Private school or £250k house deposit......

[JanieBP]

For your child. Just that really. DH calculated that to send our DC the whole way through private school will be £250k EACH (including fee increases etc....they are at a private school now, but we are reconsidering). Even the most modest private secondary education is going to set you back £60k per child. Yet almost everyone I meet who went to a private school can’t afford to send their own child privately (well not without significant grandparent help). One dad said to me his aim was to make ‘happy adults’. Doesn’t every parent want happy children- Even grown up ones? As adults if they can afford to get on the property ladder and have a secure home that might make them happier than being able to reminisce about the school play, school cricket matches and match tea.......

It's a tough one. We were very torn between state or private and, like you, we are fully aware at the cost of this decision. We are fortunate enough to live in a nice house without a big mortgage so it's not compromising our standard of living on one level. Equally £450k is a lot of money and you never know what your financial future holds.

I've been a bit disappointed by some of the posts generalising about the attitudes of private school kids and parents. My kids are not arrogant or elitist and don't struggle to interact with people from state schools or different backgrounds. Nor do we criticise state schools which is completely unnecessary. Like many parents, I avoid saying that my kids go to private school unless people really push me to say which school they go to. Friends with kids at state schools sometimes ask questions as they're interested in how different schools operate. Yes, my kids go to a private school but it's really not something that defines them as different from their friends at state schools.

In terms of our decision, our local state schools are great academically. Both of my sons love playing sport so they make good use of the excellent facilities and number of rugby, hockey and cricket fixtures at their school. If they weren't into extracurricular activities such as drama, music or sport, I would have chosen the state option as I'd feel I was paying for facilities they weren't really using. In the same way, some of the local state schools also offer excellent provision for drama, music and sport. I think state v private is a tough choice for most parents that are weighing up both options.

In my opinion, private school does not provide a better education. It provides a different education.
If you want your children to become better learners, do not send them to private school. Private schools may have great sports facilities, school trips, smaller class sizes etc but children are often very spoon fed. They may be taught how to blag and bluster very well but when things get real in their life they may well be found out.

House deposit. A good education does not guarantee a good job/salary.

Depends what you want from them. I would disagree if you want more than phonics being the focus for the first 2 years and SATs prep being the focus at the other end

The SATS prep was actually brilliant for the two of mine that did them. They are both excellent at writing grammatically correct essays. The one that went to a prep spent her whole time doing sport and plays and could barely write a correct sentence by year 8 🤣

but children are often very spoon fed.

This happened to a friend of mine who thought that state education was beyond the pale. Her sone went to a nursery, prep school and high school that were all part of the same foundation. He moved up through all three with the same cohort.

When he went to university he couldn't cope with the chamge, and had to redo a year. With hindsight my friend admitted that he was spoonfed all the way through and would have benefitted from less handholding. He didn't do that well academically either.

This is only one single anecdote, but I'm sure I have read somewhere that students from private education have more problems settling in at university than those from the state sector.

@gongy

I linked to 2 articles

A GP has to have a medical degree plus five years training as a minimum.

A junior doctor is not able to be a GP without that. An F1 doctor on a ward cannot even prescribe independently without senior oversight.

Are you thinking a doctor is a doctor? That’s not the case in the U.K. After qualifying they have a good few years training and exams ahead of them regardless of the speciality they go into. Minimum is five years post graduate programme.

I'm sure I have read somewhere that students from private education have more problems settling in at university than those from the state sector

Boarding school pupils settle almost immediately into uni life - used to living and sharing bathrooms with others and not being looked after by parents!

I can't disagree with that @MrsMiaWallis

It is true that students from private school backgrounds do worse at university. The universities themselves have conducted research into this as it causes issues.

How exactly?

I'm super confused, I read about this man during the pandemic. Is he not a doctor?

www.google.co.uk/amp/s/www.bbc.co.uk/news/amp/uk-england-south-yorkshire-40643813

@ThatIsNotMyUsername Universities offer on grades but if people have been coached to those grades they need extra support at Uni, which is extra work.

There is also some evidence those with wealthy parents are less motivated as they need not compete in the jobs market. This is a different issue.

Plenty of evidence to support it apparently

www.york.ac.uk/news-and-events/news/2020/research/private-school-development/

www.independent.co.uk/news/education/education-news/state-school-students-get-better-degrees-private-school-pupils-same-levels-10504225.html

www.theguardian.com/education/2015/nov/05/top-state-school-pupils-get-better-degrees-than-those-from-private-schools

www.bbc.co.uk/news/education-26773830

www.localschoolsnetwork.org.uk/2015/09/state-pupils-continue-to-outperform-private-ones-at-university

Goodness. The hate for private school education is awful on MN.

And as for for the links. One of them suggested private school children drink and take risks earlier. Well I and my schools friends were definitely not taken in to consideration in that finding. We were getting pissed at 14, taking LSD in school and I was kicked out of school at 15 for being pregnant. We were at a state school. Things moved on greatly in the following years though - my friend read on her sons watsap group that he was being called a tramp as he didn’t want to ‘put to’ in buying cocaine with his school friends. He was 14.

So while there may be evidence ( if you dig hard enough you’ll always find it) that private school kids fail miserably - I choose to keep my kids in private so they don’t have to grow up in a bad school system/environment that is very much prevalent where we live.

If they bomb out of uni - so be it. At least I know I have them the best chance in getting them in the best school in the area.

Hi OP. This is a really interesting thread!

I went to private school and so I know a lot of people who did. I’m also friends with many from state schools.

In my opinion... the key thing to remember is that a work ethic and intelligence, general characteristics are shaped by parenting. A state nor private education will ever trump what is taught at home. For this reason I witnessed bratty and uninterested kids at private school and I know clever and successful people from state schools. HOWEVER... generally speaking private school will have a far higher percentage of kids whose parents are invested - literally - in their success. This means there’s less disruption in classes, smaller classes, kids who ultimately are there to be polite to staff and teachers and it is a calm environment. From the things I have heard from some state school friends, their school experience was very different. I’d also say that private school does more than educate. There’s more time invested, teachers know the pupils better because they have the time. There’s a range of extra curricular stuff that, at the time I didn’t think much of, but I look back and realise I learnt a lot from it all. Bullying is minimal and if it is there it is taken seriously- again because they have the time to do it.

You can’t expect certain grades from a private school but you can expect your kids to reach their potential.

There’s a difference between boarding and just day private too. I found the boarders didn’t always have a strong grounding from parents which is perhaps where the abuse comes from against those who boarded. It’s a generalisation though. Parenting as I said above trumps any education.

As for whether to do private or house deposit... no matter what job you end up with, sadly it won’t magic 100k deposit. Is there no way to invest some of the money in the meantime - ie you won’t be spending 250k immediately? I know it’s not a helpful answer but I would try and do both. I loved school and I don’t know anyone who went to private school who didn’t - expect perhaps a few boarders. Even if you gift a smaller house deposit it’s still a start. Or maybe you could get a buy to let, if you have money spare at the moment, and use that income towards the school fees but keep the capital... another option would be to do state to age ten and you’ve already saved yourself circa 20/30k for a house deposit.

The hate for private school education is awful on MN.

I think you'll find this goes both ways. Advocates of private education dislike state education. Advocates of the grammar school system think that comprehensives are beyond the pale. Supporters of comprehensive education think that the grammar school system is divisive.

What is clearly evident though is the inequality between education providers and that state education is very sorely underfunded.

I agree that there is a lot of abuse directed towards people who went to private school. I know very few people who can afford it and who value education who don’t send their kids to a private school, though. Much of the abuse comes from a place of jealousy and the inequality that can follow with private v state. I have some wonderful friends from private school and I can say hand heart they are the most caring, kind, understanding and decent people. Do what’s best for you and your family OP - there’s lovely people and bar people everywhere, regardless of the money in their pocket!

*hand on heart...

As an outsider (parents are immigrants) I think the criticism of private schools here is party because of the classism that it still quite entrenched in our culture.
Other counties have private schools but don't seem to have the elite style ones that churn out prime ministers & the state provision is less varied. I think every child should be entitled to an excellent education .

There is also some evidence those with wealthy parents are less motivated as they need not compete in the jobs market. This is a different issue

Could you enlarge on this please, befuddled.

The researchers suggest two reasons for the finding: private school students may have lower incentives to perform well at university and therefore may invest more effort in social life rather than academic work; or they may have been coached at school and subsequently struggle when they get to university.

This is from the Guardian article - that pesky little word ‘may’ gets a few mentions.

@Andante57

The researchers suggest two reasons for the finding: private school students may have lower incentives to perform well at university and therefore may invest more effort in social life rather than academic work; or they may have been coached at school and subsequently struggle when they get to university.

This is from the Guardian article - that pesky little word ‘may’ gets a few mentions.

Jesus. What other sector of society is it socially acceptable to lie about for political effect?

And these are kids as well. Pathetic.

At university I found those from private school adapted far better. We had specific teaching in respect of self education and how to find resources and manage time to suit your own learning style. Certainly wasn’t spoon fed!

DH had a private education. He was studious and did well. He has a high paying career and never had any financial support from his parents when younger.

I went to the local non-private secondary. I was reasonably studious and did well. I have a high paying career and my parents were able to give us some very generous gifts over the years for deposits etc.

In terms of our careers, we’re pretty even, but we’ve benefited more from what my parents did. It’s made for a less stressful marriage and life.

Albeit, DH had much better school trips than I did!