ADs take the National Express when their lives' in a mess, it will make them smile

[BogRollBOGOF]

🎤On the National Express
There’s a jolly hostess
Giving porridge free
She’ll provide you with shots
amaretto or what
You like to seeeeee...

Going out was in style
Now we’re stuck in this aisle
Dream of being free
And it’s hard to get by
When your arse is the size
Of the furlough feeeeeee🎤

Bah ba ba la
Bah ba ba la

Tomorrow belongs to meee...

Welcome to the 17:38 to freedom, stopping at virtual hugs, critical discourse, and random tangents along the way. ETA unknown...

Oh @Reedwarbler that is dreadful. I am so sorry for him and for you. The feelings of helplessness and frustration must be overwhelming.

For instance, if you drop litter then as the litter leaves your hand, the virus senses a vacuum and jumps onto your hand, filling the space where the litter was.
In Big Lockdown there were signs on the litter bins at the park saying, "Show compassion to our refuse collectors & take your litter home with you."

My idiot of the week award goes to the stupid prat trying a "socially distanced" conversation a few feet into a narrow, busy 40mph road. Oncoming car so I had to brake sharply so the daft cow could get out of my way rather than remodeling my car bonnet.
Or they step into the traffic whilst wearing a mask. A mask clearly makes them invincible. To be fair, poor road sense was happening pre-covid. I blame the demise of The Tufty Club.

@Reedwarbler absolutely get legal advice. Ring adult social care & put in a safeguarding referral too. I'm so sorry for you & your FIL.

@MargosKaftan

We just went for a walk in the woods (because what else can you do?!), there was at least two groups also at the car park who were clearly different households, arriving in different cars and walking together. No embarrassment about loudly asking grannnt and grandad how they are and being asked how work was going etc.

I know people met up "accidentally" in last lockdown, but this time, there was no embarrassment or attempt to hide it. It does feel more like there's no lockdown this time, just we are being inconvenienced rather than lockdowned down.

My sense is that people have grasped that it's not particularly risky to be meeting outside and people are using their common sense. There are lots of informally arranged activities still happening in more than twos with plenty of distancing. It's lovely to enjoy the relaxed atmosphere in the woods, beaches and parks and nice to see people not feeling they have to skulk about.

@Reedwarbler, that sounds horrendous, I'm so sorry. I agree, safeguarding referral to adult social care, and legal advice for you.

@110APiccadilly, best of luck! Exciting news, hope to hear good news from you in the next day or two.

DD's class has been sent home, so we're going to have her bouncing off the walls at home for the next couple of weeks. What joy.

Reed warbler that is horrific. Your poor father in law, how traumatic for him.

@Reedwarbler that is HORRIFIC. I dont know what else to say

There has been a nasty undercurrent of snobbery to a lot of these threads hasnt there

Yep. I suspect they are not bothered about poorer people catching it. They are bothered about catching it off them.

@Reedwarbler Just came on to say the same as above, you need to ring your local social services and request a safeguarding. Does your FIL have capacity around whether he stays there or not? Just thinking about a DOLs if they're restricting his liberties but that might not be appropriate (Sorry, I can't remember the details)?

@Reedwarbler that is terrible. You must, absolutely must ring the adult social care team in the Local Authority where the home is.

In children's social care there is a LADO process, I'm sure there is a similar set up for adult homes. At the very least it can be looked into by the adult QA officers (that's what they're called in our Authority they have various titles in other authorities).

I'm so sorry for your poor FILs situation xx for you.

@Reedwarbler that is terrible and I bet it's widespread too.

@Reedwarbler that is terrible and I'm really upset for your FIL. The other ladies have given you really great advice regarding the legal side and I really hope you can get the situation sorted soon.

@Reedwarbler, . That's awful. I am so sorry.

@Sonicthehedgehogg no, he has no capacity at all anymore. About the only things he can do are feed himself and talk. He needs assistance with everything else, more so because he has become virtually immobile. All this problem has arisen because my H only has a POA for financial matters for his dad, so our choices about his care are being ignored, even though we will be self funding. Because of his lack of capacity and no POA he has to go through a full assessment by social services. Apparently we were not allowed to simply remove him from hospital and take him to a care home of our choice, because he can't consent to it and we don't have the authority (and we had chosen a lovely one near his home where we think he would have been happy, which had a vacancy), although this is also due to problems caused by covid, apparently.
It's utter madness isn't it? We can't/are not allowed to do anything to better his current life, but they can shut him away, distress him so much he tries to walk away when he can't really walk, and then falls and breaks bones. We actually hope he doesn't survive because he is currently in an undeserved hell.
And the lesson my H and I have learnt is to get our full POA's in place NOW so this situation doesn't happen to us. We currently only have enduring POA's for finances, which were set up donkeys years ago.
Thanks, people, for your kind thoughts though.

Long time lurker, this thread keeps me sane
So sorry to hear this Reed warbler
As others have said,

• Request a safeguarding investigation from the adult social care where the home is situated.
• Ask to see the mental capacity assessment the hospital or LA would have written around his capacity to decide on future residence, they should have taken into account his and your preferences for placement in this document. Even if the lovely man lacks capacity his wishes and feelings are paramount.

-Report this to the CQC

• The old enduring power of attorney was both finance and health, but, my colleague, an adult care manager had LPA for both and the LA still didn't take notice of her wishes for her granny

-An urgent deprivation of liberty assessment should have been requested by the home and be in his file. It sounds awful for him and for you. Sounds like another home would be a good idea. Hope it all gets sorted

Reed
How totally f'ing disgraceful. And not even surprising. The way I've seen my mum treated in various hospitals over the years has absolutely infuriated me - and is one of the many reasons I couldn't bring myself to do the clap.
Covid has provided the perfect setting to treat the elderly even more appallingly than before. I know that my mum only ever got adequate care because I was always there, making a nuisance of myself, asking the right questions, being the all-round middle class demanding nightmare. Without that, the elderly or anyone who lacks full capacity is at the mercy of a system that lacks both compassion and common sense. Makes me so so cross.
(still, we apparently care so much for the elderly don't we...)

Care seems to massively vary, my DF got great care in a smaller hospital (but still with A&E, not a district one) but my DM not so much in a larger city hospital, I think it was much busier plus lots of agency / bank staff. They were crap at liaising with me too, which would have made their lives easier regarding her discharge.

@Reedwarbler so sorry. I hope someone listens to you and sorts things for your FIL.

Just goes to show that all this really isn’t about compassion for the elderly, doesn’t it.

@Reedwarblerso sorry to hear what your family are going through. pOA are a difficult conversation I’m trying to push with my elderly parents. I hope that you get a solution. The way our elderly are being treated to keep them ‘safe’ is horrific.

I hope you can achieve something practical to help him @reedwarbler.

One of my missing Christmas events is the party at the carehome (severe learning difficulties) where my relative lived, and we still go down to see his best friend. It's 100+ miles away so we only manage a few times per year amongst the family, but it means so much to him that he has a "surrogate family" come to him on the "family days" and his birthday when he has no family himself. It's small, but it is an important occasion to the residents.

A pandemic is not enough for DS1... topic of the month is WW3 and nuclear winters. Yey.

@LivinLaVidaLoki

Just seen that thread "Next time we will rub shoulders, break the rules and potentially pass on Covid to each other, but at least that makes it easier for people like you to pass."

I am sick to fucking death of pointing out you can only pass it on if you have it to start with.
Why is that so hard to understand?

Well that's me done for then. My arm is still slightly sore from being crashed into by an oncoming jogger who couldn't wait until I'd gone to pass the 2 abreast going her way. I had nowhere to go except hurl myself through a plate glass window so sacrificed my other side. Who the hell jogs in a High Street on a Saturday, anyway?

I'm pinning my hopes on her not having it, but I understand from Mumsnet that that is no obstacle to catching it.

Meanwhile, 110APiccadilly, I think the best thing I can wish for you is that your labour goes better than mine did.

And Reedwarbler, I'm so sorry to hear this. I never thought I'd be so glad that my lovely Mum died before Covid came along. She had the mostly ghastly 'confabulation', often imagining quite frightening things happening. Fortunately either my sister or I visited every day and the Care Home would let us sit wherever she had taken herself for as long as it took to talk her down. All at top volume as she was deaf and couldn't get on with hearing aids. The Care Home were wonderful but I can't imagine they would be able to spare staff to engage in loud surreal conversation for hours on end. I can't bear to think of us not being able to visit her every day. She would never have understood.

@110APiccadilly

Have been told not to tell friends and family as what I need is a nice relaxing day, not one full of people ringing to see how I am... but I need to tell someone so you guys it is - but baby is not going to be a December baby after all!! (Am at 38 weeks so this is not a problem.)

Oh wow, good luck!

@hoochymamgu thank you so much for your advice which I have relayed to my H, we shall be following up on the things you suggested. We have made so many notes! We had already put in writing to the home our concerns about his care a week ago, and lack of knowledge about his conditions. My H is now suffering from terrible guilt, believing it all to be his fault. I can't convince him otherwise.
On a good note, we have had takeaway fish and chips from our local pub, which was excellent.
Thank you one and all for your excellent advice and kind thoughts.

@amicissimma
I feel the same about my mum. Lord knows what she would make of this.

I've told this story here before but I love it. When my mum was diagnosed with cancer we were told it was inoperable, they could give her chemo to give her more time but that was it. So she decided on chemo.
She had a bit of time between this and her beginning chemo. So....
She went on holiday. My aunt told her she was mad. That the cost of her insurance would be too high....what if she got sick on holiday...the usual....
My mums response...
"No one ever lay on their deathbed wishing they'd gone on less holidays"

She'd have made a good AD.

@LivinLaVidaLoki, I met a lady on a cruise once. She was doing a long trip - several weeks. She told me she had just finished the last lot of chemo that they would give her as it wouldn't help any more. I asked how she had got travel insurance for the trip and she said she hadn't bothered, if she died she wouldn't care! I don't know how she smuggled her uninsured self through the cruise line's checking processes.

We exchanged email addresses so I know she survived and got home OK. I couldn't help but admire her spirit.

Just been reading in the news today out of 70 people told to self isolate as a contact for covid, on average out of that only 1 tests positive.

I had a, erm, robust discussion with a teaching friend today who thinks schools should be closed because two bubbles have been sent home, I asked how many pupils had passed infections on. None of course because they are primary age. Then I find this on Twitter - a study just published finds no asymptomatic transmission of infections at all, so symptom-less isolation is likely to be a massive over-reaction https://www.nature.com/articles/s41467-020-19802-w