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Original poster

Monday will be the second worst day of my life

183 replies

Crunchymum · 17/10/2020 19:33

Sorry for the very self indulgent thread, I posted a few weeks back and had a lot of support.

Monday is my mum's funeral.

She died suddenly 4 weeks ago and I still cannot believe that in two days we'll be cremating her.

Not even sure why I'm posting. Maybe I just need a good old fashioned hand hold Sad

Not sure how I'll do this.

OP posts:
Crikeyblimey · 17/10/2020 19:53

Yep. It is properly shit when your mum dies. However Monday will, in a still shit but shared shit kind of way allow you to see how many others feel your sadness.

Celebrate how amazing she was with the love and strength of the people around you.

It takes time and never really gets ‘ok’ but Monday will be the day you will feel the collective grief and it does (or did for me) help.

I remember having to go and buy a dress for mum’s funeral and all I could thing was ‘today is the day I bought a dress I never ever wanted’.

Be kind to yourself. Xxx

sharonJJ55 · 17/10/2020 19:57

Oh that's so sad. My heart sank for you when I read your post. Can't imagine what you must be going through and even though you are a stranger, I'll be sending you big hugs on Monday xxx

101Pizzaqueen · 17/10/2020 19:59

So sorry for your loss OP Thanks

I lost my Mum in June only a week after we found out she had terminal Cancer. The shock and pain of losing her is still so raw and I don't think it's ever something I will ever get over.

I hope everything goes ok for you on Monday xx sending lots of hugs Thanks

CaraDuneRedux · 17/10/2020 19:59
Flowers

It will be crap, but hopefully it will also be a kind of release too.

Remember to take hankies.

EternalOptimist7 · 17/10/2020 19:59

So sorry OP. My parents are in their 80s so realistically I won’t have them for much longer & I just can’t go there so I can’t imagine how you are feeling. I always say that funerals help to process things & I really hope Monday will do that for you. Sending hugs 💐💐

monkeytennis97 · 17/10/2020 20:00

So sorryThanks

shinynewapple2020 · 17/10/2020 20:01

So sorry to hear this @Crunchymum
All the best for Monday and hope you will be able to have some family with you to help you grieve. Thanks

Crazyhorses123 · 17/10/2020 20:04

I'm so sorry, my mum died suddenly last year and is so hard. It does get easier to bear I promise you.

winterisstillcoming · 17/10/2020 20:05

Just take it minute by minute, hour by hour.

Rely on the love and kindness from others.

It will be harrowing but it will help you to say goodbye.

Thanks
harriethoyle · 17/10/2020 20:10

OP - I lost my mum suddenly in August. As you have, I planned the funeral and dealt with all the admin. I genuinely found the funeral profoundly moving and comforting. It was difficult, at times I was upset but afterwards I felt so proud of having sent her off in accordance with her wishes and what I knew of her. Sending you strength for Monday but you will get through it xx

userxx · 17/10/2020 20:12

Nothing useful to be say but I will be thinking of you on Monday x

FallonsTeaRoom · 17/10/2020 20:15

Sorry for your loss.

Dad died in August and I was sitting at his funeral not quite believing it. It hurts. It's shit.

So sorry you're going through this. Will be thinking of you on Monday. Please take time for yourself and allow yourself to grieve. Don't be the person propping everyone else up. You're allowed to fall over too. Hugs. X

CallmeAngelina · 17/10/2020 20:15

This is completely shit, I know, and made even more so, I expect, with Covid restrictions.
Do remember to be kind to yourself. Don't under-estimate your siblings - they may be able to provide more support and comfort than you know.
Flowers

Quaagars · 17/10/2020 20:16
Flowers
Terrace58 · 17/10/2020 20:18

I lost my mother 2 years ago. It’s hard. I still miss her, but it does get easier.

Surprisingly, the funeral will help. Having a day where you let yourself grieve for a specified time does help release the pain.

Twillow · 17/10/2020 20:19

A sudden death is hard, for sure. This is a horrid stage, between the death and the funeral. You will be dreading the funeral but it will be a rite of passage and ease you to the next step. Talk to her - I find that comforting still!

Bouledeneige · 17/10/2020 20:23

It's never self indulgent to post about your loss OP. I remember your previous post and felt your shock and pain.

The funeral will be tough of course, full of grief, emotion but also full of love and thankfulness for that life well lived and given to others.

My Mum died suddenly and her funeral was very moving. I gave a eulogy and it was the hardest thing I ever did - I just about got through it.

The polite reception afterwards was strange but then afterwards my immediate family can't back to my house for posh pizzas, salad and drinks. It was so important to me - just the close people who really loved her and in response to all the sadness and tears some gentle fun and closeness. I will remember my Mum and that celebration of her life for ever.

SirVixofVixHall · 17/10/2020 20:26

I am so sorry OP.
I found the funeral service for my Mum easier than I thought it would be, but afterwards was very tough. Expect to feel exhausted, and take good care of yourself physically as it is easy to get ill and rundown from all the grief and stress.

bloodywhitecat · 17/10/2020 20:26

When it is all done you can stamp your feet as hard as you need to. Sending you much love and strength Flowers

shesgonebatshitagain · 17/10/2020 20:27

It is a day I dread so my heart goes out to you tonight.
I am sending you love and I am so sorry for your loss.

Flowers
shesgonebatshitagain · 17/10/2020 20:30

@Twillow

A sudden death is hard, for sure. This is a horrid stage, between the death and the funeral. You will be dreading the funeral but it will be a rite of passage and ease you to the next step. Talk to her - I find that comforting still!
This has made me cry. It is so true. I lost my father suddenly he was 61. I still say goodnight to him and when times are hard I tell him I wish he was here still.

The waiting for the funeral was the worst worst time.

Rufus27 · 17/10/2020 20:30

Thinking of you, OP. I know everyone is different, but I found the fear and buildup before my Dad’s funeral far worse than the actual thing. The funeral passed so quickly, can’t really recall any conversations, but I got through it and so will you.
Be kind to yourself after the funeral - I found the days/weeks following the funeral to be the hardest as there was less to keep me busy Flowers

TheSeedsOfADream · 17/10/2020 20:31

I remember your other thread sweetie.
Look after yourself. Flowers

Offtothedogs · 17/10/2020 20:33

So sorry for your loss OP. I lost my dad somewhat unexpectedly in the spring (although we had a few weeks warning) and it was hell, but I got through it. Well still am getting through it, to tell the truth. The funeral is very much a head down, teeth gritted, one foot in front of the other sort of day. It's unimaginable but you will survive it. Will be thinking of you on Monday Flowers

AChickenCalledDaal · 17/10/2020 20:33

On the morning of my mum's funeral I absolutely wanted to stamp my feet and say "I don't want to". I was sad and terrified and felt the weight of everything on my shoulders. But as well as the pain, there was definitely the beginnings of some sort of healing in going through the funeral process. I hope that is true for you, too.

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