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Original poster

Private school or £250k house deposit......

610 replies

JanieBP · 12/12/2020 06:21

For your child. Just that really. DH calculated that to send our DC the whole way through private school will be £250k EACH (including fee increases etc....they are at a private school now, but we are reconsidering). Even the most modest private secondary education is going to set you back £60k per child. Yet almost everyone I meet who went to a private school can’t afford to send their own child privately (well not without significant grandparent help). One dad said to me his aim was to make ‘happy adults’. Doesn’t every parent want happy children- Even grown up ones? As adults if they can afford to get on the property ladder and have a secure home that might make them happier than being able to reminisce about the school play, school cricket matches and match tea.......

OP posts:
CherryPavlova · 13/12/2020 12:49

Gongy, he is a doctor but not able to practice independently or in anything other than on a Foundation programme in the UK. He can't even locum as not able to prescribe without oversight. He is just starting on his journey to be qualified. Our daughter obtained her medical degree nearly six years ago but has only been a qualified GP since the summer, after five additional years training and a masters alongside her contracted training programme.

Having a medical degree isn't enough to practice but it is enough to start training.

gongy · 13/12/2020 13:02

But if you qualify at 21 (& make history) & if he wanted to be a GP he would surely get there faster?

MrsMiaWallis · 13/12/2020 13:05

@Letterboxesgreen

At university I found those from private school adapted far better. We had specific teaching in respect of self education and how to find resources and manage time to suit your own learning style. Certainly wasn’t spoon fed!
Certainly wr didn't have the kind of helicopter parents you see on that awful Fb page WIWIKAU - "Little Derek has a cold and can't cook anything so I'm going to have to go up to Leeds, can't believe the uni hasn't contacted us!!"

Interested in this thread?

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General education Private schooling
ThatIsNotMyUsername · 13/12/2020 13:07

Why would that be only private school kids? That would be my mum with my sister (not me or the other kids, just the golden child).

MrsMiaWallis · 13/12/2020 13:12

@ThatIsNotMyUsername

Why would that be only private school kids? That would be my mum with my sister (not me or the other kids, just the golden child).
I'm pretty sure none of the mums who post on there have kids at private school.
DiabeticFirstBaby · 13/12/2020 13:15

House deposit.

I went to a rough non private UK school, DH and some friends went to private school. His idea of what secondary school is a 'cotton wool' version of what it's actually like and i think my school experience made me tougher. It wasn't all about rugby and being head boy/girl!
My friends and DH who went to private school got similar exam grades to me and now work in similar paid jobs. i think a child will do well in any school as long as they are committed to working hard etc. We are expecting our first child next year and have already said i wouldn't want them going to private school.

Crumpetycrump · 13/12/2020 13:15

DD has been state educated to GCSE and is now at an independent sixth form that she gained a scholarship for. She is enjoying it very much but can’t believe the extreme right wing views that a few of her new peers hold Shock. She’s very glad to have mainly been state educated but will hopefully benefit from these two years of independent sixth form.

Thespidersweb · 13/12/2020 13:22

The guardian likes to attack private schools. In one article it’s says private school kids fail at life and yet in another moans about the unfairness of giving children an advantage.

www.theguardian.com/education/2019/jan/13/public-schools-david-kynaston-francis-green-engines-of-privilege

Which one is it?

MrsMiaWallis · 13/12/2020 13:25

@Crumpetycrump

DD has been state educated to GCSE and is now at an independent sixth form that she gained a scholarship for. She is enjoying it very much but can’t believe the extreme right wing views that a few of her new peers hold Shock. She’s very glad to have mainly been state educated but will hopefully benefit from these two years of independent sixth form.
You sent your dd to a sixth form where the pupils have extreme right wing views Shock

Do you mean extreme right wing views? Or just right wing?

MrsMiaWallis · 13/12/2020 13:28

I mean, if her peers are calling for a race war and denying the holocaust she really ought to report them.

WhenPushComesToShove · 13/12/2020 13:32

My two went to independent schools and although it was crucifying financially, I think it was the best money we ever spent. They are both entrepreneurial, successful and confident with a fabulous network of similar friends. If finances are a problem, moving to an area with good state schools is the other option. Knowing Mumsnet, I expect to be pilloried for this comment

WitchesHoof · 13/12/2020 13:32

My step sibling was privately educated, didn't go to university and now works in retail.
My husband went a a TERRIBLE state comprehensive, mediocre university and is now a high earner.

Moral of the story is, private education doesn't equate success

I'd personally send my children to a decent state school and if necessary pay for tutors

Sewsosew · 13/12/2020 13:36

I would stop moving schools if you can as I’m sure that isn’t good.
You have an outstanding primary? Personally I would send them there for now and give yourself time to decide for secondary.
It isn’t just about private/state it’s about what is a good fit for your children. I know a few people who have pulled their children out of private for local school and have done much better, and the other way round.

There is a member of DHs family who has sent her child to private school because she wants them to have the best start. They have a huge journey each way, he has no local friends, all his social activities are arranged by his mum. It makes me sad as they live near great schools, DD tells me the best part of her day is walking home with her friends and she comes in with a big smile on her face.

Crumpetycrump · 13/12/2020 13:37

Extreme right wing was an exaggeration I suppose - I meant some of them like Trump and Think Brexit is a good idea Shock

MrsMiaWallis · 13/12/2020 14:22

@Crumpetycrump

Extreme right wing was an exaggeration I suppose - I meant some of them like Trump and Think Brexit is a good idea Shock
Ha ha! Hardly extreme! Do her good to meet people with views she doesn't agree with!
MrsMiaWallis · 13/12/2020 14:23

@WhenPushComesToShove

My two went to independent schools and although it was crucifying financially, I think it was the best money we ever spent. They are both entrepreneurial, successful and confident with a fabulous network of similar friends. If finances are a problem, moving to an area with good state schools is the other option. Knowing Mumsnet, I expect to be pilloried for this comment
Not by me! I feel exactly the same. And so do most private school parents I would imagine.
Thespidersweb · 13/12/2020 14:28

@Crumpetycrump

Extreme right wing was an exaggeration I suppose - I meant some of them like Trump and Think Brexit is a good idea Shock
Lots of people have those views clearly! It’s not just private school kids ffs! Grin
Ginfordinner · 13/12/2020 14:30

Certainly wr didn't have the kind of helicopter parents you see on that awful Fb page WIWIKAU - "Little Derek has a cold and can't cook anything so I'm going to have to go up to Leeds, can't believe the uni hasn't contacted us!!"

Oh God. You are so right about some of those parents. The clinginess of some of them is just so unbelievable. It is as if they live their lives completely through their children. Sobbing all summer because their PFB is going to university is utterly ridiculous. I have been tempted so many times to tell them to get a grip Some of them still call their adult offspring "my babies". They aren't babies FFS!

I love DD to bits, but I let her get on with her independent life, and only worry if she is ill or unhappy. But this is something that comes with parenthood. If your DC can't cook then jolly well teach them. It isn't rocket science.

Jumps off soapbox.

MrsMiaWallis · 13/12/2020 14:33

@Ginfordinner

Certainly wr didn't have the kind of helicopter parents you see on that awful Fb page WIWIKAU - "Little Derek has a cold and can't cook anything so I'm going to have to go up to Leeds, can't believe the uni hasn't contacted us!!"

Oh God. You are so right about some of those parents. The clinginess of some of them is just so unbelievable. It is as if they live their lives completely through their children. Sobbing all summer because their PFB is going to university is utterly ridiculous. I have been tempted so many times to tell them to get a grip Some of them still call their adult offspring "my babies". They aren't babies FFS!

I love DD to bits, but I let her get on with her independent life, and only worry if she is ill or unhappy. But this is something that comes with parenthood. If your DC can't cook then jolly well teach them. It isn't rocket science.

Jumps off soapbox.

I had to leave after a day. It all seems to be mothers of sons as well.
Lightknight · 13/12/2020 14:34

@Crumpetycrump

Extreme right wing was an exaggeration I suppose - I meant some of them like Trump and Think Brexit is a good idea Shock
That is not limited to any class or schooling background. I know Ivy League educated Trump supporters!
Ginfordinner · 13/12/2020 14:43

It all seems to be mothers of sons as well.

Doesn't it. If the sons are so useless domestically then the blame must lie with the parents.

Ali85 · 13/12/2020 15:12

Just a note on the links that Ginfordinner gave to news stories apparently showing that state school students do better than private at university. A number of them are based on a HEFCE study that was published with a significant mistake in the data. They had transposed the numbers for state and private school pupils getting a good degree www.independent.co.uk/news/education/education-news/university-funding-body-made-disturbing-blunder-claim-state-school-students-perform-better-a6718201.html In fact the research showed that private school pupils were more likely to get a good degree but the news reports based on the mistake still seem to be online uncorrected. It still does seem to show (though its a few years old now) that for students who don't have the top A-level results then state school students do better than private with the same grades, though that might simply reflect the fact that private schools are better at getting higher A-level grades for middle ability students.

CherryPavlova · 13/12/2020 15:20

Gongy no, he'd have to be successful at Foundation stage and successful at being accepted onto a training pathway.

The training is the minimum and plenty choose other things that add time along the way.

If he chose no gaps, was successful at every stage and wanted to be a GP, he"d be pretty young compared to others, yes. He'd still have done 10 years training though.

SD1978 · 13/12/2020 15:39

I'm in two mods to be honest. Would you be able to guarantee that you would actually save that amount and not use it for family expenses per child? If the answer is probably not, I'd go with school as opposed to maybe deposit as the school would be a guarantee.

Andante57 · 13/12/2020 15:41

@Thespidersweb

The guardian likes to attack private schools. In one article it’s says private school kids fail at life and yet in another moans about the unfairness of giving children an advantage.

www.theguardian.com/education/2019/jan/13/public-schools-david-kynaston-francis-green-engines-of-privilege

Which one is it?

Absolutely. Also an awful lot of the Guardian journalists were privately educated. Guido Fawkes had a very long list of such journalists on his website. Fair enough, it’s usually up to the parents where children go to school so these Guardian employees can’t really be blamed, but some of them, viz the ex editor Alan Rusbridger and Polly Toynbee sent their children to private schools. Such hypocrisy.