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Original poster

Man taking 7-8 year old daughter into women's changing room

276 replies

bythere · 18/11/2020 23:47

I was reading a reddit thread from the other month about a man at a martial arts studio taking his around 7-8 year old daughter into the women's locker room despite being told several times not to due to making women and girls uncomfortable. If anything, at that age she should be be fine in the woman's room by herself, although, he can maybe still take her into the men's room if necessary.

Has anyone ever had a man come into the women's locker room while you were there with a young daughter? Did you say or do anything if it happened?

OP posts:
Original poster
bythere · 19/11/2020 23:09

Glummy

I really want to know the answer as to what to do when a man has a child of each sex.

I answered this, it's at the top of page 6.

Why are boys completely safe with their dads in the gents, yet little girls in the men's toilets with their dads poses a guaranteed risk?

I don't understand this either. The only thing I can make out of it is people thinking it's wrong for a little girl to possibly see men standing at the urinals. But if it's not traumatic for a young male child to see this then I'm not sure why people automatically think it would be so for a young female child to see this. Because she doesn't have a penis and the boy does? They are children first and foremost surely.

OP posts:
Aroundtheworldin80moves · 19/11/2020 23:09

@Incrediblytired

Why are 8 year olds in public toilets alone again? Seems odd. Neglectful.
Because their father isn't an arse and respects women and their rights.
Elsiebear90 · 19/11/2020 23:13

Hang on, so little girls should not see male genitalia (even though actual men who frequent men’s toilets say it’s not really visible), but it’s perfectly acceptable for little boys to go in female changing rooms and see female genitalia?? Where’s the logic in that?

Coffeeoverload · 19/11/2020 23:14

@Nina9406

How is a kid taking two minutes to wee, with a parent either inside to help them or outside the door, and if someone who needs it comes they have to wait for a minute, such a big problem? I get it if they have to wait for a while, but If the parent is being sensible they won't.

And its not about pandering, showing kids that they have a choice and their opinion matters just makes them more confident in saying no.

Well...terrible parenting aside (astonishing entitlement above others’ needs) if anything good comes of this it will be the appreciation they have choice and ‘confidence to say NO’ when some bloody man wanders into the women’s changing room when they’re older. Or will their feelings and opinion not matter then?

Been silently watching the thread but jaw fell at the cognitive dissonance here...

Coffeeoverload · 19/11/2020 23:18

Also curious to know how your DH would explain to DD why it’s fine for him to go into the female only changing rooms. Because rules only apply to other people?

96315id · 19/11/2020 23:20

glum

Remind me why this is so hilarious?

Oh that's right. You're not actually laughing.

Because it's so deadly serious is one embarassed male parent supervises his little girl (who probably refused to go into the men's toilets) in Your Space. That is no laughing matter.

I doubt you wll change anything to your liking as you're clearly too busy typing fake emojis.

I just hope you never know what it's like to have a child sensitised to these issues.

96315id · 19/11/2020 23:21

curious to know how your DH would explain to DD why it’s fine for him to go into the female only changing rooms.

Because she knows she gets to have her daddy with her in a public space when she feels she needs him? Who knows? Maybe your little soapbox wasn't apparent on their landscape at the time.

96315id · 19/11/2020 23:23

If there's a men in the womens then it's no longer the womens and your kid is in the same boat in any toilet..

Oh what rubbish. One embarassed dad does not a Mixed Space make and well you know it.

Such rot.

RufustheSniggeringReindeer · 19/11/2020 23:25

Its been year and years and years since we’ve had sex segregated toilets

I appreciate that for some people this whole mixed sex toilets thing is very new and very exciting

But for decades weve had men in male areas and women in female areas and its been fine...dads taking daughters into the gents and women taking boys to the ladies

This isn’t new

Mixed sex is the new thing

RufustheSniggeringReindeer · 19/11/2020 23:27

Oh god I should clarify

Dads taking small girls and ladies taking small boys...

Hopefully thats better

Coffeeoverload · 19/11/2020 23:28

@96315id

curious to know how your DH would explain to DD why it’s fine for him to go into the female only changing rooms.

Because she knows she gets to have her daddy with her in a public space when she feels she needs him? Who knows? Maybe your little soapbox wasn't apparent on their landscape at the time.

No idea what this means, sorry Hmm
BungleandGeorge · 19/11/2020 23:33

If there’s a man in the ladies loos I want my daughters to know to turn around and head straight back out. Otherwise what happens when they go in there and there’s a man hanging around ‘waiting for his daughter’. They need to know it’s not normal and not acceptable. Nothing trumps the right to a safe space. I presume people are arguing otherwise for the sake of it!

Coffeeoverload · 19/11/2020 23:39

Also why would a 7 or 8 year old need their father to help them go to the loo in any setting? Confused. Do they have special needs? If not, that is incredibly odd...

GlummyMcGlummerson · 19/11/2020 23:41

@96315id

glum

Remind me why this is so hilarious?

Oh that's right. You're not actually laughing.

Because it's so deadly serious is one embarassed male parent supervises his little girl (who probably refused to go into the men's toilets) in Your Space. That is no laughing matter.

I doubt you wll change anything to your liking as you're clearly too busy typing fake emojis.

I just hope you never know what it's like to have a child sensitised to these issues.

Oh sorry miss I didn't realise I had to be sErIOus.

What's a fake emoji?

Your child being sensitive does it mean MY child should be put at risk. Pandering to sensitivities will do a child no favours. Over sensitive children are not an excuse for men to barge into women's spaces

AlwaysLatte · 19/11/2020 23:42

I have boys but if I had a girl I would be much happier with her being in a women's changing room than a men's. There needs to be more family changing rooms! Not nearly enough of those.

Coffeeoverload · 19/11/2020 23:45

@AlwaysLatte

I have boys but if I had a girl I would be much happier with her being in a women's changing room than a men's. There needs to be more family changing rooms! Not nearly enough of those.
Is that because there are no men in the women’s changing rooms by any chance...?
GlummyMcGlummerson · 19/11/2020 23:45

@96315id

curious to know how your DH would explain to DD why it’s fine for him to go into the female only changing rooms.

Because she knows she gets to have her daddy with her in a public space when she feels she needs him? Who knows? Maybe your little soapbox wasn't apparent on their landscape at the time.

Until she's 8, or however old she will be when she goes to the loo alone, when she won't have her daddy with her, but she'll have someone else's.
GlummyMcGlummerson · 19/11/2020 23:46

@96315id

If there's a men in the womens then it's no longer the womens and your kid is in the same boat in any toilet..

Oh what rubbish. One embarassed dad does not a Mixed Space make and well you know it.

Such rot.

That's exactly what it makes
Thehogfatherstolemycurry · 19/11/2020 23:58

I can't believe this is a question!
Men should not be in female spaces such as toilets or changing rooms full stop.
It matters not if they're with their daughter/son/great aunt Ethel or mother Theresa they have absolutely no right to be in there.
Women should not be in men's toilets/ changing rooms either.
If you have a small child of the opposite sex with you, you take them in the toilet of your sex.
It's not up for debate, it's not about not wanting your little princesses in the smelly men's it's about respecting the rights women have fought for.
If you don't like this teach your child of the opposite sex to go to the toilet without you or plan your outing to accommodate.
No way in he'll would I stand meekly by while a male decided it is his right to use the ladies because his small daughter may not like the mens.

BungleandGeorge · 20/11/2020 00:15

If you asked actual fathers whether they’d be happy for men to be in changing rooms/loos with their daughters I think you’d get an even stronger response than from the women here. Vast majority of men are very respectful and want to protect the women they care about ( and usually women in general).

LittleEsme · 20/11/2020 05:37

"CisHet"

Hmm
Soubriquet · 20/11/2020 05:52

@Incrediblytired

Why are 8 year olds in public toilets alone again? Seems odd. Neglectful.
Seriously?!

My dd has been going to the toilet on her own since she was 5. I stand outside the main door just in case she needs anything but she’s perfectly fine. As long as men suddenly decide they want to use the women’s loo with their 8 year old.

As for the question posed by what does a dad do if he has two children of different sexes, they go into the men’s toilet with dad unless they are old enough to use the toilet alone I which case the child goes alone into their toilet whilst dad waits outside

Posturesorposes · 20/11/2020 06:02

Hi OP
did you name change to post this or is this your first MN post? I’m sorry but it reads quite journalistic from your OP and given that no posting history shows one does feel inclined to think you’re looking for material or trying to get people wound up as this topic always does.

Whatwouldscullydo · 20/11/2020 06:59

Meh....its been done before.

Who knows, maybe if the question reaches an wider audience we night get an answer to what miraculous changes take place that means a man you don't want your lid to see or be around in the mens is suddenly perfectly fine to be around your kid in the ladies....

GlummyMcGlummerson · 20/11/2020 07:55

As for the question posed by what does a dad do if he has two children of different sexes, they go into the men’s toilet with dad unless they are old enough to use the toilet alone I which case the child goes alone into their toilet whilst dad waits outside

I was more asking people who thought that being with girls meant dads HAD to use the ladies, I wondered if they thought boys must use the ladies too