My mum is really angry about her Christmas card

[ChooseYourLameName]

I sent mine out early this year (I know, I know). My mum got hers today, earlier than expected since I sent them 2nd Class.

She doesn’t often answer her phone but she did today, I rang for a quick chat. She said ‘I got your card, thanks’. She sounded really disappointed (she’s either a really thrilled, happy as a button person or is really down in the dumps and snappy). I said is everything okay, she said ‘well it wasn’t a nice card, was it?’

It was part of a multipack, granted But I thought there were really sweet, with a snowman and red car with a tree on top. I said that I thought she’d like it, they’re just a little gesture. She said ‘Yeah well thanks’.

She then said ‘got to go, really busy, I’ll call you later’. She never does call later though.

Was I really CF for sending a multipack card? Can that be offensive if the person is an important person in your life? I just wanted to do something nice, to let people know they were in my thoughts.

I’m really hurt by this. I know I need to get a grip and I’m probably the silly one for thinking a cheap little card would be well received when people will probably bin it when they get them

It depends.
I really don't care about Xmas cards. My mum does in her dotage. So I make the effort to find a nice card for her.

@madcatladyforever I'm a mum. If my teenager wasted £2 on a Christmas card I'd thank him but tell him not to do it again. I'd prefer a nice multipack charity card and a bar of chocolate or jar of coffee!

Actually this thread has inspired me to go and have a sort through all my Christmas cards now and spend some time appreciating the fact that I am lucky enough to devote some of my precious time to truly appreciating the ritual of selecting & sending them! 😊🎄

HerculesMuligan I am sure most men sadly leave it to there partners or wives to deal with the cards. I don’t care what my OH does with his mums cards as I have always enjoyed sending my mum cards. I know my mum and what she likes and therefore she gets cards that I have thought about and are not from multi packs. That’s my choice. I don’t buy my OH parents cards he usually chooses multipacks so not sure if it is that blokes don’t care. However I think about the person who is receiving it

My mum likes a special 'mum' card. They take pride of place on her mantelpiece and it makes her happy so I do it

It's a grip, @YellowPostItPad

@beela

What? I don't even send my mum a card usually, because I see her!

This. I send cards to people I don't see. I don't give cards to people I can wish a Merry Christmas in person. I also only buy multi packs. DSIL on the other hand, buys us a card from her and a card from DN. On birthdays she buys a card from her and a Dear Cousin card from DN. I just find it annoying, but I'm not a card person and she is. If someone complained about a card I bought them it would be the last one they get from me!

Alternatively, a ice individual card from scribbler should hit the spot www.scribbler.com/Cards/Seasonal-Cards/Christmas-Cards/Got-A-Whole-Pack-BF1551/

I come from a very non-card-appreciating family. It's just really not a thing for us, for any occasion. So I was fascinated (and a bit alarmed) to realise that DH's family really, really value cards. DMIL has often said that "a card with a really lovely verse" means more to her than a present. She genuinely reads them cover-to-cover, and gets all misty-eyed over the verses. I was mystified by this the first time I saw it (especially since I hadn't even read the verses that she was clearly treasuring).

My point is - some people put a tremendous value on cards that makes no sense at all to card-blind people like me. That doesn't mean I'm unreasonable, but it also doesn't mean they are. We just like different things. Is it worth having a chat to your mum and talking about what cards mean to both of you in your scale of values? Just to clear the air and acknowledge that sometimes people just don't speak the same language

I have no idea if I'll see my mum, this Christmas, BTW. I'm sure plenty of us are in the same boat.

Classic thread. Thanks for making me laugh, especially @KatherineJaneway

My MIL sends these cards, although is way too lovely and normal to complain that we send her a multipack one, if we get round to it at all. Honestly, I think Xmas cards are a waste of time except for the people you only make contact with at Christmas. And the "special" are naff in the extreme.

You wouldnt give your mum a crappy, generic 29p 'Happy Birthday' card would you

Well you obviously wouldn't but could you tell me where you can buy them

*special ones

I only send cards to people I don't see and who aren't on WhatsApp! Definitely a form of wife work.

You wouldnt give your mum a crappy, generic 29p 'Happy Birthday' card would you
I gave my dad a small 99p 'blank inside' card that wasn't a 'birthday' card. I liked it, so did he.

A multipack does not mean 'crappy'. A 30p card can be nicer than a £2 one.

Lots of people here being really nasty about mothers and saying they should be "grateful" to get anything at all.
Fucking hell! Toxic mothers aside up until you left home how many meals did your mother cook for you, how many clothes and sheets did she wash and iron, birthday parties arranged, gifts bought, Christmases and birthdays celebrated, all the hundreds of things mums do and her own dreams sacrificed for you and you think she should be grateful for a poxy charity card? I hope you get coal in your stocking this year and your own children abandon you in your old age because you don't deserve mums.

You're seeing things that aren't there! If someone said 'I send my mum a card once a year; she shouldn't expect anything else from me', then you'd be right. But if you are in regular touch with your parents (as OP must be, as this was a phone call) and help them when needed, etc., then I think it's rude for them to make a fuss about what card they get sent. Just as I'd say if it was a child doing so after the age of about 6.

I know people who never send cards at all, but devoted themselves to caring for their parents in their old age. Care and concern for parents - or other family members - has very little to do with following rituals of card-sending.

[quote WitchesBritchesPumpkinPants]@Hopeisnotastrategy

I'm 51. I don't think saying something is generational is ageist!

I think lots of things ARE generational, both older & younger.[/quote]
It absolutely is if you make it a lazy shorthand for dismissing everybody beyond a certain age and claiming they are a homogenous mass who all think and act the same. FGS there was a thread on here the other day suggesting bedsocks and subscriptions to The Lady for a 60 year old. Many people's mental faculties peak at this age, they don't lead so many major companies worldwide for nothing. They are still sharp and they have experience to call upon. Dare I point out the USA have just swapped one 70 + president for another? (I think it's crazy too, but still..)

(And buying special cards for every relation is not a "northern thing" either while we are at it. 🙄)

I suppose in the scheme of things I'd be considered pretty middle class nowadays, and I don't send special cards to anyone except possibly DH and DC if I see something suitable. The message inside matters, it's not about the card. Everyone gets a nice card, it's not about that.

However, even if it's not my thing, I do try and see things from other peoples perspective. Maybe that was important to them growing up? Maybe that was an important part of their Christmas? Maybe they didn't get much else? Maybe they are feeling particularly lonely and vulnerable this year? That would hardly be surprising. I don't know, but I hope I'm broad minded enough to allow that to be a possibility. I certainly think everybody is more touchy at the moment because everybody is under stress of one kind or another.

Most older people growing up in the shadow of the war were certainly not showered with gifts in the way so many are today, including my lucky family. Posted cards were a thing and harbingers of the joys of Christmas

What has to stop here is the bitchfest that piles in so often as soon as a more mature person is mentioned. Some older people are horrible. So are some younger people.

That's life, and many older people have a wealth of experience and life to live that many on here could learn from.

Are we all meant to be running international companies now? Jesus, the bar for MN gets higher and higher

'Are we all meant to be running international companies now?'

Clearly not. We should be leaving that to the men folk while we angst about what effing xmas card to send in November.

Next year send her a card from a pack again but fill it with glitter.

Guaranteed to turn that frown upside down.

We should be leaving that to the men folk while we angst about what effing xmas card to send in November.

The OP wasn't experiencing any angst about what card to send.

She is proof positive that no good deed goes unpunished.

“ How would you NOT notice it’s from a multipack? You don’t buy multipacks of Mum cards”

Ding ding jackpot! Will make and advertise on MN 😂

I don't buy into the personal card thing either.

But why is it so difficult for so many on here to bear in mind that previous generations communicated in different ways?

So much nicer to come on here and bitch than spend a little thought making others happy.

If it is important to your mother it matters. If she doesn't give a fig it doesn't matter.
Not every mum wants a nice card, I'd just be happy with a card, any card seeing as I worked my arse off doing two jobs every single christmas as a single parent so I could get him the things he wanted.
It would be nice. But I can't remember the last time I got a card and I'm wondering if the stress and hassle of trying to make him happy was worth it.
I hope your mum doesn't feel like that.