To be mortified by this

[mortifiedmam]

Dd has free school meals. She's off school (half term has finished here) because she was in contact with a teacher who has tested positive but because she sits at the back of the classroom she was more than 2m away so doesn't have to self isolate but they are being taught by zoom lessons as precaution.

We have just had a letter through the door with a voucher to cover the cost of her lunches for the week. I am so embarrassed that the school felt it necessary to come and hand deliver it to us. At least they didn't knock on the door!

What on earth is with you guys in Britain and your desperation to be so happy with the scraps your government throws at you? Clapping for the bloody nhs, gasping in gratitude at school vouchers.

Op is not lucky to get fsm. I'm sure she'd much rather a situation where she can afford to feed her kids herself. All of you with your 'I don't understand the problem' are being deliberately obtuse.

With all due respect it’s nobodies fault that somebody can’t afford to feed their kids.

Have you seen the parties available

Like being asked to choose between drowning or hanging..

Only set to get worse too...not much we can do about it though

@alliwanttodoiseatcarbs

What on earth is with you guys in Britain and your desperation to be so happy with the scraps your government throws at you? Clapping for the bloody nhs, gasping in gratitude at school vouchers.

Op is not lucky to get fsm. I'm sure she'd much rather a situation where she can afford to feed her kids herself. All of you with your 'I don't understand the problem' are being deliberately obtuse.

I am not saying the nhs or welfare stat is perfect, but you seem incredibly critical.

Can I ask about your experience in your country? You can’t be American - so what is your comparator

@Whatwouldscullydo

Have you seen the parties available

Like being asked to choose between drowning or hanging..

Only set to get worse too...not much we can do about it though

Hmm...

I get it, OP. My mum refused to accept FSM for us even though it was desperately needed. She just scrimped even harder and we ate more potatoes than ever.

I kind of wish she'd taken them - some of my friends got them and there was never a stigma in school (I didn't even think about it at the time and only found out after that we were entitled).

I wish she'd taken the vouchers and used the money saved for the odd new item of clothing or whatever. Please do that.

@YouKidsIsCrazy

You think thats mortifying? I was on FSM in secondary school and there was a lunch supervisor who would shout out things like "put down that sauce, you don't get that for free as well!" or "hurry up there, its not like you're looking for your cash, is it?" to the kids on FSM.

Now that's embarrassing, and meant to be. Kindly putting vouchers quietly through your door, not so much.

You don’t get to tell people wether their feelings are valid or not.

I’m sorry you were bullied and abused by the dinner lady when you were young, but your experience is not the benchmark on which all other humiliation is measured.

Poverty is a daily humiliation in one form or another. The OP is bravely sharing hers. If you can’t find it in your self to be supportive or constructive find a less triggering thread?

This is why we should universal free school meals (reduces stigma)

OP ignore those too insensitive to even try and understand.

I doubt many would choose to swap with you and be in your position.

Not many people like accepting help.. but we all need it sometimes. You don't need to be embarrassed, but I get why you are xx

This is why we should universal free school meals (reduces stigma)

Except it screwed the schools cos no one filled in the forms they would need to in order to take up their fsm so they disnt get the PP.

Instead of hiding the poor we should probably try and make others realise you don't catch something from being near them and we don't need expensive uniforms to hide them away like some kind of shameful secret.

I mean secondary schools want the money no doubt from the kids who would bring in PP but then price them out of even applying with 35 pound blazers 20 + quid schools skirts and names sewn on to pe kits preventing them from being handed down.

Rather than universal free school meals I think it would be better to expand the criteria instead so it captures more of the kids who need it.

I mean id have lived to be able to "donate" dd2s dinner when she was KS1 to someone else but it didn't work like that .

@AnneTwackie

Totally understand, my now teenage children had fsm and I felt embarrassed but relieved and grateful. I could have afforded to feed them for a few weeks but that would have taken money from another pot- heating, electric etc. so I understand that you can need the money but feel proud about it all the same- to be without that sense of pride of wanting to be independent is far worse. Now I’m a bit better off I look back and think I really did deserve the fsm, it took the pressure off, meant I never had to compromise on the children’s food and a surprise bill didn’t leave me in the shit.

If you are so privileged that you can’t understand how it would feel to be glad receive fsm yet feel your pride slightly dented then you need to try harder. The OP is here explaining it to you and you can bet the majority of people who recieve fsm feel the same but aren’t saying it.

OP, never feel no one cares about you and your daughter, there’s a lot of people fighting to make sure you get that voucher you’re entitled to, hold your head high.

Totally relate to this.

I had free school meals and wasn’t embarrassed and neither Were my parents. You need to step back here and work out why ever you would feel embarrassed. The only time you should feel embarrassed is if you are being a lazy arse and could go and earn that money properly

The local councils have told the schools to ensure all pupils are contacted about this, if they are recipients. It isn't really down to just the schools.

I don't understand the issue very ungrateful plus are you saying people who need extra help should be embarrassed..

imjustbxx people with kids on FSM are entitled to it - it's not charity, and they shouldn't be told they have to be grateful, ffs.

I understand you OP. No one wants to feel like a charity case. You aren't though - don't worry. It's just a procedure that has kicked in. No one will have imagined you were destitute and in desperate need of the vouchers put through your door. It's just what they do by way of a process when kids are off. Don't worry

@imjustbxx

I don't understand the issue very ungrateful plus are you saying people who need extra help should be embarrassed..

She isn't saying anything of the sort; she is saying she feels embarrassed, not people should be embarrassed. Neither is the op ungrateful, she says she is glad of the vouchers.

Can you not put yourself in her shoes, for goodness sake? I don't have difficulty imagining how she feels.

YANBU. You're not an arsehole for feeling embarrassed, I can understand why you'd feel that way. It's hard for me to articulate, I/m sorry .

@imjustbxx

I don't understand the issue very ungrateful plus are you saying people who need extra help should be embarrassed..

@imjustbxx

Op is not ungrateful but she doesn’t have to be grateful either. Let’s not go back to the deserving and undeserving ‘poor’. As a society we should care for each other but it obviously struck a chord for OP as she’s not used to that sort of kindness.

@mortifiedmam

” It's nice that they do want to make sure we are ok. Nobody really cares about us ever, I think that's why it got to me tbh.”

This point you made is the crux of the issue. You sound like you’ve struggling along and felt like nobody cared and were taken aback. Sadly, some people on this thread probably reinforced the idea that people don’t care but many people do care. I understand what sentiment you were expressing and I’m glad your school is supportive. Life can be incredibly difficult but you’re pushing on through and you should be proud of yourself. :)

I am a school governor and we do this for every child who has FSM. I’m actually quite saddened that you are embarrassed by it, I really don’t think you should be.

Ultimately you are entitled to them, and the school is getting the vouchers anyway, so if they don’t give them to you they’ll be wasted. So please don’t be embarrassed, it’s just the sensible thing to do really, and they are going out to everyone that is entitled to them!

mortifiedmam, I get it. That's it really. I get it and understood where you're coming from. This though, this is not an indictment of your 'success' as a parent, as a functioning provider, it is a nod to the situation that many of us are in at the moment, a token to acknowledge the difficulty with the certain knowledge that it's a drop in the ocean of what should be provided and available to all who need it. I fondly imagine the people doing the deliveries cussing out the government, charged with taking care of its citizens and monumentally failing to do it. The government and all who waste their time within in - ought to be feeling the full force of embarrassment and shame. Not you. Not anybody else who could do with a bit of help. Not ever.

After all, who knows when any of us might find ourselves in this situation? Nobody knows what's around the corner.

OP... thank you for rising above it to post in the first place, I think you will have helped more people than you realise, just by posting how you feel and I promise that you're not on your own.

HoofWankingSpangleCunt, I'm really delighted to see you on this thread.

Just try to think that they're trying to give zillions of these out at the moment, and no ones going to sneer at you specially getting them. From the distributors point of view, its an admin exercise. And lots of political pressure to rush these out! So just be happy people cared enough, and enjoy.

I agree with LyingWitchintheWardrobe and JovialNickname.