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Original poster

To be mortified by this

252 replies

mortifiedmam · 28/10/2020 18:36

Dd has free school meals. She's off school (half term has finished here) because she was in contact with a teacher who has tested positive but because she sits at the back of the classroom she was more than 2m away so doesn't have to self isolate but they are being taught by zoom lessons as precaution.

We have just had a letter through the door with a voucher to cover the cost of her lunches for the week. I am so embarrassed that the school felt it necessary to come and hand deliver it to us. At least they didn't knock on the door!

OP posts:
Whatwouldscullydo · 28/10/2020 20:11

Took all my pride to apply for grant for son's travel to college £1,500 a year

See people really need to stop feeling bad about this stuff. If you are entitled to it take it. You've all paid into the pot anyway. Don't feel embarrassed about taking the help when you can no longer pay in fir a bit

Only a few uears ago mps were discovered on their wages, to have claimed expenses for everything from porn channels to vets bills. And absolutely no shale until caught

No way do any of us begrudge our taxes going on feeding and educating children.

TeamLucille · 28/10/2020 20:12

Perhaps people would view it differently if their child's teacher started calling out the free school meals in the register. Its private information for a reason.

in practice, at least in some schools, the only children from KS2 going to the lunch hall to get a hot diner are the ones entitled to free meals. All the others have packed lunch.

I am sure it's different everywhere, but in some schools it's more than obvious. It's only "private" in theory.

HoofWankingSpangleCunt · 28/10/2020 20:12

@TeamLucille

Seriously, no one is querying the need for free school meal, people are rightly shocked that the scheme being maintained AS IT SHOULD when kids cannot attend school is being attacked!

That's what's disgusting, and so are the comments accusing others to be "trolls" for questioning the outraged.

Er, no-one is attacking the Free School Meals scheme. I don't know which thread you've been reading but it ain't this one.

And I don't care if you think I'm professionally offended or whatever. I'll call out stuff I see as I see fit. And actually, I'm not offended at all. Just sad that there are so many ignorant comments on here.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

General education
TeamLucille · 28/10/2020 20:13

HoofWankingSpangleCunt
I would reply to you but apparently I am on a spreadsheet now

Bookrat · 28/10/2020 20:13

I think I get where you are coming from OP. I used to be a school governor, and the school needed those entitled to claim to actually do so in order for the school to get full funding. Parents didn't always want to, and I could understand why. I'm so sorry that you feel embarrassed. Society should invest in children, they are our future. It is right that there should be a safety net, it is what a civilised society does. It isn't right that any stigma should be attached to people accessing the help to which they are entitled.

MNHQ
FeedTheVoodooLilyMumsnet · 28/10/2020 20:14

Hi folks

This thread is attracting a lot of reports. We're not sure that AIBU is the right place for such a sensitive discussion - we're moving this over to chat now.

Peace and love. Flowers

GabsAlot · 28/10/2020 20:14

in our day you were called out for your free meal with a ticket-much more embarassing

coconuttyhead · 28/10/2020 20:16

I think you felt humbled by the generous act of the school and the lengths they went to in order to get the voucher to you - the word “embarrassed“ has been misinterpreted by some on here. In other words, you felt overwhelmed and it made you feel embarrassed - you’re entitled to feel like this and means you’re a decent person.

Rtmhwales · 28/10/2020 20:16

I guess it could be worse? I do this at the school I work in (in North America) and go to their houses every two weeks and drop off a hamper of groceries. I just hit every house on my list. I could see why you'd be embarrassed maybe but they'll have done every child on the list and it's just a precautionary measure to ensure no kids fall through the gaps, it's nothing personal.

Anothermother3 · 28/10/2020 20:16

OP it’s how you felt you can’t be wrong for how you feel. No need to be embarrassed and they probably hand delivered to you so you wouldn’t have to worry as you said you might not collect them for fear of judgement. I hope you are okay. Money or lack thereof is no reflection on who is deserving of a bit of support. X

Aliiiii · 28/10/2020 20:16

OP I totally get it! I've been in your position I work in a school and as a PP said no one judges or comments on who does and doesn't get FSM
Be kind to yourself Thanks

ThistleWitch · 28/10/2020 20:17

@mortifiedmam

None of you get it, and why are you calling me an arsehole because I find it embarrassing that they did that? I don't think they judge me but it's embarrassing ok. You've made me feel worse about it now Sad
Who called you an arsehole?

What I read was people asking why you were embarrassed? Why should you be embarassed?

HoofWankingSpangleCunt · 28/10/2020 20:18

*I don't have a real spreadsheet " sigh. I know people put 'lighthearted' on thread titles but do we need them on posts as well.

HoofWankingSpangleCunt · 28/10/2020 20:19

@coconuttyhead

I think you felt humbled by the generous act of the school and the lengths they went to in order to get the voucher to you - the word “embarrassed“ has been misinterpreted by some on here. In other words, you felt overwhelmed and it made you feel embarrassed - you’re entitled to feel like this and means you’re a decent person.
Exactly
Iamonlyme · 28/10/2020 20:21

Some of these posters should be ashamed of themselves.. I am disgusted and honestly bewilded at the lack of empathy shown and hope some of you never fall from the pedal stool on which you sit.

It is very easy for most normal people to reconcile that OP feel be embarrassed, should not have to feel embarrassed and still need the bloody vouchers.

CookieClub · 28/10/2020 20:22

I actually think that's really responsible of them to do that. Children on FSM are deemed vulnerable and I think it's reassuring that the school took this initiative due to the kids being off school from covid.
Would you prefer that they let some children go hungry instead??

If you don't need the vouchers, offer them to another family or buy some items for the local food bank.
But honestly, the school has a safeguarding duty and I think it's lovely they had fulfilled this as urgently as possible.

JenniferSantoro · 28/10/2020 20:24

Don’t be embarrassed that someone was thoughtful enough to ensure that your kids were fed. For some children, that free school lunch will be the only meal of the day.

This may not be so for your kids, but school have no way of knowing how much you may be financially struggling (other than knowing you have free school dinners).

I think being appreciative is probably a more appropriate response.

No one should be calling you an arsehole by the way.

Christmasfairy2020 · 28/10/2020 20:24

From my understanding and from facebook everyone who has free school meals can not afford to feed their children.

HotToCold · 28/10/2020 20:25
Biscuit
Onxob · 28/10/2020 20:27

I get it OP it's a pride thing. I had a somewhat similar situation a few years ago and was mortified by it all. I felt like a complete failure (not saying everyone who gets FSMs are failures obviously! That's just how I felt) and just embarrassed that I didn't have the capacity to stand in my own two feet. It's shit and demoralizing and you feel like a scrounger but looking back I'm so grateful that the help was there when I needed it and grateful that I lived in a country that has supports in place for vulnerable people, the alternative would be much, much worse. Flowers

Christmasfairy2020 · 28/10/2020 20:28

And effectively their children are starving because parents do not earn enough. If this is wrong then what's with all petitions going around at mo!!

lalafafa · 28/10/2020 20:30

Im really upset for you that you say no one cares about you, that’s heartbreaking. You deserve all the support you can get OP. How old is your DD?

Audreyseyebrows · 28/10/2020 20:32

Op, don’t you know that you should be on your knees thanking people rather than showing emotion?

Ignore the idiots on here.

Christmasfairy2020 · 28/10/2020 20:33

But you are trying your best and providing for your child. Save the voucher towards xmas of poss and have a bigger shop but dunt worry xx

AnneTwackie · 28/10/2020 20:36

Totally understand, my now teenage children had fsm and I felt embarrassed but relieved and grateful.
I could have afforded to feed them for a few weeks but that would have taken money from another pot- heating, electric etc. so I understand that you can need the money but feel proud about it all the same- to be without that sense of pride of wanting to be independent is far worse.
Now I’m a bit better off I look back and think I really did deserve the fsm, it took the pressure off, meant I never had to compromise on the children’s food and a surprise bill didn’t leave me in the shit.

If you are so privileged that you can’t understand how it would feel to be glad receive fsm yet feel your pride slightly dented then you need to try harder. The OP is here explaining it to you and you can bet the majority of people who recieve fsm feel the same but aren’t saying it.

OP, never feel no one cares about you and your daughter, there’s a lot of people fighting to make sure you get that voucher you’re entitled to, hold your head high.