The most insensitive comment youve heard?

[pallyfally]

A year ago today, my then DP of 4 years told me I was pathetic for crying when I had a very early miscarriage. I left soon after but it hurt me in a way I can’t really remember now but know at the time I was flooded with pain by his comment.

A friend of mine had just finalised her divorce and we had gone for a girl lunch with three others. One of our friends said ‘what’s it like being back on the shelf and knowing you won’t be coming back down?’ Friend was 35 at the time, she was so upset.

Just got me thinking how awful people can be sometimes. I think it says a lot more about them and how they are feeling than the person the comments are directed at. Still shocking and shit though!

[Bluntness100]

Midwife After I had my daughter, “you only don’t want to breast feed so you don’t get saggy boobs”

She got this look before she scuttled off.

[Clawdy]

Many years ago I broke off my engagement. He went through all the letters I had sent him, and carefully picked out any with nasty comments about my boss, who I didn't get on with. He put them together in an envelope and sent them to my boss. I was sent for at work, and my boss showed me the letters. To make matters worse, she was lovely to me, and so kind about it! I went home, and tearfully told my mum, who had adored my fiancé. She said " Well, that just shows how much you hurt him...."!

[staruponawish]

@Clawdy

Many years ago I broke off my engagement. He went through all the letters I had sent him, and carefully picked out any with nasty comments about my boss, who I didn't get on with. He put them together in an envelope and sent them to my boss. I was sent for at work, and my boss showed me the letters. To make matters worse, she was lovely to me, and so kind about it! I went home, and tearfully told my mum, who had adored my fiancé. She said " Well, that just shows how much you hurt him...."!

What?! Poor you.

Hugs to every one on this thread.

[OohKittens]

I was discussing termination with my only 'friend', I started to talk about my own medical termination because of anencephaly at 16wks. She laughed and joked that it was a literal no brainer.

[PurplePansy05]

"Friend" after my third miscarriage: "Everything happens for a reason." 🤦🏼‍♀️

[amusedbush]

When I was younger I was really struggling with my mental health, disordered eating and self-harming. I finally got the courage to see my GP and he prescribed anti-depressants.

When I admitted everything to my mum she said that self-harming was "ridiculous" and I should "just bloody stop it". Not only that, but she immediately made an appointment to see my GP and told him that he was wrong to take me seriously, I wasn't depressed at all and I brought it upon myself by being so negative.

[mineofuselessinformation]

I went to put a reply on here right at the start, but thought it was a bit too brutal but clearly now it isn't. My heart goes out to everyone on this thread who has posted with their own events (I won't say stories because that trivialises them). to you all.
My own:
'It was only a ball of cells' - said by my now XH after a miscarriage.
'You need to relax. Just have a bottle of red wine and see what happens' - a consultant after I had been diagnosed with endometriosis and couldn't get pregnant.
'It's an albino' - said by a consultant when I had taken my second-born child to the hospital the day after I had taken her to a GP because I honestly believed she was completely blind. This was announced to a room full of three other medical students (who I hadn't even been asked if I consented to being there). The brutality of it has never left me.

[crispcottonsheets]

I've got a child with special needs so I have a whole bingo sheet of nasty comments including the gems:

You should put him in a home and have another one.
He's just damaged goods.

Both said by someone who really should know better and is in her 20's. DH asked her to leave our house and not come back. I was ready to tell her to fuck off.

Ds is asleep in his bed in his FAMILY home, and actually he's pretty much perfect to me.

[firstimemamma]

My next door neighbour on us choosing to have ds first then get married next - "don't you feel bad for doing things in the wrong order?"

[noirchatsdeux]

21, had been married just 6 months and had managed to get my dream job as a news reporter on a local weekly newspaper (this was 29 years ago so print was still a thing). I rang my mother, as I was due to meet her for lunch that day anyway. Said I had some very exciting news...turned up, told her. Her face fell a mile..."Oh I thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant"...

I'd been telling her since I was 9 I wasn't having children. I still hadn't changed my mind. I'm now 51 and I never did.

[firstimemamma]

Someone trying to force me to do something with my son that I really wasn't comfortable with. Me: "I'm really sorry but we can't do that, he'll be upset"
Them: "oh who cares?!"

Ds was 5 months old

[VanCleefArpels]

I was in A&E after having a suspected miscarriage. Nurse comes in to do Obs and says how did it happen? I say I was on the toilet. She says “oh well, best place for it, less mess”. This in respect of much wanted second child. I do wish I’d had the gumption to say something at the time. It’s never left me and this was nearby 20 years ago.

[AlexCabot]

Crispcottonsheets One of my nephews has special needs and I'm still gobsmacked at some of the things people have said to DB and SIL.

It's 2020 and people still can't engage their fucking brains before speaking, I'm so sorry.

[Dinosauratemydaffodils]

My grandmother called dc1 an abomination because he was born by emcs having got stuck. I've also been told I didn't give birth, took the easy way out (my first labour was 75 hours of dc1 attempting to leave via the sciatic nerve mostly with no pain relief, pushing and failed forceps before an emcs...I'd love to know what hard looks like) and doomed my kids to be fat, asthmatic and diabetic (so far they aren't and I swear she's disappointed).

One of the midwives told me "You shouldn't have got pregnant if you weren't over being raped" when I was struggling with breastfeeding. I thought I was over it.

[Onthelowdown]

I lost my glasses somewhere my grandads funeral, once at the wake I realised and told my grandma from the other side (ie not the grandparent that had just been widowed). Her response was “Well that’s stupid, what did you do that for?”

Quite minor as no emotional consequence to the loss of the glasses but it was so unbelievably tactless and infuriated me. Love the lady but all I could get out was “obviously I didn’t do it on purpose” and walked away.

[IKEA888]

not as brutal as most but said to me by a wprk colleague stand by next to her for a group photo at someones leaving doo.
" oh good Ikea I like beingnext to you as it makes me feel really pretty

[GinWithASplashOfTonic]

My boss the day before my DGM's funeral which I was having a day off for. As I was leaving said "have a lovely time" as though I was off for a spa weekend

Potentially outing so off to name change

[PurplePansy05]

Oh, and more from my miscarriage history, a sonographer in my local hospital after my first loss "Well, at least you got pregnant quickly", my father "But why did you miscarry, did you lift something heavy?", my former friend who was never even pregnant "My [other friend's] [natural] miscarriage must have been really bad, you don't know how she felt" (after I just told her the story of my own MC which was medically managed and ended up with me feeling like I was about to die after an allergic reaction to meds and left me with PTSD), my work colleague who can't get pregnant after my third loss "Oh, your loss this time was at 13 weeks... must have been so awful, you must have thought you're safe then"... Errr, no. Clueless.

Baby loss seems to be a particularly rich topic it seems, it doesn't surprise me, sadly. People say the worst and the most obviously stupid things to you then. There really is no excuse.

On a lighter note, MIL when I was buying a wedding dress, me (size 12 then), ordering a size 10, a year before the wedding and on a strict fitness mission: "Oh, I don't think you'll lose that much, I'd buy a size 12".

[Clevs]

It's so sad that a lot of these revolve around pregnancy or miscarriage 😢I've got a couple to add on the same subject.

People at work saying things like a "isn't it time you had a baby" or "why aren't you pregnant yet?" a year or two after getting married. I suffered two miscarriages within a year of getting married. Even though they didn't know I still took offence at what they said.

I had the usual "was it planned?" when I was pregnant which annoyed me rather than upset me but still quite intrusive.

Chatting with a friend at work recently who had a baby a few weeks before me (2.5 years ago). She was complaining about lack of pelvic floor and I commented that mine wasn't too bad. She then commented on how it was because I didn't give birth the normal way (I had an emergency c-section after a failed induction). I'm pretty sure pregnancy could have messed it up, or that my baby made a partial entrance down the birth canal. But no, the fact I had a c-section is the reason my pelvic floor is ok. She knows how upset I was at needing a c-section so I found her comment very insensitive.

[Bubbletrouble43]

When I was having my twins at age 42, and Dc1 was about to leave for uni, a friend asked ( with no trace of irony) " why are you ruining your life?"

[BurtonHouse]

Exh hit me because his dinner wasn't ready when he wanted. So I left and went back to mum. Db, who was still living at home, said "Hm. If a man can't hit his wife who CAN he hit?"

[WitchDancer]

Many years ago I had a miscarriage at about 16 weeks. I had a follow up appointment at my doctors and she asked when I had my termination. I've never forgotten.

[Chilver]

I've had a few that come to mind...

'You need to go back to who you were; THAT'S who he loved'... my charming MIL when I confided in her that I was struggling as were myself and DH through my 2 years of grueling cancer treatment.

'Well, you can afford x, because you've only got one child and I have 3' said in a really nasty 'its not fair' way, completely 'forgetting' that the cancer robbed us of the chance to have more than one child.

'Right, let me just set this machine to the boy setting, yes, thats the boy setting we need today' said the gynae nurse whilst I had my legs in stirrups and she was about to scan me intravaginally. And yes, she knew of my surgically removed womb etc due to cancer, but apparently that changes my sex and I am now male....

[Catra]

When my son was stillborn:

My boss: Have you thought about getting a dog?

My mum: Oh well, at least this will make you a more compassionate person.

Mum again: You wanted a girl anyway, so it could be worse.

My dad: Well my mother lost four children, it's just nature, can't be helped.

[indemMUND]

The most direct comment I received when DD was a toddler:
I'd noticed a lady really staring at us.
"Is she yours?"
I nodded.
"Oh. Well, when you look at your face and then look at that gorgeous little girl it's just hard to imagine".
Because I wear a lot of black make up and my toddler wasn't born a goth.
I wish I'd had a decent comeback but I was speechless.