Private school or £250k house deposit......

[JanieBP]

For your child. Just that really. DH calculated that to send our DC the whole way through private school will be £250k EACH (including fee increases etc....they are at a private school now, but we are reconsidering). Even the most modest private secondary education is going to set you back £60k per child. Yet almost everyone I meet who went to a private school can’t afford to send their own child privately (well not without significant grandparent help). One dad said to me his aim was to make ‘happy adults’. Doesn’t every parent want happy children- Even grown up ones? As adults if they can afford to get on the property ladder and have a secure home that might make them happier than being able to reminisce about the school play, school cricket matches and match tea.......

So firstly I am conscious I do have privileges and choices around these areas which not everyone has. I do not think this is binary. We selected state schools which were very good and focused on getting our kids into these, which was helped by being able to purchase houses in the catchment area. At 16, for A levels we moved the kids to private schools. We did this, as they wanted to aim for Oxbridge and the private cathedral school they went into just gave them an extra couple of %.

In my experience private schools fall into the highly academic environment. Heavily focused on results and great for kids that want to push themselves. Not so good for those that do not. And the type of school designed to produce a well rounded social person. Also valuable, but achievable in the best of the state sector.

Overall. Keep the cash, invest in a house in a good catchment area and keep the options open for later would be my advice.

Tricky although I’d probably opt for school.
DD attended the local excellent Catholic primary school, then private day for secondary. She boarded for sixth form at a different school. Now at Imperial. Don't think she would have got there from the local secondary schools tbh.
It’s not just the education, it’s the wider opportunities / contacts / sense of confidence it gives the child.
(My DF had set aside money to help with DDs school fees - he was a firm believer in it)

School fees are relatively so much more expensive now than they were a few decades ago, that many people who went private can’t even think of the same for their own dcs. Relatively much higher house prices are a factor, too.

Where you live shouldn’t make a difference, but sadly it does, so if you can afford a house in the catchment area of good schools, that is half the battle. If it were me, I’d go for the house, and I say that as someone who did pay school fees some decades ago.

@gongy

The opportunities that private education will bring throughout life should far outweigh a 250k house deposit - that would be only 6-12 months salary for a successful high earner.

I don't think it's a given that a privately educated person can walk into a 250k job.

I'm only earning £30k, did I do something wrong at my private school

People overestimate the benefits of private schools, especially for girls.

Of the now middle aged women I know who went to private school almost non are in six figure jobs and those who are don’t have dcs.

Jobs include:
Part time nurse
Craft business
SAHMs
Jobs working with horses
Working for the family business
Government lawyer
A few hospital consultants
Civil servant
Consultancy/research
Social work manager
Care worker
Hairdresser
2 beauticians
Vet
A few school teachers
Personal assistant
Author
Podiatrist
Physiotherapist
A few GPs
Personal injury lawyer
Councillor
Yoga teacher
Psychiatrist

So mostly not low paid jobs but not very high flying either.

The smart peers who went to state schools got comparable jobs tbh.

Really depends how your other local schools are. If you have a decent state school near you then I don't know why you'd want to pay that much for a private school. You could send them to state school and invest that money in your children in other ways.

@Sarahandduck18

People overestimate the benefits of private schools, especially for girls.

Of the now middle aged women I know who went to private school almost non are in six figure jobs and those who are don’t have dcs.

Jobs include:
Part time nurse
Craft business
SAHMs
Jobs working with horses
Working for the family business
Government lawyer
A few hospital consultants
Civil servant
Consultancy/research
Social work manager
Care worker
Hairdresser
2 beauticians
Vet
A few school teachers
Personal assistant
Author
Podiatrist
Physiotherapist
A few GPs
Personal injury lawyer
Councillor
Yoga teacher
Psychiatrist

So mostly not low paid jobs but not very high flying either.

The smart peers who went to state schools got comparable jobs tbh.

I guess this depends on where you place the value of a private school. Some would say it's not only about the job that they get into afterwards.

(Personally I'd choose a state school anyway but I think those who choose private have many reasons which aren't just to do with their children's earning capacity)

I reference to a post below, didn't add this bit to my post but my daughter went to a large, very mixed catchment inner city secondary and has recently completed her doctorate at Imperial. This is why I said a motivated child will do well at even more dodgy schools.

Having read your update OP I'm not sure your children's current school is the best if other schools get equal/better results. But are they primary or secondary?

If primary, you might be better to move them to either a good state school or the better local private for secondary.

If secondary it is trickier as moving schools is disruptive for education. So I would be more likely to leave them where they were.

Are you likely to move areas again (e.g. for another job?).

House deposit every day of the week.

My husband went to private school from the age of 8 mostly on scholarship as he's bloody clever. It was actually his primary school teacher who insisted that he try for private school as he used to finish the work set within 20 mins! All it taught him was how to cruise through exams and as soon as he got to uni with nobody breathing down his neck he coasted.
If he wanted to he could have got a first but he preferred to go kayaking.

We only have one secondary in the town where we live but 3 private schools within 30 minutes. My son will likely go to the local secondary if he has the same as my husband of completing work very quickly and then being bored then we will look at private schools but again only on scholarship.

Definitely private school. Help with a house deposit is great. But your dc don't need it when they're 7.

Education made such a difference in my life. I'm grateful my parents scraped it together so I could have the education I did. As a result, I have a very good career and a financially comfortable life. I could buy my own house (though we did get some help from family and inheritance), but if I didn't have the success that I have, I wouldn't be able to afford the mortgage. You can always save more (or frankly, if you invest well in your own house, when you die), and that money will trickle down. But I wouldn't be stressing about house deposits when dc are in primary.

Icenii I agree, all these people who say go for State usually preface that with “I/my DC went to/go to an excellent State secondary”
When the option is Private they can afford or awful State then it’s not so easy to bang on about how Private schools cause inequality etc etc

Another thing, people are talking about the old boys' network / old girls' network.

Generalising greatly, I think the parents are more likely to network! I know of several parents of children at private schools who have got each other jobs or started business ventures together. Then some of them hire their friends' children when the children leave school or uni.

Depends on the child OP. DD has mild SN I I got called in by her (state) primary school head and SENCO to tell me she wouldn't survive in our local state senior. She goes to a lovely supportive private senior school. Tiny classes. Great teachers. Is she going to get 5 A*s at A level then rule the world? No. But she's going to do an awful lot better than she would have after struggling in a massive school. I'm a lone parent with a good public sector job so I'm very lucky that I can afford this but it does take sacrifice but it is worth every penny. You have options with your money. You don't need to decide now. See what is best for your DC

Move to an area with good state schools and a good community. Then access tutors and extra curricular spots/music if necessary to top up

Local state school. This way they will have strong local friendships which come in to their own Once hitting the teenage years and have developing independence

Interesting that someone says they'll have a nicer time in private school and remember school days with more fondness. Obviously it depends on the school but my state educated DCs absolutely loved their school days and even now 10 years after the youngest left, every time they come home we have to drive by the school so they can just look at it!

Maybe we were just lucky. We moved here to get into it, best decision we ever made and they've made fantastic careers out of it.

@Porridgeoat

Local state school. This way they will have strong local friendships which come in to their own Once hitting the teenage years and have developing independence

Private kids have strong local friendships

Do people expect private kids to travel miles and miles to school and not to have a friendship group

Generalising greatly, I think the parents are more likely to network!

I think that is probably true. Wehn DD was at state secondary school it was definitely not the done thing for parents to socialise with each other. One of my friends has put two DC through private school and has another DC still there.

Their school does things like balls, other socials for the parents to mix, and even has the parents present at their DC's proms

I don't think most state schools do this. I know that my DD and her peers would have been horrified at having their parents present at theor schools proms.

You need to consider the quality of the state and private schools in your area. The variation across the country is absolutely astronomical and local knowledge is critical.

Do people expect private kids to travel miles and miles to school and not to have a friendship group

It is the case round here because the nearest private school is in the next city.

100% private school, but only secondary.

For me, it wasn't just the education i received at private school but all the other bits that helped me. The smaller class sizes, the extra time with teachers, and the way they help you develop personally. I would have had no confidence and qould have been bullied at my local state schools

I went to a private boarding school growing up. No one I went to school with has achieved or done anything and greater than my friends who attended state schools. Your essentially paying for smaller classes and a better student/teacher ratio, and a few extra curricular activities.

I liked private school but i think a decent deposit on a house would be far more beneficial.

@Ginfordinner

This may be a bit outing but our local independent girls' school definitely has parents present at the prom (sorry, I mean school leavers' ball). Also the local Anglican bishop so the girls can be presented. It's also an open bar which makes for a good time

They have mothers' lunches, father-daughter breakfasts, parents' nights etc etc. If you want to network using a private school, don't go to one, send your kids to one!

Having dated three people who went to private school, Id definitely say house deposit.

1st - Absolute stuck up entitled arse. Was still living in the times when mummy and daddy had lots of money (but no longer did due to loss of business) and thought he was above everyone, average job.

2nd - Didn't pay any of his own bills and still lived off mummy at 33 years old, because his money was for his cars.

3rd - World revolved around him, had an average unskilled job.

Bring them up normal, please [grim]