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Original poster

Gutted for my DS

302 replies

MillieVanilla · 15/10/2020 14:50

Sorry need to come to a safe space as I'm so upset.
DS is 12, second year he's a little softy
Due to getting points for not wearing a mask and being late for class, school said he would have to wear a sunflower lanyard to avoid this happening. I was quite dubious of them (no offense to anyone who wears them) because let's be honest, kids can be gits and bully for any reason.
So he's worn one for a fortnight.
Today I got a call- he's been badly beaten up, we had collect him as he has had a head injury.
His cheek is purple, black eye, he's dizzy, his leg has twisted too.
The boy who did it walked past laughing at him "look at him with his flower necklace".
Due to Aspergers, he didn't react, he doesn't ever. As a result the boy turned back around, grabbed him by his blazer and smacked his face into a wall then a bench. He then threw him on the ground, laughing.
DS is very quiet. He hasn't cried. He just said that he knew he shouldn't wear the lanyard.
I saw him come into the office and I could've cried, he is bruised across his entire right side. His blazer is filthy. He kept apologising over the blazer.
School have said they will be involving the police due to the severity of the incident. Which of course I'm grateful for, they did suggest getting a report from a+e but he absolutely lost the plot at the idea of going to a hospital with Covid being around, luckily our understanding GP has said he will take a look and write a report instead.
I'm gutted. He's had a few mean comments before over his disabilities, but nothing as bad as this. Part of me wishes he was the type of lad who would've hit the boy back but of course that's just not him (although if the school doesn't get to the boy before DD does that will be a whole other issue, she is not happy and was rather vocally trying to get the boys name off of DS).
I just think behaviour like that is just so old school, you think of their generation of being so much more accepting and understanding of things.
I now have a lad who doesn't want to go back to school, and is scared that he will have to speak to police.
Sorry to vent but I can't be silly and cry!

OP posts:
Someonesayroadtrip · 15/10/2020 17:39

This is awful OP. I'm so sorry for your son. Do get the police involved. I would be asking to have a meeting with the school about them forcing him to wear a lanyard too. There were other options.

Autumngoldleaf · 15/10/2020 18:41

Knit, your right, it almost makes it seem like a right of passage... Bullied at school.

Over a certain age it should be abuse, assault.

Marlena1 · 15/10/2020 18:47

Oh my gosh, this is awful, so sorey for your son. It would be much worse to be the parent of the guy who did it though. They are in for a lifetime of drama...

Marlena1 · 15/10/2020 18:47

*sorry!

AwaAnBileYerHeid · 15/10/2020 19:18

I would 100% be contacting the police yourself to ensure that this is taken seriously as an assault, as opposed to a telling off from the police liaison officer. Little bastard. I'm so angry reading this.

MiddleClassMother · 15/10/2020 19:23

Yes do contact the police as this sounds like quite a serious assault. Bless him, hope he feels better soon and the perpetrator is severely punished.

Mummadeeze · 15/10/2020 19:27

Also feeling so upset for your son. Really hope the school deals with the bully properly.

AnyFucker · 15/10/2020 19:29

I have shed a few tears for your son too.

He sounds so vulnerable and yet so brave. I hate this world sometimes.

moglovesquotes · 15/10/2020 19:32

Oh my god your poor poor son!
Thai is truly upsetting I am so sorry Flowers

treenu · 15/10/2020 19:33

Thinking of you and your son. What a great lad. I hope the school are taking it very seriously.

grapewine · 15/10/2020 19:34

This makes me so angry. I hope school deals with it properly.

GinWithASplashOfTonic · 15/10/2020 19:38

That's horrible whats happened to your ds. I'm so sorry that it happened

Could you suggest to your school something like where I work. Where the kids who don't wear a mask are given a subtle and discrete coloured pub badge to put in uniform.
Thanks

Flamingolingo · 15/10/2020 19:41

I am utterly disgusted by what has happened to your child. I would be having serious words with school about safeguarding - how can they ensure your child is safe at school? (Unless the perpetrator is expelled)

Charlieeee76 · 15/10/2020 19:47

Hats off to you OP. I would be so upset if that was my child! I would have called the police myself and reported it. I hope it all gets sorted and your DS is ok too.

Sunnydaysstillhere · 15/10/2020 19:50

My dd was punched and kicked by a 6ft older year lad when she started year 7..her db punched him.. I told school not to be ringing me about disciplining him.. Nowt happened to the lad has he had issues and was with foster parents.... Irrelevant imo..
They said he would be banned from the school bus that's where it happened...
He was banned - for 1 day!
Disgusting imo..
Your poor ds. Good on your dd for being a decent dsis..

AnneElliott · 15/10/2020 19:52

So sorry to hear this op. My DS is different and has had a hard time at secondary school.

I would say call the police yourself. Schools are often more bothered about their reputation that sorting bullying. And I'd also say you should go to the parents yourself. Very often I've found the school plays down the seriousness of incidents. They need to hear the unvarnished story.

And I think your DDs reaction is great tbh. Bullies only get away with it because other people don't intervene.

The boy that bullied DS chased him out of school once shouting that he wanted to fight him. Little shit couldn't run away fast enough when I got out the car and said I'm happy to fight if you're desperate? He ran back to the school with me chasing him, apparently it ruined his street cred Wink

Newwayofthinking · 15/10/2020 20:01

TBH I would ring the police yourself and report.

Just horrendous thing to happen

Stay123 · 15/10/2020 20:11

Bully should be suspended for a few days and told he will get a police warning if he does it again. Detentions at lunch and after school for a week so your son doesn’t have to worry about seeing him in the playground and walking home from school. Stupid school for making him wear a flowery lanyard in the first place.

earthyfire · 15/10/2020 20:12

I feel sick reading this, your poor son. I'd definitely phone the police and I'd also raise a serious complaint about the lanyard policy they have in place.

MrsT777 · 15/10/2020 20:14
  • Important *

Hello MillieVanilla,

If you haven’t already heard from the police I would call 999 and report the incident yourself. They should have made contact with you by now. Please don’t leave it ~ you don’t have to go through school and the school contact isn’t enough.
An incident happened to my daughter and the police were called straight away so that statements could be taken. They were at the school within half an hour.
How are the school dealing with this “boy” ?
As I’m sure that you are aware this is a serious incident of assault and needs to be dealed with as such.
Thinking of you and your son 💐

FourDecades · 15/10/2020 20:17

I really hope the school take this seriously. The bullying policy should document what steps should be taken. This is also a Safeguarding issue and the school should report it to the local Safeguarding team.

Your son is has also been targeted due to his disability which is a hate crime.

He is also protected by the Equality Act 2010 and reasonable adjustments should be made....and not ones that make him stand out.

Unfortunately my friend is going through similar with her DD. School and police have been absolutely appalling so l really hope yours is better.

Scbchl · 15/10/2020 20:21

Bless him that's horrific and has made me feel so upset and tearful I cant imagine how you feel. I'm so sorry hes been treated so badly and subjected to that. I hope he heals well physically and mentally. I'd be pushing for the guidance teachers to be talking about the sunflower lanyards to each class and the importance of them and the understanding that should be given to those wearing them. I hope that boy gets seriously punished, I'd want at the very minimum a suspension.

DominaShantotto · 15/10/2020 20:31

That is fucking appalling. They should have listened to him saying he didn't want to wear the lanyard, they should have thought of other ways of communicating among their staff that some pupils have exemptions (email exists, paper exists... the will to support kids with SEN in many cases doesn't bloody well seem to be).

I can't wear a mask (I keep on trying and keep on making myself ill doing so) - and I have a lanyard and I fucking hate hate hate hate hate it. It's becoming such a figure of hate within society now as the media (and certain arseholes on MN have been absolutely rife spreading this as well) have been playing the "everyone's buying them to avoid wearing a mask" card. Even as an adult woman - middle aged and fat, so the ultimate invisible citizen - you get so much hatred over the fucking things... I can only begin to imagine the horror teenagers could inflict on a child because of the bloody things as well.

So fucking unnecessary - there were bloody ways around this much more discretely if the school is so incompetently run that they're unable to communicate information about the children staff teach to them... pass cards and things like that which get kept in pockets - not a bloody huge flowery lanyard to provide a nice target for piss taking and bullies.

I hope they get absolutely blasted for what they did (although I doubt the punishment will in any way be appropriate) but my real anger is toward the school for marking him out like that.

Horsemad · 15/10/2020 20:41

Oh OP, your poor, poor boy. That is heartbreaking to read. Sad
I hope your DD does find out who did it. Sometimes a taste of their own medicine is the only thing these yobs take notice of, the little shits.

Please take this as far as you can, I'd be livid if it were my DC. At least the school aren't trying to brush it under the carpet, like some schools I've heard of.

Original poster
MillieVanilla · 15/10/2020 21:15

@MrsT777

* Important *

Hello MillieVanilla,

If you haven’t already heard from the police I would call 999 and report the incident yourself. They should have made contact with you by now. Please don’t leave it ~ you don’t have to go through school and the school contact isn’t enough.
An incident happened to my daughter and the police were called straight away so that statements could be taken. They were at the school within half an hour.
How are the school dealing with this “boy” ?
As I’m sure that you are aware this is a serious incident of assault and needs to be dealed with as such.
Thinking of you and your son 💐

Hi I've heard from the schools police contact this evening, she has been given the boys info from school and she will be popping into school tomorrow for the statements written by the boy responsible and DS' mates. DS has written his now and that's been added. Head emailed me within an hour of us being at home, we have their full support. I've also spoken to his tutor, they said they are backing us too and said they've now raised a serious query about the lanyards and said they need to either just have a card in a pocket discreetly or the staff on call for corridor duty need a list, as do all staff due to lateness. I must say they've handled it very well, I thought the head would. They have already contacted the parents as well and the bully will be in isolation for now whilst they investigate. I have said though in my view this is cause to permanently exclude and we won't except any other solution as DS is genuinely in fear. I also spoke to one of his mates when he was chatting to him on whatsapp live video, and said what a star he is,he said he wouldn't stand for his "little mate" getting hurt and he only wished he would've realised the boy was going to hit him as he would've stood in the way. DS is really thankful for his mates tonight. They were all messaging him on classroom, if his cheek wasn't red enough some of the girls sent lovely comments (so he's now dying of cringe bless him).
OP posts:
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