, and life beyond. IB curriculum does understand this.

Lucky you. My parents were too poor to offer either. Believe it or not, I still managed to be a happy adult and I get to feel proud I did it myself without being reliant on mummy and daddy,
I got top qualifications, 4As at A Level, two degrees and thanks to that and subsequent hard work I am in the top 1 percent of earners. I saved for my own house deposit. Now I help my parents financially and love that I can.
If you can offer either a private education or a £250k house deposit, you are giving your kids more than about 90 per cent of parents could afford. But it isn’t as important as you appear to think. If you give them love, support and the aspiration to succeed at whatever path they choose, that is much more important.

I do not agree that a good child will do well wherever they go

This is one of the many untrue things constantly spouted on here!

For me it totally depends on the schools available. I am lucky that my kids got into a really good school that get results very similar to most private schools. If they hadn't got in there we would have gone private. Now I've got a lively holiday home instead of paying school fees 😂. A few friends when I was younger went private and none of them ended up with a fantastic career so it's not the be all and end all

@MrsMiaWallis

I do not agree that a good child will do well wherever they go

This is one of the many untrue things constantly spouted on here!

I can only speak of my experience. Only 20% of children at my school left that school with 5 basic GCSE’s. Were only 20% capable of achieving 5 GCSE’s? No. Were the other 80% all lazy and not willing to work hard? No.

It really does depend on the child and what state schools are available to them. DS1 is currently at a private prep and we are hoping that he gets into a superselective state grammar at 11. He is ferociously bright and has been bored at times at his academically selective prep. DS2 is about average academically (although probably slightly above average if he was at a state school). He hates noise, big crowds of people, people not following rules...a state comprehensive would be hellish for him.

And it is rubbish that bright kids do well wherever they go. Children do well where they are happy. I was dreadfully unhappy at my state comprehensive and didn’t reach the potential that I showed in primary school.

I'm a single parent on a basic wage who couldn't have even dreamt of sending my child to a private school. On his own merits he has graduated from a great university and is currently studying his master's in Europe. They can achieve whatever they want if they have the desire to wherever they are educated

It's really impossible to generalise about either the category of school, or the child.

Some private schools are more regressive than some state. And vice-versa. Some private schools refuse to accept students with learning difficulties--others welcome them and have special help.
Some robust children rise to the top anywhere. Others are not accepted if they are 'different' in any way.

My child was bullied at her very mixed state school because of her intelligence. The teachers used her as their assistant to help other kids, when she was 9, 10 and 11. She felt very conflicted when she saw the teachers making grammatical and spelling mistakes, and content errors in history, etc. She didn't know what to do--call them out? Risk being told off as 'too clever' ?

She placed into an amazing selective state grammar school and for the first time in her life didn't have to feel ashamed about her intellectual abilities.
The deeply ingrained anti-intellectualism of much of England and the state school system only serves to reproduce the insidious class system. Look at how many of the recent cabinet members went to Eton or similar, and Oxbridge. The private school system should have been nationalised long ago, when the health system was. It's the root of many of Britain's problems.

Private school

We sent out two oldest children to private schools for the last part of their secondary schooling, but they managed to get themselves expelled. Our last child went to a private selective day school in London but refused to stay there for the last two terms for her A levels. All in all they could have done as well in a state school, as our other son did.
I'd rather have had the money.

I think it depends on the child and the school and the alternative school available.
Not all private schools out rank state schools for all children . However 5 years in a school a child is not happy in is a long time and can seriously affect them .
Most private school have a 13+ intake if you wanted to try state school ?

It's really impossible to generalise about either the category of school, or the child.

I agree. We live in an area with outstanding primary schools and a couple of good secondary schools. As a result most parents who can afford to send their children to private school don't.

If the secondary schools here had been awful we would have sent DD to private school.

I am not anti private schools as some posters seem to think, but I would rather spend my money where it is most needed, and in this case it wasn't needed for DD's secondary education, and it means that we can now comfortably support her through university.

A good state school will be fine. The National Curriculum is the same everywhere, and state school education is an advantage for university admission. Knowing kids of other abilities and expectations is not a bad preparation for real life, either.

State and tutor plus home in good area.

My DD is at an incredible state school, she is excelling I could have sent her to a private school but she is armed with dealing with all levels of society and is much more aware of the world she lives in then the children I know from her primary that have gone private.
A friend I know has regretted massively putting her son into private .

I have been down that route and with hindsight I can definitely say without any hesitation; house deposit and not private school fees. That’s why, post prep I ended up putting one of my DC into state and now for 6th form my other child is also going state. This is after at least 200k spent on fees. Yes private school is good, but not 20k+ per year good.

Private school is only worth it if your child is really hard working, can grab all the opportunities on offer and I suppose bright as well. The investment is only worth it if they can eventually get a job that brings in a very high income, otherwise you’re much better off investing the money so they can have a massive lump sum once they are ready to get on the property ladder, as this will enable them have a good quality of life on an average income whilst not having the burden of a massive mortgage.

I’m now pulling the plug on private education and investing the rest of my money on property/ investments (something I should have done a long time ago).

You could spend a fortune on private education, only for your kids to come out and end up with a job that earns an average wage ( which could have been achieved for free in the state sector) whilst still having to face all the problems of trying to get on the property ladder on say, 35k per year. Or they could have gone to state, then come out, get that job that pays 35k per year, but be given a 200k deposit for a house! No brainier if you ask me!

Haven’t rtft but I think higher earning potential comes from university level education as well as good network/contacts I would probably aim for private at secondary or possibly just one of those a level tuition colleges to get you into Oxbridge or Russell Group Uni.

@bellocchild

A good state school will be fine. The National Curriculum is the same everywhere, and state school education is an advantage for university admission. Knowing kids of other abilities and expectations is not a bad preparation for real life, either.

The National Curriculum?! I don't think so! There are set subjects which are called the national curriculum these days but there is no longer a more detailed breakdown and any state academies etc don't have to follow it anyway.

Last study I read about it stated that bright children will do well anywhere. Going to a private school won’t necessarily make children happier- I know, I was physically bullied at a girls’ school!
Buy a decent house and top up if tutors needed...

we chose private school for both our girls one from aged 5 to A levels (GCSE & A levels at boarding school) the other from aged 5 to GCSE (she did business studies at 6th form college). Gave them such a great start in their careers.

100% house deposit. But then I don’t believe people should be able to ‘buy’ an education
I think it sets you up for a lifetime of thinking you can buy your way through life.