Fuckkkkkkkk, I told DD the naughty kids get the headteacher awards and then she went and told the other kids 😬

[Allwhiteeverythin]

School run is going to be fun today ffs

DD came out of school last Friday upset the same kid had the award for the 3rd time this term. She’s had it once since reception. I lost my temper a bit and just said “oh did they just give it to the naughty kids to make them feel better you already know how to behave” .

Which she then repeated to the other kids at school yesterday . Teacher told me after school and said she hadn’t realised this kid had had it 3 times (naughtiest kid in the class obvs).

They’re going to go home and tell their parents aren’t they?

You aren't wrong though, I've said the same to my DC. One of them asked me point blank why the kids in trouble all the time get the rewards

DS sussed this out when he was 5. He announced he would start being naughty then start being good so he could get a class certificate.
I quickly put him straight (Although he had a point) and emailed his teacher to warn her.

@Caroncarona

Because his disability is neurological you all think it’s ok to mock his struggles to your children, in order to make them feel better about themselves. What lovely young humans you must be raising.

It doesn't mean your child should get the reward every week though does it. And not all the naughty kids have autism, and not all kids with autism are naughty either ffs . And my kids weren't coasting. They worked hard just to keep up. It would be nice if that had been acknowledged for once too.

I didn’t, and would never, describe any child as naughty. I pointed out the experience of one of the kids that has been described as ‘naughty’ and the impact it has had on him. I sincerely hope that the efforts your children put in are acknowledged, as should the efforts of all children be. But it is depressing to read the attacks in this thread on children like mine when I know he has fought his way through every day and is doing the best he can with the skills and circumstances he has.

If it makes you feel better, at least it came from you.
One of mine got fed up with it one year during an assembly and in attendance were parents 😂
And of course the damn assembly was filmed.

An award for what? Going more than an hour before threatening to batter someone.

Things did change, It was something that everyone commented on around the school before the outburst. Some awkwardness between a few teacher who rewarded bad behaviour and myself, I just let them moan amongst themselves (It was one of the schools at the time I was delivering some training at )

My DC had actually spent much of that week (at the request of the teacher) sat at a little table in the corridor with 'Billy' teaching him the basics of fractions!

Ha yes...the only time the invisible kids aren't invisible. When they are needed fir something.

Pity there's no " buffer zone of the week" certificate

That is not how awards are handed out at our school at all. What disgusting attitudes on this thread. How patronising and unkind to the children receiving these awards. My son has had a couple for excellent school work and being conscientious. My son isn't a 'naughty child' just a normal child that tried particularly hard with his work that week. Such elitist mums on here at tunes in their elitist village schools. My DC go to a rough area school with an excellent offsted. The kids are often from underprivelsged backgrounds and those little children's behaviour is by and large excellent. The school is extremely well run and very hot on order and discipline. It's often the little 'anabelles and felix' s' behaviours that are the worst because they're used to no discipline and having everything their own way.

I wouldn’t worry about it too much. It’s probably true and the other parents will know it. You just said (admittedly wrongly to your dd) what many others are probably thinking. This kind of thing happens all the time. I’m a secondary teacher and we use an online awards points system. Once the kids have enough points they win a badge. When I checked the points for my form last week and gave out badges I noticed some of the most challenging kids have the most points and won badges while other kids who are good all time have fewer points. Teachers will give them a point whenever they do something good to try and encourage that type of behaviour more often, but this often seems unfair to those who are good all the time (and they’re right). I gave some of my good, but quite form members some form teacher points to bump them up a bit because I now they deserve them.

@ThatIsNotMyUsername

When I was at school it wasn’t like this at all. The ‘naughty’ kids were punished and the ‘teachers pet’ got the awards and ‘nice jobs’. Was that just how it was in the 70s?

I was at school in the 70/80s, and that is how it was. When I think back to my primary school with its classes of 36 in a very mixed demographic area it was the children from the MC side of the tracks who got picked for everything and won the awards. There were children with behaviour issues too, who regularly got caned for their behaviour. With hindsight I’m pretty sure most of the regulars for the cane would be diagnosed with some kind of SEN now.

I don’t like the way the quiet “middle” children get overlooked (I say that as the parent of one). However I’d take the current system over the one from my childhood in a heartbeat.

Haven't read the whole thread but just popping my head above the parapet to support you OP. Our school has a similar problem, we noticed DDs naughty cousin getting a lot of star of the week awards, 4 in one term in fact. As her mum worked I would be the one to collect niece from school so I got all the behavioural talks from the teacher "just to let you know little X had an argument today with Y" etc so we KNOW for sure she was naughty in school. And my sister told me the outcome of parents evening where behavioural issues were raised.

Meanwhile my DD is getting upset that she tries hard but never wins awards. After a glowing review at parents evening I gently raised it with the teacher and she openly admitted they give the star of the week to encourage the kids who are struggling and have made small improvements, and they don't need to give any to my daughter "because she is doing really well"

I kid you not, that shit is real OP even if posters in this thread have come at you for saying it. After that the teacher seemed to spread out the awards more and I think she started keeping a list as she realised it was demotivating some of the better behaved kids.

My son gets the 'headteacher award'...i never realised it was for naughty kids haha! So naive..don't worry OP, I wouldn't mind, most mums will be too busy to mind..xx

But it is depressing to read the attacks in this thread on children like mine when I know he has fought his way through every day and is doing the best he can with the skills and circumstances he has.

Its not an attack on autistic kids though is it. There's a world of difference between an autistic child whose behaviours are down to that, and a child is badly behaved. Or should people just shut up and not talk about their children's experiences? Just as you find it depressing, I do too, for my own children who do not have autism but are still trying their best with the skills and the circumstances they have been given.

DS sussed this out when he was 5

Mine too. I was actually really proud (more than if he got "ON GOLD") because he's not the sharpest knife in the drawer, but in this case he showed a firm grasp of the blindingly obvious.

That's horrible thing to say. I bet you love to 'discipline' don't you....

Yep same at our school. Poor DS is the quietest in the class and misses out every year. He sometimes gets one at the end on June/beginning of July.

If only there was another way of promoting good behaviour in kids who need extra support.,.. 🙄🙄🙄

At least you didn't say "they got the award because their mum demanded they be given an award, not because they earned it".... Sadly that is most likely the truth in my experience.

I'd be having a word with the teacher if your DD is being passed over, they generally give the awards to all kids over the year and keep a record of them t make sure no one is missed.

One boy in my DS's year got an award for 'kindly shutting a door' as they could think of no other reason the naughty boy deserved an award surely not true you'd think.

Who cares if the kids go home and tell their parents, its nothing in the scheme of things.

OP your post made me snort my cereal.
That is how the awards work at my kid's school! Pretty sure I've had the "those awards are meaningless" - if the kid who ripped a cupboard door off its hinges last week and almost broke someone's nose flinging equipment around has got 8 awards in one half term, whereas my sensible girl has got none when she works her hardest every day and behaves, then it's not her (or me) being jealous - it's completely unfair and just creates a sense of how arbitrary and ridiculous things are

Awards are given to children in the carrot/stick approach to getting the kids to behave. If they have to be disciplined all the time, then it starts to wash over them, so the teachers try to make them see how nice it is to get praise instead of criticism.

Oh, except the added bonus that if you are an aggrieved parent, if you email the teacher to tell them little Johnny/Janet is upset by never getting an award, the teacher will promptly find a reason to give them one that week.

I've told my DD a slightly different version, which is that the teacher knows she has grown out of them. Ain't gonna be no headteachers awards at secondary school. She knows she is doing well if she does her best every day. And this is a lesson unfortunately that life isn't fair, sometimes it's really stupid and unjust.

@Walkaround

Does Star of the Week actually have a positive effect on children’s behaviour? Has anybody ever researched whether behaviour and self-esteem of children is generally better in schools which do this every week than in schools which don’t? It certainly doesn’t seem to make parents very happy, nor the children who can’t work out what to do to get such an award.

It had a very negative effect on one of mine who has SN due to the lack of consistency. He'd do something expecting an award, even just a sticker and he wouldn't always get one. He didn't understand because he'd done the thing, just the goal had been changed. This would then spill into home life if they'd haven't managed to diffuse the situation.

There is research in the area of behaviour and self esteem, not sure if it covers school reward systems.

Mumsnet really is an elitist little clique now isn't it? I'm so glad I didn't send my children to a snobby elitist village school.

@Allwhiteeverythin

I’m not standing up on the zoom call and screaming FIX when they announce Jonny has the award again for “effort”. These aren’t kids with alcoholic parents who need a crutch, they’re little sods with indulgent parents

Please don't say that. That is really horrible. What you are really saying there is 'their parents aren't hard enough on them'. When children often hit out (for example) when they themselves have hit out. They bully when they are bullied. Not all, but alot.

You sound really horrible, sorry.

I have to agree my son only ever once got the nursery Teddy bear home the day he had melt down (anger not upset) and eventually stopped. I remember thinking what the fuck poor kid was the best behaved child imaginable and used to wonder why his friends got it mostly 2 little shits then came home pleased as punch because he got it once he stopped screaming his head off he never got it again.

Fucking annoying. Thankfully when we moved house he moved to a school who doesn't only award badly behaved kids for moments of good behaviour but each kid is looked at individually and gets what they work for.

If it makes you feel better, I've done worse. Years ago, when I had my PFB, I was a bit precious about always telling him the truth. So, I told him that Santa was a real saint, and he had done loads of really kind things, so when he died, there grew up a tradition of remembering him and it was all parents really. Or something like that, I forgot the exact wording, but basically Santa had been real, but died a long time ago and this is how we remember him. He was very happy with this.

Then, when he was about 6, he told his whole class that Santa was dead, and it was definitely true because his mum said so. That went well.

About the awards, I do agree that it is a shit system. Either it rewards bad behaviour, or it is always given to the kid the teacher likes the best. There doesn't seem to be a way to do it fairly, so I would far rather they didn't do it at all. After the Santa incident I probably wouldn't have told my kid that though!

@Caroncarona

But it is depressing to read the attacks in this thread on children like mine when I know he has fought his way through every day and is doing the best he can with the skills and circumstances he has.

Its not an attack on autistic kids though is it. There's a world of difference between an autistic child whose behaviours are down to that, and a child is badly behaved. Or should people just shut up and not talk about their children's experiences? Just as you find it depressing, I do too, for my own children who do not have autism but are still trying their best with the skills and the circumstances they have been given.

This is not about autistic kids specifically, I think you are missing my point. I used my own son as an example, but essentially any kid that is being described as ‘naughty’ will almost certainly have a reason for their struggles. Whether that is autism, living with neglect and deprivation, dyslexia, difficulty with certain skills, is irrelevant- the point is that no child wants to be the ‘naughty kid’. They are struggling. Just be kind.

Savourysenorita how so? You can't just say that with no explanation and just disappear off.

This is funny and I'd probably have done the same

Well it’s true! What the issue?