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Original poster

Should I be “that parent” about Star of the Week?

152 replies

LittleRa · 17/10/2020 09:12

I’m a teacher myself and it totally goes against my better judgement to comment/complain on inconsequential little things to do with the general running of clubs, groups and school etc. DD age 6 has been attending a dance/drama club on a Saturday for over a year now (started September 2019), and they award a Star of the Week each week. They make a big deal of it- singing the star of the week song at the end of the session, certificate handed out and photo taken and posted on their Facebook page. Each week she was so excited to see if she’d win Star of the Week but as time ticked on she became resigned to not winning and I’d pick her up and she’d say yes, she’d had a good time but no, she wasn’t Star of the Week again. Of course we talked about how you can’t win all the time and to be happy and clap hands for those that do win- she is honestly really lovely and isn’t bitter about it, just sort of resigned to it. She’s noticed children who’ve been Star of the Week more than once, and also a little girl from her class at school who joined the group one week and was Star of the Week the following week. As a teacher myself I keep a list of who has won different awards to ensure that each child gets a turn at some point through the year- not for arbitrary reasons but just to make sure everyone has a turn eventually. Since Covid the group have returned to smaller bubbles so she’s now in a a group of 15 so I felt sure she’d get it soon, but as we approach half term, still nothing. I’d say she definitely one of the quieter kids amongst the group, but joins in with everything, is a good singer, practices songs and moves at home, has been in the Christmas show and Spring fundraiser, has bought the group’s logo T-shirt to wear each week etc etc. As I say it’s really not my usual sort of thing to say anything about this but.... Any thoughts?!
PS I would probably do it by dropping the leader an apologetic email along the lines of “just checking...” rather than saying anything in person in front of DD or being funny about it (she has just emailed about fees for next half term so could reply to that).

OP posts:
taybert · 17/10/2020 10:08

Star OF the week is even worse.

PhryneP · 17/10/2020 10:08

I suppose at secondary school there's a system of merits and behaviour points (for bad behaviour) plus they can see how they do in exams compared to their target, so they can easily see who's deserving.

megletthesecond · 17/10/2020 10:10

Yes, mention it. DS didn't get one until halfway through year 1. Lots of kids were on their second at that point. The reception teacher didn't have a clue when I mentioned it at the end of YR. It's happening at secondary too, he's never naughty, not loud and not a genius (although he is in top sets). He never gets anything.

What inpeace said "Baffled that something so ingrained in school culture is so unevaluated!".

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BestOfABadLot · 17/10/2020 10:13

I would mention it too, doesn't have to be in a complaining tone, just flag up that DD is trying really hard and would love to win it one week.

maddiemookins16mum · 17/10/2020 10:15

I would so love your DD to get SOTW today, I’m slightly overinvested now as you can tell 😊

PhryneP · 17/10/2020 10:17

Yes please let us know when she gets it

ThePluckOfTheCoward · 17/10/2020 10:19

If a fee paying club is going to have a Star of the Week, then they should at least have the fiscal sense to apply it fairly and equally to all the kids. If your DD doesn't receive SOTW soon, I'd be voting with my money. I really hope your DD gets the award soon, today would be even better.

newnameforthis123 · 17/10/2020 10:19

I would amend PP's suggestion slightly and say something like:

Just wanted to ask for any particular things DD can work on to work towards becoming a star of the week as she’s always so pleased for others who win it but is sometimes sad she’s not managed to be awarded it so far, so I would love to help her get there!

NettleTea · 17/10/2020 10:22

I know the feeling. My daughter was a good child. she behaved perfectly at school, had a wide range of friends and worked hard to catch up after missing school many times due to a life limiting illness. She had been bullied and had graciously accepted apologies from those who had bullied her (as they admitted it, and it had had a huge impact on her)

she never got star of the week, nor the politeness cup, through 7 years of primary education. Not a mention. whilst the bullies received it several times. Yes, it upset her to be honest, and probably caused some bitterness.

FenellaVelour · 17/10/2020 10:24

@HugeAckmansWife

Do mention it -just not in an "all guns blazing way" - I'm in the same situation, also a teacher with a quiet, very compliant (at school) DD. They do prizegiving every year and out of of a very small cohort she was the only one who didn't get ANYTHING at all. They also buggered up the start and she was prevented from playing her little piece on the piano (she was literally sat on the stool waiting) because the Head and Govs came in early. It was so awful - massively dented her confidence. I had to raise it but its so hard to do it without being "that parent". DD got something this year but sad to say they did the same thing to someone else Angry
Your poor DD, and the other child.

I did a weekend activity as a child which held a prizegiving at Christmas and one year I was the only child to get nothing. I’m in my forties now and I can still clearly remember how that felt.

TheNewLook · 17/10/2020 10:24

I hate star of the week with a passion. It generally makes every child who doesn’t win it feel bad. What’s to be gained from that? Just encourage and praise everyone. They don’t need to be singled out with a certificate! And children work out very quickly that everyone gets their turn so the ones who get it early on in the term are the real stars and the ones who get it at the end of term are the duty stars, the ones the teacher forgot about.

Teachers: stop doing it!

Coffeecak3 · 17/10/2020 10:27

@NettleTea happened to my df's dd. Bullied to the point of taking an od, one of the the bully's got a citizenship award at GCSE night a year later!
The parents of bullies were never told because they were A grade students and the school wanted good stats.

PumpkinetChocolat · 17/10/2020 10:28

I am with you.

Kids need to learn not everyone wins, or they need to work harder, but that applies to top marks or sports achievements. If you run a race, or do a maths competition, there's a clear winner. Fine. If there's a play, not everyone has a speaking part. Fine too.

Star of the week for little ones? Ridiculous mean not to give them at least ONE star. They turn up, are good students, they deserver a little boost. I would mention it.

I don't care if I am that parent when it's about my kids.

BluebellsGreenbells · 17/10/2020 10:30

I suppose at secondary school there's a system of merits and behaviour points (for bad behaviour) plus they can see how they do in exams compared to their target, so they can easily see who's deserving

Ok

Witchend · 17/10/2020 10:31

The behaviour point system in secondaries has got completely out of hand, it's just an added ballache for the teachers. It's even gone one further now with staff asked to make phone calls home to sing the praises

I like the point system at our secondary. They get points for all sorts. Teachers are encouraged to give them out especially for the quiet middle getting-on group. Some teachers give them out like smarties (eg for answering any questions during a lesson) some stick to the suggested 5 per lesson (with at least 3 for the middle group). They can also get them for helping out in open evenings, going regularly to a society etc.
They swap the points for Amazon vouchers (or other rewards, such as a go to the front of the queue at lunch for one day pass).

The letters/phone calls is a bit silly.
One local school (not my dc's) obviously has a week where they tell the teachers to send letters home. It starts with one person on fb saying how terribly proud they are that the teacher thought so much of their dc that they had to write home about them. The next day there will be half a dozen more, and by the end of the week there will be parents proclaiming how many letters their dc got. Grin

Our school does occasional phone calls for individual praises (which I hate because when I see the school number I think there's a problem. Being told they've done especially well does not make up for the blood pressure raise when I see the number Grin) and group emails for if a form has done something great. Most of the time, I think they're a bit of a waste of time because "the form" it a bit of a catch all, but occasionally it's been quite nice-for example when there was a medical emergency we got one saying how well they'd all behaved and their reaction had improved the situation.

One thing I do remember from infants, the head had a habit of whichever year group was doing anything of saying "remember some of these children are only 4 (or 5 or 6)"
When dd2 started and dd1 had left and she was still saying this every time, I said to her that dd1 (who was an early winter baby) had taken this to mean that the younger ones were doing really well, but not those who were older. I knew it wasn't meant that way, and the head had never seen it that way. But to give her full credit, she never in my hearing used that phrase again. She'd say "these children have only been at school for 8 weeks" or "they're all only 4 or 5".

I thought I was being a little petty mentioning it, but she clearly didn't think so.

Stay123 · 17/10/2020 10:32

Oh bless her, how on earth can they be so blind? Write a quick email saying sorry for being a picky parent but she seems to have been forgotten about. Really hope she gets it.

Fizbosshoes · 17/10/2020 10:32

My child got (insert class name) of the week, in year 2 and he had only been at school a couple of days after having 3 weeks off ill. We joked he only got it for turning up.

WINDOLENE · 17/10/2020 10:35

Star if the week is earned. Not every child earns that accolade. If every child gets it whats the point.

ElPatito · 17/10/2020 10:38

I never won our equivalent when I was younger (and I was a good child). I'm still really upset about it over 30 years later. I would definitely mention it!

GlassInEachHand · 17/10/2020 10:39

Sportsperson of the Week- for wonderful movements to tell the story of the Gunpowder Plot through dance
Now that I would have loved to see, OP - sounds brilliant! Grin (Misses point of original post, but still...)

Auto · 17/10/2020 10:44

I think all children should be star of the week at some point. All have something they will have done well in a week, whether its effort, achievement, kindness or good manners. Children will notice if they're left out and they all have something they deserve it for.

Cam2020 · 17/10/2020 10:45

Star if the week is earned. Not every child earns that accolade. If every child gets it whats the point.

These children are six! I'm guessing the point is to motivate the children and make them feel recognised and special. What truly 'meaningful' accolade is given on a weekly basis? They're just little confidence boosters, not scholarships or qualifications.

Mrsjayy · 17/10/2020 10:52

Star if the week is earned. Not every child earns that accolade. If every child gets it whats the point.

It is a club for 6 year old children it really isn't an "earned" certificate.

Mischance · 17/10/2020 10:56

They need to knock this Star of the Week nonsense on the head and celebrate the achievements of all the group together. What might be a huge achievement for one will be a doddle for another. It is so divisive and wholly unnecessary.

ImSleepingBeauty · 17/10/2020 10:57

The teacher told me she honestly couldn't think of one thing she could have awarded it to my DD for!

This is so unnecessarily harsh! I’d be v upset.

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