My mum is really angry about her Christmas card

[ChooseYourLameName]

I sent mine out early this year (I know, I know). My mum got hers today, earlier than expected since I sent them 2nd Class.

She doesn’t often answer her phone but she did today, I rang for a quick chat. She said ‘I got your card, thanks’. She sounded really disappointed (she’s either a really thrilled, happy as a button person or is really down in the dumps and snappy). I said is everything okay, she said ‘well it wasn’t a nice card, was it?’

It was part of a multipack, granted But I thought there were really sweet, with a snowman and red car with a tree on top. I said that I thought she’d like it, they’re just a little gesture. She said ‘Yeah well thanks’.

She then said ‘got to go, really busy, I’ll call you later’. She never does call later though.

Was I really CF for sending a multipack card? Can that be offensive if the person is an important person in your life? I just wanted to do something nice, to let people know they were in my thoughts.

I’m really hurt by this. I know I need to get a grip and I’m probably the silly one for thinking a cheap little card would be well received when people will probably bin it when they get them

@VioletSunset

Do people really get upset over this stuff? I would never expect my kids to feel under pressure to get me a 'nice' expensive card!

My mother certainly did. A disappointing Christmas or birthday card wouldn't have been forgotten.

Our family have never done the "relationship" cards. Tbh I find them a bit tasteless but that's just my opinion. It was my birthday a few days ago and dh gave me a card that he'd clearly carefully chosen as it had a picture of something meaningful to me. If he had given me a "to my darling wife" type card I'd have known he'd just rushed into a newsagent at the last minute.

My.mum would be horrified if I sent her anything other than a charity card at Christmas. She has always only done charity cards and so have I.

Sending them.in early November is just weird though.

I find the personalised cards really weird and the only people I know who send them are... chintzy and frilly generally. Long Facebook statuses about how wonderful someone is when it's their birthday. Dressing their front door up with those giant bows for Christmas.

But I'm not a Christmas card person generally, just grandparents and MIL when she was alive. And they are always always charity ones - either Macmillan or MS Society.

I don’t send cards to anyone.

But if I received a tacky multi pack card in November I would bin it without a second thought.

Sending those kinds of cards out early is the kind of thing usually done by the dentist or your favourite online shop, someone who just clicks a button on a computer and voila, a load of cards go out in the post.

any Christmas card sent out in November is completely meaningless and has more to do with the person sending it wanting to just get it done and nothing to do with the person you’re sending it to.

Well she'd hate me as we don't send Christmas cards at all..to anyone.

I think that is a nasty comment.

So, me saying OP's mother sounds nasty is not on, but OP's mother saying "well it wasn't a nice card, was it?" isn't nasty?? Wow, just wow. I stand by my original comment - she sounds nasty.

Does your mum normally act like a 6 year old?

I don't send any cards. Personally can't stand them. Waste of money that ends up in the bin in a few weeks and just clutter the house in the meantime.

How old are these mothers who expect "mum" cards with sentimental verses? I'm 60 and luckily my dcs know better than to send me one of those.
We don't send Xmas cards...but love an " inappropriate " birthday card fron Thortful or Redbubble. Something individual, and relevant.

Sorry but I can't get past sending cards in November. If someone sent me a Christmas card now I'd think they weren't entirely well to be honest.

What on earth is this non multipack obsession people have? I never even knew this was a thing. It’s insane! Do these same people also expect personalised birthday cards or cards with numbers and badges?

Thank goodness my mum is easy going

What on earth is this non multipack obsession people have?
Taking 5 minutes to choose a card for your mum is hardly an obsession. What an overreaction!

It’s insane! Do these same people also expect personalised birthday cards
Ever been in a card shop? You know those cards with happy birthday mum, happy birthday dad etc written on them. That's what most people buy for family birthdays. Really struggling to see how you would find that insane.

or cards with numbers and badges?
Again, in the card shop, all those cards with 18, 21, 40, 80 on them. That's what you buy for landmark birthdays. That's why they are stocked in the cardshop. Very normal thing for people to buy.

Ever been in a card shop? You know those cards with happy birthday mum, happy birthday dad etc written on them. That's what most people buy for family birthdays. Really struggling to see how you would find that insane.

I don't think "most people" buy the "happy birthday [specified family member]" cards at all. Plenty of people do, obviously, but plenty of other people find them unbearably naff.

I don't send christmas cards any more apart from a few selected aunts, but when I bought multipacks, I chose them carefully, and then picked the individual cards out of them for each person.

For birthdays, I do choose a card that the specific person would like, but that's as likely to be a blank-inside card with a picture I think they will like as it is a florid "your birthday is wonderful, dear Second Cousin Twice Removed, here's a long glurgy poem" type of card.

You wouldnt give your mum a crappy, generic 29p 'Happy Birthday' card would you

I wouldn't send anybody a crappy card. I only send nice cards. But yes, I'd send my mum a generic birthday card, in the sense that it would be a card which would be suitable for anyone, rather than one with 'mum' on the front, because I think those are tacky.

God i can't stand people that get their knickers in a twist about a bit of paper. Its pathetic. Tell her to stop being so ridiculous and get a life.

Ever been in a card shop? You know those cards with happy birthday mum, happy birthday dad etc written on them. That's what most people buy for family birthdays. Really struggling to see how you would find that insane.

I don't think most people do. And personally I don't find it insane, they are just not to my taste. I'm sure my DM would thank me as usual if I sent her a flowery pink 'Mum, it's your birthday!' card, but she'd privately wonder if I'd suffered a temporary loss of aesthetic judgement!

I've never bought an individual Christmas card! It's multipack or more often nothing from me. That's normal in my family though.
I use multipack blank card for birthday cards too as they are so much cheaper and a card's a card.
I'd rather put the money towards the gift than waste it on a fancy bit of paper.

What people mean when they say ‘most people’ is most people in my actually very tiny sample of people in the actually very tiny circle of friends and family I move in.

In a lot of other countries cards aren’t even really a thing!

Anyway, @ChooseYourLameName I think maybe part of the solution here is for you to learn not to put so much weight on your mum’s mood and how she is feeling about you/herself/life/a card at any given moment. You said she was ‘really angry’ but actually she was displeased, ungrateful (rightly or not), and rude to complain to you about something you had done as a nice gesture. She didn’t shout or scream or spend half an hour having a heated argument with you, so I’m not sure she actually was really angry. It sounds like you’re still caught in that mother-child trap of feeling extreme anxiety when a parent is angry with you. You don’t actually need to feel that way - it’s a small, insignificant thing. You can apologise, if you feel it’s warranted. And then you can move on. If she wants to stew, you can ignore her.

Hope you have a great day!

Also, FWIW, it sounded like you were expecting it to take ages to get to her because you sent it second class. That only takes a couple more days than first class.

Next time it would probably be best to plan your Christmas cards to get to the recipients around the start of December at the earliest - otherwise it can come across like a bit of a tick box exercise.

But again, it’s really no big deal.

I get multipack charity cards. That's what goes out. Mind you it's only the first half of NOVEMBER. There's early and there's early. Why send out Xmas cards just now?
She's being a bit sensitive. She's prob a bit depressed after this year and wanted something a bit special to perk her up. I think we could all do with that just now.

I'm sure my DM would thank me as usual if I sent her a flowery pink 'Mum, it's your birthday!' card, but she'd privately wonder if I'd suffered a temporary loss of aesthetic judgement

Exactly. There are large sections of society who do not buy specific relative cards. It is not a question of being unwilling to spend a few moments choosing a card for their mother - it is a case of choosing a card that will not make her think you have lost the plot.

Well this has been a revelation. I wonder how many people I've offended over the years. It would never occur to me to buy those personalised ones (always thought they were a bit tacky!). We only send Christmas cards to elderly relatives these days anyway. Hilarious to think of them seething every year as they open the charity multipack card!

A grown woman got upset about a Christmas card? I think maybe people have too much time on their hands .

Multipack for my family. Special ones for dh's family as, for some unfathomable reason, that is important to them.

I'm pretty sure I don't love my family any less.

Xmas cards in November😁
What sort of cards do you normally exchange? If she is used to getting a card with special mum on it or similar or buys you an individual card then she may have been a bit disappointed but the picture on it sounds lovely.
I do send cards from a pack to close family but it's a decent quality, pack of 6 cards for £5 rather than pack of 40 from Poundland that are too flimsy to stand up.
That said she may have been upset over something else and you are probably overthinking.

My parents HATE personalised Christmas cards, especially ones with (inevitably cheesy and awful) poems. They've passed this on to me. Tbh we don't actually send cards to immediate family who we'll see at Christmas, so it's not often an issue anyway. DH has one aunt who sends us "dear nephew and family" cards but has never mentioned being upset at bit receiving a named card in return. It takes all sorts...