Should I be “that parent” about Star of the Week?

[LittleRa]

I’m a teacher myself and it totally goes against my better judgement to comment/complain on inconsequential little things to do with the general running of clubs, groups and school etc. DD age 6 has been attending a dance/drama club on a Saturday for over a year now (started September 2019), and they award a Star of the Week each week. They make a big deal of it- singing the star of the week song at the end of the session, certificate handed out and photo taken and posted on their Facebook page. Each week she was so excited to see if she’d win Star of the Week but as time ticked on she became resigned to not winning and I’d pick her up and she’d say yes, she’d had a good time but no, she wasn’t Star of the Week again. Of course we talked about how you can’t win all the time and to be happy and clap hands for those that do win- she is honestly really lovely and isn’t bitter about it, just sort of resigned to it. She’s noticed children who’ve been Star of the Week more than once, and also a little girl from her class at school who joined the group one week and was Star of the Week the following week. As a teacher myself I keep a list of who has won different awards to ensure that each child gets a turn at some point through the year- not for arbitrary reasons but just to make sure everyone has a turn eventually. Since Covid the group have returned to smaller bubbles so she’s now in a a group of 15 so I felt sure she’d get it soon, but as we approach half term, still nothing. I’d say she definitely one of the quieter kids amongst the group, but joins in with everything, is a good singer, practices songs and moves at home, has been in the Christmas show and Spring fundraiser, has bought the group’s logo T-shirt to wear each week etc etc. As I say it’s really not my usual sort of thing to say anything about this but.... Any thoughts?!
PS I would probably do it by dropping the leader an apologetic email along the lines of “just checking...” rather than saying anything in person in front of DD or being funny about it (she has just emailed about fees for next half term so could reply to that).

We had this for dd1 and after other children had received it 3 times I mentioned it. My dd told me you had to be “naughty then good” to get it!! Turns out the teacher has not been keeping a list. She eventually got it about a month later! I felt petty at the time but it was important to dd!!

Had similar situation with my 5 year old son's football group, I did send a very apologetic text, exactly as you said, not wanting to be that parent... and I got no reply at all! I don't know what to do now, don't really want to follow it up, or ask directly, but still had no player of the week. He wants it so much, and is so enthusiastic, alreasy twigged If he gets it this week he can keep the trophy for half term. Lots of them seem to get it on their first or second week, but he never did.

Say something polite, as you suggest not in front of any kids.

I assume the point is to motivate them? In all honesty I’m not convinced it’s a good system as the kids seems rapidly twig that it’s turn based, not given to the person that’s worked hardest etc. But if it’s meant to be a motivator and they’ve forgotten her, what’s the harm?

My DS (year 1) gets very miffed by the teachers awards at school, because he feels like everyone else gets it but him. He did get one late into last year (about 2 weeks before lockdown), but not after some of his class had been given it 3 times, he notices this himself and I van understand why at his age it seems unfair. I've never known how to deal with it, because I don't know the basis on which they are awarded and I also don't want to be 'that parent'. I assume they will make sure each child gets it, but I don't know. I've been tempted to ask the teacher, but I don't know how to do it in a way that doesn't come across as me being precious and pushy, so I've left it for now and just hope he gets it sooner rather than later! It's a tough one to call, isn't it.

Do mention it -just not in an "all guns blazing way" - I'm in the same situation, also a teacher with a quiet, very compliant (at school) DD. They do prizegiving every year and out of of a very small cohort she was the only one who didn't get ANYTHING at all. They also buggered up the start and she was prevented from playing her little piece on the piano (she was literally sat on the stool waiting) because the Head and Govs came in early. It was so awful - massively dented her confidence. I had to raise it but its so hard to do it without being "that parent". DD got something this year but sad to say they did the same thing to someone else

I think if teachers/leaders are going to do things like this, they have to be so careful not to leave anyone out. All too often, it's the quiet, well behaved, unassuming children who go unrecognised because they turn up and put the effort in week after week, their reliability becomes taken for granted and it may seem as they though they don't need the recognition - but all children want and need recognition to be the star sometimes.

I’d ask for some thoughts on what DD can work on to her star of the week as she’s upset she’s not managed to be awarded it so far .....

I think this is the approach I'd take. Hoep your daughter gets a little recognition and a moral boost - it sounds like it would mean so much to her

If a parent contacted you to say their dc would really like to get a star of the week award having never done so and asked for any specific advice of what they can do to achieve it, I imagine you will do your utmost to find something noteworthy. I would take this approach and see what happens. That way you’re not accusing the leader.

Yes, I would say something too. We had similar when my DD was in a speech unit. She was only one of 10 but didn’t get it until nearly Easter. Some had got it several times. I knew she was really well-behaved and I think perhaps she got overlooked. I was just about to mention it and then she won it anyway...

I’m a teacher as well and make sure no-one gets it again before everyone has received it once.

My DD never got this award one year, think she was about 6 or 7.
I mentioned it to the teacher towards the end of the year. By this time some kids were also on the 2nd or 3rd time receiving it.
The teacher told me she honestly couldn't think of one thing she could have awarded it to my DD for!

Hate hate these awards in all their various forms.

I would definitely mention it. My DD is also 6 and things like that mean SO much to them at that age. There's certain things I still remember well from my own childhood and I think this is one of those things that kids tend to remember for a long time (either winning or not winning). I'm surprised the teachers haven't made a conscious effort to make sure everybody had a turn.

This frustrates me because I make sure I keep a list of exactly who has had a turn and who hasn't. I am 'that' teacher who will go to another teacher (in my school) and will say so and so has had it twice in three weeks - turns out the TA chose one week when the teacher was off and didn't have the list, or the teacher hadn't thought to keep a list. It makes sense to me to keep a record of it all and I hate the thought of a small child thinking they aren't good enough.

We choose someone each day to be the teachers helper - turn off the lights etc, and they all know they will get their turn. This week we had the last 2 children on the list and I said well you will both get your turn, but someone always has to be last. One of my 5 year old boys said 'we always keep the best til last' and oh my god the smile on the girls face when she was 'last" - such a simple way to make the best of having to wait. I need that thank that boy's parents for that saying!

morale I'm sure her morals are fine

Definitely mention it. My kids are well behaved in school, quite quiet, no trouble and they always fly under the radar. Never picked for anything, always given child of the week at last knockings when they've run out of others.

DD2 is art crazy, always always drawing etc. She put in for art ambassador this year. It went to someone that she said doesn't do much art. She was gutted.

@SignedUpAgain

My DD never got this award one year, think she was about 6 or 7. I mentioned it to the teacher towards the end of the year. By this time some kids were also on the 2nd or 3rd time receiving it. The teacher told me she honestly couldn't think of one thing she could have awarded it to my DD for!

Hate hate these awards in all their various forms.

Bloody hell, that's shocking. Every child has something that's worth celebrating I hope you said something.

Thank you so much for all these replies!

@FluffyPJs Yes, I’m that teacher too and get frustrated when I notice it in other classes (not that we are having whole school assemblies just now due to Covid so we give awards out within own class). I know how important it is to the kids, even the quiet ones and even if they put on a brave face and smile and clap for their peers (which I do teach my class to do because that’s an important part of it too) that they may go home deflated week after week.

Well I’ve just sent a carefully worded email 😬 (sent in reply to email about fees so it’s not like I just sent one out of the blue). Group is at lunchtime... who wants to take bets on whether she wins it this week or not?!

Definitely mention it. In similar situations, I’ve said something along the lines of this (to make it less confrontational, I’m sure it fools no one!):
“Xxxx was asking me what they have to do to be consider for ‘star of the week’ as they’ve not managed to be it yet. So I said I’d check with you.”

The awards I gave out on Friday in my class this week were-
Writer of the Week- for using sounds from phonics sessions to spell words during English lessons
Mathematician of the Week- for increased confidence in independent work when using number bonds to 10 to solve number bonds to 100
Sportsperson of the Week- for wonderful movements to tell the story of the Gunpowder Plot through dance ( )
Citizen of the Week- for showing resilience and perseverance in improving her skipping skills outside at break times, as well as often turning the skipping rope for others to take a turn too.

We had this with the PQA drama academy in Shrewsbury.

I used to work at PQA. There wasn't a system to ensure everyone won, the head just went round to all the teachers and asked who had genuinely done well, and she'd pick someone everyone mentioned. She wouldn't give it to the same people over and over but other than that it was loosely picked on merit. I don't know if it's standard for all school's to ensure everybody gets a turn, but perhaps it's less so for extracurricular clubs?

I'm glad you've said something. I can't imagine paying what is probably quite a chunk for dance lessons and having my daughter continually overlooked week in and week out for 18 months for something that should be so simple to apply even=handedly. I'd also probably be looking for another dance class.

You’re totally right OP to mention it. They’ve had a year to get it right! I would mention it to them for sure, bless her.

I use to take my DD to dance class when she was younger and it was always the same kids at the front for shows (they were 4/5) and the parents were friends with the owner. She wasn’t bothered about it anyway so I stop taking her. I can’t be done with places that pick the same kids over and over

Absolutely be her advocat! These things matter for children.

I agree with anyone else who says that they wish Star of the Week would do one! It creates these kind of issues, and also by the time they get to secondary I feel it makes kids feel like they should be getting praise for every little thing they do that they should honestly just be getting on with quietly anyway, without a big hoo ha! The behaviour point system in secondaries has got completely out of hand, it's just an added ballache for the teachers. It's even gone one further now with staff asked to make phone calls home to sing the praises of eg doing well in a lesson, or behaving themselves all the way through the week or something, or being helpful towards someone else. I mean, by the time they reach secondary they should just be doing this anyway. Something is going wrong at primary schools if such behaviour has to be singled out all the way through your average state secondary too. I think it's entirely difficult in a special school or PRU, where such praise type of phone calls would be very appropriate.

A lot of parents my age feel the same, they are a bit taken aback by such phone calls home. I don't think we are doing our kids any favours by raising their expectations to feel like they have to have a big fan fare with every tiny little thing they do in life and that the tiniest amount of effort is worthy of comment & praise. Some of them are in for a real shock once they get in the adult world and find that actually their very high opinion of themselves is at odds with their actual performance with those who get on with doing a fantastic job quietly.

I hadn't realised the practice had spread from schools to extra curricular stuff as well, flippin' eck. My kids are late teens now but when they were taking part in extra curricular stuff as little ones, they went along to some things for the enjoyment eg after school football or general PE type activity clubs. Some things like swimming and jujitsu you worked towards certain levels and certificates. There were no Star of the Week certificates at all at anything they attended. And do you know what, they were never bothered by that, they still enjoyed the activities and got the achievement buzz when they reached the next award level or swimming badge or trophy etc. Which is as it should be, in my opinion.

Sorry, OP, that's veered off from your post somewhat to more a general discussion. It just frustrates me seeing upset kids when it's entirely unnecessary had all the kids just gone along for enjoyment's and participation's sake, without bringing silly weekly certificates into it.

Hope she gets it soon. Sad to think of her feeling disappointed week in week out.
I found with my dd1 who is quiet and well behaved and hard working that she could get overlooked at primary school, but oddly when she moved to her Comp that wasn't the case. Although still quiet she'd get regular recognition for working hard and doing the right thing, even though there were 1400 in the school.

Yes definitely.
I'm always amazed at how some teachers are so lacking in encouragement - it's part of their role (surely!!)

Star if the week is pants.