Gutted for my DS

[MillieVanilla]

Sorry need to come to a safe space as I'm so upset.
DS is 12, second year he's a little softy
Due to getting points for not wearing a mask and being late for class, school said he would have to wear a sunflower lanyard to avoid this happening. I was quite dubious of them (no offense to anyone who wears them) because let's be honest, kids can be gits and bully for any reason.
So he's worn one for a fortnight.
Today I got a call- he's been badly beaten up, we had collect him as he has had a head injury.
His cheek is purple, black eye, he's dizzy, his leg has twisted too.
The boy who did it walked past laughing at him "look at him with his flower necklace".
Due to Aspergers, he didn't react, he doesn't ever. As a result the boy turned back around, grabbed him by his blazer and smacked his face into a wall then a bench. He then threw him on the ground, laughing.
DS is very quiet. He hasn't cried. He just said that he knew he shouldn't wear the lanyard.
I saw him come into the office and I could've cried, he is bruised across his entire right side. His blazer is filthy. He kept apologising over the blazer.
School have said they will be involving the police due to the severity of the incident. Which of course I'm grateful for, they did suggest getting a report from a+e but he absolutely lost the plot at the idea of going to a hospital with Covid being around, luckily our understanding GP has said he will take a look and write a report instead.
I'm gutted. He's had a few mean comments before over his disabilities, but nothing as bad as this. Part of me wishes he was the type of lad who would've hit the boy back but of course that's just not him (although if the school doesn't get to the boy before DD does that will be a whole other issue, she is not happy and was rather vocally trying to get the boys name off of DS).
I just think behaviour like that is just so old school, you think of their generation of being so much more accepting and understanding of things.
I now have a lad who doesn't want to go back to school, and is scared that he will have to speak to police.
Sorry to vent but I can't be silly and cry!

@MillieVanilla I really feel for you and your son.
I was one off the posters who said the others wouldn't be pemantely excluded as I had first hand experience of my dd been slapped and videoed and others got suspended for 2 weeks and her school told me Police would not be interested and just tell me to sort with school so.I didn't involve Police
It is so maddening for any parents and child not knowing if they are safe at school.
The kid that hit my kid even got back in to do A levels so schools do not seem to care about well being in our area because I Personally do not think anyone who hits and hurts another student should be allowed back in school at all.
The normal scuffles will happen but not when their is physical harm done to another person

@PastMyBestBeforeDate

Is it worth contacting your local PCC person about this? They are a person elected to hold the force to account. The optics of declining to deal with assault on a disabled person are pretty poor.

I think the problem is the age of the kids involved. He told me they don't tend to deal with under 15s now. Where we are is a huge town, so I bet man power is an issue. Another covid hangover of being stuck dealing with that.

It is pretty shit as a parent, we are lucky that bar a few words before (not related to his illness) he's pretty much had an easy time of it.
A good friend of ours has offered to teach him some self defense and he seems keen to do so as one of the mates who chased them away on Thursday has done self defense and he told DS he should join his class. Maybe if he stands up at full height and gets a bit more lippy (like his sister who admittedly has her gobshite moments) he may be left in peace.

My DD was bullied in primary school as she has ASD and several co-morbids, so I know what it feels like when school minimise a really nasty incident and try to brush it off.

I'd lay odds that IF they say anything about the bully to explain their particularly lenient stance on this, they'll say he seems to have "poor impulse control" or otherwise infer the behaviour is not the bully's fault, which of course is claptrap because no matter how poor someone's impulse control is, they can do other things besides hit.

You have made some excellent points in your email, very well said, especially the parts regarding keeping the bully away from your DS and how that should not restrict your DS' freedom of movement around the school at any time. I've also seen situations where vulnerable kids were kept indoors alone "for their own safety" whilst the bullies had free play.

I've also said they need to liaise far more with SEN parents and involve us in decisions
That should be The Law in every school, college and Uni. Most don't even understand that so many kids with AN have an emotional age around two thirds of their chronological age, so they are struggling to keep up with everything that's given to them and if they query it, they are only told 'you should be able to do that at your age'.
I don't think most staff and most parents of NT kids realise how hard kids with AN have to strive every day just to try and keep up with that side of things.

I'm sure the Police's decision will have inflamed your DD with even more righteous anger, but she needs to be doubly careful for a good while yet, because if anything happens to the bully, you can bet she'll be chief suspect and oddly enough, hers would be the case the Police would take to prosecution

I am so sad for your boy. Regarding the demerit system you need to tell the school that they need to make reasonable adjustments on account of your child's disability because punishing him for things that are a result of his disability is discrimination. Dd's school managed to ensure she never received a strike (demerit) by having a flag against her name that all teachers saw when taking the register. So if she was late, had lost her book or forgotten her homework it was quietly sorted without comment and definitely without any punishment.

I'd call the police it's not bullying it's assault. Jees I'm appalled. Your poor son. I'm so sorry.

The school has an option to exclude for up to 5 days.

They should be taking that option now, for the little thug who did it.

While they cannot tell you directly what they have done, they can obiquely, eg you can say - is he going to be in school when ds returns? And they can say, he will not be back before half term for example.

Then they can take a stance on what happens next. Eg they can put a permament restriction on the thug so he is not allowed in xx area at alll, and that is a safe space for you ds.
They then have to be prepared to stick to it.

A similar thing happened to a friend of mine. Police wouldn't prosecute (but they did scare the living daylights out of the perpetrator). School exclusion for 5 days, then he was not allowed in the year 9 playground at all.
They also put in place a sort of exclusion zone, so if he came within 10 m of his victim, he got an automatic exclusion again.

It did work, they were kept apart, sadly the boy got PTSD from the attack and continued to struggle at school.

I'm so sorry that this happened to your boy OP, and I hope that the little shit that did it to him gets what he deserves.

I'm so sorry this has happened to your boy. I've no idea why a sunflower lanyard causes a child to attack another.
I hope your son heals soon both physically and mentally.
I also hope the child that did this get an aporopriate punishment, though sadly nothing makes up for what they did to your son.

Holy shit, why are they making him wear a sunflower lanyard? That’s not on. And the police should be involved.

The self defence might help his confidence particularly if they can show him what he should do when he was attacked the way he was.

When you contact the school please emphasis the potential likelihood of ptsd on your son if they don't handle this properly. My daughter has hfasd, was bullied several times but one severe incident which she felt she wasn't listened to and the perpetrator went unpunished and she has not fared well. We have had to change schools, her anxiety is through the roof and she now has flashbacks all the time. Being heard is so important.
I hope your son is OK.

@coronafiona

You dont need to read the whole thread, but at least read the posts from the OP

Your poor son, and poor you. Your post has brought me to tears. I hope this makes school readress their silly policy. It sounds discriminatory.

Thank you for the ideas everyone, I've not sent the email yet so will definitely add in the PTSD.

I'm disappointed with the police but can't say I'm shocked

Really mad on your behalf OP, that's a disgusting attitude by the police; I hope the school stand by their word and make sure this yob is made to realise his behaviour won't be tolerated.

I was going to ask if you'd considered self defence classes. It can't hurt and may even get him out of trouble another time.

Keeping fingers crossed for a good response from school tomorrow. 🤞

Unfortunately this is exactly what happened to my friend. Police/school didn't do anything and now it escalated so my friends DD is school refusing....and she's a grade 9 student in yr11... and will probably leave with no qualifications

@MillieVanilla

Thank you for the ideas everyone, I've not sent the email yet so will definitely add in the PTSD.

I'm disappointed with the police but can't say I'm shocked

I could cry reading what they've done to your sweet boy. How are you holding up ? Please contact your local crime commissioner a stern letter should do the trick the school will back out of it well if it's not serious enough for police involvement. Keep pushing we're with you

I am so disappointed for you and your son. Once again you probably feel that there is no point asking for help when you need it, and that bullies get away with their behaviour. Good idea mentioning PTSD. Poor boy!

I am sad for your son OP. All types of children are bullied and beaten up at school. It astounds me that there is not a No Bullying Policy that has teeth. How would adults like to be bashed when they are at work.

I would complain to the police that they are doing nothing. This is assault and there is no law that says under 15s can be assaulted.

My son who was small at that age and a quiet boy was bashed when he was 14, out riding his bike with his friends. A boy two years older jumped on my son knocked him off his bike, left him injured and bleeding. He was devastated and then some other boys wanted to fight him to show how tough they were. I worried for a long time as he was very down.

Bullies should be charged, it’s the only way to stop them. The boy that bashed and injured your son OP should be expelled. If he did this at work he would be fired and also charged with assault!

Nasty little shits. If the police don't deal with under 15s then I'd be tempted to let his sister give them a pasting. Bullies only understand one language and presumably if they aren't being dealt with for what is essentially a hate crime against a child then they won't be bothered with the same boys having a bit of a scrap with someone their own size.

Violence and assault are criminal offences and your ds has witnesses. The police should be pursuing this. Just because it was perpetrated by another child doesn't make it a lesser offence.
It's not bullying it's assault.
If it was me I would have half an hour of legal advice. If the boys parents and the school think you may be pursuing them through legal channels they will be more careful in future.

I have only read your threads, OP.

I'd try and get some legal advice, too.

Threaten the school with failure of duty of care?

Maybe the Police ombudsman?

I am, frankly, beyond appalled.

Bully boy must be permanently excluded. That's what PRUs are for. You shouldn't have to settle for less.

My heart aches for your son.

This thread has made me so sad. How are schools still so clueless about things like autism the teachers should be aware of him and not demerit him and chastise him for not wearing a mask, and putting that lanyard on him they threw him to the wolves. My son has autism and I worry about him so much, he's only 7 and we were at the park once and an older boy made a comment about how my son always has a snotty nose in school, I was gobsmacked so I didn't say anything but I wish I had now.
Your poor son, if I were you I wouldn't rest until that evil boy is expelled and the other kids are educated! Although they shouldn't need educating on how not to bully someone!!

So over emailed this morning and copied in his form tutor as he's a star and had agreed on the lanyards.
I've pointed out that DS feels incredibly let down, I've put the blame squarely at the useless SENco door and said she's absolutely incompetent and took the easy option with the lanyards. I've said anyone with foresight or sense could've seen that putting a big flowery lanyard round a child's neck is asking for trouble.
I mentioned PTSD, not just from the assault but from someone invading his space during a pandemic he has been petrified of.
I've said they need to make him feel he can trust them and that he is safe, and categorically that he won't be sitting alone in their inclusion zone at break and lunch time.
I know they have spoken to their police liaison who by all accounts is pretty good so hopefully she will intervene and speak to the boys involved.
I've said I'm just genuinely disappointed that points and demerits have led to this.
He has his flu jab today the poor love so we will let the school get back to me before deciding what to do next.

I think the sad thing with police is in my era they would've intervened, even just to scare the little sods. But as we all sadly know the man power is just not there. I remember being a Brownie and we would go to the station every year and get a tour and shown the cells and have our finger prints taken, so when I was volunteering with a troop, we were discussing things for our winter program and I suggested doing this with our girls. Well nope, the police couldn't accommodate us at all, they apologised, but said with local police offices a thing of the past it just wasn't possible now.
I think they have to pick what they deal with sadly. So hopefully the liaison will do the job instead.

I hope you've made some progress today, doubt if it will be as much as you'd have liked, but every little bit is a victory.