Can I just invite you to have a laugh at my exh? You'll like this.

[WankPuffins]

Received a text this morning telling me that he's going for "full custody" of Ds as I've flouted lockdown rules for the second time that he knows of by having a visitors in the house.

He's contacting a solicitor this afternoon.

I.cannot.Stop.Laughing.

My Ds is 18 next week

Oh god, he's such a twat. I really, really hope he does speak to a solicitor this afternoon about custody of someone who will be an adult in ten days time. I'd love to be a fly on the wall for that.

I've had thirteen years of this shit since we separated. He's never let up.

(For those interested, in April he was on the phone to Ds. Ds came to ask me something and he had to wait a second while I finished my conversation. His father heard another woman's voice in the room and reported me to the police for having someone in the house. That woman was my independent midwife over for my 28 week check and blood tests).

This time, he was talking to Ds online, the door went and I shouted to Ds to get it as I was changing the baby. He told his dad he just had to open the door for someone. He went mental again, hence the text. Oh and no one came in this time, it was FIL dropping off a some pain meds for Dh, all socially distanced, he dropped them at the door and said hi to ds from the end of the drive. No rules broken either time).

This has also been why I never ever agree when people bang on about not telling DC what a wanker their deadbeat parent is. As it only gives said deadbeat parent ammo to turn it around and demonise the parent who is around and doing the donkey work

I agree with this too. I've started being less careful with my language now that DS is nearly 10, however, he really has started to see his "dad" for what he is without any prompting from me. I have had the odd occasion where he's said "dad gives you lots of money for me" when actually dad chucks £100 a month my way when he is in a household and runs a business that is paying £40K a year in school fees for OW's child. I no longer nod and smile, I just say "dad doesn't really contribute to the cost of bringing you up and I need to save for expensive things for you". DS seemed quite shocked the first time I responded with that.

I have responded to ex's general shite parenting by saying "some people just don't know how to do the mum or dad job properly so it's a good job you've got a mum who does". You can't keep covering up for these pricks forever in my view!

@itsme

Obviously it was hard to tell an 8 year old her "dad" had died, but since then she's really come out of herself

similar situation her with Step children. They're mum was truly awful to me and OH, harassment and generally being a PITA plus constantly letting the kids down. She died because of her alcoholism and as sad as it is for the kids to lose their mum, they new total stability for the first time in their lives and have thrived since. Obviously they mourn her and miss her, but we can see in the 3 years since she passed that they are overall more settled.

I did consider contributing to this thread with tales of her twattery but I can imagine it being used as proof that "woman are as bad" when this thread really doesn't need that as she was truly (and thankfully) a less common case of maternal fuckwittery.

oh gosh, so many errors in my post. I need more coffee and a quick recap of English Language classes 😂

[quote TheFormidableMrsC]@WankPuffins Oh it's OK, that really is a very small snapshot of the last 7 years of my life dealing with this twat who left me...not the other way round...but has behaved like a knobber ever since, bit like yours!

We're in court again on Friday for round 954. He's moving 500+ miles away next year, because OW bought a house in the middle of the Scottish mountains or something so that she could have him all to herself and not have to worry about his annoying son. No doubt we will never see him again. I'll be buying champagne [/quote]
@TheFormidableMrsC Want to bet he'll expect you to drive DS to see him?

@sueelleker He can stick that where the sun doesn't shine! He's already told me that they "have" to move there to get away from us what he means is that OW is desperate to put distance between him and DS. I won't be driving anywhere, I can assure you! I can't see this lasting really. They went on a 2 week holiday to Scotland and the house was bought by OW weeks later. She and he are impulsive. I doubt much thought has gone into this. It is also a controlling relationship where she has him fully dependent on her. Fuck that. I find it quite amusing now really!

[quote TheFormidableMrsC]@sueelleker He can stick that where the sun doesn't shine! He's already told me that they "have" to move there to get away from us what he means is that OW is desperate to put distance between him and DS. I won't be driving anywhere, I can assure you! I can't see this lasting really. They went on a 2 week holiday to Scotland and the house was bought by OW weeks later. She and he are impulsive. I doubt much thought has gone into this. It is also a controlling relationship where she has him fully dependent on her. Fuck that. I find it quite amusing now really![/quote]
She sounds just as much as a wanker as he does. Perfect match!

MrsC I always think your ex has to believe you are some freak psycho and altogether spawn of Satan in order to convince himself he didn't make the biggest mistake of his life leaving you and ending up in his current relationship!!!

It must internally kill him if he ever lets himself ruminate over the actual truth rather than the fiction he chooses!!

She sounds just as much as a wanker as he does. Perfect match!

Ha ha ha ha ha! You're not wrong there!!

@RandomMess

MrsC I always think your ex has to believe you are some freak psycho and altogether spawn of Satan in order to convince himself he didn't make the biggest mistake of his life leaving you and ending up in his current relationship!!!

It must internally kill him if he ever lets himself ruminate over the actual truth rather than the fiction he chooses!!

Oh @RandomMess if I had a pound for every person who has been told I am a psycho but has realised very quickly that isn't the case, I'd be a very rich woman!

Imagine being the sort of person who stops a small child being with his father while his mother has surgery for breast cancer...and being the sort of man who goes along with it because he's too scared to put his foot down.

I wouldn't want to be either of them. It's a bloody good job that I'm the person I am really!

We refer to it in my firm as the "pain in the arse supplement

We call it dickhead tax

anyhoo, dear ladies, I have just recieved £1700 from CMS grin hahaha, (I know, its a fucking pittance!) dear lord that must have hurt though!

Christ that must have stung!! Ha ha ha!

friend of mine is chasing just under 10k from CMS and is in court soon for the rest of what he owes her. There is court ordered anti harrassment and he is claiming she has a live in boyfriend as men have been "visiting" her at odd hours and he has photographic proof.... he just keeps shooting himself in the foot all the time.

His twattery is breathtaking and this is a tiny tiny piece of the fucking fandago he has been leading her.

It beggars belief why they play all these silly games.

My sister in law on the other hand has the total opposite. She split from her long term partner when their Ds was 2. They grew apart (had been together 15 years prior to having a child).

They are brilliant. Her Ds lives with her and her ex just comes and visits anytime or takes Ds to his, works from home so picks Ds up from school everyday. He has Ds over night whenever the child asks to and they split weekend and holidays according to what they are up to. They live very near each other though and were insistent that he had one bedroom and not split his life between two homes.

He pays maintenance but also pays for school trips/stuff/clothes if he's the one to see the message first, notified something needs replacing or if SIL asks him to pick something up. They both have new partners now and they all get on great but both made it clear that their child and the relationship with that child's parent was very important. Of course they have the odd disagreement but they sort it out like adult. Neither play games and their child always comes first.

Now if everyone could be like that, the world would be a better place! They have handled it exceptionally well though and it was far easier as there was no DV or affairs behind the split.

I do envy her sometimes!

I’m always cautious of men who call their ex’s psychos and tell me that they can’t see their children because ex is withholding contact

@WankPuffins

I dare you to text him on your sons 18th and say "well it's been a pleasure knowing you but now DS is a legal adult and is now in charge of his own legal decisions and as you don't have to pay maintenance there is no longer a reason for further contact between us;best wishes;Wankpuffins"

Then block him on everything and enjoy your life without anymore of that wank stains input.

Let's face it;he was never going to have your son at 13 moving in with him as I doubt his 2nd wife would want the step son permanently.

It's absolutely awful that he&his family wont acknowledge your DS on birthdays etc;it just shows what horrible people they are.

And as for your ex;it's really odd that he seems well abit obsessed with you and your life after 13 years and when he has a wife?,tbh he sounds very much like a narcissist.

[quote popsydoodle4444]@WankPuffins

I dare you to text him on your sons 18th and say "well it's been a pleasure knowing you but now DS is a legal adult and is now in charge of his own legal decisions and as you don't have to pay maintenance there is no longer a reason for further contact between us;best wishes;Wankpuffins"

Then block him on everything and enjoy your life without anymore of that wank stains input.

Let's face it;he was never going to have your son at 13 moving in with him as I doubt his 2nd wife would want the step son permanently.

It's absolutely awful that he&his family wont acknowledge your DS on birthdays etc;it just shows what horrible people they are.

And as for your ex;it's really odd that he seems well abit obsessed with you and your life after 13 years and when he has a wife?,tbh he sounds very much like a narcissist.[/quote]
You have no idea how much I'd love to do this.

But exh is so melodramatic.

"But we neeeeeed to discuss university" "we neeeeeeeed to discuss him coming to visit (Ds. Can't drive yet and train fares to his dads house are extortionate and it would be an 8 hour journey rather than meeting halfway which is two hours).

I am also mental, unstable, crazy ...... the list goes on.

It would make me more unstable and unreasonable to block him (I've never been unreasonable and always said he could have Ds when ever he wanted for as long as he wanted, no court order or anything).

I will however be saying he's an adult now, discus with him and just keep repeating that.

Oh and Ds step mum can't stand him. She makes that clear to Ds and will not let them spend anytime together when he visits. She and her children always have to be involved. Ds stopped going when it turned into him sat on the computer on his own all weekend while they did "important family things".

I mean, if you only saw your kid once every few months, surely you would want to spend every second with them?

He's an adult. He can have his own conversations about uni / travel / whatever, you no longer need to be involved. I haven't spoken to my ex in any way at all since my DS turned 18 and it's been absolute bloody bliss

@WankPuffins

Oh and Ds step mum can't stand him. She makes that clear to Ds and will not let them spend anytime together when he visits. She and her children always have to be involved. Ds stopped going when it turned into him sat on the computer on his own all weekend while they did "important family things".

Oh that’s awful.

And your ex is a spineless. He has all week to spend time with his “family”. He should turn round and tell her he’s spending ONE day with his ds if he cares that much

@Soubriquet he's a spineless twat. Whenever I asked if he'd like Ds one weekend, or for a half term it was always "oh I'll have to check with x, see what she thinks".

I'm sorry, but no one on earth would get to tell me if my child could come and stay with me or not.

If my Dh had a child from a previous relationship it would be up to him to see them whenever he wished, I wouldn't expect to be consulted in what should be the most important relationship in his life. And I certainly wouldn't encroach on their time together!

@WankPuffins Best of all he has to carry on paying maintenance until September and he will be nearer 19 then, bet that hurts him 

Once, on the way home from collecting my DC from contact, we drive past Primark.

DD (aged 6) pipes up from the back seat
'Daddy said you need to stop buying me crap from Primark and buy nice things things like he does'

He doesn't have a job and lives with his mother, she's the one that buys the Next and Joules stuff.

I don't think he expected her to repeat it to me and his response to me repeating it back to him was 2 days of abusive rambling over messager.

@RandomMess he stopped paying in May when Ds college term finished as Ds was going to take a year out of college and work (because of covid he couldn't find anything so decided to just stick out his course for another year). He couldn't wait to stop paying. It was always a private arrangement.

I couldn't be arsed to try to get him to pay again when Ds decided to re enroll in his course in august.

I was just relieved that he couldn't hold his money over my head anymore to be honest.