ADs head off to The Three Bellends and discuss luxury duvets and stationery

[BogRollBOGOF]

(Socially distanced of course and in strictest obedience of all localised lockdowns and 3 or 5 tiers and whatever illogic the powers that be can dream up next)

The original digital discussion continues...

A friend had her dad die suddenly, in his sixties I guess. I remember being shocked when another friend commented about 3 months later that the first friend, "really should have got over it by now." No wonder we have rising rates of mental ill health really, is it? If you don't fit your grief into some acceptable time scale then people think you're over-reacting.

I'd definitely be devastated if my parents died of Covid, but we've lost so many family members prematurely and suddenly, that I don't see the point in sitting fretting about the possibility, especially when other things are much more likely to be deadly. Death can come at any time and everything is a risk so if you aren't especially vulnerable what's the point in getting yourself into a panic over it and restricting your life to the extent that you do nothing and see nothing?

See no one.

A friend had her dad die suddenly, in his sixties I guess. I remember being shocked when another friend commented about 3 months later that the first friend, "really should have got over it by now

Wow. What a despicable attitude. I was told the same by a manager,two weeks after an Uncle died. It wouldn't have been acceptable regardless of our relationship but I was very close to my Uncles as I was raised in an extended family and they were a very important part of my life. I was too stunned to respond at the time.

I lost my Dad 3 years ago to complications from diverticulitis. I'm definitely not over it. DH won't talk about it, he thinks I should be done by now. And the only person I could talk to about it was a colleague who I now don't really see any more. We have Teams meetings but it's not the same as sneaking onto the roof of the building we work in (I have access for Reasons), and have a good old sob. He lost his dad about the same time and it has done us both good.

Hi, just sneaking in for a sit down, don't mind me.

@ISaySteadyOn I totally agree about the ritual being lost, only 100 years ago you'd be living in a multigenerational home where death at home would be normal, now, just like most natural things, it has become something that happens behind closed doors and clinical. To me the same thing has happened with birth too, these are both the most natural things to happen yet they don't trust our bodies to be able to deal with them.
Sometimes it is the case but there are also times where the body is a wonderful thing or knows what it is doing.

I've not come into contact with death aside from a few grandparents we lost when I was very young, since then it has only been pets, but I feel quite comfortable with the idea of death and as the saying goes 'nothing in this world can be said to be certain except death and taxes'

I've said this on a previous thread, but I'm a prime example of how we are divorced from death. I'm almost 40, all my grandparents have died during my adult life. But I've never seen a dead body, never sat by a death bed. It all happened in hospitals or care homes and it was something that was kept from us, handled by the professionals.

@User3billion

Hi, just sneaking in for a sit down, don't mind me.

Welcome!

Closest I've come to death was on my carehome placement where one of the residents suddenly went utterly non-responsive with a breathing rate not detectable in the middle of a mealtime.

Had to move all the residents to get this lady out into another room to perform CPR on her while the ambulance got there - paramedics arrived and she came to and promptly belted one of them around the face!

I was surprisingly fine and managed to help move the other residents and carry on with their mealtime, but the other girl on my placement (who was an immature self-centred bully anyway) absolutely fell apart - ran out of the room sobbing and was just totally of no use to anyone. I organised for her to get out of that afternoon's placement (to be honest it got her out of the way and out of my hair), rang uni to advise them of what had gone on - and just carried on functioning.

I must have been toughened up by life. Had to visit a family friend who was basically a father figure to me in ITU when he was dying of sepsis, dd2 had pneumonia to the point she nearly ended up in HDU and they were really concerned about her (bed right next to the nurses desk etc)... things like that.

DH on the other hand couldn't even cope with our very elderly and distressed dog being put to sleep. I was gutted and I miss the furry little idiot every day - but I coped - he just fell apart completely.

I guess they breed northern women tough in our family.

I'm fortunate in that I haven't had many people really close to me die, but as both of my parents are youngest children, my childhood and teen years were punctuated by the deaths of elderly relatives. Mostly they were people I didn't see very often. Very few of the deaths had much of a lasting effect on me to be honest, but death was a concept I became familiar with.
Both sides of my family are fairly ruthless in our unsentimentality about death and bereavement, but it does open the door for us to talk about it openly and honestly. That's in terms of death itself, and being able to talk freely about people who have died, which I think is our form of healing. We never visit my grandfather's memorial plaque, but we do remember his violent reactions to seeing Cliff Richard on the TV and the way the bull in the field next to his house would come over to him for a natter and a nose rub.

I have seen death and quite a lot of it. From nursing I got quite a dispassionate view of death. I was a children's nurse, very few children die, even in hospital, and when it is known that they are dying they were always kept very well sedated. It is a total tragedy, but all the child deaths I saw were well managed and peaceful.
Seeing older people in hospital and care homes less so. Even with little quality of life, pain and misery the mantra seemed to be 'keep them breathing at all costs'. Terminal wards and hospice aren't like this in my experience and they same to be calm and peaceful with the patient put first.

Too many doctors on other wards take death as a personal insult and, in too many care homes, inexperienced, poorly paid and trained staff often avoid people who are in their last days. Certainly not all, I have seen some very compassionate care both in and out of hospital but it isn't always the case.

As for resuscitation - in otherwise fit and healthy people fine, but the chances of it working in the elderly are minimal - and when it does it is usually a brief and uncomfortable/painful interlude.

I've had a DNAR lodged with my doctors since I was 50.

My hospital work experience was many years ago so things may have changed although I was less than impressed with the care dad got in his last few weeks. Care homes experience is more recent and it's a very mixed bunch I'm afraid.

Dd nearly died 2 years ago. She was a bit unwell at lunchtime, in an ambulance at 9PM and HDU at 3am. Spent a week I hospital.
That was sepsis, too many people already die of this and other things every year. It worries me how many more will during covid, especially with people avoiding hospitals during last lockdown.

Dd is asd and has sensory processing disorder. Lockdown was the worst I've seen her. Meltdowns, head banging the floor, biting her hand. She really did not cope. That's when I found solidarity on this thread.

Hi, @User3billion

Oh no, I can’t cope with animals dying 😂😂 Id lockdown for months to save the dogs

*That was a joke by the way, in case any government officials or dementors see it

@SirSamuelVimes

I've said this on a previous thread, but I'm a prime example of how we are divorced from death. I'm almost 40, all my grandparents have died during my adult life. But I've never seen a dead body, never sat by a death bed. It all happened in hospitals or care homes and it was something that was kept from us, handled by the professionals.

Same here with grandparents, I think people are so far removed from it now that the thought of seeing a dead body freaks them out. I saw my brother as his death was so sudden and I needed to say goodbye and the whole seeing a dead body was surprisingly unfreaky. We are all supposed to have that good old British stiff upper lip, keep it all in and just get on with in. Shows of grief are frowned on often because it makes other people feel uncomfortable. Contrast with other countries we see on the news where people seem free to just let it all out altogether.

@User3billion

Hi, just sneaking in for a sit down, don't mind me.

Welcome. Pull up a chair and have a .

Welcome to more new people... from a pissing down with rain last days of Tier 2 Nottingham.

Articles about Covid brain fog... try the brain fog of trying to think through serious depression and anxiety through this bloody pandemic - try living with THAT. I can't read a book, can't focus on a TV show - all I CAN focus on is uni work - in 25 minute chunks (I use a timer)

@DominaShantotto

Welcome to more new people... from a pissing down with rain last days of Tier 2 Nottingham.

Articles about Covid brain fog... try the brain fog of trying to think through serious depression and anxiety through this bloody pandemic - try living with THAT. I can't read a book, can't focus on a TV show - all I CAN focus on is uni work - in 25 minute chunks (I use a timer)

I'm so glad you've managed to keep going with your uni course, @DominaShantotto.

I’ve seen a lot of close death as I’m cracking on a bit and am now at the top of our family tree.
In fact I seem to have been propelled into the position of the Go to person To speak at someone’s funeral..
I also was a grief and bereavement counsellor with Cruse for ten years, so although I’m very much aware and I Understand the process it still leaves you with the raw emotions left behind when You’ve lost someone you love very much and know you will never see them in this life again.

It still hurts and it can still trigger sadness and grief decades after the death
I believe in shedding tears . Tears are the healing for the hurt that’s already happened.
I still cry for my loved ones. Usually when I’m feeling down myself and I know I can never get comfort from that quarter again.
It actually doesn’t take much thought to put me back into those situations again.

As a nation I don’t think we are very good at expressing emotions. I think we are taught to bury our feelings and it it’s very detrimental.

Those buried feelings have a way of coming back years in the future, so much better to deal with them at the time so they don’t build up and cause a tsunami when you just can’t go on any longer.

Life is hard, harsh and unfair many, many times over. No wonder we cling to the nice bits, the holidays, the breaks, adventures, nights out , time with loved ones, festivities etc
These are what gets us through.

It’s no wonder we are all suffering as that is what is denied to us right now, our basic right to enjoy our lives while we can until old age snaps at our heels.

It is very much like a bereavement of our old lives.

Well I am getting a pasting elsewhere. Non welshies I presume

Because you are spouting absolute nonsense and trying to cause a shitstorm. Welsh born, bred and still living in Wales here.

For the record..... yet again (in case you didn’t get it the first 100 times posters were trying to tell you) baby clothes are being sold in the supermarkets as are sanitary protection. The chemists are also open, together with B&M - who are also allowed to sell everyday essentials.

Clothes have been classed as non essential in the supermarkets because places like New Look, Next, H&M etc have had to close because they only sell non essential items. Supermarkets sell a mix of essential and non essential items, therefore they can sell essential items but not non essential items - making it fair on the stores that usually sell the non essential stuff but have now been forced to close. M&S is open for food only. No clothing is to be sold.

Why do insist on posting lies and hyperbole on various threads?

@justasking111
Re your Dil
I know exactly what you mean.
If my dd rang me in tears...I’d be on a plane Asap.( in the canaries at the mo)

She’s sea swimming and paddle boarding her way through this and meeting other home Ed mums and kids ,as allowed as they have to provide an education for the children.
My son is working his way through this.
Had his first day in theatre yesterday as a student nurse, He’s been worker as a carer before uni, going into peoples homes and yes some with covid.

I’m so grateful that they both are doing ok. One of my dils has a wobble but she’s always been like that.

But yes when the stoic crumble , it’s a time to worry.

What’s the weather like where you are? Utterly pouring (and windy) here. I desperately need to do some gardening —pull the grass out of the herb garden— but there’s no way I’m going out in this.

My strike through didn’t work.