Private school or £250k house deposit......

[JanieBP]

For your child. Just that really. DH calculated that to send our DC the whole way through private school will be £250k EACH (including fee increases etc....they are at a private school now, but we are reconsidering). Even the most modest private secondary education is going to set you back £60k per child. Yet almost everyone I meet who went to a private school can’t afford to send their own child privately (well not without significant grandparent help). One dad said to me his aim was to make ‘happy adults’. Doesn’t every parent want happy children- Even grown up ones? As adults if they can afford to get on the property ladder and have a secure home that might make them happier than being able to reminisce about the school play, school cricket matches and match tea.......

£250k deposit? Invest your money in a house that is in an affluent area and in catchment for top state Grammar Schools. Then pay for a tutor to get them in. If they pass you have your private education for free. If they don't pass you still win because the secondary schools will be good too.
And added bonus you will have a house that is going up in value.

It depends on the quality of local state education. We live in a grammar school area. The grammar’s results are significantly higher than the local private but the private school has far better facilities. That saying, £20k saving in fees a year would buy a lot of stuff for the whole family.

I went to private school from age 4-18. It was a complete waste of money.

Ppp

Oops sorry for the random post.

Ofcourse go for a house deposit or property if you are lucky enough to be in such a wealthy position.

Definitely the house deposit. That was why I elected not to pay for private school for my DS. I bought my house for cash when I was 35 and the level of freedom that is granting me is enormous. It's changed my life. Every single last thing in my life is easier because I have no mortgage/rent to pay every month. Every choice I make is simpler without having to factor in a big payment each month.

When I considered sending my DS to a private school, I worked out what that would cost me over his school experience and thought I'd genuinely prefer to be able to put that towards a house or a business start up for him as an adult. I'd like him to be able to experience some of the freedom that I have.

Coincidentally, my DS was offered a scholarship at the school I had considered sending him to. And accepting that is the number one decision I regret most in life. I thought he was having a marvellous experience and couldn't understand why he was changing over time, becoming more withdrawn, anxious, lost in a permanent daydream. I started to wonder if he had a learning disability that was starting to become apparent in school. But knew that wasn't quite right as his lack of ability was a regression rather than a lack of progression.

Turns out there was some serious bullying of the children by a teacher and when it started to come to light, the board of management swiftly moved to cover everything up. I had to pull him out and then Covid hit, so I had time to work with him and help rebuild his confidence and interest in learning. He's now happy in a lovely little state school and week by week, he's going back to the child he used to be. At his old school, some of the parents know what happened and are in denial about the severity of it, because they wouldn't possibly want their children to have to be in a mainstream school. While many of the others haven't a clue and think they are sacrificing to give their kids a great start. I know all independent schools aren't the same, and bullying of this kind happens in mainstream too. But I think the danger is much greater when there is less oversight.

They have mothers' lunches, father-daughter breakfasts, parents' nights etc etc. If you want to network using a private school, don't go to one, send your kids to one!

That sounds very similar to my friend's DC's school. DH hates networking. I managed to persuade him to come to a couple of black tie dos at work. After the second one he said "never make me go to one of these again please".

He doesn't "do" small talk and feels uncomfortable with starngers, so all this "networking" would have been wasted on us.

@IMNOTSHOUTING

If you're paying for private with the hope that it'll open doors via the old school network I'd think again My husband works in an area of finance traditionally filled with private school boys and I have friends working in law and it just doesn't happen (at least in their fields) anymore. Everything is just much more competitive and international now. No way are they hiring someone because of which high school they went to. I'm not saying it never happens in other areas but it's certainly not going to universally open doors to you.

Going to an oxbridge college has completely opened doors for me. Sorry to report since I think it’s awful and elitist. But it’s my finding. A sort of old boys birds of a feather network (PLU) ....and most people at oxbridge come via the private route. In my year at university, I knew of about two kids who’d been at comps. Rest were indies, with grammars as a smaller intake. Tho I realise the two unis are trying to change this. Perhaps our kids’ gen will be different.

For those saying to live in an area with excellent state schools, is there not the risk that those schools could go downhill by the time your DC are there?

I hate the system in the England of having to buy an expensive house or rent at ridiculously high costs just to be in the catchment of a great school. It just carries on the cycle of lower income families not being able to send their children to better schools. Although I don’t know the alternatives apart from fee paying schools.

Going to an oxbridge college has completely opened doors for me. Sorry to report since I think it’s awful and elitist. But it’s my finding. A sort of old boys birds of a feather network (PLU) ....and most people at oxbridge come via the private route. In my year at university, I knew of about two kids who’d been at comps. Rest were indies, with grammars as a smaller intake. Tho I realise the two unis are trying to change this. Perhaps our kids’ gen will be different

I think that is changing @Jumpalicious, my DS is on a scholarship at a major public school and their Oxbridge offers are way way lower in the last three years and I hear the same of other similar schools. Of course the historical injustice of Oxbridge taking c50-60% of candidates from 7% of schools (something like that) needs addressing and there is a way to go but anyone who thinks independent schools are the safe route to any prestigious university needs to think again.

Local day private school to us is top 20 in UK with average A level score of A. Sixth form college has average A level score of C. I rather pay the 15k per annum for the private day school.

But how much of that average is because the private kicked out the lower achieving pupils after GCSE, and the state school accepted all?

Another factor to consider: If you didn't spend the money on private school, would you actually be disciplined enough to save it? It's not necessarily a choice between school and deposit if you end up spending the money on other stuff.

House.

My children started off at a state primary and then we moved them to a private school then my youngest two to a different private school. They are now at grammar schools. We would never have moved them unless we had to and it really was not worth the money.

But how much of that average is because the private kicked out the lower achieving pupils after GCSE, and the state school accepted all?

A lot of people miss this point, don't they. Any form of selective education is always going to produce better results,

I consider private school a waste of money, educationally, so pointless expense unless you want to access an 'elite' social circle.

That’s a load of bullshit. All the secondary schools in our area are well below the national average in terms of educational attainment. There are undoubtedly kids in our area who will not do as well educationally as they would if they were privately educated.

but anyone able to consider independent education isn’t likely to be living in a ghetto in the first place

Where I live isn’t a ghetto. Our local high school is ranked in the bottom 100 schools. Where I grew up, we lived rurally in an area with a lot of really wealthy people and looking at the league table now, the school I would have gone to is pretty near the bottom.

I know a whole lot of people who were privately educated, and a whole lot who weren’t. It is impossible to draw any correlation between their type education and their ambition or success or otherwise. Some have done well and some have not. Using anecdata to support your own for or against private schools is useless.

if you are thinking of public primaries to give kids an advantage on getting into grammars check the policy in your area first. Ours has given priority to grammar schools to kids from state schools.

Elite social circle? What a load of shite... perhaps if you go to a very top public school. I went to a small private school in London...I can assure you my social circle isn't elite

The private schools in the next city all have a certain number of parents who have formed an elite social circle, but by no means all of the parenst do this.

A lot of people miss this point, don't they. Any form of selective education is always going to produce better results.

That may affect league tables in some way at GCSE, but these schools also perform far better at A level than Sixth form colleges. Those colleges aren’t full of low attaining students who have to be there by law, but of children who have chosen to go on to further education and therefore must have a decent level of education to be able to get in.

A study published in 2019 was clear, even adjusting for socio economic differences, privately educated children do better than those in the state system. Private schools spend three times as much per pupil and have classes about half the size of state schools. It is unrealistic to suggest this doesn’t lead to a better education, as it is also the case that the better funded state schools with smaller classes do better too. Even the lower attaining private schools do better than the highest attaining state schools, which are generally the ones with a much more affluent catchment area.

What has come out about Durham University this year is simply private school culture. It has to be like that - if it weren't an elite product they would go bust. Educationally they don't stack up.
What has come about Durham this week?

@Ginfordinner

The private schools in the next city all have a certain number of parents who have formed an elite social circle, but by no means all of the parenst do this.

I'm cringing so hard at the word 'elite'.

Perhaps nowadays private schools are made up of more wealthy people and are a different demographic to when I went. When I attended in the 80/90s, it was full of kids from really ordinary backgrounds...kids whose mum was a secretary and dad was a cabbie for example

We made this exact calculation. In the fact end went with the house deposit. Private school is for those who can easily afford it.

If there's a likelihood that if you lost your job that you couldn't afford to continue to send your children to private school, I wouldn't do it.

We will pay for extra tuition if needed. If we do change our mind then it'll be private school from 11+

RayOfSunshine2013

maybe it was the parents and not the school

my dd has many peers receiving hand outs from parents and they weren't privately educated - the op is also wanting to choose between a large quarter of a million house deposit for dc

We’re wondering the same. The other factor for us is how exactly a private school education will be perceived in twenty years time when the DC hit the job market. I can see that it might actually be a real hindrance in certain circumstances! The other thing is that at the moment, the top public schools are filled with people with such insane levels of wealth that our kids would always be on a different level - and we def don’t want that.

@JanieBP

For your child. Just that really. DH calculated that to send our DC the whole way through private school will be £250k EACH (including fee increases etc....they are at a private school now, but we are reconsidering). Even the most modest private secondary education is going to set you back £60k per child. Yet almost everyone I meet who went to a private school can’t afford to send their own child privately (well not without significant grandparent help). One dad said to me his aim was to make ‘happy adults’. Doesn’t every parent want happy children- Even grown up ones? As adults if they can afford to get on the property ladder and have a secure home that might make them happier than being able to reminisce about the school play, school cricket matches and match tea.......

Why are you asking? You've clearly decided private school isn't worth it. (I think it absolutely is if you find the right one for your child, but there's a lot of dross out there).

But read how many of the responses advising others to send their children to state primary and move them to private for secondary

I did this. Was a very good move and worked well for us.