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Original poster

Monday will be the second worst day of my life

183 replies

Crunchymum · 17/10/2020 19:33

Sorry for the very self indulgent thread, I posted a few weeks back and had a lot of support.

Monday is my mum's funeral.

She died suddenly 4 weeks ago and I still cannot believe that in two days we'll be cremating her.

Not even sure why I'm posting. Maybe I just need a good old fashioned hand hold Sad

Not sure how I'll do this.

OP posts:
MJMG2015 · 17/10/2020 22:18

Hi again

I was going to ask you on another thread if you'd had your mums funeral yet, but I didn't want to upset you, on the off chance you'd managed to distract yourself for 5 minutes.

My Dad died suddenly (quite a few years ago now) and like many others have said, the days before the funeral were actually worse than the funeral itself. I hate public speaking, but I did it for my Dad & I was pretty much ok. (The celebrant had a copy just in case I completely fell apart). The funeral was a bit surreal. I'm even more sorry you're going through this during such strange times.

Your Mum will always be part of you & there with you. Xx

What time is the service starting on Monday? I'd like to light a candle and send you strength.

Terralee · 17/10/2020 22:19

Sorry for your loss, thinking of you crunchymum & all of those on this thread who have recently lost loved ones...

My favourite Uncle died suddenly in April which was a shock obviously.
I was one of the ten people allowed at the funeral. As my Auntie & Dad are over 70 & I was working with Covid patients at the hospital I wasn't supposed to hug them which was not nice. Also not having a wake was sad. But the actual funeral was a good send off that he would've approved of if that makes sense?

Sheknowsaboutme · 17/10/2020 22:25

Oh bless you. As others have said, it will go quickly.

The pressure off my shoulders after mum’s funeral was immense. She’d been ill for 5 years and i felt so much pressure but still didn’t make it easier. But she wasn’t in pain and that made me feel better.

Never easy but with current restrictions its making it more difficult.

Take your time to grieve. Do things at your own pace❤️

MJMG2015 · 17/10/2020 22:27

You are right. Life sometimes IS shit.

CharlieBoo · 17/10/2020 22:27

I lost my dad in June to cancer.. I organised his funeral as my mum couldn’t cope with it. It’s the worst thing to ever go through and I haven’t come to terms with it 4 months on. My
Only advice is to be kind to yourself and give yourself time. It’s hugely over whelming and you do a lot on autopilot. Even seeing my dad in the chapel of rest felt like an out of body experience.

I will be thinking of you and sending you lots of love

rorosemary · 17/10/2020 22:28

I'm so sorry for your loss. I remember dreading my mums funeral so much (11 years ago) that on the day of the funeral I was so exhausted that much passed me by. Do you gave a close friend or someone that you can open up to who can stay by your side as a kind of mental crutch? Just someone who is there to hold your hand can help. It's so kind if you to try to protect your siblings a bit but it's ok to have your own protector too.

GabsAlot · 17/10/2020 22:29

so sorry op i lost my mum aswell not suddenly but still

theres noth ng i can say really i felt like i was in a daze it was a religious funeral so went on for a week which i found terrible but tradition and all that

it will be hard theres no doubt but you will get through it

KittyConCarne · 17/10/2020 22:29

So sorry Crunchymum
Like a previous poster said- grief is the price we pay for love.
Being loved by a wonderful parent means a bond that will cause you such pain when it is broken... but to have felt love like that in a lifetime is always worth that price- you wouldn't be the woman you are today if you hadn't had exactly the Mum you got given- she lives on in you, in the love that she shared with you, in all the good loving caring things she taught you her daughter.

My Dad's funeral was in January and it felt very surreal. The day passed quickly and I can't remember all the details. With hindsight I can't believe I greeted/ organised/ checked on guests as I did- just on autopilot. But it helped. I didn't want to break down in front of people/ needed to put my mum first & foremost that day.
I hope you feel either able to push through the day, or able to take yourself off or find comfort in relatives, or just see the day through in numb autopilot like I did.
Once it's over, you can rest in the knowledge that you have given your Mum the best possible send-off in the circumstances, and can allow yourself to slowly come to terms with your grief.
Take care of yourself, I really feel for you Flowers

Tempnamelady · 17/10/2020 22:34

Love and prayers and a hand hold 😘🙏🏻♥️. My mum died 10 years ago and I remember one of her very well educated and perceptive cousins made a comment about a visceral change that happens when you lose your mum. In my case my mum died due to alcoholism, we had not lived together for 34 of my 40 years so in my case it wasn’t true but in your case one hundred and ten percent it does.

Would love to hear more about your mum xxxxx

PumpkinParent · 17/10/2020 22:36

Sincere condolences Crunchymum. Losing a much loved parent causes a deep, deep physical pain. There is no right and wrong for Monday. Many people here will be thinking of you and your family on the day.

thetemptationofchocolate · 17/10/2020 22:42

My mum was cremated just weeks ago. I'm not going to lie, it was awful - that was my Mum in there! But it did mean the end of that limbo you are in between a death and a funeral, and the beginning of trying to work out where everything in my life fits, now that a huge piece has been removed from the puzzle.
I am very sorry for your loss, and if you need to sob all the way through Monday, you do that. I will be thinking of you x

ScubaSteven · 17/10/2020 22:45

Hand hold, OP. I’m so sorry for your loss xx

murasaki · 17/10/2020 22:49

Sorry for your loss, you will do your best, and then please do take time out to feel how you need to feel. Thinking of you for Monday.

GloGirl · 17/10/2020 22:51

You can hold my hand.

The way you talk of your Mum sounds so nice, I'd love to hear more about her if you can bear it? In what way was she mischievous?? She sounds a character! x

Biglumpycustard · 17/10/2020 23:08

Giving you a big hug xx

Hollywolly1 · 17/10/2020 23:10

So sorry for your lossFlowers

shesgonebatshitagain · 17/10/2020 23:27

@KittyConCarne

What a lovely post

thisldo · 17/10/2020 23:35

Sorry for loss x

2018SoFarSoGreat · 18/10/2020 07:32

I am sorry you have to get through this, but you will. I seriously thought I might collapse at my DM's, but she would have been furious, and wanted us to do her proud. So we did. That kept me standing through it, and I'm glad it worked.

Will be sending good thoughts and a hand to hold, for Monday.

Roselilly36 · 18/10/2020 07:37

Handhold here OP, so sorry for your loss.

You will do your mum proud on Monday, it will probably feel very surreal, and yes relief that the day is over. Have you any Bach’s rescue remedy to help you, I find it helps with emotional stress.

Good luck for Monday, you will be ok, sorry again for your loss Flowers

Frdd · 18/10/2020 07:39

Thinking of you x

Doingitaloneandproud · 18/10/2020 07:49

So sorry for your loss Thanks

nosswith · 18/10/2020 08:17

Sorry to read of your loss. Try to celebrate all the good things in her life and all the love she gave to you and others. Whilst it will not bring her back, her sudden death meant that she did not suffer.

perhapstomorrow · 18/10/2020 16:02

How are you doing @crunchymum? Have to say I'm feeling a bit sick and feeling very teary.

Original poster
Crunchymum · 18/10/2020 16:11

I'm feeling like utter shit @perhapstomorrow

Still in my PJ's as I just can't face any of it today. I have little one's so I'm being kept busy but I just couldn't cope with the "world" today.

What time is your dad's service tomorrow? Do you have a good support network? I'm one of 4 siblings so we've all been propping each other up.

OP posts: