My mum is really angry about her Christmas card

[ChooseYourLameName]

I sent mine out early this year (I know, I know). My mum got hers today, earlier than expected since I sent them 2nd Class.

She doesn’t often answer her phone but she did today, I rang for a quick chat. She said ‘I got your card, thanks’. She sounded really disappointed (she’s either a really thrilled, happy as a button person or is really down in the dumps and snappy). I said is everything okay, she said ‘well it wasn’t a nice card, was it?’

It was part of a multipack, granted But I thought there were really sweet, with a snowman and red car with a tree on top. I said that I thought she’d like it, they’re just a little gesture. She said ‘Yeah well thanks’.

She then said ‘got to go, really busy, I’ll call you later’. She never does call later though.

Was I really CF for sending a multipack card? Can that be offensive if the person is an important person in your life? I just wanted to do something nice, to let people know they were in my thoughts.

I’m really hurt by this. I know I need to get a grip and I’m probably the silly one for thinking a cheap little card would be well received when people will probably bin it when they get them

You say you dont usually send cards but then say in your OP that you have sent them out early this year?

Anyway taking the fact that it is November out of the discussion if your mum usually received a 'mum' style card and you send one this year from a multi pack she may be feeling upset. Especially given the crap year of covid and lockdown folks emotions are running a little higher than usual.

My mum still sends me daughter cards and I always send her a Mum card and also a grandmother card too. If i sent her one from a multipack this year she would be upset too. She always mentions my cards when I send them and really appreciates them. My DD loves getting her granddaughter card from my mum too.

My mum would be offended if I sent her a card from a multipack, but MIL wouldn't care. It depends on the person.

Sending them now was somewhat early. I send mine early, but not to arrive before December.

Yes, many people ARE still insanely invested in Christmas card etiquette. Many people of the older generation keep a note of who actually sends them a card each year and God forbid they don't send them one back - the guilt would stay with them for weeks. I know people whose only communication with particular people is an annual Christmas card. They don't bother the rest of the year, don't have their email address etc. Last saw them in a job they had for 6 months 15 years ago, or at uni 25 years ago. It's like they can't break the chain of "Oh I can't be the first one to stop sending a Christmas card".

It's quite fascinating seeing how people view it all so differently. I couldn't care less about Christmas cards, although I DO like seeing them hanging on string across the walls of my house. But I would gladly buy a mixed multipack and hang blank ones on if no-one got us cards. I don't think anything less of a person if they decide not to send me a card. In work we have all but stopped the practice. THank the lord. People you see every day and don't like enough to meet up with outside of work - why do we need to put a Christmas card in each other's trays? Really odd when you think about it.

We always send personalised somy mum would think it strange also would think it strange that i was sending in november

I always buy a pack each of the cards my children design at school that get printed up, everyone in my family gets one and they can't complain because the dear little pickles made them!

I don't receive cards from my two at Christmas , only birthdays. I've never sent Dh one at Christmas ever and he doesn't send me one either! I know we're a bit odd but I'd rather spend a few pounds on some extra chocs than a card.
I remember a programme called ' life laundry ' about decluttering and one couple
had Christmas cards in their filing cabinet going back decades from other people!

I am rather shocked, both at her rude reaction, and at some people here thinking it's justified.

I thought that even children are taught early on that it's really rude to criticize anything you get as a gift or card.

I would never complain at any sort of card that I got. I suppose I might be mildly disappointed if a relative or close friend didn't include a personal message in the card (rather than by the nature or quality of the card itself); but such people will usually call or e-mail personally as well as, or increasingly nowadays, instead of, sending a card,

Could it be that your mother's real problem is with lockdown and the prospect of restrictions on Christmas, rather than with the card?

This is absolutely insane.

@Lelophants

This is absolutely insane.

I know! I feel like I’m on drugs!

I would never send multipack cards to close family, and it wouldn't go down well if I did. To be fair - they would never send me multipack cards either. If it was all you could afford then it's worth explaining that. Otherwise, in my family it would just be interpreted as either thoughtless, or a deliberate snub.

@CurlyhairedAssassin

Yes, many people ARE still insanely invested in Christmas card etiquette. Many people of the older generation keep a note of who actually sends them a card each year and God forbid they don't send them one back - the guilt would stay with them for weeks. I know people whose only communication with particular people is an annual Christmas card. They don't bother the rest of the year, don't have their email address etc. Last saw them in a job they had for 6 months 15 years ago, or at uni 25 years ago. It's like they can't break the chain of "Oh I can't be the first one to stop sending a Christmas card".

It's quite fascinating seeing how people view it all so differently. I couldn't care less about Christmas cards, although I DO like seeing them hanging on string across the walls of my house. But I would gladly buy a mixed multipack and hang blank ones on if no-one got us cards. I don't think anything less of a person if they decide not to send me a card. In work we have all but stopped the practice. THank the lord. People you see every day and don't like enough to meet up with outside of work - why do we need to put a Christmas card in each other's trays? Really odd when you think about it.

My Dm definitely falls into this category. Friends are spread throughout the world so it's not like she can pop in for a coffee with them.

It's like that generations Facebook. And similarly instead of seeing people's regular social media posts they all send each other double sided letters to each other at Christmas.

She sends 50jsh cards to people who she doesn't see from one decade to the next

@CurlyhairedAssassin

Some people will probably be sent cards they’ve had before, which I usually try to avoid doing. They’ll have to cope with that.

D'you know, I'm sure they'll have no trouble coping with that. Do you really think that ANYONE would remember the design of the card that someone got them last Christmas?? Seriously?? I assume that means YOU do, in which case does it mean we all need to be careful to suss out our fussier friends and make a note of which design we send them each year?

No, it wouldn’t bother me at all if I was sent a repeat card.🙂

I was using that as quite an obvious example of the kind of ridiculousness some people get into over cards. The kind of person who gets hurt and offended and angry because their card isn’t nice/expensive/a lone card/perfect enough or doesn’t say Mummy on it or doesn’t have a gushing poem on it, might quite likely also be the kind of person who might get hugely offended over being sent the same card twice.

I love sending Christmas cards. I like taking time to pick lovely ones that suit each of the recipients and also reflect my tastes perfectly. I would prefer it if everyone got a new, lovely one from me every year (I live far away from all my family and most of my oldest friends so it’s generally my only physical written communication to them outside of birthday cards).

I would remember if I got a repeat card, because I remember things like that. But it wouldn’t bother me at all.

Not really sure what you’re so het up about, tbh.

@luckylavender

I'd find it really odd to get a card now & I wouldn't send my Mum one from a multi pack nor expect to receive one.

The only time it is accepted to get a Christmas card in November is if you've moved house during the year. And so need to get in their first otherwise all your Christmas post will be sent to the wrong house

I think this type of etiquettte thing has spread to FB and other social media, actually. It's all about worrying what people think of you, in my view. So, for example, if you have multiple Happy Birthday messages on FB, there are some people who reply to EVERY SINGLE ONE with a "Thanks,

I dont buy multi pack cards, mainly because my family are a bunch of ungrateful asshats. So my child is the only one who gets a card and even then its not every year. They usually give me a multipack card.
They do however always get an advent calendar.

@aSofaNearYou

I cannot for the life of me fathom what planet someone would have to be on to be this rude (or rude at all) about a bloody card, and how anyone on here could be justifying it.

It seems to be really common for people of a certain generation to act this way, though. YANBU.

And yet another example of the casual ageism on here.

Women being bitches to other women counts double.

Just so you know..

I love sending Christmas cards. I like taking time to pick lovely ones that suit each of the recipients and also reflect my tastes perfectly. I would prefer it if everyone got a new, lovely one from me every year (I live far away from all my family and most of my oldest friends so it’s generally my only physical written communication to them outside of birthday cards).

I would remember if I got a repeat card, because I remember things like that. But it wouldn’t bother me at all.

I have real difficulty believing the second part of your post if you are the same person who wrote the first part.

And I guess this is why people DO get so het up about cards! Becuase they KNOW that some people place great store on the whole thing, remembering which card they got from who each year, and if they are the complete opposite and don't give a fig about any of that, it instantly makes them feel stressed and pressured if they actually LIKE that particular friend or relative.

Oh crikey, I didn't realise people were precious about cards from multipacks. I have only ever sent multi pack Christmas cards. Or the ones that DC design at school. Wondering if I have been merrily offending elderly relatives and friends unwittingly for years. Oh well.

@CurlyhairedAssassin

I love sending Christmas cards. I like taking time to pick lovely ones that suit each of the recipients and also reflect my tastes perfectly. I would prefer it if everyone got a new, lovely one from me every year (I live far away from all my family and most of my oldest friends so it’s generally my only physical written communication to them outside of birthday cards).

I would remember if I got a repeat card, because I remember things like that. But it wouldn’t bother me at all.

I have real difficulty believing the second part of your post if you are the same person who wrote the first part.

Heh! It’s the story of my life - I can often come across a little dualistic or like I’m made up of a mass of contradictions. It’s because there are layers to everything and although there is a logic to it (as far as I’m concerned) it would often just take too long to dissect and then to explain.

But I guess I try to ensure it because that makes me feel good. I like to do things in a way that feels ‘right’ to me. It doesn’t bear any relation to how I personally feel about getting a repeat card. Which truly wouldn’t bother me.

I have to say I have found it annoying in recent years. That Tesco seem to stock the same Christmas cards every year. Or there's a few new designs but they aren't the nicest of designs. Compared to the ones they roll out every year

I dont blame her, multi pack card, no thought went into it. If you cant spare a couple of quid for a nice card for your mum, less than a cup coffee then why bother sending one at all.

Good grief this place is an education sometimes. I had no idea there were people in the world who noticed or cared whether their card was from a multipack or bought individually. How would you even tell anyway?

It’s like a parallel universe. With weird, unreasonable people in it. Don’t let it get to you OP.

I would never send my mum a generic multi pack card.

This thread is batshit gold, truly. I've not seen a good MN thread like this in a while. I'm going to add multi pack Christmas cards to the list of things that piss off MN'ers but literally no one discusses in real life;

• toilet brushes
• shoes on/off indoors
• parent and child parking
• unlocked front doors
• multi pack Christmas cards

Anything I've missed?