“Mrs DH initial surname” help me respond!

[SeaMoonWave]

So MIL always addresses cards “Mr & Mrs DH initial surname”. And fucking worse, when writing just to me, “Mrs DH initial surname”. She has always refused to use my title of dr, that I kept my maiden name for work. She sees this as unfair on her son to be seen as higher than him. I want her to send me a card I can return as “not known at this address”.

Anyone got a a nice link/write up/meme I can share to Facebook passively aggressively before I explode tonight?

I wouldn’t even mind the “mr & Mrs surname” thing if she leaves out the DH initial. I don’t mind when my doctor friends wrote to me & Mrs and I sometimes do the same to both of them being doctors. But I know the feeling behind it. She wants me to be a housewife, hates I earn more, and would rather us be poor and know my place in the kitchen. My DH is obviously fine with my job and seeing me as an equal as he married me!

Refuse to open anything addressed "Mrs DH initial surname" because it's illegal to open someone else's post and not a single name written there belongs to you. Petty, but do it. And tell them.

I kept my maiden name - my inlaws know it but I think they keep calling me my married name. Part of me thinks it's because I'll just say "oh you keep calling me your sons name, you know what yeah I'll make it easy and just change it" makes me want to never ever change it!

The “it’s how things used to happen” is bollocks. I grew up addressing cards to mr and Mrs DH initial surname. But then I realised that was wrong and now whenever someone gets married i ask them how they want to be addressed. If I do send cards to me and Mrs I drop the DH initial and feel bad that I used to write it on.

@SeaMoonWave

The “it’s how things used to happen” is bollocks. I grew up addressing cards to mr and Mrs DH initial surname. But then I realised that was wrong and now whenever someone gets married i ask them how they want to be addressed. If I do send cards to me and Mrs I drop the DH initial and feel bad that I used to write it on.

Totally. Always ask. Mr and Mrs "his initial" surname is the strangest thing ever.

I've kept my surname and it wasn't even a dilemma or even something I had to question. Why on earth would I change it. If my inlwas wrote to me "Mrs "their son first name their son surname" I would cheekily tell them "It's illegal to open post not addressed to oneself" and if they keep doing it just return to sender

I took my husbands surname when we got married but I didn't take his first name. I hate getting cards "Mr and Mrs 'his initial' Smith"

The worst thing about it is that my in laws send cards to "Mr and Mrs Smith"

My mother and, even worse, my sisters all address cards to us both as "Mr and Mrs 'his initial' Smith"

In fact, they sent us cards for our wedding anniversary 3 months ago and they're still unopened as they clearly aren't for me and dh hasn't bothered

I can excuse my mother doing it as she's well into her 70s and you can use the "older generation" reason. But my sisters are just ridiculous to be doing it.

I think you're over reacting too, it's just easier to write Mr& Mrs Smith than Mr Smith & Ms Jones

This is just lazy thinking. It only takes a couple of seconds to write Mr Smith & Ms Jones.

Ettiquette isn't set in stone, it evolves. And it's evolving again now, as women no longer want to be treated as an appendage to their husbands.

@TurquoiseDragon

I think you're over reacting too, it's just easier to write Mr& Mrs Smith than Mr Smith & Ms Jones

This is just lazy thinking. It only takes a couple of seconds to write Mr Smith & Ms Jones.

Ettiquette isn't set in stone, it evolves. And it's evolving again now, as women no longer want to be treated as an appendage to their husbands.

Absolutely right.

Buttery exactly.

I said to my mum the first time, why have you forgotten my name?.

She said oh Mr and Mrs his initial his surname is the done thing.

So I never mentioned it again. When the card comes I just pass it to DH. It's addressed to him, after all

This is not the only issue in our relationship, and on her part it's on purpose. What she gets out of it. I have no idea. I think she just doesn't like me tbh and never has.

I know in a perfect world you would just feel so detached you wouldn't care and wouldn't have any reaction but back on earth, is she incorrect to address the card to mr and mrs D smith or whatever if mrs with any initial is not your address?
I'd go down the route of letting her know that she has made a faux pas.

Sure a doctor is not undoctored by their spouse!

Dr and Mrs smith would be correct, so if you're a doctor, then surely god help me please tell me I'm right (argh) Mr and Dr Smith must be correct? According to etiquette. The only thing that will get through to her I suspect.

@katy1213

Send her a card addressed to her as Ms whatever ... she'll hate that.

lol, perfect! She'd hate that.

Got another one this morning! The message apparently didn’t get through last year 👍🏼

Send her card to Ms surname!!