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Original poster

Gutted for my DS

302 replies

MillieVanilla · 15/10/2020 14:50

Sorry need to come to a safe space as I'm so upset.
DS is 12, second year he's a little softy
Due to getting points for not wearing a mask and being late for class, school said he would have to wear a sunflower lanyard to avoid this happening. I was quite dubious of them (no offense to anyone who wears them) because let's be honest, kids can be gits and bully for any reason.
So he's worn one for a fortnight.
Today I got a call- he's been badly beaten up, we had collect him as he has had a head injury.
His cheek is purple, black eye, he's dizzy, his leg has twisted too.
The boy who did it walked past laughing at him "look at him with his flower necklace".
Due to Aspergers, he didn't react, he doesn't ever. As a result the boy turned back around, grabbed him by his blazer and smacked his face into a wall then a bench. He then threw him on the ground, laughing.
DS is very quiet. He hasn't cried. He just said that he knew he shouldn't wear the lanyard.
I saw him come into the office and I could've cried, he is bruised across his entire right side. His blazer is filthy. He kept apologising over the blazer.
School have said they will be involving the police due to the severity of the incident. Which of course I'm grateful for, they did suggest getting a report from a+e but he absolutely lost the plot at the idea of going to a hospital with Covid being around, luckily our understanding GP has said he will take a look and write a report instead.
I'm gutted. He's had a few mean comments before over his disabilities, but nothing as bad as this. Part of me wishes he was the type of lad who would've hit the boy back but of course that's just not him (although if the school doesn't get to the boy before DD does that will be a whole other issue, she is not happy and was rather vocally trying to get the boys name off of DS).
I just think behaviour like that is just so old school, you think of their generation of being so much more accepting and understanding of things.
I now have a lad who doesn't want to go back to school, and is scared that he will have to speak to police.
Sorry to vent but I can't be silly and cry!

OP posts:
steppemum · 20/10/2020 09:12

[quote Andi2020]@MillieVanilla the boy who hit should definitely have got longer exclusion.
It was 2 weeks for the girl that hit my dd and 2 days for the girl that videoed it and posted online.[/quote]
you can only do 5 days fixed exclusion total. I think that might even be in a year.

steppemum · 20/10/2020 09:14

and just because he got 2 days exclusion, doesn't mean they can't then put other things in place when the child gets back, eg lunchtime in isolation so that they are not around your ds, until at least half term.

JuliaJohnston · 20/10/2020 11:40

you can only do 5 days fixed exclusion total. I think that might even be in a year.
I wonder why there's a cap? Does this mean if bad behaviour escalates there comes a point where there are very little consequences? Confused
You'd imagine it was the other way round.

Original poster
MillieVanilla · 20/10/2020 12:08

OK so Ds went to the meeting with me, he has been told that these boys will not target him again, no one will. Lanyards are consigned to the bin.
He read the note to apologise and to be fair it doesn't look like it's been dictated.
Apparently the parents are mortified.
They will be out of school then in isolation until half term. Police liaison will then speak to them.
It's also meant the head agrees we need to sort out round tables for us SEN mum's and the school, these used to happen and then there was the muddle of lockdown when they had given the new senco time to settle in.
They're also going to chase his EHCP to see if we can rearrange that so that's good. But he quite happily agreed to go to class (shocking as when we got out the car he said he was coming home after the meeting, probably the lure of science).
School have said that they are confident this will not happen again, and to be fair, it hasn't occurred before and he's always felt very safe and secure.
So I'm hoping that's the end of it now. DS now knows however small a comment is made he must report it even if he doesn't think it's worthy of the school getting involved. Teachers had said lovely things about him too.

OP posts:
steppemum · 20/10/2020 12:44

@JuliaJohnston

you can only do 5 days fixed exclusion total. I think that might even be in a year. I wonder why there's a cap? Does this mean if bad behaviour escalates there comes a point where there are very little consequences? Confused You'd imagine it was the other way round.
I can't remember, it is a long time since I did the training and I'm not a governor any more!

I think it is because after 5 days (total) then you are looking at a permanent exclusion.
Exclusions are covered by very detailed legislation, and one part of that is to ensure that the excluded child remains access to education, so the school can't just kick them out for 2 weeks, and then another 2 weeks and so on. Permanent exclusion then means they have to be allocated to another school, or to a PRU (pupil referral unit)

steppemum · 20/10/2020 13:35

that sounds really positive OP.

Glad he has gone back now, so he doesn't fret about it over half term.

BlankTimes · 20/10/2020 14:42

Fingers crossed for you and your lovely son that this will be the start of a much happier time for him.

spiderlight · 20/10/2020 14:49

I'm glad the meeting went so well. Fingers crossed that it's all put into action and that he gets back to feeling safe at school.

MoonJelly · 20/10/2020 16:25

you can only do 5 days fixed exclusion total. I think that might even be in a year.

No, the maximum is 45 days in a year. Schools can certainly exclude children for over 5 days at a time if they want to.

assets.publishing.service.gov.uk/government/uploads/system/uploads/attachment_data/file/921405/20170831_Exclusion_Stat_guidance_Web_version.pdf

MoonJelly · 20/10/2020 16:26

Exclusions are covered by very detailed legislation, and one part of that is to ensure that the excluded child remains access to education, so the school can't just kick them out for 2 weeks, and then another 2 weeks and so on

Access to education is covered by virtue of the fact that, if a child is excluded for more than five days at once, the school has a duty to make separate arrangements for full time education from the 6th day. If the child is permanently excluded, the local authority has that duty.

Original poster
MillieVanilla · 20/10/2020 20:25

Happy to report he came out of school, smiling away, teachers welcomed him back, he got 5 achievement points and his mates apparently were chuffed too.
He did agree to see the boys before they went home as they wanted to apologise to him properly, so I think that has helped
I'm just pleased he is fine now.

OP posts:
SeasonallySnowyPeasant · 20/10/2020 21:34

I think your DS has been pretty brave. Well done him. I'm glad he had a good experience today.

Knittedfairies · 20/10/2020 21:47

That's a good update OP. I hope your daughter thinks so too.

Original poster
MillieVanilla · 20/10/2020 21:55

She's still got the arse but being nearly 14 that's her natural state these days
She gave me wicked side eye when I said it was sorted now so she could bog off on the revenge plans
I'm destined for a terrible old people's home one day I'm sure of it.

OP posts:
billy1966 · 20/10/2020 21:58

Wonderful update OP.
After such a horrendous few days.

I do think it helps enormously when students behave badly if parents are mortified.

If they don't care it's very hard to impress on the student that behaviour isn't acceptable.

Mortification is a great concentrater of minds.

This may be a huge wake up call for those boys and their parents.

Your son sounds wonderful and very brave, as does your daughter.

You must be so proud as they are of you no doubt.

Wishing you peace.
Flowers

Horsemad · 20/10/2020 22:10

Good result OP!

EarringsandLipstick · 20/10/2020 23:01

Lovely update @MillieVanilla

You sound amazing, and a complete voice of reasonableness, despite an awful experience for you all. 😘😘

Shizzlestix · 20/10/2020 23:19

A 2 day exclusion for beating shite out of another child?! I’m utterly horrified. One of mine has 3 days for far less. I’m so disappointed that the police won’t get involved, but sadly this is very typical of school incidents.

I hope your lovely boy is ok, he sounds resilient, thank god. Sending hugs, OP, I think you’ve been incredible throughout this. 🙂

Redcups64 · 20/10/2020 23:41

Are you serious? They single kids out by making them wear a sunflower lanyard? The boy is in the wrong, the school is in the wrong even more so!! Shame on them!!!

PastMyBestBeforeDate · 21/10/2020 00:01

That's a great result today. Well done. The aim of the game is to keep ds in school and happy whatever the punishment for the bullies. He is your focus :)

Icanflyhigh · 21/10/2020 00:04

Children are absolute bastards at times , really hope your DS is ok x

mogloveseggs · 21/10/2020 07:01

Glad he's ok

honkytonkheroe · 21/10/2020 07:05

This made me cry. Your poor DS. So sad to think of him not reacting then apologising over his blazer. Sad

honkytonkheroe · 21/10/2020 07:09

I’ve just read update. I’m so happy the school dealt with it well and your DS is happy and back in school.

snowstorm2012 · 21/10/2020 11:48

What a great update, glad to hear your son is okay - have thought about him a lot over the last few days. Good news Smile

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