Gutted for my DS

[MillieVanilla]

Sorry need to come to a safe space as I'm so upset.
DS is 12, second year he's a little softy
Due to getting points for not wearing a mask and being late for class, school said he would have to wear a sunflower lanyard to avoid this happening. I was quite dubious of them (no offense to anyone who wears them) because let's be honest, kids can be gits and bully for any reason.
So he's worn one for a fortnight.
Today I got a call- he's been badly beaten up, we had collect him as he has had a head injury.
His cheek is purple, black eye, he's dizzy, his leg has twisted too.
The boy who did it walked past laughing at him "look at him with his flower necklace".
Due to Aspergers, he didn't react, he doesn't ever. As a result the boy turned back around, grabbed him by his blazer and smacked his face into a wall then a bench. He then threw him on the ground, laughing.
DS is very quiet. He hasn't cried. He just said that he knew he shouldn't wear the lanyard.
I saw him come into the office and I could've cried, he is bruised across his entire right side. His blazer is filthy. He kept apologising over the blazer.
School have said they will be involving the police due to the severity of the incident. Which of course I'm grateful for, they did suggest getting a report from a+e but he absolutely lost the plot at the idea of going to a hospital with Covid being around, luckily our understanding GP has said he will take a look and write a report instead.
I'm gutted. He's had a few mean comments before over his disabilities, but nothing as bad as this. Part of me wishes he was the type of lad who would've hit the boy back but of course that's just not him (although if the school doesn't get to the boy before DD does that will be a whole other issue, she is not happy and was rather vocally trying to get the boys name off of DS).
I just think behaviour like that is just so old school, you think of their generation of being so much more accepting and understanding of things.
I now have a lad who doesn't want to go back to school, and is scared that he will have to speak to police.
Sorry to vent but I can't be silly and cry!

Hi all
DS is OK, he has been chatting away to his mates all day and playing their usual multi hour games of Minecraft.
His cheek is still sore but it's not as sore looking, still bruised but not red,although under his eye is bruised now too.
He has to speak over the telephone to the police tomorrow, he's a bit nervous of that but we've reassured him
The one point is that he has categorically refused the idea of going back Monday if the child involved is still there.
Apparently he wasn't in school on Friday, I know the school would contact parents if their child is going to be placed in isolation so I do wonder if they've kept him off hoping this will die down.
I've spoken to his friends now properly, and how it was reported by DS is the same as what they've told school too.
I'm hoping the police can reassure him tomorrow.

I have suggested the school finds an alternative scheme as clearly there is no way he's wearing a damn lanyard ever again.

Have you spoken to school about his return?

School need to come up with a return plan for your ds. That may mean that the other boy is excluded. It may mean he is in isolation, but it has to be some plan where your ds is able to walk around school safely, knowing he won't run into him.

OP I'm so sorry for what happened to your son. It was a disability hate crime and I hope the boy that did it is expelled and has a criminal record.

IF the school had introduced the Sunflower Lanyard Scheme into school and had made sure every pupil knew what it stands for and why it was being worn, and what their reaction to seeing anyone wearing it should be, this issue wouldn't have arisen.

There seem to be a lot of posters on this thread who don't understand about the Sunflower Lanyard, bracelet, card etc.
hiddendisabilitiesstore.com/
"Wearing the Hidden Disabilities Sunflower discreetly indicates to people around you including staff, colleagues and health professionals that you may need additional support, help or a little more time."

So soryy.
Hooe school arranges counselling
Please do email the chair of governors make sure they aware

I know from school the boy and his mate who laughed at the attack were meant to be isolated Friday whilst enquiries where made, but one didn't come to school. I'm unsure whether that isolation will carry on.
DS mates have been telling him to please come back and they won't let the boy anywhere near him, but as you can imagine this has all been so upsetting for him. He's never really had a violent incident, bit of your common pushing and shoving and a few name calling (but not about his illnesses) but usually when called a nerd he says "yes I am a bit, thanks for noticing". He doesn't intend for them to be shocked, he genuinely doesn't mind being called a nerd and takes it as a compliment. He's that not likely to react.

This is horrendous let your daughter get to the nasty little shit. Your poor son 😩😩😩

That's so awful - I'm so sorry OP. It is a very serious assault so it's important the police are involved and school see through the consequences and ensure your child is fully protected before he returns to school. This is one of the worst things I've ever read on Mumsnet.

It's really hard to imagine that the bully is someone's child. I do hope the parents take it extremely seriously. I would be devastated if a child of mine did that to anyone.

There's a lot of hard work required now for the school to ensure a safe and protected environment and sufficient supervision.

Your poor son OP. School have screwed up in demanding a lanyard and I hope they learn from it. I hope your son is ok but it might take him a little while.

Also, like a PP, I’m a teacher and as much as I hate to say it, the threshold for perm. exclusion is super high and the perpetrator here is unlikely to meet them. We had a student bring in knives (yes, plural) and attack a member of staff. As a one off behaviour, it didn’t meet threshold. It’s a shit system. School needs to have systems in place to protect your son long term from this child.

What's a sunflower lanyard?! How would it help with the things he's done wrong?

Sorry those boys hurt your son. I think you need to come down on the school like a tonne of bricks and push for their exclusion.

@RuffleCrow

What's a sunflower lanyard?

A lanyard that people who are except from
Wearing masks wear so people know they don’t need wear a mask, so they don’t get constantly asked

@OverTheRainbow88
Sunflower lanyards have been around for longer than covid. They are something people with hidden disabilities can wear, if they want to, to notify people that they have a hidden disability and therefore may take longer to do things, need a bit more understanding etc.

They are now being used by people expect from wearing masks as well.

Again

Sunflower Lanyard, bracelet, card etc

hiddendisabilitiesstore.com/

Wearing the Hidden Disabilities Sunflower discreetly indicates to people around you including staff, colleagues and health professionals that you may need additional support, help or a little more time

I am very pleased that the police and the school seem to be taking this so seriously. I hope that these boys are excluded permanently and your son feels empowered to live his life knowing that people do not get away with this kind of behaviour. People with hidden disabilities have had to hide away from evil people like those evil bullies who have had their behaviour minimised, and because of this a lot of them have never reached their full potential. It’s so lovely to see that you, his sister and his mates are in his corner helping him feel so supported in the ways he needs. I’m so proud of you all - especially him for being brave and speaking to the police.

Your DS has been on my mind a lot this weekend, OP. Good luck giving the statement today, I hope the process doesn't upset him too much.

You sound like such a lovely family, and his friends sound incredibly supportive. I really hope the bullies get what's coming to them with full force.

@Jigglypuffler

Your DS has been on my mind a lot this weekend, OP. Good luck giving the statement today, I hope the process doesn't upset him too much.

You sound like such a lovely family, and his friends sound incredibly supportive. I really hope the bullies get what's coming to them with full force.

Thank you, that means a lot I wrote here as I felt so, I don't know, hysterical, for feeling like I wanted to cry, he's 12 now and second year so I do try and let him go off and be independent. This just seems so needless, so bloody cruel, that two boys, one who decided to smack him into a bench and the other who laughed whilst he did, could see that lanyard and think "he'll do". He's never had a class with them, never interacted. In normal times when they're not in year group bubbles and sections of the outdoor area, he would be in their pupil well being area having epic Yu-Gi-Oh battles with his mates and some older boys who also have Asperger's. He already missed that. I think the poster who said it's unlikely they will be excluded is correct, unfortunately. It's the way of schools now, not enough places already without kicking out. I'm not happy about it, but I'm prepared for it. I hope as a result the police speaking to them will do the job of making them aware they cannot behave like that again, and also it will get round school that this has happened and the boys got a telling off by police.

Poor DS has his flu jab tomorrow (as if he's not had enough!) so will be telling the School we need to make a plan to get him to go back. As he says, he is worried he will bump into them again, he doesn't want to stay indoors alone and he doesn't want to wear the lanyard anymore but doesn't want to end up with demerits and a detention. He feels a bit stuck.

DD is still unhappy, muttering the police best deal with it because they hurt him and she's not happy she can't rush in. I've had a few grumbles from her but to be expected as they're close in age and she has grown up knowing he is unwell. She's a good kid bless her, I know why she feels like she does but it's not the era to be going round belting people anymore for smacking your sibling!

@BlankTimes

OP I'm so sorry for what happened to your son. It was a disability hate crime and I hope the boy that did it is expelled and has a criminal record.

IF the school had introduced the Sunflower Lanyard Scheme into school and had made sure every pupil knew what it stands for and why it was being worn, and what their reaction to seeing anyone wearing it should be, this issue wouldn't have arisen.

There seem to be a lot of posters on this thread who don't understand about the Sunflower Lanyard, bracelet, card etc.
hiddendisabilitiesstore.com/
"Wearing the Hidden Disabilities Sunflower discreetly indicates to people around you including staff, colleagues and health professionals that you may need additional support, help or a little more time."

I think you underestimate the meanness of teenage boys to be honest.

Well, the Police have declined to get involved due to the age of the boys involved and despite there being a physical injury
Their attitude is it should be school dealing with it, and it could be "stressful" for the boys to be investigated and unlikely to mean the CPS would take it further.
I'm disappointed, as I think a visit from the police and a stern talking to would have meant they would reconsider behaving that way again and no doubt would've got back round School to deter anyone else, but I guess with modern policing numbers it's case by case and a case that would not end in CPS prosecution is probably not a priority.
I now hope the school will deal with it as strongly as possible. As I say, they need to take responsibility that their system ended with a child targeted which I and others had already voiced concerns about.
DS is understandably upset too.

Ugh. That’s disgusting. School is the only place I can think of where continually facing one’s abuser is considered acceptable. It would never happen in a workplace. Can you write to your MP?

I think now our only option is hope the school take a firm stand on it.
DS has now voiced again he doesn't want to go back, I've said he doesn't really have options open, for starters, schools are over subscribed here, if he does move then no more lovely friendship group and no guarantee that he will make such a supportive group again (he's had a few friends but it's been here and there and never in a group the size of his now who don't seem to care or notice that he can be a bit silly sometimes because he is by rights a year group younger). And home education is a nightmare, we did it before (not due to lockdown) and he was miserable.
So now I think I will be emailing school and saying, look, you need to reassure him that you can prevent him and others being thrown to the lions as it were, the lanyards need to go asap without meaning demerits and detention threats and there needs to be an admission if responsibility too. I would also like to see something in PSHE, explaining that being abusive or violent due to any characteristics, including disability, race, sexuality etc will not be tolerated. I know they teach them about sexuality, gender and race but I've never heard the same for disabilities.

it could be "stressful" for the boys to be investigated 🤦‍♀️
Words fail me... Isn't that the whole sodding point?

@JuliaJohnston

it could be "stressful" for the boys to be investigated 🤦‍♀️ Words fail me... Isn't that the whole sodding point?

Well quite. I was biting my tongue on the phone (I imagine it's frowned upon to be rude to Police officers). I guess it's more to do with underfunding, and covid cases. They can't be banging on a kids door when they're being told to investigate one more person on a bench in a park than there should be. I do think when I was a kid they would've gone and spoken to them to put it bluntly so they knew what gits they were and to scare them a bit. I imagine now the man power isn't there

I wouldn’t be too quick to let the police off the hook. Ask them for something in writing explaining why they do not think it is appropriate to take any action on what appears to have been an aggravated assault.

I think you underestimate the meanness of teenage boys to be honest
Maybe I have

That's atrocious OP, can you not contact the Police and say you want to pursue it as a disability hate crime?

I'd also ask school to confirm in writing what measures they are putting into place to ensure your son is 100% safe from these bullies every day in every area of the school and school grounds.

@BlankTimes

I think you underestimate the meanness of teenage boys to be honest Maybe I have

That's atrocious OP, can you not contact the Police and say you want to pursue it as a disability hate crime?

I'd also ask school to confirm in writing what measures they are putting into place to ensure your son is 100% safe from these bullies every day in every area of the school and school grounds.

That was what I said when I called them, that I felt it was a disability hate crime and aggravated assault. I know school have spoken to their individual police contact and know she has been in and had a strong word with little beggars before so hopefully common sense will prevail. She no doubt has more experience with dealing with school based incidents (one of DDs mates was told by a boy they had a knife in their bag, they were full of it as a teacher searched, school did involve the same contact then so I'm hopeful). I have already drafted the email, I will hit send tomorrow morning so it should be near the top. I've been very to the point saying they have failed in their duty of care, that the lanyards had been voiced by me, his tutor, and others as a terrible idea, that the SENco has taken the usual easy option as she's bloody useless and that, in the holidays they said pupils not being respectful of the current status quo regards covid would be suspended until the school felt they could follow rules. Going up close to a fellow pupil is not following distancing and using the lanyard as a way to target him is atrocious. I've also said they need to liaise far more with SEN parents and involve us in decisions. I've pointed out DS is fearful of being in the bubble area of the yard, so if anyone should be made to sit alone all break and lunch it's that little thug.

Is it worth contacting your local PCC person about this? They are a person elected to hold the force to account. The optics of declining to deal with assault on a disabled person are pretty poor.