Can I just invite you to have a laugh at my exh? You'll like this.

[WankPuffins]

Received a text this morning telling me that he's going for "full custody" of Ds as I've flouted lockdown rules for the second time that he knows of by having a visitors in the house.

He's contacting a solicitor this afternoon.

I.cannot.Stop.Laughing.

My Ds is 18 next week

Oh god, he's such a twat. I really, really hope he does speak to a solicitor this afternoon about custody of someone who will be an adult in ten days time. I'd love to be a fly on the wall for that.

I've had thirteen years of this shit since we separated. He's never let up.

(For those interested, in April he was on the phone to Ds. Ds came to ask me something and he had to wait a second while I finished my conversation. His father heard another woman's voice in the room and reported me to the police for having someone in the house. That woman was my independent midwife over for my 28 week check and blood tests).

This time, he was talking to Ds online, the door went and I shouted to Ds to get it as I was changing the baby. He told his dad he just had to open the door for someone. He went mental again, hence the text. Oh and no one came in this time, it was FIL dropping off a some pain meds for Dh, all socially distanced, he dropped them at the door and said hi to ds from the end of the drive. No rules broken either time).

I think the emoji you need to send your Dickhead Ex is this one 🍀(just one more than every ?)

Lol what a knob

@Dontforgetyourbrolly

Tell him your little boy will be happy to drive him to the solicitors office for the custody meeting !

😂😂😂

@ancientgran

I was really lucky in that once my ex got over the anger at me leaving, took a few months, we agreed that we didn't want to make solicitors rich so had an amicable divorce. I had to see the judge as he was unhappy that we had no formal agreement about access, I told him due to ex's shifts and children's activities we couldn't make a rigid timetable of access. I persuaded him to agree to it but he made it plain he didn't believe it would work as "it never did." We honestly never had a disagreement about it. We hardly spoke from that moment on so I can't say it was friendly but it was stress free. Children were 10 and 12 and would make the arrangements about where they wanted/needed to be.

We split everything 50/50, he didn't have a solicitor but mine wanted me to "fight" to get "everything." He assured me he could get me the house, I said, "Why do you think I want my children seeing their father in some grotty bed sit and us still in our nice 4 bed house?" He didn't have an answer.

It's always so interesting hearing about other people's divorces.

I didn't even have a solicitor, we had no formal child arrangement or maintenance in place.

Exh just filled in some forms, sent them off and in a few months we were divorced. I had no part in it.

He had the affair but he divorced me on grounds of adultry because after I moved out I went on a date with an old friend. Like I said up thread, I couldn't have given a shit if he'd said I was a murderer, it made no difference to me how it happened, I just didn't want to be married anymore.

He's a prize dick though and if I had tried to take any of his precious money or laid any claim on the house he would have fought me over Ds and wouldn't have let me move 200 miles away home.

I just let him keep the lot so I could move without a fuss. People have said I'm crazy - I ended up in a hovel on benefits for a while - but life is far too short. He would have made my life hell.

He got to keep all his precious money and material things but I got my Ds.

@Cherrysoup

Honestly, *@WankPuffins* you no longer need to be involved in the organisation of contact etc. You can step away. Reading this thread makes me think your ds could organise himself from now, he’s 18. Let your ds deal. You don’t need to be in touch with annoying idiot ex. Unless you want to be?

@Cherrysoup no I don't want to be.

But to get Ds to see his dad, until he learns to drive himself I have to give him a lift halfway. Otherwise it's an 6 hour, extortionate train journey to get there. And if Ds arranges it he would still have to go back and forth as he can't arrange dates when I'm free to drive him half way. So it's just far quicker to arrange dates between us rather than Ds.

I do want him to see his dad. No matter how much of a dick he is, I don't want it to damage Ds in anyway.

And as lovely as Ds is, he's a typical lazy teen. I don't want him regretting not seeing his father one day because he was too lazy to arrange it himself.

But yes, there is a stopping point in me helping out with arranging to see him - most definitely when he leaves college next summer. Then it's fair enough to say I'm having no more part in it.

Also, I've had friends in the past who have had a difficult time as adults due to their parents having no contact or absolutely hating each other. Stress over weddings etc. I worked with someone who had a child born very ill and had the stress of having to stagger her parents visiting the hospital. They couldn't even grow up then.

So I've always tried to keep things nice on my side at least. Mainly because ex is such a drama queen, I can just foresee the future and I don't want my Ds to deal with the hassle.

For example, I always send Ds with a Christmas card.for ex, his wife and step children from me and my family, make sure that Ds buys them all a little gift at Christmas. I aways make sure to wish his step children a happy birthday in the past when he text to remind Ds to call them.

I've had people say that makes me a mug but life really is too short for bullshit. None of that is extended to me but whatever. I'm just doing what I can to try and make Ds life a little smoother in the long run. I never want him to think he has any ill feeling on my side to take into account in the future.

I have the ? ?? Texts too, it’s hard being the bigger person all the time isn’t it?

@HeyChubbee it's amazing how other people use the same tactics. Is there a secret book they all read? "How to get divorced and be an absolute prick in ten easy steps"

Yes, it's exhausting. But I can hold my head high and say without doubt that I've never done anything to harm their relationship and that I've gone out of my way to make sure Ds has been as unaffected as possible.

I’m beginning to think that there are only variations on a theme when it comes to men.

Op I think you have an excellent attitude about your xh. I feel misunderstood though. My xh abused me so I don't at all comply with being 'decent' for the sake of the children.

@OhioOhioOhio

Op I think you have an excellent attitude about your xh. I feel misunderstood though. My xh abused me so I don't at all comply with being 'decent' for the sake of the children.

Oh Christ. Fuck being decent to them when there is abuse involved.

My ex was just a jumped up pillock who couldn't keep it in his trousers. If he'd have been abusive it would have been a very different story.

i unfortunatly do know someone who stoped their ex seeing his kids because he left her

she did eventually have a breakdown and it still goes on he has to go to court but nothing ever happens to her because shes classed as vulnerable

all he wants is to see his kids regularly

My husband will tell anyone that listens that he wants the kids “50/50” despite having now where to see them, moving a round trip of 2 hours away and complaining bitterly about every aspect of having to see them for the pitiful amount he does already.

I’m always at men who insist that they want to see the kids more. I’d LOVE a break from mine, and most women would have to have very very good reason to stop the ex seeing the kids.

And whilst I am at it, my friend’s brother is also one that wants to see his kids - but only on his terms in his chosen venue at almost no notice and with no account taken of the other activities his kids do. But he’ll tell you it’s his ex stopping him.

ex told people how I was stopping him seeing the DC. Didn't mention he terrorised them and couldn't bring himself to be nice to them during an hours contact at a supervised contact centre.

Also ex in our case only became interested in contact once CMS started being deducted from his salary,, then he sent a letter stating he wanted the children eight nights a week.

@frazzledasarock

ex told people how I was stopping him seeing the DC. Didn't mention he terrorised them and couldn't bring himself to be nice to them during an hours contact at a supervised contact centre.

Also ex in our case only became interested in contact once CMS started being deducted from his salary,, then he sent a letter stating he wanted the children eight nights a week.

8 nights a week

I'm sorry but that's so funny. What a twat.

I know! I still can't work that one out.

My ex told everyone he gave me £300 a week child support reality he was giving me nothing now he gives me less than £7 because he claims universal credit and states he does not work 😑 he also has many many migraines and his car breaks down a lot then tells people that I stop him seeing the kids its fucking exhausting somedays

You’ve described my ex husband, OP.

Unfortunately between him and my daughters father and horrible reaction to an antidepressant my ex husband now has my son. I’ve not seen him in over 3 years. The only contact I’ve had indicated that he had, as I knew he would, projected his own vile attitude towards me onto our son.

So glad your ex wasn’t successful in poisoning your son.

What an absolute vile man he is.

I am, in a weird way, slightly relieved it’s not just my exh. His behaviour is the stuff of legends (legends where he contributes nothing more than court ordered to, tells the older child he had to leave because the younger one cried too much as a baby, told the younger one that exh would “like a nice house too but your mother takes all my money” (in fact as a single man who didn’t want shared custody he still had a third more after tax income than the 3 of us), introduced them to a new gf and then tried to take them on holiday with the old one (when inexplicably he had 2 on the go at the same time and the old gf had no idea and was paying for the whole thing). Etc!

Did you get a solicitors letter yet? 😂

Ha, no!

But co incidentally, I was just posting an update and then my baby needed feeding and it didn't save when my phone went it screensaver.

Anyway so I grew a backbone and sent him a text last night I may have had a drink

I said that as Ds is 18 at the end of the week then maybe it's an idea to communicate directly with him now. That I'd had a word with Ds (I have), and that he would be better at responding to emails and texts and actually answering his phone. I said I was still willing to give Ds a lift half way until he can drive or covid has done one (hollow laugh), but that is let Ds know what dates I couldn't do due to my younger children. But we are teaching Ds to drive, he will take his test when her can and that he will have a car - MIL has VERY kindly said Ds can have her small car when he passes his test and she'll upgrade then.

HE LOST HIS SHIT.

He called me shouting calling me all the names under the sun. I hung up. My Dh hears and it took me all that was in me to stop him calling ex and going mad. He called me a thick cunt. Said he was going to take this "all the way" and that this wasn't the end.

He's been giving Ds abuse, this evening. Telling him I'm a slut, I'm thick. Ds is really upset.

He also said it was my fault Ds was "thick fuck" because he's just like me.

I'm so upset for Ds.

Sorry so many typos, baby and one handed.

What planet is he on??

What exactly is he cross about? That he doesn't have a reason to verbally abuse you anymore?