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Original poster

Monday will be the second worst day of my life

183 replies

Crunchymum · 17/10/2020 19:33

Sorry for the very self indulgent thread, I posted a few weeks back and had a lot of support.

Monday is my mum's funeral.

She died suddenly 4 weeks ago and I still cannot believe that in two days we'll be cremating her.

Not even sure why I'm posting. Maybe I just need a good old fashioned hand hold Sad

Not sure how I'll do this.

OP posts:
Joeblack066 · 17/10/2020 21:32

So very sorry for your loss.

Chickychickydodah · 17/10/2020 21:33

💐💐💐❤️

StarCat2020 · 17/10/2020 21:34

Sorry this happened to your family.

I think you should be proud of yourself for trying to shield your younger siblings from the sheer awfulness of what has happened.

I wish you well for Monday

perhapstomorrow · 17/10/2020 21:35

Sorry for your loss OP. It's my dads funeral in Monday too so I sort if know what you're going through. I dont have the added distress of it being sudden though. Like you I have organised it and will be doing the flowers for it tomorrow. I think I've been so busy that I haven't really grieved yet. On Monday I will just go with the flow and just try and take in the day. It's so hard with all the restrictions. Hope it goes as well as it can on Monday. 💐

GintyMarlow2 · 17/10/2020 21:37

I'm so sorry for your loss. Losing your mum is heartbreaking. It's sharp now, but in time it will get easier. On Monday you'll have family and friends to support you, and many of us here, although you don't know us, will be thinking of you and sending you strength. Flowers

PainfulMemory · 17/10/2020 21:38

Hugs for you.

My beloved dad died suddenly in front of me 7 months ago. It was the worst day of my life so far. At the funeral I sobbed my heart out, especially when 'his' song was played. It all passed very quickly though.

I know your pain, as do many of us, and you're not alone.

chorusline79 · 17/10/2020 21:39

Sorry for your loss and the pain you are going through. Love to you and take it one day at a time.

HelloDaisy · 17/10/2020 21:39

So sorry for your loss. I’ve been there too as my lovely mum died in an accident 5 years ago.

I remember walking into the foyer at the crematorium and suddenly didn’t recognise anybody around me, even though they were all friends and family. My feet froze and I didn’t want to walk in there, didn’t want it to be my reality. Dh was outside waiting to carry mum’s coffin in with db and cousins and I felt so alone and small.

My wonderful childhood friend saw me and he quietly put his arm through mine and helped me walk. It is my strongest memory of the day. I actually don’t remember much of the day but do remember the light feeling in the evening, as though we had honoured mum and shown her how loved she was...

You will get through the day, painful as it will be, as it is there to honour and love her. Sending hugs and strength to you.

Mischance · 17/10/2020 21:40

I am so sorry. One thing that got me through my OH's funeral was a sense that death is universal; that he had lived his life and was returning to nature and was part of the whole cycle of life and death that is how our world works; that what was happening is shared by millions of others the world over. I do not know why I found that comforting, but I did. It was unexpected.

I hope that something will come to you and help you through.

Hang on to the memories. Flowers

AgainstAllOdds1 · 17/10/2020 21:42

Lost my lovely mum just before lockdown. In my vase she had been on a short battle with cancer but the end was quick but brutal. A big shock as thought we would have her for a couple more years. Obviously we didn't want her in pain though. I've not come to terms.s with it yet, I have a feeling it will take a long time. I'm with you, its awful Flowersx

DownstairsMixUp · 17/10/2020 21:43

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

ByebyeOcado · 17/10/2020 21:46

Dear OP, I’m so sorry. Please be kind to yourself. There are no rules to this awful scenario. You may feel upbeat one minute, then come crashing down the next. It is so unpredictable. Don't be hard on yourself; have a good cry. She must have been so special to you. I promise you that in time you will be able to remember her and smile, rather than have your heart breaking every time you think of her. xx

Devlesko · 17/10/2020 21:49

I am so sorry for your loss.
It is true, you will gain comfort from seeing those who loved her as well.
The relief too, especially as you have been making all the arrangements.
Give yourself time, as much as you need.
There is no right or wrong way to grieve.
My thoughts are with you Thanks

FlouncingBabooshka · 17/10/2020 21:51

@Crunchymum I’m so sorry. You are going through something the magnitude of which that no one can comprehend unless they’ve been through it themselves Flowers

I don’t know if this will help but I lost my own lovely mum six years ago. It was, of course, devastating. There’s no way of course of knowing if your experience will be anything like mine but I found that I coped surprisingly well with the day of the funeral. I think a combination of adrenaline and, well, a certain surreal feeling to the whole thing carried me through. Before was awful. After was awful. The day itself just didn’t feel real. And that helped. I hope you cope equally well. There are tough times ahead to be sure but maybe the day itself won’t be quite the ordeal you feel it will be. I know others have had a similar experience to mine. Wishing you the strength to get through it. Flowers

YesIDoLoveCrisps · 17/10/2020 21:57

I feel like a toddler I feel like on Monday I'm just going to stand on the spot, stamp my feet and scream "I DON'T WANT TO"

Do it then. Scream and shout and rant somewhere safe or to someone who will listen (like the others on this the read I will listen). Then get through Monday - that doesn’t mean get over it, it means get through it a second at a time and then carry on like that for as long as you need.
Sending love Flowers

M0mmzee · 17/10/2020 22:01

It’s comforting when it all goes as well as can be expected. I lost my Dad recently and although it was an extremely sad day, I got comfort in knowing I had carried out his wishes to the best of my ability.
People will be incredibly kind to you. Try not to worry and big hugs to you. You will do her proud I am sure. 💫

ArabellaScott · 17/10/2020 22:01

Flowers I'm so sorry, OP. Handhold here.

Hope it all goes as smoothly as possible tomorrow and you feel some relief.

Wishing you the very best.

Original poster
Crunchymum · 17/10/2020 22:02

I knew posting here would help.

It did really help a few weeks ago, when she had literally just dropped dead (sorry to be so blunt but that is what happened)

I cannot believe that is had been 4 weeks. I cannot believe that we've just planned a funeral for my mischievous, silly, delightful mum. I cannot comprehend the finality of it all.

We are all adults and have our own partners and children but none of us live more than a fifteen minute walk from my parents house. There is such a gaping hole for all of us. And my poor dad. He'd never had a night without her in 42 years.

I try not to view it as saying goodbye and I know the funeral is all part of the process to help us grieve. But I don't want any of this Sad

I'm so sorry that so many of you know how I feel. Life is shit sometimes.

OP posts:
Mischance · 17/10/2020 22:02

I am sure that you will get through Monday. I know it seems unimaginable at the this moment; but you will. Really, everyone feels like this, and they do get through; you may unexpectedly feel supported by the fact that others are there who loved her; and that her life is being celebrated. Flowers

tricky29 · 17/10/2020 22:03

💐 and 💓 for you, my mum was the same as you (eldest child, did all the organising). Looking back now she always says the hardest part was the time between when her Dad died and his funeral. She was putting immense pressure on herself. She felt relief and peace once the day started and then started to grieve properly in the days afterwards and it gradually became easier. Just go easy on yourself. I’m so sorry for your loss.

MostDisputesDieAndNoOneShoots · 17/10/2020 22:04

I’m so sorry for your loss. Thinking of you and sending you all the love in the world Flowers

Original poster
Crunchymum · 17/10/2020 22:05

@perhapstomorrow

Sorry for your loss OP. It's my dads funeral in Monday too so I sort if know what you're going through. I dont have the added distress of it being sudden though. Like you I have organised it and will be doing the flowers for it tomorrow. I think I've been so busy that I haven't really grieved yet. On Monday I will just go with the flow and just try and take in the day. It's so hard with all the restrictions. Hope it goes as well as it can on Monday. 💐
Sorry for the loss of your dad. Wishing you well for Monday too.

Flowers Flowers

OP posts:
Armi · 17/10/2020 22:06

Thinking of you. Flowers

Dotinthecity · 17/10/2020 22:07

💐

Jujuball · 17/10/2020 22:08

So sorry for your loss. I hope Monday goes as well as it could do Thanks