Can I just invite you to have a laugh at my exh? You'll like this.

[WankPuffins]

Received a text this morning telling me that he's going for "full custody" of Ds as I've flouted lockdown rules for the second time that he knows of by having a visitors in the house.

He's contacting a solicitor this afternoon.

I.cannot.Stop.Laughing.

My Ds is 18 next week

Oh god, he's such a twat. I really, really hope he does speak to a solicitor this afternoon about custody of someone who will be an adult in ten days time. I'd love to be a fly on the wall for that.

I've had thirteen years of this shit since we separated. He's never let up.

(For those interested, in April he was on the phone to Ds. Ds came to ask me something and he had to wait a second while I finished my conversation. His father heard another woman's voice in the room and reported me to the police for having someone in the house. That woman was my independent midwife over for my 28 week check and blood tests).

This time, he was talking to Ds online, the door went and I shouted to Ds to get it as I was changing the baby. He told his dad he just had to open the door for someone. He went mental again, hence the text. Oh and no one came in this time, it was FIL dropping off a some pain meds for Dh, all socially distanced, he dropped them at the door and said hi to ds from the end of the drive. No rules broken either time).

Hahahaha. What a nob. That did make me laugh thank you OP.

It sounds like someone is having a hard time with somebody else moving on. Congrats on your baby!

Men who claim they want "full custody" I find are usually actually just paying lip service, they couldn't care less about custody they just want revenge and to be awkward as possible.

I often look at my prick of an ex and just the thought of him makes me want to curse, he's an annoying bastard who has been brain washed by right wing media and has been telling the kids COVID is a scam to get Biden in power but at least he never went down the road of "I'll get full custody", never fought me, he happily does his EOW and half the school holidays and generally keeps out of my way. Still a thick cunt though.

@Winterwoo

Gosh why are there so many idiots like this. My ex ran off with another woman while I was pregnant, visited the baby a couple of times then stopped coming - he didn’t ask to see him once in nearly a year.

It became apparent that he was telling people that I wouldn’t let him see the baby so in order to maintain the lie he took me to court claiming I was stopping him seeing our son. The judge was not happy at all with her time being wasted with a fabricated case my barrister wiped the floor with him.

He kept trying to say I’d refused mediation, and it had to be pointed out to him repeatedly by the judge that I had told the mediator that we didn’t need mediation as he was welcome to see him he just had to ask. He tried to stop the court case mid session as he decided he wanted to come to an out of court agreement as it wasn’t going his way. That day in court was actually worth the £1000’s it cost me

Oh God, what an absolute shitshow. Every single one of these stories leaves me speechless and I have no idea why because it's clearly so very very common! I had a court application to "maintain the lie" too. Ex had emailed DS's school to say he didn't want to see him anymore and could they let me know. Some 18 months later somebody questioned him on it and in order to maintain his story of "parental alienation" he made a court application citing this. It didn't go very well at all for him. They've seen it all before, these twats are ten a penny! I hope you and your DS are OK!

@TheFormidableMrsC @RandomMess
This is a great article debunking the common myth that women are guilty of parental alienation

www.google.co.uk/amp/s/theconversation.com/amp/parental-alienation-the-debunked-theory-that-women-lie-about-violence-is-still-used-in-court-125823

Now Let me tell you all a little story I've told on here before - a friend of mine split with her emotionally, physically and financially abusive H. He did the whole "I want full custody" - she agreed to EOW and wednesdays at first, very reluctantly (but you wouldn't believe how 'reasonable' you have to show yourself to be for the family courts). So he turns up to school one Wednesday pissed as a fart. He drove to school drunk. The teacher refused to hand over the kids as he was pissed. He assaulted the teacher. Was arrested for assault and DUI. This was after he'd been questioned over assaults against my friend, as well slashing her car tyres and bricking her parent's window.

Anyway, she took him to court for a non molestation order after he was sending hundreds of texts a day, some threatening. she got the order, and full custody. He could see the kids in a contact centre. Shock horror, he didn't show up. Went to court again - my friend got sole custody. This is how shit of a man and father he is - he isn't even allowed to see his own kids as ordered by a judge! Do you know how hard that is to get?

Anyway, it's quiz time now. Multiple choice.
Q: what do you think this man tells his family, colleagues, mates down the pub etc about why he doesn't see his kids? Is the answer:
A. "I'm a dangerous, violent alcoholic screw-up who, despite proving myself to be dangerous, was offered the chance to see my boys yet didn't turn up to the appointment"
B. "That fucking bitch has poisoned them against me, she's alienated me because she has a new boyfriend, fucking cow. And the family courts are set against men!!"

Take a guess. And take a guess which people are willing to believe.

My friends story is not that unusual. So maybe (and this is to the whole of the thread not just those I've tagged) next time you hear of a man whining about parental
Alienation, unless you've lived in their house with them, and been privy to every conversation, take it with a huge pinch of salt.

Shame about the lack of question marks. I was going to suggest you send a few back yourself op

Good post GlummyMcGlummerson

My exh decided we had to go to court because I wasn't detailing in writing every moment of dd's week for him (little bit busy you know, being a single parent). While we were there anyway I thought it would be fair to offer some form of midweek contact as nearly two weeks is a long time for dd to go without seeing or speaking to her dad (he had every other weekend).
Refused a midweek eve on the basis of no money for bus fare.
I then offered telephone contact instead. His answer in court - "that won't work because the line might be engaged".
He now lives in Aus and only ever sends my dd the odd photo here and there of his other children in their private school uniform, playing musical instruments etc. How thoughtful.
Obviously he doesn't give dd a single penny, never has paid maintenance. But she does get one parcel a year with a fucktonne of sweets in it so that makes it all ok.

Sorry to disappoint those of you who asked but there was no conversation. It was put in a letter to my solicitor from his. My solicitor read it out to me, she read the phrase, "My client has informed me of his intention..."

My solicitor said, "That means his solicitor doesn't think it's a good idea but he is insisting on including it".

I have another one from a relative in Australia.

The system is different there and this was a number of years ago so could have changed and could be different in different states.

My aunt had divorced and had custody of the children. The amount of maintenance had a minimum set by law.

Her ex had moved to another state and refused to give her a telephone number so she only had a work number and fax number (remember faxes?).

He started paying the maintenance one day later each month, she noticed this and thought, "He's going to miss a month eventually", and formed a plan.

Well he did miss eventually and it also happened to be the December payment.

So she sent a fax to his office, stating that the maintenance for his 2 children was a month late and what the amount was.

He was furious and phoned her, but didn't miss again.

Now you may say that is some dickhead shit but in my mind the worst (on some levels) thing he did was fuch up the children's rubix cube.

I went to visit when I was 16, my cousins were really excited because they had been told I could solve a Rubix cube (early 1980s they were 6 and 8) so I started to solve the rubix cube and it became apparent that someone had moved the stickers and the cube could not be solved.

I asked who had solved most sides and it was the dickhead father who had managed 4 sides.

Yep he'd left two children with a cube they couldn't solve just so he could beat them in the number of sides completed.

OP

My mind has evil thoughts sometimes, I'm currently wondering if we could all send your ds 18th birthday cards, but c/o his dad?

The really dickish thing I am also thinking is that at least 1/2 of the cards should sat something like, "Here's a £10 to buy your first legal pint" but not put the money in.

I'm having coffee, my evil thoughts will subside as the caffeine increases.

I could have written much of this thread myself. My ex didn't like that I called him out on his parenting because my dd who was 6 at the time was so upset and anxious about going to his I stopped it- turned out she was getting questioned all the time about every detail of my life. There's a massive backstory involving DV, alcohol and an emotional affair.

We went to court turned out there were many incidents regarding dv and alcohol with his last gf. Then July this year that gf got a non mol against him and kicked him out. 2 weeks later final hearing in court and he got ordered no contact.

Then a week after court he died in his sleep from alcohol abuse. Obviously it was hard to tell an 8 year old her "dad" had died, but since then she's really come out of herself, she's happy, confident and not once panicked about anything. I have got married and for the first time in 11 years feel safe.

These men! This thread is hilarious and sad in equal measure. My exH created a completely fictitious actual spreadsheet to “prove” that he was the main care giver. He would turn up and shriek on my doorstep if the dc (well into their teens) didn’t want to go and play happy new families at his house. Has reduced maintenance through every loophole known to twats. I find that going grey rock on him is most satisfying for me, and doubtless most aggravating for him.

Op. I hope your son knows his dad doesn’t get him presents? He’s a dick.

@GlummyMcGlummerson

I was friends with the woman who alienated her DC from their Dad. Sadly she was mentally unwell and she had ended the marriage to go off and be "free" I was much younger then her and would go on nights out where she was out looking for an affair partner 🤦🏼‍♀️ The DC wouldn't even believe the social worker/Cafcass officer at the time that their Dad paid maintenance!! It's very rare but it does happen and as I said the Mum had a long history of mental health issues. The Dad had always been very hands on and involved and it was devastated when the eldest DC refused to come and no mobiles back then.

Anyone that talks about psycho exes is dodgy her ex husband didn't ever use that term and I had been well aware of her MH struggles before then but not that it was far beyond depression she was more a fantasist with delusions of grandeur type if condition

My exh was like this. Would make up excuses why he couldn't visit. These excuses werent told to me but to a three year old. DS hasn't seen his dad in nearly a decade.

[quote AcrossthePond55]@TheFormidableMrsC , I would love to hear from you.

All of these 'crazy Ex' stories remind me of why I didn't 'disobey' my exH and get pregnant even though I badly wanted a child. I thought it because I was so afraid of him. But it reality it was the Hand of a Benevolent God saying "Not so fast. The right time will come!".

It also reminds me of how eager most men are to share 'crazy ExWife' stories with the various women in their lives to get their sympathy and make themselves objects of pity. Women, on the other hand, share them with other women as a source of support for and understanding of each other, to remind us that we are are strong.[/quote]
That last paragraph is very insightful!

@RandomMess yes it is very rare, although re your friend how did she alienate the dad if she "went off" to be free?? It's rare but sexism allow me men to peddle the myth that they have a "psycho ex" when actually she's the one raising the kids alone because either he's not interested or doesn't care.

The cat took one look at him & puked grin - excellent judge of character

I wheezed laughing at this. 😂🙌

@AlwaysCheddar

Op. I hope your son knows his dad doesn’t get him presents? He’s a dick.

Yes, he knows. He's level headed though and says "it's just stuff anyway". But you know, it's the thought behind a present isn't it, rather than the actual thing.

Her parents were heavily involved and for the first few years he had the DC loads and indeed full time when she was in hospital. Then over time it just got worse and worse and the eldest child I suspect couldn't cope with the pressure from Mum basically telling lies and it was easier to not see him and she was about 12/13 and they decided to stop enforcing the court order as she was so distressed. The much younger son carried on for a few more years but again it became obvious that he got a hard time over going and he was very distressed

I read the reports from what would now be Cafcass, I knew both parents and their wider circle of friends it was utterly tragic all around.

I know it's forbidden on Mumsnet but not all Mums are good and innocent. Sadly it seems that most (or is it most?) fathers disappear after a split and rewrite history and then there are the likes of the men mentioned on here that are just in another league altogether!!

My ex and I managed to co-parent pretty well with the odd contentious thing thrown in that was very hurtful but even then I know my ex truly believed he was acting in DDs best interests and had been taken in by her biased view and his desperate desire to not be like his mother!!!

Didn't hear another thing from him after the "?"

So I'm assuming he didn't go to a solicitor, which is crap because it would have been hilarious to see how enraged it made him to be told no.

If that had have happened yesterday, believe me he would have found something, anything to punish me with by now.

@RandomMess I know somebody who alienated Dad too. Well I know Dad and I helped him with his court application and supporting statements. Mum was very firmly put in place and now the child is older she's made up her own mind and spends most of her time with Dad. It is very rare, I agree, but definitely not unheard of.

@WankPuffins

Didn't hear another thing from him after the "?"

So I'm assuming he didn't go to a solicitor, which is crap because it would have been hilarious to see how enraged it made him to be told no.

If that had have happened yesterday, believe me he would have found something, anything to punish me with by now.

I so so hope he does consult a solicitor. Please do keep us posted!

A while ago I was contacted by CMS, they wanted to know if I would be ok with shutting down my claim for CM, now, dd is now 28, married with her own child, she has not seen or heard from her 'father' since she was 17 months old, he went 'missing' shortly after he left us, after telling me that if he was ever to send me money that I should use that specific note to pay for things for dd I tried to contact him through his parents, they 'did not know where he was' , thye never contacted their grandaughter, never a present, call, nothing, thye lost all contact.

anyhoo, dear ladies, I have just recieved £1700 from CMS hahaha, (I know, its a fucking pittance!) dear lord that must have hurt though!

The telling DC that they are paying loads for them seems to be a running theme with these useless wastes of skin isn't it.

When I got divorced, everyone kept saying, ooooh don't bad mouth him to your DC as they will be scarred for life.

Then twatface (referred to as tf from hereon), told my DC that he was paying hundreds for them. My eldest then demanded I buy her stuff as daddy paid lots of money for her to have said expensive thing.
So I sat her down and told her how much money I (occasionally) received from her father, then I pointed out it was for both her and her sister, then every time we went to the shops, and did basic grocery shopping I would point out that the food she chose was half paid for by daddy for her and her sister, it took one shop before she felt utter disgust at her father. She also started thanking me for buying her clothes and books and things as she quickly realised how much money things were costing.
It's made her very good at budgeting now as an older teen.

This has also been why I never ever agree when people bang on about not telling DC what a wanker their deadbeat parent is. As it only gives said deadbeat parent ammo to turn it around and demonise the parent who is around and doing the donkey work.

My older DC have no relationship whatsoever with tf. They have occasionally expressed a wish that DH was their 'real' dad, but I point out that would have been a different them and not the girls I adore. Also they're the one amazing thing that came out of that marriage so I could never be sad about it.

I am always banging on about Mums telling their DC "age appropriate truth" about deadbeat Dads it's not the same as bad mouthing them and it's important for them to have the information and skills to acknowledge that their Dad is somewhat lacking and not a reflection on them or anything they have/haven't done/said and so on.

Lots of asking the DC what they think and letting them contemplate the varied answers they come with.

@SeaToSki

Can solicitors start adding a stupidity charge to their invoices 😁. Oh and one for time wasting and another for excessive texting over non issues...this list could go on and on

We refer to it in my firm as the "pain in the arse supplement"

This has also been why I never ever agree when people bang on about not telling DC what a wanker their deadbeat parent is. As it only gives said deadbeat parent ammo to turn it around and demonise the parent who is around and doing the donkey work.

Agree with this. I didn't badmouth my ex to my daughter as I genuinely wanted her to have a good relationship with him, despite him being an abusive prick. But as a teen she worked it out for herself that he's a prick. He was so controlling of her that it led to panic attacks when she was due to see him, culminating in her eventually stopping contact when I helped her to stand up to his bullying. She sees him very occasionally now, using the pandemic as an excuse not to go. But she has openly said that when she goes to university next year she will never see him again. Part of me wishes that I was more honest with her when she was a bit younger as it might have saved her years of anguish and feeling like she should see him as he is her dad.