Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Original poster

Gutted for my DS

302 replies

MillieVanilla · 15/10/2020 14:50

Sorry need to come to a safe space as I'm so upset.
DS is 12, second year he's a little softy
Due to getting points for not wearing a mask and being late for class, school said he would have to wear a sunflower lanyard to avoid this happening. I was quite dubious of them (no offense to anyone who wears them) because let's be honest, kids can be gits and bully for any reason.
So he's worn one for a fortnight.
Today I got a call- he's been badly beaten up, we had collect him as he has had a head injury.
His cheek is purple, black eye, he's dizzy, his leg has twisted too.
The boy who did it walked past laughing at him "look at him with his flower necklace".
Due to Aspergers, he didn't react, he doesn't ever. As a result the boy turned back around, grabbed him by his blazer and smacked his face into a wall then a bench. He then threw him on the ground, laughing.
DS is very quiet. He hasn't cried. He just said that he knew he shouldn't wear the lanyard.
I saw him come into the office and I could've cried, he is bruised across his entire right side. His blazer is filthy. He kept apologising over the blazer.
School have said they will be involving the police due to the severity of the incident. Which of course I'm grateful for, they did suggest getting a report from a+e but he absolutely lost the plot at the idea of going to a hospital with Covid being around, luckily our understanding GP has said he will take a look and write a report instead.
I'm gutted. He's had a few mean comments before over his disabilities, but nothing as bad as this. Part of me wishes he was the type of lad who would've hit the boy back but of course that's just not him (although if the school doesn't get to the boy before DD does that will be a whole other issue, she is not happy and was rather vocally trying to get the boys name off of DS).
I just think behaviour like that is just so old school, you think of their generation of being so much more accepting and understanding of things.
I now have a lad who doesn't want to go back to school, and is scared that he will have to speak to police.
Sorry to vent but I can't be silly and cry!

OP posts:
snowstorm2012 · 15/10/2020 15:31

Even if this could have been prevented by the school not forcing him to wear the lanyard - what sort of kid does that to another - lanyard or not? It's awful 😞

Unsuremover · 15/10/2020 15:31

Heartbroken and furious for your boy. And I know your not supposed to support it but good for his sister. My youngest nephew was equally defensive of his big brother and my heart bursts remembering him rushing in to help.
It’s not too much to ask to for staff to remember who needs extra support. I have said this so many times at my ds’s school I’m pretty sure it’s written next to my name of the contact form. Even if there’s 2000 kids it’s not too much. Disabilities are just not given the recognition they deserve

coastergirl · 15/10/2020 15:31

I'm so sorry that this happened. Cannot even begin to understand the mentality of people who behave in this way. My little boy is on the ASD pathway and very gentle and trusting. I'm scared for the future.

lateSeptember1964 · 15/10/2020 15:33

My heart breaks for your DS. How awful for this to happen in a place where he should be safe. I would suggest take lots of photographs. Also don’t wait for the school to involve the police. Do it yourself tonight. This incident must not be downplayed.

Chaotic45 · 15/10/2020 15:35

@lateSeptember1964 is right. You should consider calling the police yourself unless you are confident that school have already done so. If they drag their feet they may decide not to do it....

Moonshine160 · 15/10/2020 15:37

I am so sorry that this has happened to your lovely son, OP. I’m sure this will go without saying but communicate with both the school and the police as much as possible over this to ensure something is done and the nasty bully suffers some severe consequences from his actions. This is heartbreaking, I could cry for you.

Moonshine160 · 15/10/2020 15:38

And I completely agree with the PPs, please also phone the police yourself just in case the school haven’t yet done this. And photograph his injuries.

londongirl12 · 15/10/2020 15:38

Surely the school knows of your DS condition, so he should not be getting points for not wearing a mask and make him wear the lanyard. What has happened is terrible, and the school haven't helped!!

SonEtLumiere · 15/10/2020 15:39

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PasstheBucket89 · 15/10/2020 15:40

Oh your poor boy, i totally understand wishing he'd given that little shit a good hiding back!!! im glad school are involving police! hope he recovers soon, big hugs to him xx

bpirockin · 15/10/2020 15:42

I am so sorry for all of you. That is heart-breaking.

I truly hope that the school handle it appropriately.

Such a shame.

Peridot1 · 15/10/2020 15:44

Your poor boy. That’s horrific.

I’d react like your DD. Rightly or wrongly.

I really hope the school involve the police. If they don’t you should.

I won’t write what I want to call the perpetrator.

billy1966 · 15/10/2020 15:44

Very upsetting to read OP.
Your poor little pet.
I cannot imagine how difficult it must be to contain yourself.

Great that the GP is writing a report.
Please take lots of pictures to assist the report.
Hopefully the police will be sympathetic and take action.
Poor boy.
Flowers

ExclamationPerfume · 15/10/2020 15:45

Your poor son. Hopefully the school will involve the police and the little bastard will be expelled. I know it's not the thing to do but I would be finding out his address and speak to the parents. I have just watched another parent scream at another as she pushed her pushchair too close to her car. The silly cow had parked too close to the wall taking up half the pavement. Another parent walking by gave her a bollocking.

rainexpectedsoon · 15/10/2020 15:46

That is absolutely awful. Your poor, poor son. I hope you will involve the police - that is a serious assault and needs dealing with appropriately.

EvilPea · 15/10/2020 15:46

I’m so so sorry. What an absolute arsehole.
I’m so sorry for your boy Flowers I know he will want it to just go away and no one say anything or do anything, which makes it so much harder especially with the police involvement.

I have a quieter one, and it’s so hard. They just want to be left alone to do their thing.

The lower level shit the quieter kids have to put up with in school is awful, it just wouldn’t be allowed in work, but yet it’s fine in schools.

GrumpyHoonMain · 15/10/2020 15:46

@MillieVanilla

When stuff like this happens, I want to keep him at home wrapped up. It never gets easier however much older they get My DD is furious. Usually, she would pop to where he hangs out and check in with him but because of bubbles they're not allowed to roam. She happened to walk by the office when he was being signed out and saw us, clocked his face and lost it, telling him tell me who it was. I had to get cross with her to get her to go to class
I wouldn’t be stopping my DD and her friends beating the shit out of this boy. Just make sure they don’t get caught.
monkeyonthetable · 15/10/2020 15:46

Your poor, lovely DS @MillieVanilla.

The school has grossly mismanaged this. There's no need for a bloody lanyard. You may as well wear a dunce's hat. DS was diagnosed at a similar age. He used to get into constant trouble for exactly the same sort of thing as your DS. But the HoY sent an email around to all his teachers explaining his diagnosis and saying: don't punish him for XYZ. They never did again. Meanwhile, it was up to DS who knew of his diagnosis and to this day he has chosen not to be open about it. His choice, not one I necessarily agree with (he's now 18 and at uni in lockdown) but the power and the right was his. Your DS deserves the same and it's not hard for the school to do.

steppemum · 15/10/2020 15:50

OP this is just awful.
Please please make sure it is properly followed up with the police.

But also with the school.
Tomorrow morning, keep him at home and phone school. Ask for a video call to discuss keeping him safe. Ask if the perpetrator is still in school (he should have been excluded.)

You need a return plan, one that includes him NOT having to wear a lanyard, and him NOT getting demerits. It isn't hard, his name just needs a note against it in the register.

this happened to a friend's son (no SEN, but he was attacked at school by a bully) The had to push quite hard, but in the end the school agreed that the bully had to have restricted movement round the school so that beaten up kid could go freely to lunch etc without worrying. They kept it up for the whole of the rest of the year.

WhereverIGoddamnLike · 15/10/2020 15:52

How thick are his teachers if they cant remember which kids have exemptions! There were around 800 kids in my high school, way before sunflower lanyard were a thing, and the teachers just remembered which kids in their class had exemptions.

The school are right to involve the police and your son might be scared of talking to them but they have the right people for the job. Whichever officers come and speak to him will be gentle and they'll do everything they can to help him feels secure enough to speak. Just hold his hand and get him through it.

Once its dealt with, it'll be the right time to come down on the school for forcing him to be singled out with the lanyard etc.

Feefifo9 · 15/10/2020 15:53

I have a young child who sounds very like your son. I’m so sorry. It’s heartbreaking.
I’d be very upset with the school too to be honest. They need to create a safe environment. Maybe they should spend less time policing minor infractions and instead ensure children are kept safe.
Ask them what their debrief procedure for serious incidents is. How will they keep him safe in future? They have a duty of care.

Original poster
MillieVanilla · 15/10/2020 15:54

@SonEtLumiere

Can I ask (perhaps I missed it) but is the police involvement coming from you or the school? In my experience our school has been useless. They leave it up to victims to call the police and generally then refuse to engage with them at all.

I would be very plain spoken to the Head: a child was assaulted at school due to a ridiculous /shaming policy that they have implemented. They have a duty of care to all the kids and to keep them safe.
Has the other child been suspended? Is the child a little shit, or would you say his parents are reasonable?

It's from school but if they don't follow up on that I will of course get onto them myself. School does have a police contact so I assume that's who they will be involving.
OP posts:
Crazycatlady83 · 15/10/2020 15:56

I’m so sorry to hear this.
Surely making him wear the lanyard when he didn’t want to, is disability discrimination under the equality act (they won’t make a neuro typical child wear a lanyard for refusing to wear a face mask) School have some serious questions to answer regarding their handling. I hope you get answers.

As for the child who assaulted your lovely DS - definitely contact they police yourself!

Goldistheanswer · 15/10/2020 15:56

Your poor boy, my heart breaks for him and you. My dd is autistic and can’t even go to school due to severe bullying. In my experience, they’re the sweetest, most genuine people and yet are cruelly picked on as they’re seen to be “different”. It’s horrendous and terrifies me in terms of her future. I would be involving the police myself, as others have said on here. The school often wants everything to disappear quietly. As I said to one headteacher, in a meeting with reps from the LA, how would he like a colleague to push him against a wall, steal his belongings, make threats, belittle him and for him to know that nobody would care or listen. The headteacher was stunned into silence at this comparison and it made him see what it’s like for vulnerable children. As another pp said, this wouldn’t be allowed in the workplace so why is it permitted in schools?

frugalkitty · 15/10/2020 15:57

Oh your poor boy, my heart breaks for him. My youngest is the same age. Definitely keep pressure on the school, and take photos of your own if you haven't already.