Can I just invite you to have a laugh at my exh? You'll like this.

[WankPuffins]

Received a text this morning telling me that he's going for "full custody" of Ds as I've flouted lockdown rules for the second time that he knows of by having a visitors in the house.

He's contacting a solicitor this afternoon.

I.cannot.Stop.Laughing.

My Ds is 18 next week

Oh god, he's such a twat. I really, really hope he does speak to a solicitor this afternoon about custody of someone who will be an adult in ten days time. I'd love to be a fly on the wall for that.

I've had thirteen years of this shit since we separated. He's never let up.

(For those interested, in April he was on the phone to Ds. Ds came to ask me something and he had to wait a second while I finished my conversation. His father heard another woman's voice in the room and reported me to the police for having someone in the house. That woman was my independent midwife over for my 28 week check and blood tests).

This time, he was talking to Ds online, the door went and I shouted to Ds to get it as I was changing the baby. He told his dad he just had to open the door for someone. He went mental again, hence the text. Oh and no one came in this time, it was FIL dropping off a some pain meds for Dh, all socially distanced, he dropped them at the door and said hi to ds from the end of the drive. No rules broken either time).

Very sad state of affairs!!

Seriously I would just block him from your phone and emails to junk folder and let him be incandescent that you are ignoring him!!

I have a good relationship with my ex and we work very well focusing on our child. We didn't split due to DV or affair (I just fell out of love with him and couldn't face a life of "settling"). He is useless in some aspects and drives me fucking mental, but where DS is concerned he is a good dad and meets all his responsibilities without question.

OTOH my eldest has never seen her "dad" and I had to chase him through CMS to get maintenance. He doesn't want to be a dad even though he got married to a single mum and his stepdaughter (same age as DD) uses his surname. Cunt. Thankfully he has no input in DDs life, I can't begin to imagine the drama if he did.

Best of all he has to carry on paying maintenance until September and he will be nearer 19 then, bet that hurts him

I had to quote the guidance to back that up! Also went down well.

Oh God, the clothes. I would drop dd off in lovely, fitting clothes and she would be returned in old stained small tat.
If I had my time again I would change that! And would chase maintenance vigorously.
I am not at all smug that as an adult dd chooses to spend time with me and actively avoid her df

This thread has cheered me right up and I have another 16 years of this to go!

I am another one whose abusive ex threatened that if I leave he would go for full custody. He hasn’t seen him at all since February. He has never paid maintenance or let me have any of my things back from the house. He even bullied me into keeping paying my share of the bills on our old house after I left even though I had a baby to look after.

I am going to divorce him so will have to get in contact I am hoping he just buggers off. I don’t care about maintenance it’s not worth the fight.

Very pleased that lawyer change a dickhead tax to these men.

Love and solidarity to all the ladies on this thread.

@PumpkinWitchin the end, I walked away with Ds and the stuff I could fit in the back of a rental car. He fleeced me.

But I've got my son. He thought he won by getting the house and the money. My child is worth more to me than all the money or possessions in the world. It's sad when you think about it.

Here's hoping he fucks off as you wish

If ds is in education presumably father must support him into his twenties, but without the enjoyment of demanding as of right to see or speak to him even for a minute, ever, let alone 'full custody'?

@WankPuffins it is sad. I can’t imagine choosing anything over my child. It sounds like your DS has turned out brilliantly.

We’re you married ? My solicitor tells me I can’t actually walk away with nothing as the court won’t approve the divorce. I asked her if I could just say to him you keep all the money if you leave me alone.

@PumpkinWitchyea we were married. But I let him keep everything. I wanted to move back to my home city with Ds. He said he'd let me if I just walked away. He wouldn't have let me go if I'd have tried to take my share of the house/assets. He would have made my life hell. So I just left with Ds and shit all. It was all about money to him. I didn't have it in me to fight him.

Our divorce was a quick one. I just agreed to anything to get it over with. He divorced ME. When he had the affair. I couldn't have given a shit if he said I'd killed my granny by that point. I just wanted my ds and to be able to move on. Money or no money (I ended up on benefits).

Thank you all for sharing your tales and for giving me hope that there is light at the end of the tunnel!

I've only been separated from my ex for 1 year and I've already spent c20k on legal fees due to his fuckwittery. There's just no way of stopping them is there??

My ex is an idiot too. I will tell you do.rthing funny in return. We were married for 20 years and every birthday, anniversary of our engagement, wedding anniversary, Mother's Day and Valentine's day he always sent me a huge bouquet of red roses and Stargazer lilies (my favourite). After we broke up and I was divorcing him for cheating I kept receiving these bouquet s of flowers. I ignored for two years and have them to my neighbour. One day my son asked his Dad why do you still send Mum flowers? It turned out he had them set up with s local florist on a direct debit for the same dates and written comments on cards each year. He screamed and raged at me for costing him so much money on the flowers after we broke up.

caringcarer

That tickled me!

a) wanted all the credit without having to remember the dates

b) didn't't even have the nous to cancel.

In a way it's a pity you didn't know about this setup, then you could have just accepted them and given them away for the next 60 years . . .

@caringcarer; I've heard of men getting their secretaries to buy their wife's presents, but that takes it to a new level!

@caringcarer wow, that's actually a low! I bet he basked in the glory didn't he, without having actually put in any effort.

I'm so glad they continued to take his money.

Yes exactly, the sad thing is I thought he was so thoughtful until I found out what he had done. So I let him carry on paying.

Halthway through the thread but wanted to add my own lovely story.

My exh workplace were looking for people to take was voluntary redundancy. He volunteered so he didnt have to 'give me any money'. He stayed out of work since new gf eared more than him. Somehow he put in a claim for jsa and I was supposed to receive something like £14 every 2 weeks -for 3 children. It had to be in my account 4 days after the day he received his jsa. First he started putting it in at 5 or 6 days after. Then he started messing with the amount, sending amounts such as £12.76 one time then £13.02 the next. He was clearly having fun screwing with me again and it was one of his ways to remind me he was still in control (domestic and emotional abuse throughout the relationship and after). I called child maintenance to see if they could put a stop to it. They called me back and said my exh had pointed out to them during a call that as long as the payment was made within 3 days of the expected date and was within 10% of the amount he was meant to send then there was nothing they could do about it. The lovely manager apologised and said if there was anything he could do he would as he realised what an unpleasant individual my exh was and how rude he was to him on the phone. I shut down the claim the next day.

Just had a call from exH.
Complaining he couldn't get through to ds.
I said ds was on the phone to his (only, he has ASD) friend.
exH: 'tell him to hurry up then'. I said No: friend is listed as a 'protective factor' for ds' MH - he suffers from such bad anxiety that he appears to have epilepsy (he doesn't but that is how stressed he gets). Ds' has had a bad day so can take as long as he wants.

exH: 'I need to print out some work payslips which expire tonight & I don't know how so DS needs to do it now'!

How pathetic!

52 - I think your exH ("H" is for "halfwit") needs to last out and buy himself a printer (and also a conscience, but I doubt he'll get one of them very easily)

@Stormyinacoffeemug ex does this often. This morning I had enough and asked CMS to collect from tf themselves. It’s a pittance but he fucks around giving me less or paying late or skipping payments.

It’s a matter of principle for me now. The money doesn’t cover anything but my DD’s have a right rob financial from their useless father. And I get a little amusement at the thought he’ll be charged a percentage for being such an arsehole.

@SchadenfreudePersonified
I bloody bought exH one to stop this sort of crap (£30 from Aldi job)
but he has 'yet to set it up'. Tbf, he is useless with Tech (as am I)
I sometimes refer to Ds as 'family tech support' (he wants to work in tech). BUT I always ask him if it's convenient, always thank him, and always give him a small payment. exH does none of those things.
Ds is beginning to notice for himself now. Ugh!

Mine has indicated that it’s “not worth” him seeing the kids any more than he does because he would have to “do more than 104 nights a year to make a difference.” I’m divorcing him for his appalling financial abuse, funnily enough.

I was really lucky in that once my ex got over the anger at me leaving, took a few months, we agreed that we didn't want to make solicitors rich so had an amicable divorce. I had to see the judge as he was unhappy that we had no formal agreement about access, I told him due to ex's shifts and children's activities we couldn't make a rigid timetable of access. I persuaded him to agree to it but he made it plain he didn't believe it would work as "it never did." We honestly never had a disagreement about it. We hardly spoke from that moment on so I can't say it was friendly but it was stress free. Children were 10 and 12 and would make the arrangements about where they wanted/needed to be.

We split everything 50/50, he didn't have a solicitor but mine wanted me to "fight" to get "everything." He assured me he could get me the house, I said, "Why do you think I want my children seeing their father in some grotty bed sit and us still in our nice 4 bed house?" He didn't have an answer.

This thread has really made me laugh, I’ve bloody got one too! I’ve always had the firm belief that one day the children will figure him out for themselves but unfortunately my silence is allowing him to successfully run his narrative (“mum’s an evil liar, took you away from me” ... you are all probably aware of the drill, sigh) so I think I may start asking for their opinions on his actions soon as suggested upthread.

Honestly, @WankPuffins you no longer need to be involved in the organisation of contact etc. You can step away. Reading this thread makes me think your ds could organise himself from now, he’s 18. Let your ds deal. You don’t need to be in touch with annoying idiot ex. Unless you want to be?