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Original poster

Should I be “that parent” about Star of the Week?

152 replies

LittleRa · 17/10/2020 09:12

I’m a teacher myself and it totally goes against my better judgement to comment/complain on inconsequential little things to do with the general running of clubs, groups and school etc. DD age 6 has been attending a dance/drama club on a Saturday for over a year now (started September 2019), and they award a Star of the Week each week. They make a big deal of it- singing the star of the week song at the end of the session, certificate handed out and photo taken and posted on their Facebook page. Each week she was so excited to see if she’d win Star of the Week but as time ticked on she became resigned to not winning and I’d pick her up and she’d say yes, she’d had a good time but no, she wasn’t Star of the Week again. Of course we talked about how you can’t win all the time and to be happy and clap hands for those that do win- she is honestly really lovely and isn’t bitter about it, just sort of resigned to it. She’s noticed children who’ve been Star of the Week more than once, and also a little girl from her class at school who joined the group one week and was Star of the Week the following week. As a teacher myself I keep a list of who has won different awards to ensure that each child gets a turn at some point through the year- not for arbitrary reasons but just to make sure everyone has a turn eventually. Since Covid the group have returned to smaller bubbles so she’s now in a a group of 15 so I felt sure she’d get it soon, but as we approach half term, still nothing. I’d say she definitely one of the quieter kids amongst the group, but joins in with everything, is a good singer, practices songs and moves at home, has been in the Christmas show and Spring fundraiser, has bought the group’s logo T-shirt to wear each week etc etc. As I say it’s really not my usual sort of thing to say anything about this but.... Any thoughts?!
PS I would probably do it by dropping the leader an apologetic email along the lines of “just checking...” rather than saying anything in person in front of DD or being funny about it (she has just emailed about fees for next half term so could reply to that).

OP posts:
MinaMurray · 17/10/2020 14:03

Star of the Week is a minefield.

I remember getting quite irritated about it when DC1 was in Reception.
For context, he was being assessed for possible ASD when he started Reception (diagnosed with ASD partway through the year), was struggling to cope with the transition to Reception so not the easiest child to deal with as far as behaviour goes. Additionally, the academic side of things was also a struggle for him.

He was awarded Star of the Week for the first time towards the end of the summer term. He was in a small class, and most of his other classmates had had it at twice by then. I never mentioned Star of the Week to his teacher as DC1 seemed oblivious to the whole thing.

His teacher came out with the class at home time that week, and told me she’d given DC1 Star of the Week even though he didn’t deserve it. She said she’d just given it to him because she thought it might give him a bit of a boost.
And I’m just stood there thinking, really? You can’t think of one good thing he’s done to justify giving him the Star? Not one?
I’m still a bit pissed off about that TBH.

CurlyhairedAssassin · 17/10/2020 14:29

What's wrong with regular verbal praise from the teacher for both academic and effort achievement or anything noteworthy and a star put on classwork if extra good? Why formalise things with weekly certificates given out in front of the class?

Matildatoldsuchdreadfullies · 17/10/2020 14:39

I have a list which I work through for Star of the Week. Honestly, the worse behaved the child the more likely they are to get it early in the year, as I grab at anything that justifies the reward. The well behaved hard working children all get it... but as I can give it to them any week of the year, I don’t have to find any excuse to give it to them.

FWIW, when new children come into the class, they are invariably given it after their first week (“Well done, Fred! You have settled into Bash Street School very well.”). So I wouldn’t see this as a problem.

And it’s very early days - even if 2 children get it every week, that’s only 12 children so far this year. Having said that, if it’s worrying your dd you should speak to the teacher - it really won’t make you ‘that parent’.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

6 year olds Families General education
Original poster
LittleRa · 17/10/2020 14:42

@Matildatoldsuchdreadfullies This isn’t a school year one- it’s a Saturday dance club that she’s been at since September 2019.

OP posts:
Matildatoldsuchdreadfullies · 17/10/2020 14:46

Sorry - I’ve obviously missed pages of your post. Blush

Original poster
LittleRa · 17/10/2020 14:49

@Matildatoldsuchdreadfullies

Sorry - I’ve obviously missed pages of your post. Blush
@Matildatoldsuchdreadfullies No problem Smile It has that info in the OP. As a teacher myself I wouldn’t dream of saying anything at this point in the school year, as you say it’s very early days!
OP posts:
Beautyoftheirdreams · 17/10/2020 14:51

Aw bless her, I really hope she gets star of the week after half term. They did away with it at my DD's school. They do an orange, blue and gold system for behaviour and each child is VIP of the week: they are told on the Monday, get to wear a VIP badge for the week and their peers and teachers post positive comments in a box about them. They are given a certificate at the end of the week in assembly where their teacher talks about the nice things said and parents are invited. I think it's sweet and doesn't exclude anyone.

SengaMac · 17/10/2020 15:01

It sounds awful to be giving an award every single week, at a weekly group.

Praise, such as your daughter mentioned, is surely much better as lots of people can be praised every time.

(I'm a gran and didn't even know that this was a thing.)

1forAll74 · 17/10/2020 15:10

Maybe these places should not have this star of the week thing, and just have a system where the teacher will tell children they have all done well in whatever . It saves a lot of upset to some children.

Quirrelsotherface · 17/10/2020 19:29

I'll be honest, I was going to roll my eyes at you too. Then I read it. Teachers a bitch, definitely say something!

Torvean32 · 18/10/2020 02:23

Yeah , I think if you word it right there shouldn't be an issue. I bet it's a genuine slip where somebody has documented your daughter's won it when she hasn't.
Hope your daughter gets a star of the week soon.

ihearttc · 18/10/2020 07:32

DS1 who is now 15 sobbed all the way through his Y6 leavers assembly and every time I think of children getting awards I can see his face. His school give Merit Awards at the end of every term from Y3 up to Y6. So each year there is 3 boys who get it and 3 girls. They do chose a different child each time so by the time they get to the end of Y6 they all will have got it. There was 12 boys in DS’s class right up to the end of Y6 when another boy joined. DS never got it (despite being academically very able-great SATS scores etc) so we both predicted he’d get it at the leavers assembly. He was so excited, it was basically the most important award ever cause it was to celebrate how hard they’d worked in Y6. Anyway, the new boy who had been there 3 weeks got it instead. So 13 boys in the class and 1 never got it throughout Junior School. He just lost it and cried so much.

saussaggessandmasshh · 18/10/2020 07:41

@ihearttc

DS1 who is now 15 sobbed all the way through his Y6 leavers assembly and every time I think of children getting awards I can see his face. His school give Merit Awards at the end of every term from Y3 up to Y6. So each year there is 3 boys who get it and 3 girls. They do chose a different child each time so by the time they get to the end of Y6 they all will have got it. There was 12 boys in DS’s class right up to the end of Y6 when another boy joined. DS never got it (despite being academically very able-great SATS scores etc) so we both predicted he’d get it at the leavers assembly. He was so excited, it was basically the most important award ever cause it was to celebrate how hard they’d worked in Y6. Anyway, the new boy who had been there 3 weeks got it instead. So 13 boys in the class and 1 never got it throughout Junior School. He just lost it and cried so much.
That's awful Shock

I find it shocking that some teachers give these awards and don't bother to check its gone around the whole class.

It's heartbreaking for kids and really affects them.

IMNOTSHOUTING · 18/10/2020 07:46

@MinaMurray Bloody hell that's horrible. Not only for DS but for you. If I was in the middle or just out of an ASD diagnosis for my child and their teacher basically told me that there wasn't one good thing he'd done over the year in reception I'd be devastated.

Mummyoflittledragon · 18/10/2020 07:50

@ihearttc

DS1 who is now 15 sobbed all the way through his Y6 leavers assembly and every time I think of children getting awards I can see his face. His school give Merit Awards at the end of every term from Y3 up to Y6. So each year there is 3 boys who get it and 3 girls. They do chose a different child each time so by the time they get to the end of Y6 they all will have got it. There was 12 boys in DS’s class right up to the end of Y6 when another boy joined. DS never got it (despite being academically very able-great SATS scores etc) so we both predicted he’d get it at the leavers assembly. He was so excited, it was basically the most important award ever cause it was to celebrate how hard they’d worked in Y6. Anyway, the new boy who had been there 3 weeks got it instead. So 13 boys in the class and 1 never got it throughout Junior School. He just lost it and cried so much.
This is very badly thought out. The school should have done it at the end of every half term or chosen two children each time. This way each child would get it once. My dds former primary had 3 levels of awards. Certificates given weekly to whomsoever merited one. Half term certificates for 2 children in each class for something more noteworthy or of long duration. Then a citizenship award given to one child every half term shared between 4 classes. Dd never got this award.
Fawking · 18/10/2020 07:55

I did this with school after two years of DS not getting it. A classic middle of the road child. I said that DS was very motivated by recognition so it would help to know what he needed to do to get the star of the week.

Obviously he then got it for a spurious reason the week after but he was thrilled.

RoseGoldEagle · 18/10/2020 07:59

I wish they wouldn’t do star of the week! There’s so much evidence to say it’s not actually that helpful to intrinsic motivation anyway (can have the opposite effect in fact), and can just dent a child’s confidence when they don’t get it, why do we have to reward everything as if our kids are puppies we’re training, why can’t they just do things and enjoy doing them and that be that?! But anyway given what you’ve described OP I would mention it in a ‘is there anything she could do to get star of the week as she’s been coming a year now and hasn’t got it and is becoming a bit demoralised...’

Threeisme · 18/10/2020 08:08

This reminds me of the time my child won star of the week in Y1. The certificate said he won it for good work in phonics but when I asked him about his great phonics, he looked really confused and told me he won it because the teacher asked them to put their hands up if they hadn't won star of the week yet, there were three of them and she chose him! He wasnt upset about this at all but I did wonder why if she wanted to do it fairly she hadnt kept a list! I suspect he repeated this reason in school at some point because he seemed to win lots of awards after that Grin

custardbear · 18/10/2020 08:47

I hate star of the week - both my kids didn't get star status sometimes all year. It's shitty and it's demotivating

Thankfully the new teacher my youngest has made his star very early because she can see that he's struggling with dyslexia but she watches things like spelling shed and can see that he's doing more than most so uses her gumption to think of a reason to paradise those working hard, and doesn't stick to specific headings

She does also highlight those super brain kids which is good

Bedsheets4knickers · 18/10/2020 08:57

I don't have an answer but my two always seem to get over looked . I'm not part of the PTA nor do I help out at the school due to work , I'm also not a dinner lady 🙄. This seems to be what causes it .

MinaMurray · 18/10/2020 09:27

[quote IMNOTSHOUTING]@MinaMurray Bloody hell that's horrible. Not only for DS but for you. If I was in the middle or just out of an ASD diagnosis for my child and their teacher basically told me that there wasn't one good thing he'd done over the year in reception I'd be devastated.[/quote]
Yes, not a great moment.

The only good thing to be said about that whole thing, was that DC1 seemed oblivious to it all.
It would have been a lot worse if he was a child who cared a lot about the Star of the Week.

rainbowstardrops · 18/10/2020 09:28

Oh your poor DD. I work in an infant school and I always feel for the kids who don't win. Some of the little ones look absolutely devastated when they don't win!

SchrodingersUnicorn · 18/10/2020 10:41

I hate star of the week. Always goes to the kids who have stay at home mums who do extra projects with them and the naughty kids.
A few weeks ago DD (prem, still catching up at 5) met a milestone that the others hit almost 2 years ago. School told us how great it was, we were so proud of her. DH was all excited she would be star of the week (bless him!)
SOTW went to a boy whose mum did an 'extra credit' project with him. At our school that happens a lot and the kids who have two working parents don't have a chance.
DDs best friend never gets anything either, her mum works at the school and I think they must be worried about accusations of favouritism, ironically.

autumnkate · 18/10/2020 11:44

I did this with DS football club. I asked if he was misbehaving. When the coach looked surprised and asked why I said I thought he must have been as he had never won star of the week. Got it next week. Sometimes they need a little reminder.

Pinkfluffyunicornsdancing · 18/10/2020 12:03

I wish I had done this with DD and her drama group. I think being overlooked despite trying her best and coming on leaps and bounds from her starting point was a big contributing factor in her desire to leave the drama group. It would have been fantastic for building her confidence and skills in the long run but honestly week after week after month after month of the same kids being picked because they were the favourites (the children, nieces, nephews and friends kids of the people running it) and we just couldn't keep on pushing her to go.

When during lockdown she was clearly the one in the zoom call trying the most and going all out we with the singing and dancing, but the "guest" teacher picked another child because "I know your big brother" that was the last straw so we gave in to her requests to quit.
She's happier now that there's not bickering between us and her to get her to go (that only started because she felt like it wasn't fair that everyone else had gotten it and some more than once.)