My mum is really angry about her Christmas card

[ChooseYourLameName]

I sent mine out early this year (I know, I know). My mum got hers today, earlier than expected since I sent them 2nd Class.

She doesn’t often answer her phone but she did today, I rang for a quick chat. She said ‘I got your card, thanks’. She sounded really disappointed (she’s either a really thrilled, happy as a button person or is really down in the dumps and snappy). I said is everything okay, she said ‘well it wasn’t a nice card, was it?’

It was part of a multipack, granted But I thought there were really sweet, with a snowman and red car with a tree on top. I said that I thought she’d like it, they’re just a little gesture. She said ‘Yeah well thanks’.

She then said ‘got to go, really busy, I’ll call you later’. She never does call later though.

Was I really CF for sending a multipack card? Can that be offensive if the person is an important person in your life? I just wanted to do something nice, to let people know they were in my thoughts.

I’m really hurt by this. I know I need to get a grip and I’m probably the silly one for thinking a cheap little card would be well received when people will probably bin it when they get them

My lovely lovely MIL loved a verse in a card. And we went out of our way to find her cards like that for her birthday and Mothers Day. But it still didn't occur to us to get 'special' Christmas cards for her. But I don't think for a moment that she minded a normal card.

It's interesting how differently people feel about cards, going from the responses on here. I absolutely had no idea that some people see generic Christmas cards as an insult or an indication that the giver doesn't care about them.
My SIL (on behalf of herself and my DB) has always sent specific relationship cards to us. And it hasn't occurred to me that she would expect the same back. It's only in very recent years that I've sent similar back to each of them, but even then, only for birthdays. I'd hate her to think that I don't care.

@ExplodingCarrots

I've found the older generation can be really precious about Xmas cards. DHs side of the family are awful for it. ' Can you believe the audacity of Jenny*, she sent me a poxy card from a box, shows how much she cares' - is what Ive heard numerous times over the years. I refuse to spend ££ on cards now. Your mum probably sounds similar , but she sounds very rude. You done nothing wrong OP.

And here we go, yet more casual ageism on MN.

I hate it to break it to you, but you're going to get older yourself and it's. going to happen a damn sight quicker than you think.

You'll still be the same person you were at 35, but hopefully a bit richer, a bit nicer and a bit wiser.

@InFiveMins

You were thoughtful enough to get her a card at all

That's kind of the point though. She didn't get HER a card, she bought a box of cards & sent one. It wasn't chosen for her mum specifically.

I suspect it's more the fact she's had a card and it's only November 15th. Who wants their cards then? Perhaps she's hoping to feel a bit more Christmassy nearer the date, looking forward to it just like the rest of us?

Or maybe it was something totally unconnected altogether.

It's really not about 'thoughtfulness' to buy a mass-produced card with 'Mum' or whatever and a verse of doggerel, but somewhere along the line people have been conned/marketed into thinking it is. It seems to me to be a bit like the whole De Beers 'an engagement ring must cost three months' salary' (or was it one month?) thing.

@Hopeisnotastrategy

I'm 51. I don't think saying something is generational is ageist!

I think lots of things ARE generational, both older & younger.

My mum loved to get 'special cards' saying to a lovely mum, verse inside and all that. However, if I'd sent her a multi pack card, she would have said thank you and been glad I'd sent one, because she wasn't totally self absorbed about the whole thing. In a year when many thousands of people have died and many more are separated from their families, anyone moaning about what a card looks like - or, for that matter, that it's been sent 'too early' for their liking (Royal Mail are swamped at the moment, seems sensible to me) - definitely needs to get a grip.

Why do you send a card to your Mother? Will you not see her or speak to her to wish her a happy Christmas?

Sorry, I don't really understand the whole Christmas card thing

Surely you'd be fashioning your own card out of crafting materials if you felt the quality of the card was directly proportional to your love and respect for the recipient? I mean, picking out a card with your relationship emblazoned over the front of it isn't particularly special, is it?

I'd find it really odd to get a card now & I wouldn't send my Mum one from a multi pack nor expect to receive one.

@CatteStreet

It's really not about 'thoughtfulness' to buy a mass-produced card with 'Mum' or whatever and a verse of doggerel, but somewhere along the line people have been conned/marketed into thinking it is. It seems to me to be a bit like the whole De Beers 'an engagement ring must cost three months' salary' (or was it one month?) thing.

I can see what you're saying, kind of, but it US more thoughtful to find a card that suits a person specifically than to just send one out of a box. It's not like people just pick up the first card with 'mum' on it, it takes time & thought to find one that the person will like & where the words are nice and appropriate.

I like to do this for my mum (& others) because I know she (&they) appreciates it 🤷🏻‍♀️

If other people don't see the point, that's fine, but I don't see the need for people to be horrible about it (not saying you were).

I worked with someone in the 80s who used to travel miles to a more ' upmarket' card shop to buy her ones rather than the card shops in town.
It was bizarre for a piece of folded cardboard or whatever they are made out of! We had loads of card shops near us too.
I have noticed the price of boxes of cards has gone up a lot this year. I was surprised at how few you get these days. Then you have to buy the stamps.. never ending.

I always send cards if I get around to it. That's a contradiction in terms, isn't it??

But I've bought one separately for my mother this year, everyone else has a packet buy.

Can't see the point of getting irate about an Xmas card, is she like this about other things?

A few odd things about your post, OP. How come she got post on a Sunday? Also, you say "She doesn't often answer her phone, but today she did". What's the deal with that, then? Bit weird......

Would you normally have seen her at Christmas, and handed her card to her in person or something? Is this what she's really miffed about? That it's a signal to her that you won't be seeing her at Christmas?

I'm expecting raised eyebrows from the inlaws when DH tells them we are having Christmas just the 4 of us here, whether lockdown is lifted or not.

@user1497787065

Why do you send a card to your Mother? Will you not see her or speak to her to wish her a happy Christmas?

Sorry, I don't really understand the whole Christmas card thing

I won't be seeing my Mum this Christmas, but even when I lived at home we bought each other cards and all my family/friends do the same. It's no different to buying birthday cards, do you not do that either?

@ChooseYourLameName would you like to give your mum some food for thought that will make her multipack card pale into insignificance ?

My mum had a stroke in August and is likely to be locked down in a rehab unit for Christmas. She has aphasia so she can't speak. Her right arm is paralysed. She can barely walk. I haven't seen her in actual real life since the 12th October, despite being able to visit every day - we aren't allowed. In October it went down to 1 visitor per patient only.

So your Mum should be bloody grateful the worst she has to put up with is a multipack Christmas card.

You may give her that lecture with my regards 😚

My parents and grandparents are like this. But not only require a fancy card, it has to be one with lots of words and sentimentality too. I really resent having to spend £3-4 on a card but I'd rather buy the stupid things than have to deal with consequences on not getting one.

@FourTeaFallOut

Surely you'd be fashioning your own card out of crafting materials if you felt the quality of the card was directly proportional to your love and respect for the recipient? I mean, picking out a card with your relationship emblazoned over the front of it isn't particularly special, is it?

See this snarky shit is unnecessary. Do it/don't do it, whatever, but no need to be nasty about it.

[quote WitchesBritchesPumpkinPants]@InFiveMins

You were thoughtful enough to get her a card at all

That's kind of the point though. She didn't get HER a card, she bought a box of cards & sent one. It wasn't chosen for her mum specifically.[/quote]
I send beautiful, good quality cards, carefully picked, to everyone I care about - friends and family. They all get a card that I’ve picked because I truly think it’s lovely/cosy/beautiful/just right. Sometimes they are from a multipack, sometimes bought separately. Some years I spend an average of £1 per card, other years, quite a bit more. Quite often I buy cards in the January sales to save for the following Christmas. The fact that I’ve picked them up at a bargain price doesn’t say anything about how much the recipient is valued or how much I care about them. Nor does multipack vs. lone card have any bearing on that. If people are going to be ridiculous about it then that’s their loss and I won’t lose a minute’s peace worrying myself silly about it. You would have to be really a bit lacking in emotional intelligence to be measuring someone’s love by the price of a card/design of a card they’ve given you (unless the card itself is hurtful in some way, or there’s some back story of lack of thought and care).

This year I’m not even buying cards at all as I’ve decided to use all the leftover cards I’ve got from previous Christmases. Some people will probably be sent cards they’ve had before, which I usually try to avoid doing. They’ll have to cope with that.

Does anyone really read the pre-printed words inside greetings cards? ACtually I think my mum does, I have no idea why. I hope she doesn't spend ages choosing ours because of the schmaltzy verse because to me, they don't mean anything! I would rather someone wrote a kind little note inside them themselves - that would mean WAY more than the pre-printed stuff that I tend to just gloss over anyway, especially if there are multiple pages of them.

Meh, I'm not beneath a bit of snarky shit, it's just a bloody Christmas card.

Oh and to make it clear, it was one visitor per patient until they locked down 3 days before the actual lockdown despite us having the lowest rates in the uk (I'm in Hastings). So now we can only see her via FaceTime

Some people will probably be sent cards they’ve had before, which I usually try to avoid doing. They’ll have to cope with that.

D'you know, I'm sure they'll have no trouble coping with that. Do you really think that ANYONE would remember the design of the card that someone got them last Christmas?? Seriously?? I assume that means YOU do, in which case does it mean we all need to be careful to suss out our fussier friends and make a note of which design we send them each year?

Ok if we ignore the fact that it’s ridiculously early to be sending Christmas cards, your mum is obviously one of those people who is insanely invested in card etiquette. Personally I think she must have a very small life to even consider being critical about the type of card.
I have a SIL who insists on those personal cards stating your direct relationship in A4.
I favour a decent quality multipack. Neither of us are offended by the others choice.
Your mum is a petty childish mum it is a very sad thread. I think you need to consider the bigger picture and try to harden your heart or she will keep sticking little pins in you for no good reason.

I'm considering not sending cards this year, if i don't have any in the Christmas box from the January sales I'm not buying any. It's an absurd waste of resources and money.
We will make a card for mum if she's still "in prison"

We also don't "do" birthday, Valentine's or anniversary cards. We spend the money on a bit of cheese and enjoy that instead, I drag out the old cards and stick them up while thinking how much we have saved 😂