My mum is really angry about her Christmas card

[ChooseYourLameName]

I sent mine out early this year (I know, I know). My mum got hers today, earlier than expected since I sent them 2nd Class.

She doesn’t often answer her phone but she did today, I rang for a quick chat. She said ‘I got your card, thanks’. She sounded really disappointed (she’s either a really thrilled, happy as a button person or is really down in the dumps and snappy). I said is everything okay, she said ‘well it wasn’t a nice card, was it?’

It was part of a multipack, granted But I thought there were really sweet, with a snowman and red car with a tree on top. I said that I thought she’d like it, they’re just a little gesture. She said ‘Yeah well thanks’.

She then said ‘got to go, really busy, I’ll call you later’. She never does call later though.

Was I really CF for sending a multipack card? Can that be offensive if the person is an important person in your life? I just wanted to do something nice, to let people know they were in my thoughts.

I’m really hurt by this. I know I need to get a grip and I’m probably the silly one for thinking a cheap little card would be well received when people will probably bin it when they get them

@Clockstop

I only send cards to people I don't see and who aren't on WhatsApp! Definitely a form of wife work.

Also this. I do resent the 'wife work' element. I may give DH the job of buying and sending his family cards this year. They then may not get one, of course. I wouldn't buy his family presents but they buy for me and for our children so I would feel bad if they didn't get a gift from us. I may try to involve him in the choosing though, just so it doesn't feel so much like 'wife work'.

XP's family were weird about charity multi pack cards . He thought it was awful I sent them.

She'd hate me. I don't send any.

We share the card buying and writing - He does his family’s, I do mine (plus he writes a message in my daughters’ cards as well). I do not subscribe to wifework obligation.

If I received a Christmas card in mid-November, I'd think the sender had had a terminal diagnosis and was getting cards out extra-early, in case they didn't survive until Christmas!

I know people whose only communication with particular people is an annual Christmas card. They don't bother the rest of the year, don't have their email address etc. Last saw them in a job they had for 6 months 15 years ago, or at uni 25 years ago. It's like they can't break the chain of "Oh I can't be the first one to stop sending a Christmas card".

We've been in our house for 20 years. Every Christmas we get a card to the people who moved out in1987. There's no return address on it so it sits on the hall table until the 6th Jan then goes in the bin (don't ask me why we don't do it straight away. It just feels wrong somehow ).

One year we opened it to see if there were any clues inside. All it said was 'from Mr and Mrs xxxxx'. Now that's a waste of a tree and a stamp.

I think she’s being unreasonable

Oh wow! This thread sums up the difference between my fam and my in laws! I just send a charity multipack and say “oh it was so nice to support x charity this year” ... and frankly that’s only if I remember

@Feedingthebirds1

I know people whose only communication with particular people is an annual Christmas card. They don't bother the rest of the year, don't have their email address etc. Last saw them in a job they had for 6 months 15 years ago, or at uni 25 years ago. It's like they can't break the chain of "Oh I can't be the first one to stop sending a Christmas card".

We've been in our house for 20 years. Every Christmas we get a card to the people who moved out in1987. There's no return address on it so it sits on the hall table until the 6th Jan then goes in the bin (don't ask me why we don't do it straight away. It just feels wrong somehow ).

One year we opened it to see if there were any clues inside. All it said was 'from Mr and Mrs xxxxx'. Now that's a waste of a tree and a stamp.

This is so bizarre. Why send a card to someone for 20 years who you clearly don't see anymore?! Very strange.

I only ever send cards that are from a multipack for a few specific charities I support. I have never sent DPs or anyone else personalised or individually bought cards for Christmas - those are for birthdays, anniversaries or other special occasions. The card companies get quite enough money from me as it is!!

It wouldn't bother me to receive a multipack card and I've probably unwittingly offended loads of people by sending multipack cards myself. Writing Christmas cards IS a chore, so I would imagine lots of people are writing them in lockdown! For me, lockdown is pretty much just as limiting as no lockdown as I have a baby, can't meet indoors and all baby groups are shut anyway - otherwise I'd probably be doing my cards now too!

Most people I know don't give cards to their parents - or anyone really. However, if parents like to receive a card then send one - but for OP's mother to complain that it "wasn't a nice card" says a lot about her. My parents brought me up to be grateful for anything I was given, and I don't recall ever complaining about a card or gift. I'm just as happy with a cake of soap as with something expensive. They also brought me up to not waste money, and wouldn't think it was wonderful for me to spend a lot on a card. Your mother sounds quite nasty.

@HollyandIvyandallthingsYule

We share the card buying and writing - He does his family’s, I do mine (plus he writes a message in my daughters’ cards as well). I do not subscribe to wifework obligation.

Same here. I write the ones for my family/long-standing friends, he writes the ones for his. Never been any different.

Your mother sounds quite nasty

I think that is a nasty comment. I imagine she simply feels that she is more important than a cheap card out of a box. I don't particularly enjoy having to spend ££ on a separate card with mum on it, but it's not that big a deal.

@DuckonaBike

Nikhedonia you need to add wearing the wrong colour to a wedding to that list (that would be black, white, cream, green (unlucky), or anything too similar to the bridesmaids). Otherwise you’re spot on.

Oh yes, I was a bit stunned when I discovered that my cream dress with a flower design on it (sold specifically by Phase Eight as a wedding guest dress) was an absolutely no-no at a wedding due to being cream. I wore it anyway. I didn't see any whispering behind hands or sideways glances.

puffinkoala you horror!

Who sends cards anymore? Especially to their parents. Waste of paper and money. I always find them so annoying. Thank god it's becoming a dated tradition.

If it is important to your mother it matters. If she doesn't give a fig it doesn't matter.
Not every mum wants a nice card, I'd just be happy with a card, any card seeing as I worked my arse off doing two jobs every single christmas as a single parent so I could get him the things he wanted.
It would be nice. But I can't remember the last time I got a card and I'm wondering if the stress and hassle of trying to make him happy was worth it.
I hope your mum doesn't feel like that.

Well I how she bloody doesn’t either since I spend enough time trying to call and her never getting back to me.

Anyway, there must be a backstory here. Why are you offended your DC doesn’t send you a car? Most people, I would guess, don’t send them

Our Christmas cards are all multipack charity ones, always have been, to everybody. TBH I find the To Best Mum/Dad etc. ones a bit cringe. They’ve usually got some really corny wording inside, too.

It’s a bit early to be sending any though, isn’t it.

So the people that like to receive named cards, do they actually sit down and read the naff poem inside? Like it’s a personal message to them? Because that’s hilarious and totally bonkers! 😂

I’d expect one with mum on

@Dowser

I’d expect one with mum on

Even if I sent you one? ;)

I have refused to send cards since I was at school myself...I’m nearly 40. Makes the run up to Xmas easier.

Is there something else going on? Seems a very odd reaction over a card. I always send multi pack cards so don't really see the issue, but I am guess if you usually don't she may be surprised but still strange to give it now than a brief second thought...

I can’t bear receiving cards too early. I just put them in a drawer until mid December but somehow it takes the pleasure out of them. I wouldn’t send multipack cards to close family either.