Man taking 7-8 year old daughter into women's changing room

[bythere]

I was reading a reddit thread from the other month about a man at a martial arts studio taking his around 7-8 year old daughter into the women's locker room despite being told several times not to due to making women and girls uncomfortable. If anything, at that age she should be be fine in the woman's room by herself, although, he can maybe still take her into the men's room if necessary.

Has anyone ever had a man come into the women's locker room while you were there with a young daughter? Did you say or do anything if it happened?

[Incrediblytired]

I don’t want my little girl (age 3) in a men’s toilet with men pissing in urinals just because she’s with her dad.

To be honest if a man came into the ladies with a little girl I wouldn’t care. Just because we have private cubicles. If the men’s was all private cubicles it would be fine but it isn’t.

A public changing room I might care if there weren’t cubicles.

[Stompythedinosaur]

Dc who are young enough to need accompanying by an adult go to the toilet for the adult they are with. Surely everyone knows that?

My two dds have been to the toilet countless times with their df and appear unscarred by the experience.

If dp needed to change them as babies and their was no changing table he would have used a changing mat in the floor or change them on his knee, just the same as I would.

[notafanoftheman]

I don't get why it's better for young girls to see a row of cocks than for a man to see a row of closed doors and women washing their hands

[Nina9406]

@notafanoftheman @Incrediblytired exactly Jesus.

@Stompythedinosaur so its better for babies to be on a public toilet floor than go to the ladies where let's be honest, I've never seen something a man shouldn't see either?

[notafanoftheman]

yes ffs changing a baby on the floor rather than in the facilities is ludicrous.

[movingonup20]

The only time I've seen men in the ladies toilets is when the sexist planners of the building put the baby change only in the ladies, fair enough I thought (and he was more embarrassed than any of the women after all there were cubicles. All the swimming pools here have changing villages (mixed) which work fine

[whitianga]

This happens weekly at my sons swimming class. He's 5 so i bring him into the ladies and change him etc. There are two girls aged about 8 and 9 who faff around and take ages. Their dad ALWAYS arrives in after a few minutes. I can see his bind, they're too big to go into the men's with him but young enough to get distracted and mess around. Still, i wish he'd just stay out and accept they take ages.

There are also two boys of about 12 and a girl of about 9 (siblings i think). They all come into the ladies and it's just so inappropriate. There are girls of all ages getting changed and here are two prepubescent boys just in the women's changing room for no discernible reason. Swimming has been cancelled for months because of Covid but I'm going to say something to them when it starts back up.

I would have no problem with a man bringing a little girl into the ladies toilets as there are stalls and presumably if he has a child he's not going to die of shock if he hears a tampon packet opening.

[Martinisarebetterdirty]

My DDs always went to the gents with my exH or with DP - it was an active choice a lot of the time as there were shorter (no) queues and they could go quicker. I’ve asked DP if it’s grim and he says that the cubicles are generally empty and you can usher straight in and out.
I wouldn’t be happy with a grown man in the women’s loos - totally inappropriate unless no baby change elsewhere.

[PuddleglumtheMarshWiggle]

Happened to me twice. In a changing room that was mostly open, only a few cubicles.
The first time was an Asian man who insisted it would not be right for his 4 year old daughter to go into a room where she would be able to view naked men. It didn't seem to bother him that he would be viewing naked women changing. I talked politely with him to try and explain my point of view. When he didn't agree I then marched him out to the reception area and had the same conversation with the staff there. When they agreed with me he conceded.
The second time was a family, mother, father and 3 daughters. I questioned why there was a man there. The mother got very stroppy and insisted she could not change 3 girls all by herself. The father was very sheepish and looked like he didn't want to be there. I politely explained that there were family changing rooms and offered to show them where they were. The father came with me and thanked me. When I returned to the changing room the mother gave me filthy looks.
Thankfully my children are now all grown up and I avoid any family swimming times.

[ThePinkGuitar]

There needs to be more family changing and family toilets available. If Dh takes our 7 yo dd out I wouldn’t be happy with him taking her into the men’s toilets and what she might have to see (men going in the urinals) but not appropriate for Dh to take her in the women’s. I don’t think 7 is old enough to go off to toilets alone- sadly I read about many sexual assaults taking place in toilets esp fast food restaurants when kids are alone in toilets and targeted :(
So that leaves disabled toilets as a safe space Dh can take dd to again not ideal.

[bythere]

@GlummyMcGlummerson

I'd rather he took her to the men's, because he's a man and the rule is that you go to the toilet of the sex of the adult you're with.

That's what I definitely think. For one thing, the adult is sexualized while the child is not so people will be a lot more uncomfortable with an adult of the opposite sex than a small child.

He's take her to the men's since she was a baby - what do you think actually happens to little girls who go into the men's with their dads?

Hopefully, they just use the stall, he helps her if necessary with what she has to do, they wash her hands and that's it, they leave.

Another question @Nina9406 - what about changing rooms for swimming? Should men be able to go into the women's with their daughters?

I'll answer it. No, definitely not, this is in line with my first point above. Women shouldn't ever be in the men's room with their young sons either.

[JimmyTheBrave]

My DH hated taking DD into the men's because, well, men's toilets are gross. But he did it as he wouldn't feel right walking into the ladies.

[Alexandernevermind]

The sex of the changing rooms or toilets should be determined by the sex of the adult taking them. I couldn't in a million years imagine my DH taking my DD into the ladies. He respects the privacy of the women. So what if my DD saw a urinal or a willy, she certainly wasn't traumatised.

[GlummyMcGlummerson]

@notafanoftheman

I do not want my four-year-old daughter to go into the men’s with her dad and see men pissing in urinals thank you very much.

What if you had a boy? Would dad and son go in the ladies? If not why not?

[GlummyMcGlummerson]

@notafanoftheman

There is an obvious difference. Men piss collectively, women in cubicles. Genitals on open display on one side, not on the other.

Pretty sure all you see in the gents is men's backs, I don't think they point their genitals at people.

[Aroundtheworldin80moves]

Neither of my DDs were traumatised by going into the men's with their father. The only time he didn't was when he took them to the rugby, when one of his female friends would take them to the ladies as the men's was gross. He was picky with his toilets. Now they are a bit older (from 8&6) he sends them to the ladies and hovers outside the door trying to not look dodgy.

The only time I have ever seen a man in the ladies toilets was when both parents trying to deal with a child have a nose bleed. In that particular scenario there was nothing but sympathy for the parents.

[RufustheSniggeringReindeer]

I agree with glummy in this case, she’s said everything i would

[Temporary1234]

Yes I was in a changing room for a swimming pool.. with my two babies..

I was passing from the showers to the cubicles right get dressed and a man with his wife and baby just slowly passed through..

Apparently he is helping his wife with their baby.. even though there are baby changing facilities which were in the men’s section as well as ones that are seperate.


I was too uncomfortable to say anything.. just ran off..

[GlummyMcGlummerson]

My two dds have been to the toilet countless times with their df and appear unscarred by the experience

Mine too, although apparently it's horrific for little girls to see men's backs and smell unpleasant smells. Only girls though not boys, they're tougher

[GlummyMcGlummerson]

@notafanoftheman

yes ffs changing a baby on the floor rather than in the facilities is ludicrous.

Why? I've done it plenty of times, nothing happened. What choice do you have if there's no changing facility.

Honestly the eagerness of some women to hand over their rights and single sex spaces to men, because they may be otherwise slightly inconvenienced, never ceases to amaze me.

[SuperbGorgonzola]

No. My local swimming baths has male/ female changing for the main pool, and a large family changing room with spacious cubicles off the shallow pools.

It works really well, not only for M/F privacy but also meant that when I used to take my toddler and was trying to get us both dressed, I didn't also have to worry about looking dignified in the process

[Milkshake7489]

To be honest, this is why I prefer mixed facilities. I wouldn't want my daughter to have to walk past naked men... but obviously it's not fair on women to have their space invaded when there is an expectation of privacy (like in an open changing room) .

Ideally there should be separate male, female, and family facilities. But if space is an issue, surely one space for all with enclosed changing rooms is the only fair option?

[Whatwouldscullydo]

I dont know what people find this so hard.

Children up to the age given by the sign on the door use the facilities of the sex of the parent they are with . After that they go into the sex appropriate area by themselves.

Those worried about 9 and 10 ur old boys going into the mens by themselves well.... the are your husbands fathers and sons in there..maybe if you or their parents hadn't taught them to override the boundries of wonen and girls and think their needs are greater value than anyone else's well it wouldn't be such a worry now woukd it...

Break the cycle.

Children who are 10/11/12 who still need assistance and can't go by themselves as they aren't capable and I mean physically aren't capable, not that they muck about and its inconvenient, but actually not capable then they probably qualify to use accessible facilities

[Whatwouldscullydo]

Or just go somewhere that has mixed or family facilities until you are happy to use the sex segregated ones.

Its parents problem to solve not women and girls to solve for you

[Milkshake7489]

@whatwouldscullydo



I trust my husband, dad, and other family members implicitly. But are you seriously suggesting that it's a women's job to prevent all men becoming abusers?

What an amazing message: "sorry your 9 year old son was touched inappropriately by a stranger in a changing room but it's actually your fault for not managing men better?".

I would much rather you feel uncomfortable about sharing a changing room with a small child than see any child be abused because they weren't being adequately supervised.