My mum is really angry about her Christmas card

[ChooseYourLameName]

I sent mine out early this year (I know, I know). My mum got hers today, earlier than expected since I sent them 2nd Class.

She doesn’t often answer her phone but she did today, I rang for a quick chat. She said ‘I got your card, thanks’. She sounded really disappointed (she’s either a really thrilled, happy as a button person or is really down in the dumps and snappy). I said is everything okay, she said ‘well it wasn’t a nice card, was it?’

It was part of a multipack, granted But I thought there were really sweet, with a snowman and red car with a tree on top. I said that I thought she’d like it, they’re just a little gesture. She said ‘Yeah well thanks’.

She then said ‘got to go, really busy, I’ll call you later’. She never does call later though.

Was I really CF for sending a multipack card? Can that be offensive if the person is an important person in your life? I just wanted to do something nice, to let people know they were in my thoughts.

I’m really hurt by this. I know I need to get a grip and I’m probably the silly one for thinking a cheap little card would be well received when people will probably bin it when they get them

@DuckonaBike

Good grief this place is an education sometimes. I had no idea there were people in the world who noticed or cared whether their card was from a multipack or bought individually. How would you even tell anyway?

It’s like a parallel universe. With weird, unreasonable people in it. Don’t let it get to you OP.

?

Because it’s bloody obvious if it doesn’t say “To a dear Mum”

How would you NOT notice it’s from a multipack? You don’t buy multipacks of Mum cards!

Weird to send in November. Cold/thoughtless not to buy a more special card for a parent. I know MN can be a bit competitively stingy/lazy but...c’mon?

@NotYourDawg

unless I was flat broke and they knew it, my immediate family wouldn't be happy with a multipack card as they are reserved for distant relatives, friends, acquaintances.

Similarly I would question receiving a big standard multipack card from my mum or brother. I wouldn't sulk though or make my displeasure known.

At Primary school (in the 80s) the popular kids used cards as a way of letting you know your place. If you got a flowery card or one with a religious scene from them, you were the lowest of the low!

But isn't your current approach the same as the primary school situation you're describing? Ascribing an arbitrary meaning to a card instead of enjoying the relationship you have with the person for the 364 other days of the year that you don't get a card from them.

Do those of you that do feel this way about cards acknowledge that others simply don't give it a thought and therefore definitely DON'T mean anything by the type of card they send, or do you still judge the type of card regardless because you consider it an inherent element of good manners?

Well all this madness has been an abject lesson into how successful ingrained marketing techniques are!

A thoughtfully chosen card, with a beautiful design or cutwork, with your own message written inside = thoughtless and demonstrates pure disdain for someone if it was sold alongside a few others of the same thoughtfully chosen design.

A card that has TO MUM printed on it with a pre-filled greeting = a higher tier of respect, affection and love if it was on its own in the shop at an inflated price.

My family has a bit of a narcissistic streak and my mum would be horrified at a multipack card.

My brother has also inherited this gift and (despite having nothing to do with us the rest of the year) sends huge a4 sized personalised cards for me and the DC.

My mum does the same and has begun taking photos of the cards before sending them, so she can post the pictures on Facebook to prove what she’s sent,

I think Christmas cards are a waste of a good tree. I buy a multipack for very close family and friends, and the kids have some for their friends.

I get Daddy card from the kids and a husband card, but that’s as far as personalised cards go.

YANBU

Nikhedonia you need to add wearing the wrong colour to a wedding to that list (that would be black, white, cream, green (unlucky), or anything too similar to the bridesmaids). Otherwise you’re spot on.

@badguyduh

Well all this madness has been an abject lesson into how successful ingrained marketing techniques are!

A thoughtfully chosen card, with a beautiful design or cutwork, with your own message written inside = thoughtless and demonstrates pure disdain for someone if it was sold alongside a few others of the same thoughtfully chosen design.

A card that has TO MUM printed on it with a pre-filled greeting = a higher tier of respect, affection and love if it was on its own in the shop at an inflated price.

Yes, quite!

@DuckonaBike

Nikhedonia you need to add wearing the wrong colour to a wedding to that list (that would be black, white, cream, green (unlucky), or anything too similar to the bridesmaids). Otherwise you’re spot on.

Ah of course, how could I forget:

• toilet brushes
• shoes on/off indoors
• parent and child parking
• unlocked front doors
• multi pack Christmas cards
• wearing the wrong colour to a wedding

Amended DuckonaBike, thank you.

@Nikhedonia Not to harp on about last year's thread but I came to the same conclusion:
" It's probably one of those big issues like shoes on/shoes off inside where no-one can comprehend the other way of doing it "

eek, cards already.
and she is hard work making a fuss about the card that it came from a multi pack!

Don’t forget the abject terror when someone unexpectedly knocks on the door.

Dear Lord, I cannot believe that there are people in this world so fortunate that they have a) time and b) headspace to worry about whether they’ve been sent a repeat card, or a non-personalised-family-member card. Seriously. The marketeers clearly saw you coming. Give your heads a festive wobble.

Now I live in another country that isn’t so big on Christmas cards, I really miss the giant multipacks. My friends and used to delight in sending each other the ones with out of focus candles and baubles. There truly was something for everyone.

i cannot believe people care about multi pack cards.
plenty of people love charity cards
and someone i knew told me they had stopped doing cards, this was 10 years ago!
people send them less and less.

The out of focus candle and bauble with a bit of tinsel in the corner ( cut off) are real gems! Always lurking at the bottom of the box. They are funny.

We are in the middle of a pandemic, thousands of people losing their lives in this country alone and she's moaning about getting a multi-pack card? Dear God. Do not enable this behaviour, she sounds a nightmare.

@the80sweregreat

The out of focus candle and bauble with a bit of tinsel in the corner ( cut off) are real gems! Always lurking at the bottom of the box. They are funny.

Gone down a bit of a rabbit hole looking at vintage cards now! They are surprisingly nostalgic!

OP, this wasn't the card you sent, was it?

I thought it was just DHs family that had this attitude to cards.

When we first met I was mystified and bemused by the giving of cards that state the relationship on the front 'to my dear mother' 'to my daughter in law' etc. I know what our relationship is. Why on earth would you get a card that specifically says it? They are always enormous with pages and pages of verse inside. No other style of card is deemed acceptable by any member of the family so I just go along with it.

I had genuinely never received or given a card like that before I met him (nor wanted to) and they are the only people in my life who I have that kind of card relationship with.

Everyone else gets a multipack card or a funny/individual/pretty card depending upon the circumstances.

Wow, she is being ridiculous!!!! My DM would have loved any card I gave her because it was from me. If I were you she wouldn't be getting a card in future.

Lots of people here being really nasty about mothers and saying they should be "grateful" to get anything at all.
Fucking hell! Toxic mothers aside up until you left home how many meals did your mother cook for you, how many clothes and sheets did she wash and iron, birthday parties arranged, gifts bought, Christmases and birthdays celebrated, all the hundreds of things mums do and her own dreams sacrificed for you and you think she should be grateful for a poxy charity card? I hope you get coal in your stocking this year and your own children abandon you in your old age because you don't deserve mums.

The Head at our school had a ' value' tesco Christmas jumper on once on Christmas jumper day. It was funny amongst the reindeer and glitter.

I don't understand the need to have the relationship on the front of the card, you can write those words in the card. A multi pack doesn't mean you haven't chosen something special either, I choose a design I love, I don't just buy a 5p per card school 30 pack.

Yes, luckily at this very moment there are no urgent stresses in my life. I’m grateful for that every day.

However the last few years have brought one completely unexpected bereavement of someone who should have had many, many more years to live, my daughter being diagnosed with a lifelong, life-threatening condition and in and out hospital, my own health and well-being being severely compromised through an extended period of stress and anxiety due to a horrendous job situation, and a family member suffering with cancer.

So actually I feel I’m perfectly entitled to devote my headspace to whatever the hell gentle, first world problems I want right now.

I’m really not overly bothered by sending out repeat cards, and I don’t know why this has become such a sticking point given that it was a throwaway comment. I’ve spent more time thinking about it by virtue of this conversation than I did (and will do) outside of it! All I said was that I’d ordinarily try to avoid it and this year it wasn’t something I was going to prioritise, and then an obviously tongue-in-cheek reference to people coping, in keeping with the thread topic.

Anyway. That is all the headspace I’m giving to this discussion. Off to enjoy some chocolate and a tipple!

@ChooseYourLameName try to let it go. It’s really not a big deal.

I hope you get coal in your stocking this year and your own children abandon you in your old age because you don't deserve mums.

Because of a multi pack card? Seems harsh.

Your mum is acting like a spoilt brat.

[quote badguyduh]@Nikhedonia Not to harp on about last year's thread but I came to the same conclusion:
" It's probably one of those big issues like shoes on/shoes off inside where no-one can comprehend the other way of doing it "[/quote]
I disagree. I think it's one of those things that absolutely no one gets even 'miffed' about in real life, but when you enter the weird world of MN it's a very contentious subject and posters talk of going NC with family and friends over it.

As someone who quite happily only buys multipack cards (and is happy to receive any cards) those of you who spend time and effort on personalised cards, and make judgements on the cards you receive - can I ask if there’s a gendered element? Are personalised cards just another type of ‘wife work’?

It seems there’s lots of women out there spending time and money buying a card for their mum that says ‘mum’, one from the kids saying ‘gran’ etc. And there’s lots of mums/mothers in law outraged if they don’t receive a personalised ‘mum’ card. Do men do this?? I can’t quite imagine hordes of men getting into a tizzy in Clinton cards over whether the picture and poem on a particular card is going to pass muster with their MIL?!