Fuckkkkkkkk, I told DD the naughty kids get the headteacher awards and then she went and told the other kids 😬

[Allwhiteeverythin]

School run is going to be fun today ffs

DD came out of school last Friday upset the same kid had the award for the 3rd time this term. She’s had it once since reception. I lost my temper a bit and just said “oh did they just give it to the naughty kids to make them feel better you already know how to behave” .

Which she then repeated to the other kids at school yesterday . Teacher told me after school and said she hadn’t realised this kid had had it 3 times (naughtiest kid in the class obvs).

They’re going to go home and tell their parents aren’t they?

@ohnothisagain

Your kids go to a seriously fucked up school if awards are done like that.... If you genuinely believe that school rewards naughty kids, you have a much bigger problem when what some parents think of you..

Exactly.

There are normally threads on Mumsnet about how the children of PTA members/ school staff are treated with favouritism- for awards/ parts in school play/ not punished for bullying/ sports day etc.....

Does the school do this for other things as well?

Do ‘naughty’ children get parts in school play, made captain of sports teams etc?

@Caroncarona

difficulty with certain skills, is irrelevant- the point is that no child wants to be the ‘naughty kid’.

And whilst no kid wants to be the naughty kid, it's hardly helpful when the adults continue to reward this behaviour is it. Manage the behaviour. Not ignore the other kids who don't behave like that.

Isn’t “managing” behaviour by spotting, praising and rewarding the behaviour you want to encourage the number one lesson in child rearing?

to add to the pinboard full of certificates they already have is a whole different ball game.

Apart from the fact that middle of the road children don't have these things. They're largely ignored. But don't let that get in the way of a good story.

Many kids don’t get certificates for piano lessons or ballet lessons, trophies for sports they pursue outside school, badges for Cubs and brownies. They don’t take part in dance recitals, or chess club, they don’t do climbing club, gymnastics or martial arts, they don’t get pony club rosettes, or prizes for their garden on a plate in the village show .They don’t even get swimming badges beyond the basic ones they do in school. They don’t get their picture in the paper

In case anyone is now weeping because their DC has no pony club rosettes and hasn't been in the paper, I would just like to reassure you that my lack of all these things did not prevent me attending university, and I have also stayed out of jail. There is hope.

Isn’t “managing” behaviour by spotting, praising and rewarding the behaviour you want to encourage the number one lesson in child rearing?

To the expense of all the children? Isn't it possible to acknowledge the other children too? No?

I'm so glad I opened this thread to read with my morning cuppa.

200+ posts about teacher awards that no-one will ever remember this time next year and buns flying back and forth between adults.

I don't imagine even the kids could muster up this much of a shit to give and Fifawidow's overreaction wins the thread 😂😂

@5zeds

Yup I’m absolutely “shitting myself” that school are trying to help my child. Tell you what, let’s have your child blue lighted to hospital countless times, you sit up terrified that this time they won’t come back, you fill them with medicine that makes them struggle with a billion things they could do before, you watch them struggle to speak in class, you have that life because you know what? We’d love to be the one no one notices. Thanks for this. You’ve successfully moved the warm feeling I get from my award covered fridge that made me feel school was SO kind to another thing to have to not cry about. Well done.

Your situation sounds awful but that really isn't what posters are commenting on

Surely everyone who has had a child at primary knows that the naughty/challenging kids are given awards for making it through the day with hurting a classmate or throwing something at the teacher

You are way over personalizing.

DD is Y2 and DS is reception and both were in school-based nursery before that, so I don't have loads of examples to go on, but, whenever they have won star of the week, it has been in the first 2 or 3 weeks of autumn term. Can't be anything at all to do with their surname starting with a B...

I had this exact conversation last week with DD, when she was complaining that Jack got an award for not fighting in the playground for one (one!) week.

I tried to be kind about it, and say that sometimes kids need encouragement, and that's why they might seem to get more recognition, but ultimately the end result is that good kids like her almost never get recognition.

I wouldn't feel bad about it, and I certainly wouldn't apologise for saying something true.

Oh dear, better hope your dd doesn't get star of the week now!

@satnighttakeaway my situation is the easily empathised with version, which is why I shared it. Do you imagine the mum with the child who has less socially acceptable behaviour issues doesn’t feel the same way? Do you really think it isn’t heartbreaking to hear your child has panicked/lost control to the point of aggression? Of course there are also the children who’s parents don’t care at all, but we want them to get awards don’t we? We want someone to say well done to them in their lonely lives?

'You are way over personalizing.'

I'll say . . .

It's always been that way, I remember it from primary school because I won the award every week.

Disclaimer: I was actually too shy to be badly behaved so didn't need an incentive to be good.

The school awards system is on a par with Santa and the Tooth Fairy. The truth must not be told until your child is at least 23

Oh well if it's a middle class school in a nice village then you have nothing to fear.
The parents will be excruciatingly polite to you at all times whilst simmering with resentment and secretly sticking pins in a voodoo doll of you.

One persons “over personalising” is another’s honest sharing of experience. Sorry if it made you uncomfortable. We exist and aren’t particularly unique, but do crack on imagining everyone is exactly like you.

5zeds take your own advice and apply it to yourself.

All the kids know it anyway. I remember being given an award for “trying my best” when I came last in a race on sports day that I was forced into participating in! I threw it in the classroom bin... I knew it was a farce even then.

Oh, this is a funny thread.

I’m not bloody apologising, it’s true!

Good for you.

I'd be going "ups", but laugh it off.

Such awards are stupid, like attendance awards.

If anything, there should be several awards for consistent good behaviour, and most improved behaviour. But, IMO, teachers should be able to encourage and foster interest in their classes, and good behaviour without turning it into a competition that some children can never win.

I wouldn't worry. Plenty of parents think the same, and you're probably right. You spoke an uncomfortable truth. Tough it out!

Oh ffs. Why do people come on these threads and talk about their child who is usually the exception to the rule. Clearly I’m talking about neurotypical standard naughty kids. Not autistic kids. Not kids with medical issues. Not kids from alcoholic broken homes. Just fucking Jonny who’s mother meekly asks him 10 times to “please not splash everyone with the puddle darling” and then does jack shit when he carries on doing it. Jonny who thinks it’s hilarious to swing his bag around and hit everyone in the line with it but Mummy just asks him to stand nicely in her sweet little voice. Yes these kids do need discipline they need their parents to be adults not their friends.

Anyhoo, school run was fine. If DD gets star of the week I shall display it proudly and post all over Facebook

Think mix up came from having 2 teachers and a few supply because of Covid

I would have laughed my head off - its always the squeaky wheel as they say

Many kids don’t get certificates for piano lessons or ballet lessons, trophies for sports they pursue outside school, badges for Cubs and brownies. They don’t take part in dance recitals, or chess club, they don’t do climbing club, gymnastics or martial arts, they don’t get pony club rosettes, or prizes for their garden on a plate in the village show .They don’t even get swimming badges beyond the basic ones they do in school. They don’t get their picture in the paper

Many children who behave in class don't do these things either.

They do question what is the point in doing certain things in school.

It's only now as adults after doing some professional in-work training, they finally see the value of them.
Didn't matter for years I boosted them and their confidence. It simply wasn't the same. And let's be honest, when we grow up and start working, and do something worth it in work, we enjoy that moment of limelight from our peers. Why should it be different for them simply because they are children?

In some ways it was worse for them as their older brother used to get rewarded for doing the most "mundane" thing in school because in the words of one teacher - he has sn. And funnily enough when I moved him elsewhere that didn't reward for basic class stuff, he's behaviour started to improve. And when he did get a reward he felt he had actually earned it. That boosted him a lot more than having them handed out like sweets.

He didn't want to be singled out because of his health. He wanted to be treated the same as others. The difference also added to his confusion (ASD, adhd, and more)

It's not the teachers fault, it's down to the government and the training they have deemed acceptable. And unless it's recently been added, teacher training doesn't include SN. If they are lucky they might get some placement in a sn schools/school with SEN. SN school I used to be attached to, would have an endless stream of student nurses. But student teachers? No.

How old are the children?

If you otherwise rate the teacher, I wouldn’t doubt who the heck she gives the award to. I would trust her. You are trusting the teacher to teacher and look after your child for 7 hours a day. So I would trust her choice for star of the week!

You have no idea of the context; what this teacher knows about others children’s homework life etc, you don’t know the back story.
You made a judgment and then shared that judgment with your child, who then spread your judgment to others.

You were in the wrong.