My mum is really angry about her Christmas card

[ChooseYourLameName]

I sent mine out early this year (I know, I know). My mum got hers today, earlier than expected since I sent them 2nd Class.

She doesn’t often answer her phone but she did today, I rang for a quick chat. She said ‘I got your card, thanks’. She sounded really disappointed (she’s either a really thrilled, happy as a button person or is really down in the dumps and snappy). I said is everything okay, she said ‘well it wasn’t a nice card, was it?’

It was part of a multipack, granted But I thought there were really sweet, with a snowman and red car with a tree on top. I said that I thought she’d like it, they’re just a little gesture. She said ‘Yeah well thanks’.

She then said ‘got to go, really busy, I’ll call you later’. She never does call later though.

Was I really CF for sending a multipack card? Can that be offensive if the person is an important person in your life? I just wanted to do something nice, to let people know they were in my thoughts.

I’m really hurt by this. I know I need to get a grip and I’m probably the silly one for thinking a cheap little card would be well received when people will probably bin it when they get them

Dh family do "to a wonderful special X" and get them sent (even to relatives they don't like) by 1 December 😂 I have never understood this lunacy.

@RuthW

I'd be quite upset if dd gave me a card from a multipack.

How utterly ridiculous. Why would this bother anyone at all?

Anyone who whinged about getting a multipack card from me would never get another.

Um, do you think the 'multipack issue' is definitely why she was off with you, OP?

If it's Xmas related, do you think maybe she's interpreted you sending a card in the post as you planning not to see her between now and Xmas (when you'd give her a card in person)?

I agree that the showier the present or card the worse the people tend to be sometimes! I only did it for my late mil and family to keep the peace ( she had to have it sent by post too even though we went round there every week!) was accused of being ' tight' to just take it round there.
She was hard work . I am determined not to do this at all to mine. It makes you resent people so much!

@ExplodingCarrots

I've found the older generation can be really precious about Xmas cards. DHs side of the family are awful for it. ' Can you believe the audacity of Jenny*, she sent me a poxy card from a box, shows how much she cares' - is what Ive heard numerous times over the years. I refuse to spend ££ on cards now. Your mum probably sounds similar , but she sounds very rude. You done nothing wrong OP.

Rather a sweeping generalisation about 'the older generation' there? It's clear from the comments on this thread (presumably from people of a wide age range) that attitude to cards, like most things, is very varied, and age has no relevance. Some of us oldies do have other things to occupy us you know!

@XiCi

I wouldnt think it was 'rubbish' badguyduh. Just they're the type of cards that you send to work colleagues, neighbours etc. I wouldnt give one of those to my mum. It's just part of my Christmas ritual that I put a bit more thought into family cards. Funnily enough for the last few years my mum has told us not to bother as she has kept our cards from a previous year and just puts the same ones up again

Haha! She sounds great. So really though, is the difference that it's got 'to mum' printed on it or has a witty jokey message? Someone on the last thread said they do individual "witty" ones for friends, which I can see the point of.

I think the difference is, I put thought into the design of the multipack cards I buy, and make sure it's nice, so all people can get a nice one.
I don't buy crap ones for some people and nice ones for others.

I think all cards are a waste of time and resources and just fill up land fill.
I send them , but I was thinking of not bothering this year for Christmas other than really close family. Maybe just donate to the food bank or local charity.

I learned something new. I always thought a card was a card. But apparently if your mass produced card hasn't come individually cellophane wrapped instead of in a box with others, it's an insult?

Thank fuck I never send any cards to insult people with...

@ExplodingCarrots

I've found the older generation can be really precious about Xmas cards. DHs side of the family are awful for it. ' Can you believe the audacity of Jenny*, she sent me a poxy card from a box, shows how much she cares' - is what Ive heard numerous times over the years. I refuse to spend ££ on cards now. Your mum probably sounds similar , but she sounds very rude. You done nothing wrong OP.

Oh, here we go with the 'Older Generation' crap.

We are all individuals you know.

OP, your mum was being a bit unkind but is it usual for you to send a multipack one or a special one?

I'm old and I'm not bothered about cards!
To some it is a big thing which I don' understand at all but then not everyone is like me.

I've no idea as to your general relationship but lots of people seem more touchy than usual about minor stuff atm. If you think she is having a tough time and want to make her happy / cheer her up, take it on the chin and buy her a cutesy card online to make her feel special. I wouldn't escalate it by making a thing of it, if you're really peeved maybe just try and let it pass you by.

My mil used to moan about the 'cards out the box ' from family she didn't see from one month to the next!
Too much time on their hands.

OP you say you don’t normally send her a card

So now you, shes pissed off?

Sorry but she sounds a right PITA.

@ChaToilLeam

I always send multipack cards, quite normal in my family, nobody expects anything different. She’s being daft.

This. I didn't know that multipack cards were not seen as good enough by some people! I've seen the individual ones and wondered about them...

She sounds incredibly shallow.

@PeggyPorschen

I get irritated though when I receive a non-charity multipack card, like the packs of 40 cards for 99p you used to get at Clintons. If you're going to send Christmas cards, it ought to be for a good cause.

MN is an entire world entirely

I'd rather buy a park for 99p and make a genuine donation to a charity than feeling all superior because a couple of pennies will go to a charity when I buy over-priced pieces of cardboard.

Yes and there are cards sold in shops where a percentage goes to charity but it doesn't say so on the card.

However, I go for pretty, understated cards without soppy verse and that includes the 'special' ones. I've also personalised cards myself and they've looked as good as if I bought them that way.

Nevertheless I accept not everyone is card mad. My mum always bought a box from somewhere like WHS or Sainsbury's and everyone she sent or gave to got the same, including me. She would look at the pictures and think, "Oh that will be nice for.....", but no more than that which didn't bother me, even though I bought a 'Mum' card for her which she loved. It was the same with my in laws.

Wow. I didn't even know this could be a thing anyone could get upset about . You learn something daft new every day,

My late mil would get upset about nothing at all! Difficult and narcissistic.
Cards being the tip of the iceberg.
She would find fault with everything going.
I'm sure the op's mum isn't this bad but it's amazing what people become wound up about.

I was wondering if this was a class thing too - it's not generational, my parents would think I was joking if I got them one of those cards with a poem inside and 'to a special mum' or whatever on the front. In fact, my parents don't usually get a Christmas card at all, I only send them to people I won't actually see at Christmas, like more distant relatives, and they get a (nice) charity multi-pack one.

Her response was OTT and unnecessary. However I’d never send super close family members a card from a multipack. It’s not as personal imo.

I don't think people should be upset about it, FixItUpChappie. The person who sends the card often gets more fun out of it than the recipient:-). Amongst younger people I have noticed that card sending is less fashionable, they prefer to send silly pictures on the internet and that's OK. It's the same with sending holiday post cards. These things slip in and out of vogue.

When I pop my clogs I wonder what will be done with the box of nice, new, some unwrapped, Christmas cards I have which I top up each year because I can't resist a particular design. A charity shop will probably be glad to have them and my wrapping paper. My list has got smaller in recent years.

A class thing? Maybe I have delusions of grandeur when I sling a box of cards in my trolley?

My mum doesn’t get a card unless it’s a kid related photo one or one they did from school. Otherwise I don’t bother! I think cards bad for the environment and don’t bother with them.

I've never sent my mum a card.

I don't send any cards nowadays - but I only ever used to send them to keep in touch with long distance friends you wouldn't be seeing over Christmas. It seems weird for me for family to expect one.

I’m surprised by some of the responses.
I think it’s hurtful not to send a “Mum” card and strange to send a Christmas card in the middle of November. Advent doesn’t even begin for another 2 weeks, let alone Christmas.