Should I be “that parent” about Star of the Week?

[LittleRa]

I’m a teacher myself and it totally goes against my better judgement to comment/complain on inconsequential little things to do with the general running of clubs, groups and school etc. DD age 6 has been attending a dance/drama club on a Saturday for over a year now (started September 2019), and they award a Star of the Week each week. They make a big deal of it- singing the star of the week song at the end of the session, certificate handed out and photo taken and posted on their Facebook page. Each week she was so excited to see if she’d win Star of the Week but as time ticked on she became resigned to not winning and I’d pick her up and she’d say yes, she’d had a good time but no, she wasn’t Star of the Week again. Of course we talked about how you can’t win all the time and to be happy and clap hands for those that do win- she is honestly really lovely and isn’t bitter about it, just sort of resigned to it. She’s noticed children who’ve been Star of the Week more than once, and also a little girl from her class at school who joined the group one week and was Star of the Week the following week. As a teacher myself I keep a list of who has won different awards to ensure that each child gets a turn at some point through the year- not for arbitrary reasons but just to make sure everyone has a turn eventually. Since Covid the group have returned to smaller bubbles so she’s now in a a group of 15 so I felt sure she’d get it soon, but as we approach half term, still nothing. I’d say she definitely one of the quieter kids amongst the group, but joins in with everything, is a good singer, practices songs and moves at home, has been in the Christmas show and Spring fundraiser, has bought the group’s logo T-shirt to wear each week etc etc. As I say it’s really not my usual sort of thing to say anything about this but.... Any thoughts?!
PS I would probably do it by dropping the leader an apologetic email along the lines of “just checking...” rather than saying anything in person in front of DD or being funny about it (she has just emailed about fees for next half term so could reply to that).

God yes, they'll simply have forgotten and it will mean so much to her. I've done it and would do it again.

Honestly, my first reaction on the title of the thread was an eye roll and oh dear God no. But having read your post - bless her- someone got it after only two weeks? That;s so unfair. I think yes, I would have to raise it.

I would ask, stuff like this drives me mad because it is upsetting for small children .... I’d ask for some thoughts on what DD can work on to her star of the week as she’s upset she’s not managed to be awarded it so far .....

Just to say she is genuinely never grumpy or bitter about it- even when that little girl from her class won it in her second week, she was all excited telling me in a “wow can you believe it, X was star of the week!” kind of way. She really is very sweet, and I don’t make a big deal of it to her, I just know she would love to be picked.

@noideaatallreally Exactly- I’d usually be the eye-roller too that’s why in agonising about saying anything

Definitely mention it. I did once - nice reply that my DC had ‘dropped off the list’ and an apology and was awarded a week or so later. No idea if DC had dropped off the list or was just always unconsidered but if you’re going to set up these awards which are supposed to work to incentivise kids then you need to keep track!

We had this with the PQA drama academy in Shrewsbury. It began to destroy my child’s confident so we left and found one that treated all children equally rather than at worst having favourites, at best was too disorganised to keep a list.

I think you should say something, they can't make a hoha about itand not give everyone a turn.

My 5 year old cried on the way to school why doesn’t Mrs x like me.

I think Mrs x had lost her list as some kids had it twice.

I’m not clear what star of the week is intended to achieve - I think at that young age it does more harm than good.

I raised it with the HT who told me
Parents
Would object if it didn’t happen, kids need to learn to celebrate others success etc. BUT couldn’t tell me it’s purpose or if it was achieving a positive purpose and certainly if it’s harms had been considered.

Baffled that something so ingrained in school culture is so unevaluated!

It's one of those annoying situations because obviously if you say something and she is SOTW the next week then you'll know why, although you're DC will be none the wiser.
We had it at school, the final straw was when the child who punched DC in the face got it that week for the second week running

Definitely say something, we nearly went a whole school year with my DD forgotten and it dented her confidence. It means such a lot to them.

Awww bless her. That’s when I hate that star of the week type of stuff tbh. But yes I do think you should mention it. And of course it is really quite arbitrary tbh when people have to keep a list to do it as then obviously you’re not really choosing who was genuinely the best that week are you? Which Is why I hate These things. They’re often aimed as a Carrot to help make the less good children behave better and the normally good kids are always overlooked as they’ll be good regardless.

Your not you're

I’d definitely drop her a line. My dd never got star of the week at school. It is upsetting for them when they don’t get it and they’re clearly trying their hardest. I do think the quieter ones get left out.

Yes send her an email. It will mean so much to your DD and the leader is clearly too disorganised to keep a list.

Id have mentioned it ages ago. Im also a teacher, and People giving the same kid star of the week all the time really pisses me off

Years ago a male form teacher in the same year group as me used to do it all the time. Pure laziness.

I absolutely can't stand extra curricular activities that do star of the week. It would be enough to put me off signing up sometimes (my children are older know and mercifully past that stage). Absolutely say something to the teacher.

Poor DD! I agrre, say something along those lines and just hope she gets her act together in future.

Be that parent

Aww thank you all for your replies, I know how people generally feel about Star of the Week type awards. As I say I’m a teacher and each week I give out Writer of the Week, Mathematician of the Week, Sportsperson of the Week and Citizen of the Week! With 28 children and 4 awards per week they’re never too far away from winning an award, and I keep a list to make sure there’s pretty even coverage!

Please send the email, your DD sounds lovely. She deserves to be Star of the Week.

I'd mention it but make sure DD doesn't know you have obviously

Say something to them please. The whole point of SOTW is to boost children's conf and self esteem not to crush it

Yes definitely mention it. Your DD sounds so sweet but at some point she may very well just get fed up & lose her motivation to go.
I had to mention it to school for a similar programme for sports. My DD is not sporty, hypermobile & fairly unco-ordinated. She was getting annoyed when the same children were being awarded week after week & became very unmotivated. I approached school in a factual way pointing this out & although I never got much response 2 weeks later she got the award followed by a slew of other non-sporty types.

I'm a teacher and I think I would say something along the lines of "What can she do to achieve this?". My DD hasn't been star of the week yet at school but the kids causing trouble have been. My teacher head knows it's to encourage them to do good things but my parent head wonders why anyone would bother being good all the time!