The most insensitive comment youve heard?

[pallyfally]

A year ago today, my then DP of 4 years told me I was pathetic for crying when I had a very early miscarriage. I left soon after but it hurt me in a way I can’t really remember now but know at the time I was flooded with pain by his comment.

A friend of mine had just finalised her divorce and we had gone for a girl lunch with three others. One of our friends said ‘what’s it like being back on the shelf and knowing you won’t be coming back down?’ Friend was 35 at the time, she was so upset.

Just got me thinking how awful people can be sometimes. I think it says a lot more about them and how they are feeling than the person the comments are directed at. Still shocking and shit though!

[Zaphodsotherhead]

I also had the 'you'll have to get rid of those animals now' (MIL, re cats when I was pregnant (didn't, obviously))

and 'sorry, but your nose is just too big.' (when being dumped by BF who, to my shame, I later went on to marry, and was the son of the above MIL).

[Weirdfan]

HappyInL0nd0n, it does suck, me and DM have discussed it since and she was mortified because she doesn't actually remember saying it and hadn't realised it had stuck with me like it has. I've forgiven her too, I guess we can all be asshats sometimes. And yes, I'm absolutely doing ok now, thanks for asking and I'm glad you're getting there too

[PopsicleHustler]

Some trollope told my husband, your wife is not that beautiful. Her Facebook pictures are glamorous but in real life shes not really like that. News flash , I dont really have time time to be glamorous everyday and my husband actually prefers me without makeup and calls me beautiful and pretty everyday of my life.


Another one is everyone is so rude to me about my religion. I reverted to islam 8 years ago, lost a lot if friends and families and have to put up with ridiculous comments by strangers and people who I thought were my friends. Ie have you joined the taliban and did your husband force you to wear 'that thing' on your head. I've heard you dont eat pork but your mum loves pig in her. Thats the worst one. Said to my 6 year old at the time on a busy bus and in the middle of the day. I wanted to die.

[FrancesFlute]

So many awful comments.

At a new mums group with other women and newborns. I had a traumatic delivery of DS and resulting PTSD. 'Oh I just loved giving birth!' Said by another smug mum who'd just had her second daughter. Continued to tell us how relaxing the delivery had been/no pain. Noone really said anything. To make it even worse, transpired she was a doctor! Hope she is more sensitive with her own patients.

Similar time, one of my oldest friends visiting me and newborn. 'Oh your hair's falling out, it's all short and fluffy round your ears. It looks funny!' So odd as she is normally very emotionally intelligent and articulate. That was maybe the same visit she commented on DS's milk spots with 'why has he got loads of spots?'
As a very down and tired new mum, neither of those were sensitive. I haven't forgotten how crap her words make me feel.

[Lozz22]

The first words by my DM and DSiS after I'd found out I was Pregnant after 3 previous miscarriages was oh ffs. Wouldn't even mention it any time I was there. I lost that Baby too at 9 weeks. Had a scan that showed our Baby's heart never started beating but my body still thought I was Pregnant and the Baby was still inside me. Not one family member has ever asked how I am and everyone else pretty much about 3-4 days after I found out just told me to get over it and get on with it. I had comments of oh it was just a heavy period wasn't it. No it was fuck all like a heavy period. I'll never forget being on the phone to my OH whilst he was 120 miles away with work terrified because I was bleeding massively and passing hand sized clots. In the end I ended up sitting on the toilet for ages until it had slowed down enough for me to go to bed. My OH was terrified that something was going to happen to me and he wouldn't be able to get to me in time. His heart broke twice that week. Once finding out our Baby had died and again from hearing me crying down the phone. I've had the well these things happen for a reason and well at least you know you can get pregnant after years and years of infertility so you can just try again. I've tried for almost a year and I haven't fallen pregnant yet! People say I shouldn't post quotes and things on Facebook in memory of my Babies but now I've gotten to the point where I couldn't give a shit about what anyone else thinks. Oh and I'm not a nice person because I can't deal with pregnancy news. Or people with Babies 2 people were pregnant the same time as me. They were able to bring their Babies home and whilst I'm happy for them it still hurts me like mad

[happystory]

My mother, on hearing of the premature death of my best friend's second husband (after nursing her first husband through a terrible illness) 'Well at least she got his life insurance money.'

[AintOverUntilTheCatLadySings]

Mine was by my DH.

I miscarried four weeks before our wedding. Because I was quite naive about mc I'd phoned 111 when I started bleeding who told me to go to a&e. The doctors were horrible to me and told me I was wasting their time and most women just quietly did it at home without a fuss. Without an a&e sign off I couldn't go to the EPU the next morning. The doctors kept me waiting to be seen for 8 hours and wouldn't give me sanitary towels, despite them being visible on the trolley because I should have thought to have brought more with me. I left in the end because I was in bloodstained clothes and leaking through on the plastic waiting room chairs.

So, was a pretty shocking experience.

It was my hen party the next day and while almost everyone was lovely to me a friend' kept telling me how glad she was that I'd mc'd because otherwise I'd be boring and I wasnt ready for kids and would have been a terrible mother.

Two weeks later DH and I were out for dinner and I was saying to him how it was the first day since the mc that I'd felt normal. He was playing with his phone and said to me:

"When you ordered all that non alcoholic wine for our wedding you must have psychically guessed that someone would be pregnant. R & C are having a baby and the due date was the same as yours." Then tried to show me a scan picture.

It took me a few years to stop being angry with him about it.

[PoorMansPaulaRadcliffe]

@MattBerrysHair

This isn't as bad as some examples on here, but it floored me at the time as it was so unexpected.

Dsis has cerebral palsy and learning difficulties and to make sure she was well-provided for our grandad left her half his estate and split the remaining half between the other 7 grandchildren. Growing up my family was always on benefits and lived in council houses etc. I was helping dsis talk to estate agents and solicitors during a house purchase, for which she used the inheritance as a deposit, and I was telling MIL about it. I said "grandad had left dsis a large amount of money, 90k!" MIL just looked at me coldly and said "actually 90k isn't a lot of money". Well, It's fucking loads of money when you've never had any!

There was a really sweet-sounding girl on MSE a while ago, who had won some money (not a fortune, but a good few thousand) on the lottery or premium bonds, or something, and was talking about some fairly modest things she'd like to buy, and asking for advice about how best to save/invest the rest. She'd obviously never had any money in her life, and was thrilled about her good luck.

The number of posters falling over themselves to tell her that they spent more money in a single year on takeaways and hand lotion, than she'd won, was totally revolting and deeply unedifying.

[OhTheRoses]

Strange how many of these involve miscarriage and other losses. But the last post about A&E (and I hope the op complained formally) made me remember my first miscarriage. Miscarried at about 7 wèeks and thought I should report it to the Dr. She barely looked up and just said in a very clipped tone "did you want it?". I gave a clipped yes thinking look at the notes love, my last consultation was for advice via a via TTC as we had been married for a year and were planning a baby - thinking do you think I just went clubbing and got knocked up. I cried all the way home but unsurprisingly then discovered that 26 years ago she should have advised me to take folic acid and should have advised me about the Kings nuchal fold research for Downs. I found out through friends.

[darumafan]

After my son died I went to the doctors surgery to pick up a prescription for my other son.
The receptionist who had worked there for years told me how sorry she was for my loss which was very sweet of her. The new receptionist asked me how old my son was, when I told her that he was 22 she said that she didn't think that I looked of enough to have a son of that age. Then followed it up by saying that she didn't think that I really had a son of that age now seeing as he was dead.
I looked at her and walked out without saying a word.

[Lurkingforawhile]

Nothing like the awful experiences mentioned above (sending hugs to you all) but last week my mum said - I saw a really nice top in x shop today but you're not a size 10 anymore are you? I'm quite sensitive about the fact my clothes aren't fitting well anymore despite the scales not showing I've put on weight. I am also a size 10 on top still! I didn't like the colour of the top anyway

[KitNCaboodle]

Being told by a family member that my second trimester loss wasn’t as bad as them losing their dog, as the dog was part of the family.

[InsertCoolHalloweenNameHere]

I had a late miscarriage with my first child, at around the same stage of pregnancy with my second I got the same type of pains so I phoned the labour ward, the midwife on the phone was lovely, got me an ambulance and stayed on the phone with me. Arrived at the hospital to be greeted by the midwife who'd dealt with me through my miscarriage who called me stupid and demanded to know why I was wasting her time.
Had a heavy bleed during my pregnancy with dd and the midwife on the phone asked me what I wanted her to do about it

[Damnthemansavetheempir]

I have two,

we lost a colleague at work to suicide and we were raising money for his family so we had buckets at the till with his picture on it, we hadn't told anyone how he died out of respect for the family but gossip gets around, this bloke looks at the bucket then looks at me and my colleague and says "I'd kill myself too if I earned what you earn" we were utterly speechless.

Second was a gem from my abusive mother, the day after my dad died, I was told I had nothing to be upset about, I should think myself lucky that I still had her cos she didn't have either of her parents anymore and didn't I realise how upsetting that was for her!

[CatrinVennastin]

I took DD1 for her first set of vaccinations and the nurse wanted me to breastfeed her while she got the injection so DD wouldn’t cry. I was struggling to latch her on and the nurse laughed and said “those are some really giant haggis breasts you have got there”. This was said in front of a male nursing student who looked like he wanted to die of embarrassment.

Turned out I had thrush in both breasts as DD had thrush in her mouth after her time in NICU.

I went for a smear test a few years later and when I saw it was the same nurse I walked out.

She’s retired now thank fuck.

[notapizzaeater]

My very much DH of 27 years has terminal cancer with only a couple of months left but it's ok as apparently 'I'm pretty and will get another husband easy'

[Twinkie01]

Which is the one with the dead mum? Said to my teacher by the other teacher who had come to take me out of class whilst they made Mother's Day cards. I was 2 feet away and in reception.

I felt like you do when I found out my boyfriend cheated on me at 17, when explaining I was upset because my husband of nearly 20 years and the father of my 3 children was having an emotional affair.

Men leave their wives because they aren't fulfilling their duty as wives, women leave their husbands be as they are slags.

Did you give the examiner a blow job? Asked by my dad when I told him I passed my driving test first time.

At least when you were fat you were happy. Said again my my dad when told of my anorexia. I was never fat, just fucking unhappy at the shit show my life was due to him and my abusive step mother and it was one thing I could control.

[Twinkie01]

Reading this makes me want to cry. How can people be so insensitive in the face of others loss?

[LittleDoritt]

I lost loads of weight after having PND with DD1. My mum repeatedly, REPEATEDLY commented on how she couldn't believe I looked like a "normal" person instead of a fat person. As soon as I felt mentally stronger I ate myself straight back to obesity

[Californiabakes]

After I had a hysterectomy (for pre cancerous cells) my sister asked me if I still felt like a woman.

[alexdgr8]

sunday school teacher to little girl aged 6, whose mother had died. child asked if her mother might be in hell now. teacher replied, well yes she might be.
this was told to me by said teacher, whom i had known years and thought a friend. i knew she had a strange take on religion, but she was also a trained school teacher, and i was so astonished i said nothing. she had related it as if i should sympathise with her; it's so hard when they ask this kind of thing, but i have to tell them the truth.
bet that child still remembers it. grown up by now, maybe on here ?

[FreezerBird]

DD has spina bifida, which was picked up ante-natally so there was lots of info in my notes. There would also have been information in my notes about how dh and I would not terminate the pregnancy under any circumstances.

My six-week check was with. GP I'd not met before at the practise, and after asking how DS was and me saying he'd recovered well from his surgery, appeared to have good movement and strength in his legs said

"Oh, it was the right thing to keep him then"

[FreezerBird]

(that's DS. Not sure why he became DD in the first paragraph there.)

[Cosyjimjamsforautumn]

Aunt (whose mouth and brain were rarely engaged) actually she was just a bitch said to my DM and I after hearing that DB and his partner had lost a much wanted baby at 20wks. "I bet you''re relieved she's lost it. After all, they weren't married and she's not a looker..He can leave her now".

[WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll]

These are horrific. How pathetic must these people's lives be to make them want to hurt and upset others so needlessly? The odd one may be unthinking, but most of them are clearly calculated to insult and cause further anguish to those - some of them children - who are already in so much pain.

It doesn't even just come from a position of stupidity. Oscar Wilde was clearly a very intelligent man and is lauded as an extraordinarily hilarious wit, but his famous quote “To lose one parent may be regarded as a misfortune; to lose both looks like carelessness” was crass in the extreme. Yes, I know it was meant to be a barbed comment in a fictional work, but I wonder how many orphans over the time since he wrote it have been subjected to nasty idiots who can't resist having a good old chuckle at somebody else's devastation by quoting it.