Fuckkkkkkkk, I told DD the naughty kids get the headteacher awards and then she went and told the other kids 😬

[Allwhiteeverythin]

School run is going to be fun today ffs

DD came out of school last Friday upset the same kid had the award for the 3rd time this term. She’s had it once since reception. I lost my temper a bit and just said “oh did they just give it to the naughty kids to make them feel better you already know how to behave” .

Which she then repeated to the other kids at school yesterday . Teacher told me after school and said she hadn’t realised this kid had had it 3 times (naughtiest kid in the class obvs).

They’re going to go home and tell their parents aren’t they?

just be kind.

No. It's hardly kind to the kids who do manage to hold it together. My kids have a number of things on your list. It doesn't give them an excuse to be naughty. Or disrupt the class so other kids can't learn. As some kids are just naughty. So no. I won't just be kind.

My DDs in year 2 and never had the headteachers award/star of the week, ever. When I've pointed it out to the headteacher I get told not to be silly everyone gets it at least once a year. One boy in the class has had it twice this half term, and 6 times since March (they carried on with them during home learning).

I've given up trying to get one now. I doubt she'll ever get one.

It's not fair that some children get them all the time. I'd apologise for saying it but still think it.

I have a child that is on the side of difficult and one who is amazingly behaved all the time. My 'difficult' child does get rewarded more and tbh it helps him. It spurs him on and the teacher sees this. My eldest sees this and he knows that some children need more encouragement than others and he accepts it. Just make a fuss at home.

Anyone who has an issue with what the op said obviously has children who regularly get the award and are now shitting themselves that their children are badly behaved

Fuck me. If some mums genuinely feel 'disgusted' - the actual meaning of that absurdly overused word - by this trifle, I'd suggest they don't Google 'Rohingya children' . . .

I used my own son as an example, but essentially any kid that is being described as ‘naughty’ will almost certainly have a reason for their struggles

Not so. Some kids just are naughty. Don't pathologise everything.

difficulty with certain skills, is irrelevant- the point is that no child wants to be the ‘naughty kid’.

And whilst no kid wants to be the naughty kid, it's hardly helpful when the adults continue to reward this behaviour is it. Manage the behaviour. Not ignore the other kids who don't behave like that.

Anyone who has an issue with what the op said obviously has children who regularly get the award and are now shitting themselves that their children are badly behaved

Yep they're all here, name calling or making excuses.

Don't apologise, hopefully the head will rethink how the do these 'awards'.

My DD1 and her friend worked out in reception that those children who didn't do what was expected, but got 'stickers' for doing the jobs. They even told the head teacher that there no point being 'good' as they didn't get a sticker and only the naughty children got stickers.

Anyone who has an issue with what the op said obviously has children who regularly get the award and are now shitting themselves that their children are badly behaved

Agreed. Some posters have taken it to heart it seems.

Not so. Some kids just are naughty. Don't pathologise everything

No one ever seems to realise that kids don't always find behaving easy. But they do it because that's what they have been taught through boundries amd discipline.

None of us sat back and did fuck all and revelled in our well behaved kids. We actually put the work in...

Now I know there are lots of kids with struggles etc akd I dont begrudge them praise akd rewards. It would just be nice if the other kids were recognised occasionally for their work and their behaviour. Especially when you don't think twice about using them as behaviour management

Our primary school was actually pretty good at weeding out the kids. Any reward had an element of 'best behaviour' attached to it - that's different to 'good behaviour'. Best behaviour can look very different in a loved, listened to child without SEN etc. So DS's best friend, who is autistic, got a reward in year 5 for taking a lead role in a school assembly. He was a very shy child so putting himself forward was a real challenge for him.

The reward was great but the experience showed him that he could do it and that people didn't laugh at him (his big fear). He was voted in as year head boy in the secondary school that he and DS goes to because he put himself up for it. That little reward attached to the bigger experience proved to him that he could do it.

On a different note though. My DS was having low level bullying from a girl in his class when he was in year 4. Just stuff like hiding his book or taking his pen. We went through how to handle it with him and I chucked in 'oh don't worry about X, she's just a moaning minnie' to make DS feel better. Fast forward to year 5 and I was a parent reader. Had this girl as a reader - she'd grown out of the hiding stuff phase. She said to me 'why am I a moaning Minnie?' So I just explained that I'd said it to make DS feel better because she had made him feel bad. Lesson learned by me.

Oh course this happens. It happens all the time and continues in secondary school. DH is a teacher in a secondary school and can give good and bad behaviour marks. One of the categories for a good behaviour mark is 'improved behaviour' - basically not being disruptive and is reserved for the nightmare kids who occasionally decide to have a lesson off acting like a tool once in a blue moon. DH refuses to give good behaviour marks for what is expected behaviour for every one else. Get used to it.

One of my sons has ADHD & gets “certificates” if he’s been attentive/engaged in learning. He isn’t naughty, just struggles to apply himself but these little incentives do make him feel motivated. I do think you’re right OP in that rewards/incentives are given out by teachers to children who struggle but they should also be given to kids who try hard anyway so I wouldn’t worry too much about what you said. Most parents will probably agree with you even though they may not be vocal about it.

My friends son got 'merit awards' almost every week from school especially for his reading. She thought he was doing really well and he was regularly given extra pocket money from his gran as a reward. It wasn't until his younger brother came home with the same reading book that she found out he was 2 years behind. The teacher told her the merit awards were given to encourage the children that were falling behind.

When DD2 was upset in reception about never getting star of the week, DD1 (6) sagely advised her that it was no use doing good work all the time. She needed to do bad work for a few weeks and then some good work!

Yup I’m absolutely “shitting myself” that school are trying to help my child. Tell you what, let’s have your child blue lighted to hospital countless times, you sit up terrified that this time they won’t come back, you fill them with medicine that makes them struggle with a billion things they could do before, you watch them struggle to speak in class, you have that life because you know what? We’d love to be the one no one notices. Thanks for this. You’ve successfully moved the warm feeling I get from my award covered fridge that made me feel school was SO kind to another thing to have to not cry about. Well done.

The DCs will have already worked it out, they aren't daft.

I'm all for encouraging better behaviour in those who struggle but 3 times in one term is ridiculous, people notice.

I worked in schools where this was the norm and I kept a list to make sure each child got it at one point, maybe twice.

Yes these do my head in aswell child naughty 95% of the time then get rewarded for that 5% good behaviour to encourage it what about the kids who are good 95% of the time in the hope for the reward.

@OrigamiPenguinArmy

It certainly happens, and sooner or later the children suss it out for themselves if a parent doesn’t bring it up earlier. In the short term it’s incredibly frustrating when your well behaved, hard working child is overlooked yet again. However in the long term the well behaved, hard working children generally go on to do well at secondary regardless of star of the week prizes at primary, but the encouragement of the star of the week might just be enough to tip the balance for the other children and get then to engage with school.

This.

For many kids the star of the week certificates they got in primary school is it in terms of being recognised and having your name written on something even if it is a photocopied A5 sheet.

Many kids don’t get certificates for piano lessons or ballet lessons, trophies for sports they pursue outside school, badges for Cubs and brownies. They don’t take part in dance recitals, or chess club, they don’t do climbing club, gymnastics or martial arts, they don’t get pony club rosettes, or prizes for their garden on a plate in the village show .They don’t even get swimming badges beyond the basic ones they do in school. They don’t get their picture in the paper, they don’t get granny phoning up to say well done, they don’t get mummy giving them an extra hug and saying how proud she is.

They also tend not to get GCSE certificates ,multiple ALs, degree certificates, post graduate awards, professional qualifications........

No, that tatty piece of A5 stuck on the fridge , not even lovingly laminated and stored in a folder, is the sum total of their recognition. I can understand classmates being peeved because kids don’t often see the bigger picture, but resentful and spiteful parents who think their own child is being deprived of some game changing life enhancing accolade to add to the pinboard full of certificates they already have is a whole different ball game.

Only one naughty kid?

I’d be pretty unimpressed at a teacher saying she hadn’t kept track of who was getting the award. What does that say about the rest of her teaching?

You’ve successfully moved the warm feeling I get from my award covered fridge that made me feel school was SO kind to another thing to have to not cry about. Well done

give over with the gas lighting.

What @ShinyGreenElephant said!!

Covers it all basically.

@Allwhiteeverythin I have known your frustration but don't judge someone else's child. Nobody knows what goes on in any house and I really hope the winning child's Dm doesn't have fragile mental health.

Wow, things have sure changed since my primary school days! (1950s). As far as I can remember, we had house points as a reward system, and the ruler or the cane as punishment. Not saying that it was a better system, but there were approximately 40 children to a class and very few instances of bad behaviour.
You worked as hard as you could, to keep out of trouble, and I don't recall any kind of bullying.
These reward schemes of 'star of the week,' and 'traffic lights' seem very wishy washy to me.
But if schools can't actually punish children nowadays, they only have these systems to fall back on, so they should at least make them fair.
It seems to me as if times have swung too far in the other direction since my schooldays.