Should I be “that parent” about Star of the Week?

[LittleRa]

I’m a teacher myself and it totally goes against my better judgement to comment/complain on inconsequential little things to do with the general running of clubs, groups and school etc. DD age 6 has been attending a dance/drama club on a Saturday for over a year now (started September 2019), and they award a Star of the Week each week. They make a big deal of it- singing the star of the week song at the end of the session, certificate handed out and photo taken and posted on their Facebook page. Each week she was so excited to see if she’d win Star of the Week but as time ticked on she became resigned to not winning and I’d pick her up and she’d say yes, she’d had a good time but no, she wasn’t Star of the Week again. Of course we talked about how you can’t win all the time and to be happy and clap hands for those that do win- she is honestly really lovely and isn’t bitter about it, just sort of resigned to it. She’s noticed children who’ve been Star of the Week more than once, and also a little girl from her class at school who joined the group one week and was Star of the Week the following week. As a teacher myself I keep a list of who has won different awards to ensure that each child gets a turn at some point through the year- not for arbitrary reasons but just to make sure everyone has a turn eventually. Since Covid the group have returned to smaller bubbles so she’s now in a a group of 15 so I felt sure she’d get it soon, but as we approach half term, still nothing. I’d say she definitely one of the quieter kids amongst the group, but joins in with everything, is a good singer, practices songs and moves at home, has been in the Christmas show and Spring fundraiser, has bought the group’s logo T-shirt to wear each week etc etc. As I say it’s really not my usual sort of thing to say anything about this but.... Any thoughts?!
PS I would probably do it by dropping the leader an apologetic email along the lines of “just checking...” rather than saying anything in person in front of DD or being funny about it (she has just emailed about fees for next half term so could reply to that).

@ktp100

Jeeeezus, you're obviously a Primary teacher!!

Keeping a list and making sure all kids get an award across the year completely devalues the purpose of awards.

THIS is why every time my kid gets one I wonder if it's just his turn or if he has been being a dick and has been a bit less of a dick that week.

Give awards to kids who deserve awards, FFS.

Sounds like you're taking star of the week way too seriously. The aim is to encourage children to do their best, not identify exceptional ability.

If you don't keep track a quiet but hard working child might constantly be missed. In any given week they'll probably be lots of kids who have worked hard and done well. Keeping track of who has won before makes sure it's given out fairly. Every kid is going to do well sometimes and having that recognised encourages them to keep it up.

Yes OP, for DD's sake, be that parent.
And for the parents whose children get passed over week after week at school, the teacher can surely think of something to praise and encourage.
If these awards are supposed to motivate them, why not get a proper list of names and give everyone a turn.
It means a lot to them.

@LittleRa

You sound line a great teacher. I love your awards.

Good luck to DD today.

(Yes, I've had this at various times with my 3, and I did say something at the time, nicely. It's so important to kids.)

If your DD isn’t upset about it, I would let it go, it’s bothering you more than her. She has probably worked out that most star awards are designed to appease sensitive parents rather than the kids and or on a rota system and mean jack shit.

Ah my children hardly ever won Star of the Week at school. I told them it was because they were continually awesome and the awards were given to the less good kids to encourage them!

You definitely should. I hate this shit.

DS once got an award for trying harder with his work. Talk about being damned by faint praise!

I hate star of the week. My DD(6) is absolutely top of her class - I work in the senior part of her school and her teachers have been heard (not by me) saying if they awarded on merit she’d win all the awards all of the time. Obviously they don’t award anything on merit as she very rarely wins anything. This actually doesn’t bother me as I Know the teachers share awards around to support the weaker students but when DD was upset that she’d not won star of the week again and the kid who had, had done for something very unremarkable I sat her down and told her the truth. All awards are given to encourage and not as a reward and so she shouldn’t feel bad.

I’d rather awards were given for effort, helpfulness, kindness etc. Star of the week is such a loaded term and when kids fail to win it (for the umpteenth time) despite doing everything they should it’s just demoralising.

Ah @crowsfeet57 that brings back horrible memories! My son quit football after firstly not being picked for the team for 'lack of commitment' when he missed one training session for his granny's 80th birthday party. Then the manager banned all of the team from playing for their school teams because 'you have to take this seriously, can't afford to pick up injuries playing elsewhere'. FFS they were about 8 or 9! It hardly encourages kids to enjoy keeping fit and active.

I would say something - l asked my dd's class teacher last year of she could have the star award cos it was the only time all year l would be able to go to the celebration assembly - her teacher was lovely and said yes of course and thanked for me being such a supportive parent. If you word it nicely they won't mind at all - l opened with "l know this is really cheeky and l really don't mind if you say no...."

My DD2 was in a class of 17 which had two stars every week. She was able, compliant and quiet.

When we were approaching the end of her reception year and she hadn't been the star once she was getting upset about it. She had worked out that the children whose behaviour was worst got the most stars.

I mentioned is casually to the TA on pick-up one day, only because DD2 was bothered about it and was met with much dramatic eye-rolling, sighs and a promise to try to find some time to make she gets it at some point. I was clearly the 'That parent' of the week!

decided to start telling her that you only get star of the week or a headteachers award if your in the right click, your on the PTA or your mum works at the school

Don’t do this. It will completely devalue any award she does get in the future.

You’re completely wrong anyway. Most teachers in primary don’t give Star of the Week on any of the rubbish criteria you mention. We are told by our headteachers to award them as part of assembly and we are well aware of the perceptions of unfairness that can arise.
And ‘right click’? You mean clique. I don’t care (and mostly don’t know) if any of the parents of the children in my class are in this clique, that clique, on the PTA or have parents on the staff (a whole different and frequently embarrassing kettle of fish).

I'm interested to see how this works out for you OP. We've found some of the franchise extra-curricular classes reward favourites (or the teachers' DCs) and don't respond well to criticism or questions. In fact after having to raise issues, we moved to a different independent class and it was much better.

Yes I definitely would. In fact my 9 year old son was elected by his class to represent them on the school council. One of the things he said he would do was to ensure that everyone had an opportunity to win a prize and not the same same few who were brilliant at everything as he believed the system made kids fee like they were not good enough. He has a point. Kids feel these things.

@Wishihadanalgorithm

As someone who has taught students at secondary and undergraduate not giving your child lots of awards in primary school is as much for her benefit as everyone else's. For a start if she's already dismissing the work of the person who won as 'unremarkable' then she knows she's doing good work and doesn't need an award but more important. The stars of the class in primary school don't always translate into top performing students beyond that - especially towards the end of secondary and into university. I've seen lots of students who previously were top, won every prize etc really really struggle with this. Quite often they're not actually failing or doing badly they've just gone from being seen as top of the class to being a more average student and other students who previously weren't note worthy have over taken them. This causes serious problems for the high acheivers as they've often begun to build their self esteem around top grades and can't cope when they no longer stand out.

Aww yes say something! Poor kid, to be overlooked like that. I hope that they make a huge fuss of her.

My DD didn’t say the work was “unremarkable” I did as I saw it via Class Dojo. A “tower” of 15 Lego blocks really is unremarkable for a 6 year old, I would argue.

It’s not good for one child to win everything, I agree. However, when the child who does everything as they should at school gets no award but the child whose been watching other children in the toilets gets one that week it does seem that the star of the week is meaningless. That’s why I’ve explained the award is to encourage and not as a reward.

My DD did recently get Star of the Week for her academic ability and she was happy enough. We didn’t really talk about it though as I don’t want her self-worth to be linked to an external award.

It stinks, well behaved hard working kids go under the radar but kids who don't behave get all the praise & awards, what incentive does that give them to work hard? That is before the teacher's pet, the kids whose parents work in school who also always seem to get awards.

You've done the right thing in mentioning it. You're paying for this group, and are a customer, so I actually think they're taking the piss by not giving every child a turn.

@Wishihadanalgorithm

My DD didn’t say the work was “unremarkable” I did as I saw it via Class Dojo. A “tower” of 15 Lego blocks really is unremarkable for a 6 year old, I would argue.

It’s not good for one child to win everything, I agree. However, when the child who does everything as they should at school gets no award but the child whose been watching other children in the toilets gets one that week it does seem that the star of the week is meaningless. That’s why I’ve explained the award is to encourage and not as a reward.

My DD did recently get Star of the Week for her academic ability and she was happy enough. We didn’t really talk about it though as I don’t want her self-worth to be linked to an external award.

Maybe it was an achievement for that particular child.

If you don't keep track a quiet but hard working child might constantly be missed. In any given week they'll probably be lots of kids who have worked hard and done well. Keeping track of who has won before makes sure it's given out fairly

Completely disagree. It's a teachers job to recognise improvement and achievement and reward it, not to give every child the same award when they do not all deserve it equally. Kids respond well to many forms of classroom reward, not just star of the week and the like.

One of my friends was really disappointed when her daughter got a term award then the teacher said it was just because she'd been being a bit of a pain for a while then stopped so she got the cup. Not exactly something to be proud of and not really fair to the kids who were never a pain in the first place either!

It's a shock to kids when they hit secondary and this kind of thing stops. It does need to stop though because it's not setting them up for the real world in the slightest.

@Wishihadanalgorithm But surely star of the week is for effort - I doubt any of the kids are actually doing somehing remarkable. The child who has social issues and struggles to behave appropriately might have made a huge effort to build a lego tower or whatever. In my experience the kids who 'do everything right' and are at the top of the class go through school getting lots of praise and positive reinforcement. It's absolutely right that the quieter, less confident kids or those who struggle get recognised too.

I do also think it's very good for the higher performing kids to learn to congratulate their peers not resent them when they get awards. I'm not exagerating about how difficult the previously high performers find it when they're no longer top.

I'd mention it.

In my kids' school it was the "Clever Clogs" (a little clog brooch that they wore for the following week). It almost always went to the same little sod boy, who was the most badly behaved in the class. A number of us asked why and were all told "to encourage hm to behave better".

I can see the logic in this (to a point), but why should one kid get it for not spitting (and restraining himself to just tearing up other children's work) when other children have helped each other, cleared up tables, been generous, worked hard etc?

Seems a bad life lesson for them if you ask me.

For those who are invested... just collected her and no Star of the Week Possible they didn’t see the message before the group (or they’ve seen it and will address later). I didn’t mention anyway, she told me as soon as she came out “Scarlett who stands in front of me was star of the week! Rachel [teacher] said she liked my move! We did six moves and she liked my third move!” and now we’re happily singing one of the songs in the car. Will see what happens after half term (they’re on a break next week). Thanks for all the advice and thoughts.

Hope they get back to you and she gets it soon