Anyone else never had financial help from parents for house deposits etc?

[sausagedoglove]

I get so down when I read about all the people on MN, and friends IRL who have had the Bank of Mum and Dad help them out with house deposits or early inheritance, or even inheritance from grandparents to help pay down debt or upgrade their car etc.

I've had nothing and I've been told to expect nothing. My parents are well off, their house is paid off and currently undergoing extensive renovations all paid for in cash (over £100k), three investment properties (with mortgages) which is the income they'll be relying on when they retire in a few years, plus income from share portfolio.

It's their money, they can do what they want, but I do feel a bit down about it all.

My parents were very much "children are to be seen not heard" kind of people, and any money I come in to should be earned on my own. That's all fine, but the cost of housing in this country is crippling and they just don't get it. I'll be renting for the rest of my life and without capital I can't really grow my wealth much.

Anyone else?

The last time my mother bought me a birthday card was many, many years ago, and she complained about the cost of the stamp! Presents stopped about age 14.

I've only ever heard of this on MN. Everyone I know saved their own deposits. My first flat was in an undesirable area, the kitchen was just a sink and a single cupboard, and the floor was chipboard. I made giant cushions to sit on. I did it up over time and then moved to something nicer. I also rented out a room to fund the DIY. It was really horrible, but I'm so glad I did it!! My parents are incredibly well off, and I'm glad they're spending their money on themselves.

It sounds very mean :(

What do your parents plan to do with their wealth when they're gone?

Never received a penny for free and I am happy about it. My elderly parents can keep it, arrange their own help and care home in their old age. If I’m on my own, so are they.

The only thing I got from my now deceased parents when I bought my flat was new carpets and help with a few replacement bathroom tiles. I paid for everything else, including the £4000 mortgage deposit. That was just over twenty years ago but I expect things might be different now for a lot of first-time buyers.

Actually, I tell a lie. When I was made redundant quite a few years ago, Dad lent me £1000 to tide me over for a few weeks until I started my new job. I repaid it with interest in under a year. Nothing from anyone else since, thank goodness.

Neither of our sets of parents have anything to give us. Most of our friends have parents who give them money regularly.
I don't worry about it, lucky them!!! It would be nice but that's life.

Thing is, for every person who made it on their own and got a deposit together (many of them years ago when one salary afforded both a deposit and a mortgage, like my parent had), there's another ten people who simply won't get on the property ladder at all now.

It isn't the same as in the past, my parents got a mortgage on a three bed with a tiny deposit (lent by grandparents and paid back) with one ordinary teacher's wage. That's absolutely laughable now.

The fact a few people manage it without help doesn't mean most don't need help- more than 50% of people either have parental help or use Help to Buy first time round.

If you are priced out through high rents of saving anything, then your chances of getting a large deposit which would be needed in the current climate is very low.

Nope never had any money off my parents. Bought a house myself.

Never had any substantial money off my parents, although they helped me out with with bill's whilst I was at uni. However they dont have money so I'd never expect anything and know they would always help me out if I was desperate. I'm 40 and still trying to save for a deposit, so understand its difficult but it is what it is and there are many people far far worse off.

No help here and they didn't have it to give, didn't mean they lived us any less.

Now they have paid off their mortgage they go on four holidays a year.

I'm made up they do.

I won't have them forever so they should enjoy it whilst they can health permitting.

They have saved us a fortune with childminding, as and when they can.

I hope they spend every penny they have enjoying their twilight years together like the couple of teenagers they are at heart.

First of all - buying has been completely glamourised in the UK. Renters are seen as poor, frivolous and bad at managing money. When someone gets on the property ladder we’re meant to congratulate and give them a trophy. They aren’t anything special apart from being privileged. Please don’t feel inadequate for renting. Your time will come if you really want it. Life isn’t a competition although society has conditioned it that way. Keep going and I promise you’ll get there.

Secondly, no help here from my parents who seem to have a lot of disposable income...

I try not to think about it because I don’t want it to sour my relationship with them at the back of my mind. My parents are wonderful people and it’s up to them what they do with their money. My daughter is 1...if I can help her one day then I definitely will. Only because I know what it feels like to...not be helped.

Two friends got on the ladder this year - one who’s parents footed the bill for their deposit (privileged)
And another who had inheritance from the death of a parent (not exactly enviable)

We live (rent) inside the M25 and I really hate it when people say...oh but it’s your choice to live in the most expensive part of the country! As if we would just up sticks and leave our family, friends, jobs, childcare support, comfort, and everything we know just to get on the properly ladder in West Yorkshire or somewhere we can actually afford
In my opinion giving up all that to be tied into a load of debt and carry on in our 9-5s like good little worker bees until we retire isn’t worth it. The house can wait until we’re ready!

Me. Never had a penny. Although they did put me thru uni, I also worked. My sibling on the other hand is a different story.
Their money, their choice I suppose but it pisses me off when I'm struggling with a mortgage and 3 kids (I work ft) and she's getting handouts plus they're going on holiday after holiday. I think they look at me on paper and think I'm fine. I don't tell them about the overdrafts and credit cards.

I struggle with the idea that renting is a sensible choice because it frightens me what generation rent do in retirement. If you buy, eventually your housing costs decrease, renting they go up every year.

I know some pensioners have always rented but usually in social housing with relative low rents, how will future retirees in private lets manage? With the demise of final salary pension schemes it's going to be hard enough for the current generation to have a decent income in retirement as it is.

No, because my parents have no money anyways... I will end up having to pay for their funerals as they will not even have any savings to offset the cost. If your parents had money but won't leave you any inheritance, just be grateful you got to enjoy their wealth during your childhood. Some people don't appreciate how lucky they are.

@BecomeStronger I don’t think anyone would rent over buying if they had the choice. Unless they were young free and single and travelled/moved around a lot. Or they were wealthy enough to want to “test” an area out first before they committed to buying.

But renting is some people’s only choice.

Op sometimes people are just so selfish and those selfish people have dc.

It sounds like they could be mortgaged quite heavily though with 3 properties and maybe they are guaranteed against the house. But laws and rules have changed recently making it a lot less lucrative to be a ll.

Where do you think they may leave their money too?. Where they generous when you were growing up? Are they interested gp?

It sounds incredibly harsh and I do feel if you deicide to bring children into this world, help them out.. I know people fall out.. Don't get on but I will try and support my dc if I can when they are older, even if we fall out... I'd like to think I'll try even if we don't get on because they are still my dc.

Obviously some situations become so toxic and bad things have to be left alone...

It's very crass to post and rub your nose into their lifestyle.. It's worse I think though when one sibling gets enormous help and another doesn't... I can see how it happens though... Some people can't do life and need more help.

Lolz yeah my husbands parents are so rich - we’ve never gotten a penny

My parents are not very well off but gave us 5k for a wedding gift which they must have saved so hard for to give us! So grateful

Husbands mum isn’t very nice, white selfish tbh - but whatever her money so she can spend it on what she wants and doesn’t have to give us any.

We’ve managed to finally save a deposit up ourselves, we have a mortgage that’s not great tbh it’s expensive, high interest rate - but our only option tbh

It’s stupid because one day when she dies he will get an inheritance.

Don’t know why she wouldn’t gift us a bit now and want to help us out like - but what can you do

Never had help with anything. My mum isn't well off.

It sounds incredibly harsh and I do feel if you deicide to bring children into this world, help them out..

I’m not sure it’s selfish tbh, at what point do you stop being responsible for your adult children? I provide well for my children, I save for them where I can, I’ll support them through their education, by the time they finish whatever stage of education they choose I’ll be retired.

By that point I will have worked for over 50 years, I’d like to enjoy my retirement as much as my pension arrangements allow. Why is that selfish?

I've had no help and not expecting anything when parents pass away as they have nothing to give.

I'm renting a council house now and very unlikely to ever buy as I am a single parent in a low waged career. I'm just very thankful that I have an assured tenancy rather than the newer ones that are time limited and reviewed frequently. At least I can either stay here or exchange for something smaller when the children are grown.

It's very different if dp are not able to help.

My own couldn't and throughout we gave to each other when we could.
People bring different things to the table.
Some gp may not have much money to give but have been supportive loving parents, and gp.

We didn't have help from either set of parents. We're lucky as DH earns well so he saved a large deposit starting from when he first started working (before he met me). His parents were financially able to help and would have been willing, but we didn't need it. My own parents aren't well off (claiming pension credit) so wouldn't have been able to help but they've always been supportive. We bought in 2012, which was still very expensive (in London) but not as bad as it is now.

How old are you OP? You seem to be annoyed at people pointing out life choices by comparing prices 20 years ago to now yet in one of your posts you say 'when I was in my twenties' which implies you are thirties or older? So if you're in your 30's then it's just tough luck buying a house wasn't on your radar sooner 🤷🏻‍♀️ you can still buy now as a first time buyer with a 5% deposit.. have you been saving to buy a house?
I do feel for the young people now in their teens, early twenties as it is hard but there are schemes to help. I have a family friend who bought a part buy/part rent on a flat in outskirts of London.. was able to sell it after a couple of years and make a big deposit for their next house which they bought themselves.. so they bought small to get on the ladder in that area but the price rises down south paid for the deposit on their next place. Up north they would not have made any extra money on the flat for a deposit on a bigger place, so swings and roundabouts I guess

Me no, my brothers umm now that's a totally different story!