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Original poster

To be mortified by this

252 replies

mortifiedmam · 28/10/2020 18:36

Dd has free school meals. She's off school (half term has finished here) because she was in contact with a teacher who has tested positive but because she sits at the back of the classroom she was more than 2m away so doesn't have to self isolate but they are being taught by zoom lessons as precaution.

We have just had a letter through the door with a voucher to cover the cost of her lunches for the week. I am so embarrassed that the school felt it necessary to come and hand deliver it to us. At least they didn't knock on the door!

OP posts:
SpeccyLime · 28/10/2020 18:50

Do you find the concept of free school means generally embarrassing, or the fact that they delivered them embarrassing?

SchrodingersImmigrant · 28/10/2020 18:52

@mortifiedmam

None of you get it, and why are you calling me an arsehole because I find it embarrassing that they did that? I don't think they judge me but it's embarrassing ok. You've made me feel worse about it now Sad
They didn't do it to embarrass you. It wasn't directed at you
YellowandGreenToBeSeen · 28/10/2020 18:52

Blimey, give the OP a break!

I mean, I totally understand that she really hadn’t any need to be mortified etc but I know that my mum (back in the day) was slightly defensive about me getting FSM. Sometimes, People don’t like people knowing they’re a bit down on their luck.

Don’t take the flaming / FSM to heart OP.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

General education
Goosefoot · 28/10/2020 18:52

I think you guys are being very hard on the OP. Lots of people are embarrassed about financial issues and needing help.

In the past I've often helped a program with deliveries to families in need of Christmas supplies. You have to deliver the items right to the adult in the home. Often they are embarrassed and I am sure there are homes where they don't get over that enough to register for help.

OP, it's natural to feel that way, but people who are delivering that mail are really not judging you, they just want to make sure no kids are left without meals.

Original poster
mortifiedmam · 28/10/2020 18:53

[quote Glitterynails]@mortifiedmam I understand. I’m a teacher and I see lots of parents receiving FSM who feel embarrassed by it. They (and you) shouldn’t. But I understand.

The school is legally obliged to continue providing food/money support to children receiving FSM during periods of isolation. The school are not making a judgement about you and your family at all.[/quote]
Thank you. It's made me quite emotional, that's not like me at all, I do appreciate it, they even went to the supermarket and bought the vouchers themselves and went to the effort of delivering them. Above and beyond! I just feel embarrassed by it.

OP posts:
ArranBound · 28/10/2020 18:53

I'm flummoxed, OP. Please can you explain why you felt so bad about it?

Original poster
mortifiedmam · 28/10/2020 18:53

@YellowandGreenToBeSeen

Blimey, give the OP a break!

I mean, I totally understand that she really hadn’t any need to be mortified etc but I know that my mum (back in the day) was slightly defensive about me getting FSM. Sometimes, People don’t like people knowing they’re a bit down on their luck.

Don’t take the flaming / FSM to heart OP.

Thank you
OP posts:
Riapia · 28/10/2020 18:54

I get what you mean OP
Would the posters being critical Say the same if a teacher came to your DD in front of the class and handed her the vouchers.
I doubt it. 🌺🌺🌺

Original poster
mortifiedmam · 28/10/2020 18:54

@Goosefoot

I think you guys are being very hard on the OP. Lots of people are embarrassed about financial issues and needing help.

In the past I've often helped a program with deliveries to families in need of Christmas supplies. You have to deliver the items right to the adult in the home. Often they are embarrassed and I am sure there are homes where they don't get over that enough to register for help.

OP, it's natural to feel that way, but people who are delivering that mail are really not judging you, they just want to make sure no kids are left without meals.

Thank you
OP posts:
Gloriousgardener11 · 28/10/2020 18:54

Lucky you !
Couldn't imagine my children's schools doing such a kindhearted thing to all the families who struggle over the holidays.
If you need vouchers then you need to go and ask at the office window before school breaks up - now that IS embarrassing!!

cariadlet · 28/10/2020 18:54

I don't mean to be goady but I genuinely don't understand the problem. Presumably, they didn't arrive in a slogan-embazened van, waving a placard or doing anything else to announce the reason for their appearance to your neighbours. The school would already be aware that your dc have FSM so it can't be embarrassing that they have suddenly found out. They have just given you what you (and millions of other families) are entitled to.

What are you embarrassed about?

EmmaWithTheGreatHair · 28/10/2020 18:54

I really don’t understand why you’re being given such a hard time @mortifiedmam Confused

Can totally understand, you’re expressing how you feel on here, as there are probably others in a similar situation, feeling the same.

Thankfully a lovely teacher upthread explained that no one judges.

AnneShirleysNewDress · 28/10/2020 18:55

@mortifiedmam You are allowed to feel how ever you do about this but, honestly, there is no need to feel embarrassed. Your DD gets free meals. She's off school as her teacher is unwell, she's still entitled to free lunches.

Original poster
mortifiedmam · 28/10/2020 18:55

@Gloriousgardener11

Lucky you ! Couldn't imagine my children's schools doing such a kindhearted thing to all the families who struggle over the holidays. If you need vouchers then you need to go and ask at the office window before school breaks up - now that IS embarrassing!!
It's not the holidays she's been told to stay off school and is being taught remotely Yes, going to the office would be awful, I wouldn't do it I think
OP posts:
Washimal · 28/10/2020 18:55

OP, you haven't been singled out if that's what you're worried about. The school has an obligation to provide a meal or the equivalent to ALL children on FSM while they're isolating. At the school where I work staff have been going out to students homes to deliver deli-bag lunches, some other schools are delivering vouchers.

stackemhigh · 28/10/2020 18:56

Give it to someone in need then.

Original poster
mortifiedmam · 28/10/2020 18:56

@EmmaWithTheGreatHair

I really don’t understand why you’re being given such a hard time *@mortifiedmam* Confused

Can totally understand, you’re expressing how you feel on here, as there are probably others in a similar situation, feeling the same.

Thankfully a lovely teacher upthread explained that no one judges.

Neither do I Sad
OP posts:
Original poster
mortifiedmam · 28/10/2020 18:57

@stackemhigh

Give it to someone in need then.
I didn't say we didn't need it just that I am embarrassed So much for mumsnet being supportive
OP posts:
Lindy2 · 28/10/2020 18:57

They wanted to make sure you are ok. If you don't need to use the vouchers then don't use them.

I haven't been able to work since March but for various reasons we qualify for very little help despite suddenly relying on just one income. If someone offered just one free or reduced cost meal for my children I would have accepted very gratefully. It's not going to happen though.

Please don't rebuff or be embarrassed about someone wanting to make sure you are ok. It's better to be asked when it's not needed rather than to never be asked at all.

Mabelface · 28/10/2020 18:58

I get it and I understand completely.

Flipflops85 · 28/10/2020 18:58

Are you eligible for FSM, and do you claim them? If you do, the teachers will know this anyway. It’s confidential and they won’t have told anyone.

I’m not sure how you can be okay to claim meals the rest of the year, but are suddenly ‘mortified’ that they provided you with a voucher in a confidential manner, by delivering it directly to your door.

If you don’t claim FSM, just return the voucher and say there’s been a mistake.

TeaAndHobnob · 28/10/2020 18:58

Awwww OP. Please don't feel embarrassed. The school are just trying to help and make sure your daughter gets what she is entitled to. I work in a school and honestly we would never judge anyone entitled to FSM. We know parents just want the best for their kids and times are hard right now for a lot of people. We encourage parents to apply for FSM - school dinners cost a lot of money, a few pounds a day soon add up. That's money you are entitled to - take it and put a few treats in your supermarket shop this week. Or save it for Xmas. Smile

picklemewalnuts · 28/10/2020 18:58

It's a good thing that schools are continuing to ensure children get what they are entitled to.

Also, there will have been quite a few children in the same position. I'm sure the school bulk orders the vouchers in then routinely pops them out to all those families at the same time.

Please don't let it stress you. No one at school is judging- and they are glad to be able to support you effectively. This is something you are entitled to.

user1471453601 · 28/10/2020 18:59

I'd say there is nothing at all to be ashamed of. At some point of another,most of us go through rough times.

I spent two hours today trying to get through to my electric/ gas supplier, and failed. I can guess why I cannot get through. They will have fewer staff ( isolating etc) and I guess there are an awful lot of people who cannot currently pay their bills.

The whole point of a welfare state is to give help to those who need it, at the time they need it. It happend , that at the moment, you need it.

If things change for the better for you, and I hope they do, remember that it was an active welfare state that helped you when you needed help. And resist any attempt to dismantle/ privatise it

Original poster
mortifiedmam · 28/10/2020 18:59

@Lindy2

They wanted to make sure you are ok. If you don't need to use the vouchers then don't use them.

I haven't been able to work since March but for various reasons we qualify for very little help despite suddenly relying on just one income. If someone offered just one free or reduced cost meal for my children I would have accepted very gratefully. It's not going to happen though.

Please don't rebuff or be embarrassed about someone wanting to make sure you are ok. It's better to be asked when it's not needed rather than to never be asked at all.

It's nice that they do want to make sure we are ok Nobody really cares about us ever, I think that's why it got to me tbh
OP posts: