My mum is really angry about her Christmas card

[ChooseYourLameName]

I sent mine out early this year (I know, I know). My mum got hers today, earlier than expected since I sent them 2nd Class.

She doesn’t often answer her phone but she did today, I rang for a quick chat. She said ‘I got your card, thanks’. She sounded really disappointed (she’s either a really thrilled, happy as a button person or is really down in the dumps and snappy). I said is everything okay, she said ‘well it wasn’t a nice card, was it?’

It was part of a multipack, granted But I thought there were really sweet, with a snowman and red car with a tree on top. I said that I thought she’d like it, they’re just a little gesture. She said ‘Yeah well thanks’.

She then said ‘got to go, really busy, I’ll call you later’. She never does call later though.

Was I really CF for sending a multipack card? Can that be offensive if the person is an important person in your life? I just wanted to do something nice, to let people know they were in my thoughts.

I’m really hurt by this. I know I need to get a grip and I’m probably the silly one for thinking a cheap little card would be well received when people will probably bin it when they get them

It’s the thought that counts. Ungrateful woman. I don’t usually do cards, but IF I do, they are from a multipack, and probably from a couple of years before hand.

I don’t think she’s necessarily being ungrateful. Maybe she’s feeling a bit down at the moment. Often you feel a bit paranoid when you feel low and receiving a card which was just one that was being sent out to everyone, made her feel unimportant.
I feel a bit like that too sometimes at the moment tbh. X

@Barney60

Cards in my family/circle are important, More so than a present, we keep special cards. If my daughter gave me a card from a multi pack id be upset too but, it depends what you wrote in it more so.

Yeah, we all keep special cards too. It’s a huge deal for our whole family. Found one recently while sorting out a memory box from a young relative (older than me but only in her 40s) who died tragically this year and it was lovely to see the special message she’d hand written inside and how carefully she’d chosen her cards for us all. She was really kind and thoughtful. She usually couldn’t afford gifts but the cards meant more anyway. Her children found a similar memory box of special cards amongst her belongings following her death. There’s a lot of people on this thread, I realise that won’t get this one bit and who may laugh and sneer at me over it but I genuinely don’t care. They make my loved ones feel more special and it’s such a small effort to go to, it’s worth it for me.

She's being ridiculous. My Dad always used to make a big thing of getting an individual Xmas cards and fancy birthday cards, which was all a bit laughable really as he buggered off with another woman and left my mum on her own with two little kids! 🙄

You’re very lucky you have a mum to send a card to ... I’d do anything to be able to send my mum one again. Cherish your mums ladies because when their gone their gone!

I actually don’t blame her for being miffed - she want to feel important to you.

I rarely bother sending cards to those I'll be seeing/speaking to at Christmas. Surely they are to send to those you aren't so close to - emotionally or physically! I'll send them to my sisters who live further away, but don't really bother with my mum who lives down the road!

@NameChange84 but you describe something that has absolutely nothing to do with whether or not the card itself is from a multipack!

She could have written those messages just as thoughtfully in a card that came from a selection box, she still could have picked one that fit each recipient well, and she could have poured all her affection into a cheaper card if that was all she could afford, or a very expensive one if she had plenty of money. The card itself is only a vehicle for showing care and consideration.

Similarly, I appreciate all cards that are sent to us for Christmas - whether they’re badly handmade, beautifully handmade, multipack, charity, obviously cheap or obviously expensive, have a poem or printed message inside, say ‘mum’ or ‘daughter’ ‘sister’ or whatever or not, have a long and detailed message or a quick note, whether the picture is to my personal taste or not.

I don’t save all cards forever as I don’t like too much clutter, but I save the ones with pictures I really love, from people I really love, or whose message or sentiment is particularly meaningful to me.

My grandmother used to write letters to me on lined margin paper, like the kind you use at school. I’ve kept them all. Their value is not the in the paper.

[quote HollyandIvyandallthingsYule]@NameChange84 but you describe something that has absolutely nothing to do with whether or not the card itself is from a multipack!

She could have written those messages just as thoughtfully in a card that came from a selection box, she still could have picked one that fit each recipient well, and she could have poured all her affection into a cheaper card if that was all she could afford, or a very expensive one if she had plenty of money. The card itself is only a vehicle for showing care and consideration.

Similarly, I appreciate all cards that are sent to us for Christmas - whether they’re badly handmade, beautifully handmade, multipack, charity, obviously cheap or obviously expensive, have a poem or printed message inside, say ‘mum’ or ‘daughter’ ‘sister’ or whatever or not, have a long and detailed message or a quick note, whether the picture is to my personal taste or not.

I don’t save all cards forever as I don’t like too much clutter, but I save the ones with pictures I really love, from people I really love, or whose message or sentiment is particularly meaningful to me.

My grandmother used to write letters to me on lined margin paper, like the kind you use at school. I’ve kept them all. Their value is not the in the paper.[/quote]
No...actually it wouldn’t have been the same from a multipack at all. The fact she (like the rest of us) chose cards that’s picture and words reflected something about all of our unique relationships with her, little things she appreciated or noticed in a jokey way perhaps all showed a level of thought and care that a multipack doesn’t. In MY opinion.

@Lucyk1

Would you be happy if your husband/boyfriend sent you a card from a multipack? How would you feel if you recieved it? Personally, I wouldn't like it. I don't mind multipack cards from anyone, but I would draw the line with my partner, kid and parent. I'd have expected something more meaningful.

My husband has never sent me a xmas card... we live in the same house lol.

But for birthdays while I dont buy 'multipacks' (as in 10 of the same card) I do absoloutly buy the mix and match 10 for £1 from both card factory and the works and give them to anyone (parents, siblings, friends, kids in ds class, husband) when ever I need one - why buy 10 seperately for £1 each when you can get just as nice ones for 10p each lol.

I think I have only ever bought 'special' cards for occasions you cant buy in bulk like anaversary or fathers day and sometimes for my kids (if they have a favorite character or one with their age... even then I dont spend more than £1... it a piece of card they will look at for 10 seconds that will then clog up my mantlepiece until someone chucks it in the understairs cupboard box of random shit lol).

I definitely get the value of carefully chosen & cherished cards/letters to/from those you love! I don’t think anyone would sneer at you for that!

Of course you should do exactly what’s right for your family, because that’s what matters to you & them.

Having said earlier in the thread that I find the ‘to my husband/wife’ cards really quite odd, I’ve actually decided to get one for him this year for Christmas (we don’t do Christmas cards to each other!) as we got married earlier this year so it’s our first Christmas as husband and wife!

I’ve also just had the thought that maybe some people like sending the cards with long messages or poems because they’re not that good at putting words to paper themselves. Maybe it’s a way for them to more easily convey the depth of their feelings on special occasions.

Next year I wouldn’t send one and would tell her you made a donation in her name instead of a card she wouldn’t appreciate.

I thought of doing this this year as I have loads of cards from last year. But knowing my mum she'll make a fuss!

She is funny about cards spends a fortune on them, but I cant justify the money these days. I'll probably find one with mum on for her but everyone else will get a box one.

I suppose I should clarify here that I always buy more than one multipack (when I do buy them), each of which is broadly on a theme or of a style that I like and I know others will like, and each pack also has multiple variations of cards. So it’s not like I’m just picking something and saying oh that’ll do. It’s not as generic as it might seem.

@NameChange84 I wasn’t saying that she ought to have done it differently! I hope you understand that. I think it’s lovely anytime anyone does anything with real thoughtfulness, affection and care.

Card factory do some lovely individual cards at very reasonable prices 89p to £2.00 for huge ones. A nice verse for my Mom is much appreciated by her. My children send them too all individually. That's five cards from just my side as I send two one from myself and my partner and one from me alone. It shows I've taken the time to consider the verse and it's the appropriateness. It can get a bit pricey once grandparents and bought for from all of us too- siblings etc. I think I did the whole family and a pack of cards for my friends and a pack for the two older children for £25.
If it's appreciated and it's what the recipient would like, then why not? Some people don't appreciate the sentiment so why bother.
I can under though for some people cost maybe a factor. Would a nice handmade card and verse found on the internet be a handy way around the issue?

@NameChange84 maybe you and her children could put up one of your relative’s cards this year, it must be difficult approaching this time of year having lost a young family member tragically. Hopefully the cards bring you comfort.

OP...geesh! Over a month early and from a multipack too?! We do (non tacky non glittery) named cards too and pay close attention to choosing the right words etc. Not too much effort for immediate family! Multipack cards are a bit impersonal.

I don't do Christmas cards period. Hate them. Birthday ones too. They sit on the sideboard for 2 weeks gathering dust then I have to move them off, dust and put them back 🤷‍♀️ then they go straight into recycling!
Christmas cards are a touchy subject with my mum every damn year but I still never send them. Never will. If I didn't feel totally obliged to send birthday cards; I wouldn't.

Blimey! Uncalled for.

Everyone I know gets an ecard these days...... apart from my bro and 2 friends who are upset by such things. They get a "proper" card..

@NameChange84 I’m sorry, I really should have said how sorry I am for your loss. We unexpectedly lost someone close to us at a young age a couple of years ago and I know how horrendous it is.

My point also got a bit muddled or at least could easily have been misunderstood, and I should have made the effort to ensure that wouldn’t be the case. I’m truly sorry if it sounded like I was dismissing, diminishing or disrespecting your lovely relative and the way she did things. I was only trying to say that a thoughtful, really lovely and kind person would find a way to make every card a thoughtful and truly appreciated thing, no matter what way they chose to go about it.

Feel as if I should probably bow out now.

The discussion really boils down to different strokes for different folks, and that’s ok.

My MIL wouldn't give a damn about it. My mum.woukd be hurt. Depends on your family and what you normally do.

Maybe she was hoping for an affectionate mum card and is disappointed?

Genuinely shocked about people being judgey about multipack cards. Surely it’s about what you write inside, no some generic sentimental message. I’m yet to find a Mother’s or Father’s Day card with a message that felt in any way appropriate! I’d hate to have to do the same for Xmas. I want to write my own message (usually a joke, or about missing them).

Also I thought that non multipack cards were a fairly new invention? I don’t remember anyone doing these in my family ever. My DHs family do seem to really love and value them and seem to have an endless supply of weird, padded, bits glued on, sentimental poetry type ones that I never see in the shops (but aren’t homemade).

Honestly I think they are a bit cringey and tacky, but each to their own. I’d certainly never comment negatively on any sort of card or gesture to the person. So I thing your Mum is being quite strange OP, and there must be more to it.

And I don’t send a card to DH because they are for people you don’t see, surely?!

Why is it all about money, it's the words inside surely!

I hate all greetings cards for this reason. Such a waste of paper and not even your own words. Would rather have a phone call or text.

My mum got really upset one year that my children hadn’t sent her a card on Mother’s Day ! The thing she was my mother and I used to buy a nan card when they were small . But she lost it like a small petulant child . I didn’t know but this was the start of dementia . If this is not what you normally Do perhaps get her a special card. ☹️

Countess Dracula, I don't get my mum, pink fluffy mothers day cards, or birthday cards,as I don't like pink. If I did, I think mum would think I had had a stroke. Its such a shame, you cannot get many none pink fluffy mothers day cards, I am mum, and like motorbikes, why can I not get a motorbike on my mother's day card.